"It's been coming down for hours, there has to be over a foot by now." He tells her as he flops down on the couch and rests his head on her lap.
"They were calling for any where between a foot and 18 inches." She brushes his hair back off of his forehead but doesn't take her eyes away from watching the falling snow. He'd caught her deep in thought and she doesn't want him to see the tears that were threatening to fall. "Did you sleep good?"
"Yeah, sorry I never made it to dinner. We ran into some technical issues."
"You don't have to apologize, you came here to work not entertain me. Did everything turn out okay though?"
"It did, once I get the pictures downloaded I'll show you them if you want."
"I'd like that."
"So Elena, tell me, you have me all to yourself today. What do you want to do with me? Ravage me?"
"Easy there playboy. I'd actually like to talk to you."
"Come on. I just woke up, I haven't even eaten breakfast. I'm still tired and hungry." He gives her a puppy dog face, and she can't help but smile as she rolls her eyes at him.
"Well that's because it's almost two o'clock, you're two meals too late to the day you big baby."
"What if I eat something small and then I'll make us an early dinner, like 4:30?"
"Sure, that sounds good. But right now I'm going to go barricade myself in my room until then and try to write."
"Have fun."
She sticks her tongue out at him.
"That smells delicious! What is it?" The smell of his cooking snapped her out of her concentration. She had been surprised when she looked at the time. Her writer's block had officially broke and the two hours easily seemed like minutes to her.
"Chicken Vindalou." Damon tells her before turning back around to season whatever else he's making.
"Never had it before."
"Well that's good because it wouldn't even compare to mine."
"Oh please."
"Bite." He says cutting off a small piece and offering it to her.
"Oh my god Damon. That's amazing."
"That's what they all say."
"Perv."
Damon rolls his eyes and goes back to finishing dishing out thier food.
"Red or white?"
"White."
"Good choice."
"This is really good Damon, thank you."
"Pleasure is all mine. Want to binge some TV while we eat? Law and Order is on."
"SVU?"
"Of course, all night marathon. It's like the TV gods knew we'd be stuck in."
She sits their plates on the coffee table while he grab the wine. They eat in silence while the show plays in the background, but she can't concentrate on anything but the fact she still wants to talk to him. Ask him things she can't ask anyone else.
"Go ahead Elena."
"What?"
"I can practically hear the wheels spinning in your head. What do you want to ask me?"
"Do you miss Stefan? And I don't want some stupid snarky answer either. I want you to be honest with me for once."
"I use to." He tells her downing his wine and pouring another glass.
"Why do you say it in the past tense?"
"Must we have this conversation?"
"Please."
"Why?"
"Because I need to have it with someone."
"And it has to be me?"
"Yes."
There's something in her eyes that he just can't deny, she sees it clear as day. She has no idea what that something is, but it makes her feel comfortable. It's always been like that with them. They've never been as close as she is with the others in their group of friends. and ironically she's the only one out of all their friends he's ever been remotely close with. He's always had her back no matter what.
"The first time he went it was weird not having him around. We literally spent our whole lives together. Same school, same college, always lived at home together. Then he wasn't there and I got use to it, but it was nice to have him home again. Then Dad died and it consumed him. He's doing great work, being the hero, but he got lost in it. Four years Elena, he left everyone behind without any consideration for anyone but himself."
She's quiet and she can tell he's wondering what's going through her head. She says a silent prayer he doesn't ask her but when he turns towards her she knows he's not going to let it go.
"Why do you stay?"
"I love him."
"I think that's true in some way, but that's not good enough. And I also think you think your in love with him."
"That's a lot of thinking for someone who doesn't know much about our relationship."
"I know plenty Elena."
"Oh really? What is it that you think you know?"
"I know that everytime Stef comes home you fight, but you plaster that fake smile on your face you think no one can see through. I know you don't want him to leave but you won't ask him to stay, yet every time he leaves you may cry, but you look like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I know that you want a love like your parents had and a part of you knows that's not going to happen with him, but you want it so bad so you stay."
She gasps because he gets her more than anyone ever has, and she hates him for it.
"Where do you get off?"
She starts to get up but he grabs her arm.
"Tell me I'm wrong."
"I-I-I don't have to tell you anything."
"You know I'm right. You're suffocating Elena. Trying to please everyone, it's getting you no where. You're miserable."
"Stop."
"You started this conversation. I'm just trying to finish it."
