So after all the suspence, angst and cliffhangers, you deserve this chapter that'll leave you feeling warm and happy... Enjoy! It's chapter 64 ;-).

DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.

Chapter 64: Fridays, 6 days after initiation

Tris

A nightmare wakes me up early in the morning. Dawn hasn't even begun to light the day, but I can't find back into sleep. Sleep should be peaceful, but it betrayed me yet again. It doesn't seem to betray Tobias, though. His breathing is calm and deep, I have to concentrate to hear him despite the otherwise absolute silence.

I turn onto my side to be able to look at Tobias' silhouette. He looks so relaxed again. The contrast to his earlier temper couldn't be any bigger.

"I'm sorry. I was also aware of the danger you were in, all of us were in. I wanted to keep you safe," I say, but my apology seems like a drop of oil added to a small fire that's been smoldering underneath his surface and now starts to really burn.

"To keep me safe? To keep me safe?" he shouts. He strides over to me and stops right before me, trapping me between himself and the wall. His arms on my left and right are like a cage he builds around me, as if I would try to run from him any moment. "What you've done was dangerously stupid! You could easily have gotten yourself killed!"

"I was trying to be brave, to be Dauntless. My brother's life was threatened, too," I try to explain, but the moment I say them, I realize how weak my words sound. I know Tobias is right, I really put my life in danger, and I'd never do what I've done today again without agreeing on a plan with him first. I acted on an impulse and blended out my Erudite side almost completely. My different aptitudes should be an advantage.

I hate the tears that form in my eyes. They make it seem as if I was the one thinking to deserve compassion when in reality it's Tobias. He's showing me every emotion, there's nothing he's holding back, and I endure his outburst, knowing I deserve his anger.

"I don't care about your brother, I care about you! You can't go and make such decisions all on your own, not anymore. Tris, we're together, you need to think about us, too. I want you to think of the consequences your actions have on us, on me. I can't lose you. Now that I've found the one person that brings light into my life, I can't lose you. Fuck, Tris, I was worried sick today. I'd rather die fighting against Jeanine with you than living in a world without you!"

His left hand slaps against the wall beside my head. I'm not afraid of him, he'd never hurt me, but I'm scared of how deeply I've hurt him.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't think of it that way. I didn't want you to risk your life by coming with me. I didn't feel like I was worth it."

"Like you're not worth it? I told you that I love you! It wasn't a lie. I love you, Tris!"

He still loves me! His confession lifts an invisible weight off my heart.

"I didn't realize how big that love was until now. I can't do anything else besides saying how sorry I am. I should have talked to you first. But I didn't want to put you in danger. I love you, too, and it wasn't a lie either. I trusted you to rescue me."

"Shit!", he exclaims, hitting the innocent wall beside me again. "But what if I hadn't?"

That's something I don't even want to think about.

"But you have! And now we have a future together! In a better Dauntless that we can help to build."

"There almost wouldn't have been a future for us at all!"

"But now there is! Tobias, I'm here. I'm safe."

I wonder if I can dare to touch him right now. Does he want that, or would it be more oil to the fire? Cautiously, I lay my hands around his wrists, breathing a sigh of relief that he allows the contact.

"I'm here, Tobias," I say as I guide his hands down onto my hips. "You can touch me. I'm not a simulation. I'm real. We're real."

I need his touch as much as I need the air that I breathe, and I want him to realize that I'm back alive and won't leave again. We look into each other's eyes, and I'm anxiously waiting for a reaction from him. His anger scares me.

Nothing specific happens, but suddenly his mood shifts, and he kisses me with a passion that makes my head dizzy. His tongue invades my mouth without waiting for me to invite him.

I pull him flush against me until I'm captured between his trained body and the hard wall, unable to move much. This would have scared me not so long ago, but now it turns me on to be trapped like this, to be desired like this.

Tobias presses himself against me, and I feel his arousal growing as his hands reach under my shirt and then pull the fabric over my head. He doesn't even take the time to take off my bra, he just pulls it down enough to free my breasts.

I gasp, overwhelmed by how good the slight pain of his teeth scratching over my hardening nipples feels as he sucks on them. Under other circumstances, I might have been embarrassed to find that arousing. But I'm already to far gone to care.

"I want you," Tobias groans.

"I'm yours already," I say and start taking off his clothes. I don't get further than his shirt and his belt, because that's when he's already stripped me of my pants and pushes his palm against my clit while his fingers reach between my legs.

A strange whimper escapes my mouth, which he catches with his kiss. The moment I bite his lower lip is the moment he loses control. He harshly pulls down my panties and his own pants and underwear, his erection springing free. His hands grab my behind and lift me up, and I automatically sling my legs around him, basically opening myself up to him.

