Notes:
I'm sorry it took me a while to upload the new chapter here! I uploaded it to AO3 a while ago, but on that day this site was down. But here it is! I hope you enjoy!
After dinner the Mills family decided to walk home. It seemed that there was no shutting Henry up tonight as the teen still seemed to have stories to tell. Which was a miracle in and on itself considering they had all been apart only for few days. Regina felt content to just listen, whereas her sister seemed to have something to say about everything. It warmed Regina's heart that Henry got along with Zelena so well and how fast Zelena had taken to Henry. She had no doubt that if something were even to happen to her, Zelena would look after Henry. Or vice versa.
Walk to Mifflin didn't take that long and as soon as they got back in Henry started yawning. Regina pressed a kiss to his cheek and wished him goodnight and that really didn't leave any room to argue. He rushed up the stairs to get ready for bed as it really was getting late. Zelena took her turn to wish her good nights before taking Robyn up to their room. Regina was left standing in the foyer, quite unsure what she should do next. She wasn't all that sleepy so she decided to open the television for a minute. She hadn't been a fan of television before she got Henry and as he grew up she got interested. Lately all her time had gone for avoiding disasters, so few minutes in front of a TV were quite welcome.
Kicking her heels off she made it to the livinroom and to her comfortable couch. She snuggled into the pillows and turned on the TV. Surfing through the channels she quickly realised there was nothing to watch. Simply nothing. None the less she settled on another cooking show that television seemed to have endless supply of, just so she could huff at the incompetence of their cooking skills. She and Emma had often done it before...
Regina swallowed thickly. Before her and Hook had gotten together. After that they hardly had time for each other anymore. Shaking her head Regina tried to yet again physically remove the blonde from her mind. It wasn't really working so she tried to concentrate on the show again.
Several episodes went by and Regina's victorious smirk was getting larger and larger with every passing failure of the so called 'super chefs'. In the middle of yet another babble of excuses from said chefs, there was a faint knock on the door. Regina tore her eyes from the TV to check the time, and was surprised to notice it was nearing midnight. There definitely shouldn't be anyone seeking to visit her at this hour. Making her way quickly to the door she listened was there anyone moving upstairs. She didn't hear anything so she opened the door quietly.
Her heart jumped to her throat as she saw a familiar figure standing on her porch with her hands tightly tucked into the back pockets of her jeans and blonde hair loosely framing her pale face.
"Hi." Emma whispered, smiling tentatively.
Regina wanted to slam the door closed and run. She was not ready for this confrontation, not in a million years, and definitely not today. She had not build her walls back up properly after Zelena tore them down, so Emma could definitely see right through her if she just asked the right questions. Fuck fuck fuck.
"Hey." Regina could hear herself answering and she cursed herself. So apparently she was going to do this now.
"Why didn't you answer your cell? I... I was worried." the blonde was shuffling with her feet nervously, trying not to look at Regina.
"I haven't heard anyone calling." she took her phone from her own jean pocket. "Apparently my phone died while I was having dinner with Henry and Zelena." Regina returned the dead phone into her pocket.
"Oh, okay." Emma sighed but she didn't seem fully relieved. Regina found it funny that whenever Emma felt super awkward and closed off, she somehow found a new gear in her own boldness.
"Was there something you needed?" Regina asked, leaning on her door frame, crossing her arms. Green eyes were wildly trying to find a place to settle, since looking at the floor seemed to be the wrong choice.
"I wanted to talk to you." Emma sighed and suddenly green locked with brown. Ever since the blonde had made her way into the town, there had been a certain amount of electricity whenever their eyes locked. It left Regina breathless.
"Talk about what?" Regina whispered, trying her hardest not to let her voice waver.
"Can I come inside?" Emma asked and took a step forward in order to enter the house.
Regina panicked. She fully and truly did. "I think we can talk here, Miss Swan."
