I know, it's late! I just started high school, and it's a bit tiring, but I have become ambitious. Chapters may be a wee bit shorter now, but I'll do as best as I can to get everything out consistently.

JOHNHAMMOND1993: Thank you for the review, but it's mainly just not being in the mood and/or business.

LeslieTheSorceress: Thank you! Guys, remember that I don't care if you have a problem with the story. I am only hurt if you try to personally insult me, and Leslie did not. Look here if you're trying to write constructive criticism, and I will do my best to edit.

Onward!

Chapter 4: Aboard the Black Pearl

"So, let me get this straight." Captain Jack Sparrow looked at us from across the table, eyebrow raised. "You are all completely unrelated friends, except for Polite One -" he gestured to me - "being her brother" (he gestured to Tadyn) "her boyfriend" (he gestured to Linsey) "and his boyfriend" (he gestured to Quintin). "Is that right?"

I looked at the others and sighed. "Sure, Captain."

The captain grinned. "I know I am."

Someone knocked on the door.

Everyone froze and looked up. All seventeen of us were in the room, so no one could think of anyone else that we trusted that could be outside.

Five bucks on it being Jonesy. I grinned at the others, but Tadyn whacked me upside the head.

The pirates drew their pistols and pointed them at the door, while Mulan rose and drew her sword, holding it at the ready as she walked toward the door.

"Who is it?" called Mulan cautiously.

"Hold your pegasi, Mulan, it's just me," called a familiar voice.

"Meg!" Mulan opened the door, and Will and Elizabeth lowered their pistols.

Meg walked in, and Captain Jack fired his pistol. Meg paused for a moment to roll her eyes at the smoldering hole in the wall next to her, then sat down in Mulan's recently vacated seat.

"So," Meg said, "We just figured out there's one key with each member of the Thirteen, so you're going to have to do a lot of sailing."

"Oh, joy," muttered Tadyn.

Meg nodded. "I feel you, sister." She got up and grabbed an apple off the table. "That's all. Better go back up before Wonder Boy gets suspicious and bursts down here swinging his sword."

"Good idea," said Mulan, taking her seat back.

"You sure?" the captain asked with a roguish grin. "You could stay the night, the Pearl is very comfortable…"

"Definitely not." Meg looked disgusted. "Adios. Good luck, Elementalists."

She left, and we continued to eat.

Suddenly, Aislinn mentioned something that I realized we should have figured out beforehand.

"Who's on the Thirteen?"

Oh. Quintin sounded embarrassed. That would be helpful.

Mulan shuddered. "Witch named Maleficent, tyrant named the Evil Queen, fashionista called Cruella De Vil, sea witch Ursula, pirate Captain Hook -"

"Hook?" Captain Jack seemed angry all of a sudden.

"Yes…" Mulan raised an eyebrow.

"Thou shalt not join any organization except yer own crew!" he yelled.

Everyone looked at him for a moment, while Will and Elizabeth seemed to become tremendously interested in their potatoes.

"Um…" Mulan stared for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Anyway… genie Jafar, lord of the dead Hades, lion Scar, tyrant Queen of Hearts, voodoo doctor Dr Facilier, demon Chernabog, hunter Gaston, judge Claude Frollo. That's it."

"Oh." I looked at the others. Final battle's gonna be fun.

Oh, yeah, sure, said Leandra. Real fun.

I'm on the Thirteen?

Everyone looked at Tadyn. Finally, Rachel asked, We just learned who our main enemies are, and you're thinking about that?

What else?

"Oi!" Captain Jack yelled. "Stop having private conversations! It takes away from time with me!"

"That's probably good, Jack," muttered Will. The captain raised his eyebrow at him.

Fifteen minutes later, Mulan and the Turners had forced us to go to bed. We had asked why, and Mulan had only given us an evil grin and 'You'll see.'

God, I was scared.

No one really wanted to go to bed, except Tadyn, who had been forced to wake up early that morning and preferred eternal hibernation to social interaction.