He doesn't waste any time and pushes into me in one quick stroke. I bite my teeth to stop myself from shouting out from the feeling he causes in me, a sweet mix of lust and pain. It's doesn't really hurt that much, it's just very intense to be entered that fast.

I begin to moan as he starts thrusting into me and try to meet the fast rhythm that he sets. This is no sweet and tender lovemaking, this is fast and passionate.

From how he's shaking and how loud he's getting, I'm sure he won't last long. I don't care, we have all night. I want to push him further and hold him at the same time. My touch on his back and ass and shoulders is stronger and my kisses are harder than what we have shared so far, and I watch him secretly while he's taking me against the wall. Seeing the expression of pure bliss on his face the moment his orgasm hits almost makes me fall apart myself. I could really use his fingers giving me some extra stimulation.

Tobias rests his forehead against mine while we both catch our breath, and I wonder how long he'll need until we can start all over again. I'm still so in need of release.

"Tris, are you alright?" he asks.

"Yes, why?"

Is something wrong? Can't he see how turned on I am?

"I'm sorry I was so rough. I hope I didn't hurt you."

"No need to apologize."

I grin. He can pretend to be all cool and confident as much as he wants, his insecurities keep shining through now and then, and I like that. It's kind of cute, but I'd never tell him that.

"No?"

"Definitely no," I reply, probably a little too enthusiastic, because now he copies my grin.

"We should move to the bed then. I think I still owe you something," he whispers in my ear and then bites my earlobe. I shudder in anticipation. I know he wants to make me come, to see me fall apart, too.

It's the first time I'm going to let him do it after he has already come, which means his full attention will be on me. He's going to feel every movement of my body. He's going to hear every nuance of every sound that I make. He's going to watch me, just like I watched him.

I'm going to let him do all that.

"Lead the way," I say and start kissing his neck to distract me from the nervousness that's building in my stomach again. I won't let it take over.

Tobias walks us to his bed and puts me down. He takes off my bra and then stands again to look at me, and I look into his eyes while lying in front of him naked and unprotected.

He takes his time roaming over my body with his gaze before he starts kissing up my legs from my ankles to my heated core. He continues upwards over my stomach and breasts until his lips are on mine again and his body presses against my side. His fingers feel too gentle when they first slip between my legs, especially after the rush of unfiltered desire he showed me earlier.

"Tobias," I mutter, "Tobias, touch me like you did earlier. You won't hurt me."

He pushes his thumb harder onto my clit and massages me in the most pleasurable way while his other hand holds my lower body down on the mattress.

"Like this?" he asks throatily, and I can hear his reawoken need.

"Exactly like this," I sigh as he adds even more pressure to his touch and I know it's my turn soon to melt away underneath him. I sling a hand around his neck and pull him in for a kiss, and his tongue brushing against mine is the last bit of sensation I was craving for to lose control.

Just thinking back to the sex we had last night makes me yearn for more of it. It's just unbelievable what we can make each other feel. All the times I plucked up courage to take a step further with Tobias were most definitely worth it. I could never have imagined that it would be like this, so warm and intimate, and how incredibly close it would make me feel to him. I never really saw how much there was beyond the physical part of sex. Now I know, and I'm more than happy that I do.

I don't want to wake Tobias up, not today. He needs all the rest he can get. We'll have time tonight for more togetherness, and I decide to try something new with him tonight. The idea makes me nervous, but also excited, and I promise myself not to chicken out.

XXX

I must have fallen asleep again, because the next time I open my eyes, Tobias' apartment is lightened by a pale sunlight shining through a thin layer of white clouds. I'm lying on my stomach, Tobias on his side next to me, with one arm around my waist. He's squinting a few times before his eyes stay open and focus on mine.

"Good morning, Tris," he says and kisses the tip of my nose.

"Good morning, Tobias," I say and kiss the tip of his nose.

Then we just grin at each other. There's an ounce of shyness between us, born from the contrast of last night's passion and this morning's innocence.

We stay in bed a while longer, just cuddling and kissing, and avoid any topic that would destroy this peaceful moment between us.

Eventually, we have to get up and dressed. Tobias isn't overly happy I promised Caleb that we would join him for breakfast, but he doesn't turn it into a discussion either, which I'm thankful for. I know he would rather spend more time alone with me.

We draw our departure from his apartment out as long as we can, but at some point we have to go. It's not far, and I knock before I unlock my door. Walking in on Tobias taught me to be careful when entering other people's places.

Caleb greets me with a hug and Tobias with a rather awkward handshake. He has already prepared breakfast for the three of us, but he says the bread I had in my kitchen was moldy, and he had to throw it away.

"I'm going to the cafeteria to fetch some fresh bread," I offer and turn to leave, not without kissing Tobias' cheek first. "I'll be back as fast as I can, I promise."