She could see how Emma's face darkened and her lips turned even further down. Calling Emma 'Miss Swan' like this was like poison between them. There were times and situations where Miss Swan was playful and humorous, but lately it had only put a strain on their friendship. And Regina truly regretted calling Emma that now.
"I thought we talked about the whole Miss Swan thing." Emma gritted her teeth, trying to keep her hurt in. She didn't want Regina to worry but for some reason this was breaking her.
"I know we did, but-" Regina was interrupted with Emma lifting her hand up to silence her. Emma closed her eyes for a while and when she opened them, the hurt was plain to see. Regina gasped quietly and reached out to lay her hand gently on Emma's shoulder. Her not shrugging it off was relief. "I'm sorry, Emma. I guess I'm just tired, is all." Regina whispered.
What she did not see coming, were the tears that suddenly started to leak out of green eyes. Emma Swan did not cry without a good reason so this was something that scared Regina. Without noticing she reached out for Emma and wrapped her into her arms. Emma's arms circled her waist as she hid her face in the space between Regina's shoulder and neck.
It felt so right to hold Emma like this, so tightly but it was all still so soft and gentle. They had never really done this before. They had hugged a few times, but being physically affectionate wasn't something they did. Regina had admitted that she would love to have that aspect in their friendship but she knew that hiding her feelings for Emma was easier if they didn't constantly touch each other. Today seemed to be the day they broke all of the rules though.
Tears streamed down freely as the younger woman clung to Regina like her life depended on it. She fisted Regina's shirt on her hands and she could feel how wet her tears were making Regina's shoulder. But she couldn't stop.
"Emma... Emma? Please talk to me." Regina whispered, slowly brushing her fingers through Emma's mane of blonde hair. That seemed to have an calming effect on the blonde as her breathing started to calm down.
"Do you hate me?" the question was so quiet that Regina nearly missed it completely but when her brain registered it, she pushed Emma further from herself to look her in the eyes. The green eyes were puffy with all the crying but still the most beautiful ones she had ever seen.
"Emma Swan, how can you even think that?!" Regina wasn't sure should she feel insulted or worried. She knew they weren't as close as they used to be, but there were clear reasons to that. But she never wanted Emma to think she hated her, especially when the truth was everything but.
"Because. We hardly talk anymore, you have started to call me, Miss Swan again." Emma swallowed tightly. "You look so distant, 'Gina, and I don't know what I have done, but whatever it is, let me fix it... please?" her bottom lip was wobbling furiously and she looked more like a lost girl she ever had before. Regina wanted to hold her again, to tell her how loved she was, but she knew she couldn't do that.
But she knew what. "Emma, listen to me. I do not hate you, I never could. Maybe once, years ago I thought I did, but you are my best friend. And you'd know when I was being mad at you. I mean, you have been at the receiving end of my anger a couple of times." Regina winked at Emma and the blonde smiled. "And when it comes to being distant... I do feel like we haven't had time to be together as we used to, but I guess that's what happens when you find more family..." they both quieted down for a while, each deep in thought.
"But." Regina continued after a while. "I will try and make time for us, okay?" Emma notted furiously, smiling a little. Regina knew that whatever happened, she always wanted to be the reason Emma smiled. And to never make her cry again.
She knew it was gonna hurt, she knew that being so close to Emma would only cause problems, but she missed the girl. She missed being her friend and she would never be so distant again. Even if it was gonna break her heart even more.
Comfortable silence had fallen between them, but suddenly Emma cracked her signature grin. "Can I have another hug?"
Regina laughed and opened her arms as Emma took an eager step towards her. When their previous hug had been desperate and emotional, this was warm. All warm and tight. Regina was sure Emma could feel her heart nearly beat out of her chest. The hug wasn't lingering like the other one and when Emma pulled back, she was smiling really big.
It was easy to see that Emma was gaining confidence again, as the silly grin didn't seem to disappear and her hands made it back into her pockets again. Certain cockiness really suited Emma Swan and Regina only now realised how long it had been since she last saw Emma like this. It was that no good pirate. He was not right for Emma.