I realized, though, as I opened the door to the cabin that Will had pointed out to me, that I was exhausted. Sleep would probably do me good…

I turned and closed the door, then heard a French voice cry, "Lightning Master! Spectacular, monsieur!"

I turned and was promptly knocked to the ground by some idiot in a leather jacket and a pirate hat.

"Now, really!" called a reproachful British voice. "Control yourself!"

The guy got off of me. I got up and took out one of the matches that had been given to me and lit the lamp.

Two copies of me were standing in the room.

One was how I wanted to look. He wore odd clothes - a leather jacket, leather pirate hat, Disney Villains t-shirt, jeans, and flops (which Tadyn hated with jeans, but what the hell, am I right) - but managed to still look good. He had a charming smile as he grinned proudly at me.

The other one was the proper me. Perfectly combed hair, expressionless face, black suit…. And glasses.

"Passion?" I asked when I finally found my voice. "Logic?"

"The very same!" Passion exclaimed with a wide smile. Logic simply rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Which must mean…" I said slowly.

At that moment, yet another person knocked me down. Logic took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Hi, Asher!" called an excited voice. "I'm so glad you can actually see us now! We can have parties and…"

"Let him breathe, Joy," called a snobby-sounding voice. "Besides, that looks disgusting.

"Shut up for once in you life, Disgust," growled another voice.

The guy did get off of me, though. I got up and had a good look around, and immediately experienced a headache.

Five different versions of myself were all standing in front of me, and all were looking at me with expressions that immediately told me who they were.

The first - the one that had knocked me over - was Joy. He wore a grin and a pirate hat, much like Passion, along with the Disney Villains T-shirt, just like Passion - but no jacket. He also wore gray shorts and flip flops.

Sadness was there, as well, sitting on the ground and barely looking at me. His hair was slightly longer than mine and fell near his eyes, which were downcast, and he wore nothing except a gray sweatshirt and pajama pants (both of which were very comfortable, which I knew because I owned them).

Anger just looked like a mood. Wearing a white wife-beater and jeans, along with a leather belt and boots, his sign of greeting was a middle finger and a swig from his beer bottle.

Disgust looked like a somewhat attractive version of me. He wore a plain white T-shirt, a leather jacket, jeans, a leather belt, tennis shoes, and a smirk underneath long hair. He gave me a lazy wave as I glanced over at him.

Fear wore a red T-shirt, which was somewhat visible under the black hoodie. The poor guy also wore jeans and tennis shoes. He jumped when I looked at him, then gave me a timid smile and wave.

The world started going black, and then I started to faint. Luckily Passion caught me, while Logic gave me a good thwack on the head and Anger called, "Goddammit, Asher, don't do the horrible princess thing."

I shook my head and looked. "You're… you're here. You're all really here…"

"Of course we are, monsieur!" Passion said, laughing. "Where else would we be? Inside your head?"

Everyone looked at the flamboyant frenchman for a full five second before he realized his mistake. "Oh…" he swallowed. "I'll just go in the corner with Sadness…"

"There's plenty of room," muttered Sadness, moving over.

I collapsed onto the bed, while Fear shivered. "What if you are going crazy?"

"Fear!" Passion said reproachfully. "Don't scare him!"

"He's not wrong," Logic stated. "By all accounts, if he sees us, he should be going crazy if he can see us."

"For Heaven's sake, not you too!" Passion groaned.

"We're here, aren't we?" asked Joy, chuckling. "And so are the others. I'm positive."

"You're always positive, Joy," Disgust muttered. "Disgustingly positive."

"Aw, that's not very nice," said Joy with a false pout.

"I'm not very nice," retorted Disgust. "Deal with it."

"How are you here, though?" I asked.

"I'll do you one better." Passion gave the roguish grin I usually gave, except his was actually attractive. I noticed his teeth were straight and white. "Why are we here?"