"I'm done talking." She tries to push him away but he pulls her closer to him. She can't look away let alone walk away. She's stuck. Always stuck.
"You're done because you don't like what I'm saying. So tell me Elena."
"Tell you what?"
"Why did you really come on this trip?"
"I came so I could get some writing done."
"Liar."
"I needed a clear head to write Damon. Let me go."
"Liar."
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"The truth. Just say it Elena. I can see it all over your face. Trust me."
"What is it you want to hear Damon?" She feels the tears start to fall and he lets her go, knowing he pushed to hard."That I was suffocating? That I needed a break? That I don't know what I want anymore? Well I am, I do, and I have no idea. So I said yes, I needed space and I couldn't find it there, so here I am. Running away from my life like a child. Are you happy now?"
"No, I'm not happy Elena. Why is that so hard for you to admit? You don't have to be strong all the time and you sure as hell don't have to be responsible for everyone."
"But I do Damon. You don't get it. I need to be able to look after Jeremy for my parents, and for Jenna. She shouldn't have to worry about me. I need to be the strong, responsible girl my parents would expect me to be. Caroline needs a best friend, Stefan needs someone to support him."
"Being there for people doesn't mean you have to take on the parental role in all their lives. They are grownups Elena. You need to worry about what you want for yourself."
"Like you? Not a care in the world? New women whenever you want, plenty of booze. No attachments. No real responsibilities. Coming and going whenever you please, never worried about the other people in your life."
"I care Elena, more than you think. Just because I don't advertise my problems to the world doesn't mean I have none." She sees it the minute he puts his wall up.
"Damon I-"
"Save it. Me and my booze are going to bed."
"Please don't."
"Goodnight Elena."
It's almost one am and she can't sleep. The place has been complete silence since Damon disappeared to his room with the bottle of wine. Everything Damon had said to her was true. What she said to him, not so much and she knows she shouldn't have said it, but he was pushing her and she couldn't stop herself from pushing right back. He's the only person in her life that can take it. She knows it's wrong. For how different they are they are so much the same. She's not going to be able to sleep unless she apologizes. So she finds the courage she usually dismisses and makes her way to his door, and knocks.
"Come in."
"Were you sleeping?" He's facing away from her when she walks in, but rolls over onto his back when he feels her sit on the bed.
"No."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."
"I know."
"You have always been there for me when I needed it. I shouldn't have thrown it in your face."
"It's fine Elena."
"Why do you do that? Always let me off the hook so easy?"
"You're too pretty to hate."
"Gee thanks." I throw a pillow at him and he quickly throws it back. I can't help but laugh. "Ill let you get some sleep, I just wanted you to know I was sorry."
"You could stay."
"What?"
"I'm not asking you to have sex Elena. I'm saying you don't have to sleep alone."
"I don't know."
"This is your break remember? Take that five Elena."
"Okay, but no funny business."
"I make no promises."
"Damon!"
"Joking!" He says as he moves over and pulls me under the covers, we are facing each other and even though it's dark, I can still see his face perfectly from the moon shining in. "I am glad you came."
"Me too. At the risk of starting another fight, can I ask you something?"
"Ugh, Elena."
"Please, one question, and it's not about Stefan."
"Why do you ask me to come on your trips?"
"You're not the worst company in the world Elena."
"That may be, but you could have easily found a girl to occupy your time better than having me here."
"There isn't a better way to spend my time. There is no one better than you Elena."
His words take me by surprise. Damon's always brutally honest, but never about feelings. And never about himself. He doesn't care if people think the worst of him.
"Damon..."
"Shhh. Don't say anything. I just wanted you to know. I didn't ask you here to seduce you."
"I know you didn't."
"I brought you here so you'd have a break from everyone asking something of you."
"I know."
"I've never asked for anything from you."
"But your about to."
"I am."
"Okay."
"I haven't even asked you."
"You don't need to. I already know what your going to ask. the answer is yes. Maybe I need it too." He rolls over onto his back and I move into him. My head rests on his chest and his arms cocoon me. They are strong and warm and safe. He places a kiss to my forehead and I breathe him in. I was right, Damon and I are alike. We crave that close contact we don't get from anyone else. Being here with Damon shouldn't be this easy. And I know I shouldn't be in his bed like this, but I can't deny him. And I refuse to think about what that means right now. In this moment I'm more content than I have been in a long time, and I fall asleep easier than I can remember.