A/N: Thanks for your reviews.

Chapter 3

"You tricked me," Johanna said later that day as she sat a bowl of cat food down on the kitchen floor and watched her cat attack it with her usual gusto.

"What are you talking about?" Jim asked.

"You told me Scarlett wouldn't eat."

"She wouldn't."

"She can't eat when there's no food in the dish," she remarked.

"I got the food out of the cupboard and she ran away," Jim stated; "Usually she runs toward it; that's how I knew she wouldn't eat unless you were the one to feed her."

Johanna eyed him. "Liar. You picked her up and carried her upstairs and told her to meow at me until I got up to do it myself."

He smiled. "Can you prove it?"

"I think I just did."

Jim smiled once more. "Yeah; but you don't know the part where I told her if she didn't play along, I'd take her back to the shelter."

Her jaw dropped. "Jim!"

He laughed. "Oh you know I wouldn't do that…you'd hurt me if I tried it."

"You bet I would."

"Well since you're up; how about eating something? You barely ate half a piece of the toast I brought you earlier."

"I'm not hungry."

"Come on, Jo. You'll feel sick if you don't get enough food in your stomach."

"You say that like I'm not going to feel sick all day anyway."

"Maybe we should get your mind off of it."

Johanna smiled and patted his cheek. "I appreciate the offer but I'm really not in the mood…check back tomorrow."

Jim smirked at her. "I didn't mean that."

"See, it really is an off day…you usually do mean that," she remarked as she opened the refrigerator and searched for a can of Ginger Ale.

"I'll mean it tomorrow; but I was thinking, maybe we should go do something."

Her gaze shot to his face. "What, outside the house?"

"Yeah, that's usually what go do something means," he said slowly.

"Are you crazy!?"

"The way you're looking at me suggests that I am," Jim replied; as he took in her wide eyes and startled expression. "But maybe you'd feel better if we got out a little bit."

Johanna shook her head. "No. I'm not leaving this house."

"You're not going to get over the fear of this day unless you do go out for awhile," he said patiently.

"I'm okay with that."

"What if I'm not?"

"You'll adjust," she replied. "I taught you to adjust to eating pizza off a plate instead of out of the box; you can adjust to me staying in the house on this date."

Jim shook his head. "I don't think we want to do that."

"I do…and I want you to respect it."

"I do respect your thinking and feeling about it…but I disagree; and if we don't solve this issue, I'm going back to eating pizza out of the box."

She smiled even as her eyes filled with tears. "I'm okay with that."

"I'll throw the crumbs on the floor."

"I have a very nice vacuum."

"Jo," he breathed.

"I can't help it, Jim," she whispered. "I just…I don't think I can do it. I know it doesn't make sense; I know I walk out the door and I go to the store and shopping and errands and I push away the nerves and do it and enjoy it. But I don't think I can do it when it's this day on the calendar."

"You don't know unless you try."

Her chin quivered. "How can I try when all I think about was how I was supposed to meet you and Katie for dinner that night? How can I do it when I know that someone wanted me to die on this day? That the F.B.I. had to strip me of my life on this day. How can I even think of walking out that door when I have all of that to think about? When I have to think about how it's the one day I didn't get to come home."

"You can think of it because you can think of making a better memory for this day to hold," Jim replied. "What are you going to do one day when you have no choice but to leave the house on this date? What if you're needed somewhere and you can't get out of going? What if Katie needs you for something and it just so happens to fall on this date? What are you going to do then?"

"I try not to think about it."

"Well think about it," he told her. "What would you do if Katie called and said 'I need you, please come'…would you tell her no because the date on the calendar isn't agreeable?"

Johanna wrapped her arms around herself and glanced away. "No…"

"You'd walk out the door and go, right?"

"I wouldn't have a choice; and I can't promise you I wouldn't be throwing up while I did it; because the thought of leaving the house on this day just makes me want to throw up…like I threw up back then."

"Maybe you need to go out today to prove to yourself that you'll get back home this time."

The tears broke free and spilled down her cheeks and he moved closer and pulled her into his arms. "It's alright," he whispered as she cried against his shoulder.

"I wanted to come home that night," she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. "I just wanted to go to dinner with you and Katie…I just…"

"I know," he said, holding her tightly, his hand cupping the back of her head. "I know…but we're going to have to get past it, sweetheart. I'm not trying to hurt you or make you angry. I'm just trying to make it better…trying to ease the fear."

"I know; but I'm not sure I can do it…I just want to be here where it's safe."

"You'll be safe with me," Jim told her. "I wasn't going to make you go alone…I'd never make you go alone on this day. We don't have to go right now…but I think we should at some point."

"I can't."

"You can."

She dug her nails into his back as she clung to him. "I'd be too afraid."