"I don't -"

"Yes, you do, Asher." Logic fixed me with a glare. "You know exactly why we're here."

I considered. "Because I've officially gone crazy and now Sanders Sides is invading my own mind?"

Logic sighed. "Possibly. But I'm referring to your love crisis."

Passion let out a maniacal chuckle and rubbed his hands excitedly. Disgust gave an evil grin, while Anger groaned and popped the cap on another bottle of beer. Sadness sighed and moved to sitting on the hammock, reminding me of Hector Rivera, Fear began tapping his foot anxiously, and Joy's smile became less pronounced.

"Oh, God, no." I rolled my eyes. "We are stuck in the middle of the ocean on the ship of Captain Jack Sparrow, the greatest pirate ever seen, and his two best frenemies, we've got twelve of my greatest friends on this ship, we're going to save Disneyland from the Mistress of all Evil, her accomplices, and her mysterious master, and the one thing you come to me in physical form to discuss is me relationship crisis?"

"Well, of course," Logic said, as though this was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're a teenager, Asher, and you have one of the most confusing love lives I've ever seen except for our chauffeurs."

"And Kelsey Hatter." Passion grinned. "Kelsey's in love with Will and Eric, but totally belongs with Captain Jack or Aaron."

"Passion!" snapped Logic. "This isn't a fanfiction, this is real life." He turned his attention back on me. "Look, you've liked several girls, and almost all of them were your best friends. Magdalena, Tadyn, Paige -"

"That one was a mistake, in my humble opinion," called Disgust.

"You're telling me," grunted Anger, taking a swig of alcohol.

"Amelia, Brooke, Linsey -" he seemed to gag, as though he was about to say something else, but couldn't - "- and Lisa."

"Okay," I said, holding up my hands, "I do not have a crush on Lisa. I just think she's cute."

"Pretty good thing your internship allows you to see her pretty much every day, though, eh?" Passion chuckled. I punched him in the arm.

"That's my point." Logic sighed. "You're a teen, your hormones are out of whack, and you've still got a crush you won't let us admit -"

"That's because it's not a crush, it's just a fancy that passes every time she leaves my sight -"

"A fancy that grows every time you see her, Asher!"

I sighed. "Why are you playing the pronoun game?"

"Because you still won't let us admit that you are in love, Asher!" Passion now spoke, sounding agitated. "She is beautiful! You are beautiful! She's insane! You're insane! She loves Disney and Pixar and so many other fandoms much more than the average person! And by God, you definitely love Disney and Pixar and so many other fandoms much more than the average person! You were made for each other!"

I had had enough. I marched up to Passion and looked him in the eye. "Look, buddy, I don't care what you suggest in my mind. I'm a hormonal teenager, but I do not have any crushes. Kay?"

"L." Passion grinned. "I. N. S. E. Y."

"No one likes you," I sighed with a slight grin, plopping down on my hammock.

"Oh, yes, sleep," Logic said, observing my action. "That is of utmost importance. Sleep tight! Chop chop!"

Eventually everyone left, and I fell into a deep, nightmare-filled sleep.

Then I woke up to a sword being clubbed over my head.

"Motherfucking bullshit!" I rolled out of my hammock and onto the ground. "Which bitchy asshole did this?"

"Not a morning person, are you?" observed Aislinn, sighing.

"It's, like, midnight," I told her, looking up at the open hatch and at the stars.

"It's four, actually," Aislinn responded, tossing me my spear, "and I suggest you get a move on before five."

"Why?"

"Because Mulan has a bone to pick with you."

I got up and dragged on shoes and socks, then picked up my spear, walked outside, and found coffee, with a note saying, It'll be best to wake up - Aislinn.

I took the coffee, which, unfortunately, was bitter, then walked outside and saw that training had begun.

Aislinn was getting her ass kicked by Mulan. Both held a sword with leather wrapped around the tip so no one would get hurt. This idea was good, but was quickly being defeated due to Mulan's speed and obvious experience. Aislinn didn't even seem to feel some of the princess's punches and kicks.