"Do you feel better now?" Regina asked playfully with a real smile gracing her face.
"I do." Emma smiled back before looking at her shoes shyly. "I missed you."
Regina's heart skipped a beat and her smile only widened. "I missed you too."
"I think I should get going, it's getting late." Emma said and took a step backwards without taking her eyes off Regina. Regina had a sudden urge to ask her to stay, but that was out of the question so she just notted. Emma somehow managed to go down the stairs without turning away from Regina. She waved at her before disappearing behind the hedges.
Regina closed the door, but the smile stayed on her face. Leaning against her door, she let out a long sigh. It was a mystery to her what Emma could make her feel. She felt such pure affection and love whenever they were together. She wanted to protect and hold and be with her. But whenever they were apart or she saw her with the pirate... She could feel her heart break anew every single time.
She didn't hear someone come down the stairs before she heard a question directed at her. "What are you doing?"
Brown eyes snapped to look at her sister wrapped in the fluffiest green bathrobe. She had crossed her arms and looked at her with her eyebrow arched. Regina was quick to push away from the door and clear her throat.
"Nothing." she knew she wasn't convincing in any way and she had no idea how much Zelena had heard.
"And a bad liar too." Zelena shook her head. "Why do you keep torturing yourself like that. You love her so much and you willingly put yourself through situations like this. And promise to spend more time together." Zelena could physically see Regina build her wall up with every word that left her lips. "What are you doing?" she repeated.
"It's none of your business, Zelena." Regina gritted through her teeth. She knew her sister was right, that everything she said was correct. But she had no idea how to get out of the pit she had gotten herself into.
"You don't get to get angry with me Regina Mills. I'm only trying to keep you afloat when you seem to be wanting to drown yourself in the sea of Emma Swan." Zelena took a step forward, not ready to take any of her sisters bullshit.
That seemed to be the enough for the wall to crumble back down. Regina looked lost. So truly and utterly lost. Zelena realised she had seen that same look in someone else's eyes quite a bit lately. That made her eyes widen.
"I don't know what to do Zelena. It seems so messy and like I'm going back and forth and in reality that's what's really happening. I know we will never be together, but she is a constant in my life none the less. We will always be linked through Henry. And the only thing worse than being around her all the time, is not being. I cannot stand to be apart from her! She is my best friend and yes, I do love her with all that I have. I will end up heartbroken anyway, so at least I get to stay in her life." Regina went on this massive rant, walking circles in her foyer, trying desperately not to cry in front of her sister once again.
Zelena didn't know what to say. Maybe because there was nothing she could say to help Regina. She had just explained what was going through her mind. And that also seemed to be her plan. No matter what, she was ready to keep Regina's head above the water.
"Go and get some sleep Regina, tomorrow's a new day." was what Zelena opted to say and relief flashed on Regina's face as she didn't have to go through her messy mind again.
The sisters closed of all the lights in the house before heading up the stairs together in a comfortable silence. Zelena pulled Regina in a hug when they needed to part on Regina's bedroom door. Regina smiled faintly at her sister before going to her room.
She had no idea what tonight would bring and could she have any sleep. She hoped that she could, she really did.
After tossing and turning for the better part of the night, Regina woke up early in the morning to someone moving downstairs. She had gotten tops two hours of sleep during the entire night. That's why she aimed for the bathroom, in hopes of not hitting a door frame on her way there.
A quick shower and brushing of her teeth led her to her closet where she picked yet again one of her comfy t-shirts and leggings before heading down. She had loosened up in the last few years and felt free to wear whatever she wished in the safety of her own home.
Yawning she padded downstairs and in her half asleep state she didn't notice that there was something missing. There was no music.
Entering the kitchen she stopped in her tracks. There was a woman in her kitchen, a very specific woman.
In seconds green eyes locked with brown and a wide smile spread on the pale lips. "Good morning Gina! I'm making breakfast! I hope you're hungry!"
Oh shit.