"I'll be with you the whole time; I won't let you out of my sight."

"Tomorrow," Johanna said. "We'll go out tomorrow."

"It needs to be today," he murmured. "We need to make this better."

"It won't ever be better."

"It will be…if we let it be better."

A shiver raced through her body. "I want to go back to bed."

"No; stay down here," Jim told her. "You can watch TV in the living room like always. It'll be time for Temptation Lane soon…I'll watch it with you, okay?"

Johanna nodded as she pulled herself out of his arms. "You won't make fun of the plot lines, will you?"

He shook his head. "Not today."

"Alright," she relented; figuring she could make herself doze off on the couch just as easily as she could in bed.

Jim eyed her knowingly. "I know you want to sleep through this day…and I might let you doze off for a few minutes; but it's not going to be as long as you want."

She breathed deeply. "Are you sure you don't want to go to work?"

He smiled. "You're not getting rid of me so you can sleep undisturbed…one of the main reasons I married you was so I could keep you awake."

A short laugh crossed her lips before the tears choked her voice once again. "I told you not today," she tried to say lightly; but she had a feeling she was failing.

Jim brushed a tear off her cheek. "That's alright; you're always worth the wait."

"I'm a mess," she muttered, laying her head against his chest.

"It's okay," he told her; "I don't mind; we'll get through it and we'll fix it. We're going to make this year the last year that it's this difficult."

"You have more faith in that than I do," Johanna whispered.

"That's okay; I can believe for both of us. Get your drink and your cat, let's go relax for awhile and then we'll revisit the discussion."

"I hate the sound of that," she murmured.

"I know…but you know that everything I do, I do because I love you; right?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah…I love you too."

"Then that's the only thing you need to remember on this day and every day that follows it. I love you and what happened then doesn't have power over us anymore. We get through it."

It did have power over her, she couldn't help but think; but she wanted to believe in all the things he said; wanted to envision a time when this day wouldn't haunt her so badly…but she couldn't see how it could ever be that way.

"Come on," Jim said as he wrapped an arm around her. "Let's go sit down."

"Can you turn the heat up; I'm cold," she said, pulling her robe across her nightgown and tying it.

"That's because you're running around in your nightgown…you'd be warmer if you got dressed."

"Usually you tell me I'll be warmer if I take them off," she commented out of habit.

Jim smiled. "Yeah; but you've already turned me down twice, I didn't want to go for a third time."

"Yeah," she said with a nod; "That might hurt your ego."

"It would; and then you'd have to spend a lot of time tomorrow making me feel better."

She allowed a smile to touch her lips. "You always make me laugh even when I don't want to."

"That's what I'm here for," he replied as he brushed a kiss against her temple. "I'll turn the heat up until you get dressed later."

"I wasn't really planning on getting dressed today," she remarked.

"Well now you can plan on it," Jim stated as he headed for the thermostat. "I told you; we're going to make it better…little things at a time throughout the day."

Johanna sighed deeply but didn't dispute his statement…it was hard to fight him when she didn't feel up to the battle; even harder when he was as determined as he was. She would try some things if it made him happy…but she hoped the topic of going out what closed…because she wasn't sure she could do that.

Kate was curled up on her couch, a glass of wine within reach and Temptation Lane on her television. She felt more at ease than she had been at the precinct; the pressure of trying to be normal removed, allowing her to give in to the multitude of emotions that hounded her. She had allowed herself time to cry…allowed herself moments of anger and then moments of thankfulness. She had busied herself with laundry and straightening out things in her closet. It was mundane household work…but it better suited her mood than her paperwork that she had left behind to be taken care of tomorrow.

She felt more settled now; at least as settled as she could be on the day in question and Castle was thankfully allowing her to have her space as she requested. She still hadn't called her mother though…and her mother hadn't called her either. Kate didn't blame her for not being the one to reach out; after all, she had done a pretty good job at times at insinuating to her mother that she should allow her to initiate the contact…and her mother, for the most part, had been abiding by that idea. Things weren't always great between them…something that made her ache even more on this day as she remembered how badly she had missed her, how she had mourned and wished and dreaded moments spent without her. She had her back now…and things just didn't always work out between them and she inevitably felt guilty in one way or another.

It wasn't easy, Kate mused…it just wasn't easy to find balance after a long separation and a hard dose of reality; of learning that her mother was a mere woman and not the superhero she had believed all her life…and she was sure it was just as difficult for her mother to realize that she wasn't the girl she had left behind in the name of safety. They had their clashes…their downright battles…and she could admit that sometimes she held her at arm's length; but today…on this day, there was a part of her that wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up next to her; breathe in her scent and reassure herself that the world was right again. She could do it; she knew she wouldn't be shunned or turned away; but for some reason, she couldn't allow herself the privilege; as if it meant she wasn't as strong as she thought…or as grown up as she thought despite her age.