I sat down and watched for a bit, and by the time Aislinn limped below deck, I was feeling almost human again.

"Have fun," Aislinn muttered as she limped past me.

I walked nervously to Mulan and put on what I hoped was a winning smile. "How ya doin'? Am I training?"

"Yup." She gave me an evil grin. "Wake up Bree first."

I walked below deck and pushed Bree out of bed, stuck a note to her telling her to get above deck, then went and made more coffee for her.

I returned above deck to see that Mulan had set up training dummies and and arrow toward the top of the mast.

"Alright," Mulan said, cracking her knuckles. "Let's get down to business."

I bit my lip to resist the urge to sing and nodded. "What are we doing?"

"Training." She pointed at the arrow. "Go get it."

"Right." I turned to the mast.

"Oh, wait!" She held up a hand, and I internally groaned. "You seem to be missing something."

She turned and grabbed a chest with a pair of medals in it.

"This," she said, tying one around my right wrist, "represents honor. And this," she continued, tying the other around my left, "represents strength."

"I'll need both to reach the arrow?"

"Exactly."

Mulan's a bitch, isn't she?

I jumped at Aislinn's voice in my head. Yeah, she is.

I swung the medals around the pole and began to climb up, my feet slipping against the pole.

"Jeez," I called. "You grease this or something?"

"Maybe." She smiled.

I promptly fell down as I turned to glare at her, earning loud shouts of laughter from Aislinn and Bree, who were watching.

Oh, thanks, friends, I muttered.

Ten minutes later, I had only managed to get about halfway up the pole before falling. Mulan had then sent me to stretches for another ten minutes, and she was now kicking my ass for the next twenty minutes in hand-to-hand combat.

For twenty minutes after that, we had spear training, and I walked away, bruised and bleeding.

I lay in my hammock for about an hour before accepting that sleep was not going to come to me, so I got up and grabbed some bread from the galley, then walked above deck and sighed as I saw that it was now Karen's turn to climb up the pole.

"What time is it?" I asked Bree, who looked even worse for the wear than I was.

"Time to die," she said, sounding exhausted. "And it's about seven."

I sighed. "Well, looks like I'll have no trouble getting up early when school starts."

Karen finished ("Should Mulan really be swinging an ax at the future Life Master?" Aislinn questioned), then Leandra went ("Oooooooh, that looks like it hurt," I muttered as she stumble off with three small holes, beaded with blood, in her shirt), then Linsey ("Oh, God, I'm glad I'm not using a stick," Bree said, flinching as Linsey was hit over the head).

One by one, the crew woke up. Will and Elizabeth woke up midway through Leandra's session, took one look at us, then turned tail and disappeared. The Captain, who woke up a little later, simply sniggered and sat down to watch with us.

Tadyn woke up by herself around noon, stumbling out and seeing Paige training. She immediately fell down laughing and sat down to watch. We were, for some reason, training in ABC order. 'Twas odd.

The day went slowly. There was nothing really worth mentioning until Timmy's session, which came at four, was over.

"Brilliant!" called Mulan. "You're all -"

"A spineless, pale, pathetic lot, I know," called Rachel.

Mulan sighed. "Well, not quite, but there's definite room for improvement."

"Well, they better improve fast," called Will, "because we've got company."

The Captain snorted and fell out of his chair, in which he had almost fallen asleep. "What? Where? Who?"

Will sighed and handed him the spyglass. The Captain took it and held it to his eye, frowning as he looked at the ship on the horizon.

"Oh, bugger," he sighed, then turned to Will and Elizabeth. "Battle positions." He turned to the rest of us. "Be prepared to defend yourselves in any way possible."

He scrambled to the wheel. I caught the abandoned spyglass and examined the ship.

What is it? asked Miles fearfully.

I swallowed. The Dutchman.

The Flying Dutchman of Davy Jones.