Tobias

I don't know what has changed between Caleb and me since yesterday, but something must have happened - something that I missed. I have no clue why we're sitting on opposite sides of Tris' little kitchen table without talking. It's not that I miss talking in general, I don't mind silence. But this particular kind of silence is strange and unsettling. What am I missing?

I stir my coffee, thinking hard about what I might have done wrong, or if Tris mentioned anything to me that could explain the tense quiet her brother treats me with. I asked him about three questions since I came here, and he never gave me more than a one-word-answer.

This is stupid, I realize as I look up and find him staring at me again. What's his problem?

"Caleb, is there anything I did that made you upset? You don't seem to want to talk to me this morning," I begin, thinking that addressing the problem will get us further than avoiding it any longer. Also, Tris will be back soon, and I don't need to have an argument with her brother while she's here.

Caleb just puts his cup down and leans back in his chair. He's shifting his feet uncomfortably, though. They betray his cool demeanor.

"Caleb, what's wrong?" I ask again.

"You're sleeping with my little sister, that's what's wrong."

Wow, wow, wow! What a topic for an early morning chat with my girlfriend's brother!

I briefly check my possible reactions. I have no idea where he's got this information from, if Tris has told him, or if he simply drew his own conclusions from her spending the night with me at my apartment.

I decide to act in the same distanced way he does and copy his pose. I rest my forearm on the back of my chair and lean back. "Yes, I do."

He stares at me, lost for words for a few seconds. Whatever he was expecting from me, this wasn't it.

"So you admit you're having intercourse with her?" he asks with raised eyebrows, and I could burst out laughing from the way he uses the word 'intercourse'. I don't think anyone in this compound has ever referred to sex using this vocabulary. I force myself to stay serious, though.

"Yes, I do," I repeat. "Why is that a problem?"

"You're not married!" Caleb's voice rises.

"I know we're not. You'd rather see us being married already?"

"No! You've only known each other for a few weeks!"

With every question I throw back at Caleb, I can see better why Zeke and Shauna were both so amused when they lectured me about how to please Tris. Watching Caleb fish for words and phrases to keep the upper hand in this conversation is quite entertaining.

"So then, if you prefer us not being married, what's the problem?"

"That you're having sex with her without being married."

"Now you're contradicting yourself."

And I'm being very mean. Amused, I watch him struggle to stay controlled.

"Look, I don't expect you to understand this, but in Abnegation, we're getting married before we engage in the act of physical bonding. It's too important to just share this with someone we don't plan to spend the rest of our lives with."

Caleb, really? 'Engage in the act of physical bonding'?

I can't suppress a chuckle that I try to turn into a cough before I say, "First, we're not in Abnegation, and neither is Tris. She's Dauntless now, so she's not bound to obey her former faction's rules or live up to their moral standards. Second, I understand all that perfectly, because, like you and Tris, I grew up in Abnegation. Just don't run around and spill it to everybody, I like to keep that rather to myself. And third, I would agree a hundred percent to what you said in the last sentence of your statement."

That leaves him speechless once more. Good. I've clearly won this round of our verbal fight. But he doesn't give up that easily - just like his sister. I smile inwardly while I keep the corners of my mouth under control.

"She could get pregnant!"

"That's unlikely since she's on the pill, like every other girl her age of every other faction except for the ones from Abnegation."

"What if the contraception doesn't work?"

"Then we'd have a baby and become a family."

Caleb relaxes a little. He really must have worried I'd leave her if she got pregnant. Before I get the chance to get angry at him for thinking so lowly of me, Tris walks in with a bag of deliciously smelling bread.

"Hey guys, did you have a nice conversation?" she asks cheerfully as she puts the bag in the middle of the table.

Her innocent question makes me suspicious: Did she know what Caleb wanted to talk to me about? I dismiss the thought quickly. How could she have known?

Neither of us answers, and she doesn't seem to expect an answer anyway. She sits down on the chair between Caleb and me and starts to cut the bread into slices.

"So, what has you in such a good mood this morning?" Caleb asks, intent on changing the topic.

'The great sex we had last night,' I think.

Tris looks up and gives me a mischievous smile.

'And I can really read your mind right now, as you're having the very same thought that I have.'

"The interrogations start at twelve. Zeke has organized a team to set up a stage in the pit and is currently organizing the screens and all the other technical stuff that is needed to broadcast the questioning to our whole faction. Tori is telling everyone she knows to tell everyone they know to come to the pit to witness the leaders going under truth serum. Apparently, there's a bunch of rumors flying around already," Tris explains.

"That's truly some good news," Caleb says and digs into his food.

Tris and I exchange another glance, and I secretly brush my hand over her thigh under the table, and she runs her foot up along my lower leg.

For someone from Erudite, Caleb appears rather clueless this morning.