Why did it have to be so difficult? Why couldn't the past just go away and let them alone; let them just remember the good and let the evil fade away so they could breathe normally in all months of the year.

Kate figured she knew the answer to that; it wouldn't go away because they wouldn't let it. For some reason they were a part of a family who held tightly to every bad moment as well as the good. They couldn't escape; found it hard to push through certain things when the wounds ran so deep. They dwelled. They mourned. They allowed it to take over for the course of twenty-four hours and in the course of that time; they wallowed and punished themselves by trying to hide from the world.

It wasn't the right thing to do…but she couldn't say it was entirely wrong either.

Kate breathed deeply; her fingers itching to reach for the phone. She could call her…better yet; she could just go see her. She wanted her mother and she could have her mother; if she'd just break free from the notion of needing to be isolated in order to deal with the day.

But she worried…if they wallowed together in the misery of the date; would it make it worse…or would it make it better? She wasn't sure she could stomach worse.

Later that day, Jim slipped away from Johanna as she napped on the couch. He had made up his mind; the only way any of them was going to get through this day was to face the fear…to face what didn't happen that day. She wouldn't be happy…she'd probably fight him and he'd have to be stern to win, and if all worked out, his ace card would bring him a victory. He picked up his phone from the coffee table and headed for the kitchen, finding his daughter's number as he did so.

"Katie; are you busy?" he asked when she answered.

"No; is something wrong?" she asked; a tremor of panic in her voice.

"Nothing's wrong…but I want you to do something for me…and for your mother."

"What?" Kate asked, worry still in her tone.

"I'm sure that this day is just as difficult for you as it is for your mother and I," he remarked; "But I think the only way we're going to get through it is if we face it."

"Meaning what, Dad?"

"Meaning…I want you to meet us for dinner."

"At the house?"

"No…out; we're going to eat out."

Kate was quiet for a long moment. "I don't see Mom agreeing to that and I don't blame her."

"She's going to agree when I tell her…and I want you to agree. I need you to do this for me, Katie. I think it's best for all of us…we need to go; we need to have dinner together; we need to know that everyone got there and home safely and that this is just a day on the calendar that we hate but that we can deal with besides staying in bed and falling off the radar…so please; do this one favor for me. Come to dinner…keep the topics light…it's for you and me just as much as it is for her."

"Dad," she said softly. "I don't want her to go out on this day anymore than she probably wants to."

"I know; and that's a problem that we need to resolve. Please, Katie."

She swallowed hard, a hundred butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "Alright," she answered; her voice shaky. "What restaurant?"

"Castile's," he replied.

Her heart thudded against her ribs; that was the restaurant they were supposed to meet at fifteen years before; one of their favorite Italian places. "No, Dad…not there…I can't go there; I haven't been there since that night…"

"Neither have I," Jim said patiently; "Your mother hasn't been there either…but I think we need to go there and face it. We don't have to go back after tonight…but we need to have the dinner we were supposed to have that night."

"I don't know if I can," Kate said, her voice cracking.

"I know it's not easy…it doesn't make me feel all the great inside either; but she's going to be in the car with me; I'm making sure she gets there and I want you there. You can do this, Katie. You're brave…if I can get her in the car, then we can walk into the restaurant."

A tear leaked free and trailed down her cheek. "Do we have to sit at the same table?"

"No; we'll get a table in the back."

Her stomach was twisted into so many knots she wasn't sure how she'd be able to eat, but she felt like she couldn't tell him no…that maybe they did need to do this. "What time?"

"Six," Jim answered. "Do you want us to pick you up or do you want to meet us there?"

She breathed deeply. "I'll meet you there."

"You will show up?"

"I promise," she whispered.

"Will you be alright, Katie?"

"Yeah; I'll be fine…as long as everything goes okay and I know she got home safely."

"She will," Jim assured; "But you can always follow us home if you want to be sure."

"Maybe I will," she stated.

"No one would think less of you."

"Where's Mom right now?"

"Asleep on the couch…she's trying to sleep it away again."

"I don't blame her."

"I don't either in some ways; but there has to be a better way for us," Jim remarked. "I promise it'll be alright, Katie."

A shuddering breath racked her frame. "I trust you…and I'll be there; I just hope it gets the results you want."

"I have faith that it will," Jim stated. "I'll let you go now and I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight," she replied before ending the call.

Jim laid his phone down on the counter; Katie was on board…which was a bit surprising but he was thankful. Now he just had to get Johanna up and dressed and into the car…and then walk into the restaurant and be strong for both of his girls as he tried to slay this last demon for them.