Chapter 13 - Reasons and Responsibilities
Elizabeth had been out to tea with some of the ladies from church. David went out to take care of the horses and unhook the wagon, and he told her what happened.
"Is he alright? Did he need to go to the doctor?"
David was pleased by her concern and forgot some of his annoyance. "Yes, he's fine. Maggie gave him some brandy and did the stitches herself. He's a little inebriated, I'm afraid, but otherwise fine. He's sleeping it off right now."
She nodded and David led the horses away. Han woke up as she entered the house. She thought again that they really needed to find somewhere more permanent for him to sleep. He shouldn't be sleeping in their parlor in the middle of the day.
She remembered her initial worry that he might be troublesome. It certainly seemed as if that was going to be the case.
Elizabeth saw his sleepy yawn and wrinkled her nose at the smell of alcohol on his breath. "Han, how are you feeling?"
"Feelin' fine, ma'am." His voice had a slightly drunken slur to it.
"Feeling, Han," she said automatically. As she corrected his speech, she wondered why he found it so hard to remember to call her 'ma'. He had no trouble addressing David as 'pa'. Perhaps it was because he'd once had someone else he used to call 'ma'. She decided not to press it. It might feel more natural to him over time.
She moved to the end of the sofa and peeled back the bandage to see his foot. It was a nasty cut and must have hurt a great deal. She didn't like to think of her new son being hurt so soon after being left in their care. Her heart twisted to see his white face with the flush of alcohol tinting his cheeks.
She felt as though she'd already failed the first test of motherhood.
A dozen emotions seemed to be flooding over her. Adopting a child had seemed like such an easy thing to do, but now she was realizing all the things that could happen to a child in her care. Every time her boys were out, she would wonder if they were going to be okay - were they being careful enough, would they take too many risks? Would she have to learn how to stitch up a wound as Maggie could? She swallowed. She didn't think she could ever do that.
She wanted Han to know how seriously she took her responsibilities when it came to his care, and how she was going do her best to make sure that he was safe. She tried to find the right words. Not having any experience with such things, she choose to use the best example she had, and expressed her concern exactly as her mother would have done.
"David told me you cut your foot while running through a field. You really should try to be more careful. You haven't even been here a week and already you've hurt yourself! It was fortunate that Jed was able to help you to his house and Maggie was able to give you the stitches you needed, but what if you had been on your own? What would you have done then?"
David heard the tail end of her lecture and was annoyed. Han's face was flushed and he looked guilty.
"Elizabeth, it isn't his fault. He wouldn't have cut himself if he'd been wearing his boots."
Elizabeth interrupted. "But that's just it, David - why wasn't he wearing his boots? He has good boots that fit him now; he needs to be more responsible."
David felt his anger rise. "He wasn't wearing his boots because he was worried about what you'd say if he scuffed them!"
She looked astonished. "That's ridiculous!"
"It isn't ridiculous, Elizabeth. You made a fuss over him getting dirty on his first day here and he's been trying to keep himself tidy ever since."
"But I haven't said anything since then, not once! I even gave them clothes they could play in, I did just what Maggie told me!"
"That doesn't stop him from worrying!"
"But I never mentioned it again! After Maggie talked to me, I even laughed when Tom came home with his clothes messed up!"
David finally lost his temper. "That's just it! You told him off, but you laughed when Tom did the same thing! You never told him that it was okay or that you overreacted!"
She was speechless. Her parents never apologized or backed down, her father always said it was a sign of weakness. She didn't want her children to think that she was weak, she wanted to be strong for them. Then she thought of the countless times she had known that her mother was wrong; the countless times she had cried herself to sleep for something that wasn't her fault.
She turned to look at her son. He was watching them, horrified that he had caused so much trouble.
Elizabeth sat on the side of the sofa and lifted his chin so that she could look in his eyes. "Were you worried about your boots?"
He wasn't sure what to say. The truthful answer would only upset her further, and his head felt too fuzzy and muddled to convincingly tell a lie.
She saw the confusion in his eyes and she sighed. "Han, you're more important to us - to me - than a pair of boots. You do know that, don't you?"
Han nodded. His head was fuzzy and his foot was throbbing. He didn't know what she was saying, but he would agree to anything if it would stop them fighting. He didn't want his new family to argue anymore.
Elizabeth smiled, pleased that everything had been resolved so easily. She leaned forward and planted a small kiss on the boy's forehead. He yawned again and she winced as a waft of alcohol hit her nose. "Get some sleep, Han. I'm afraid you're going to feel quite miserable in the morning!"
She turned to David, still smiling. "There! That's settled. I'd best start making the dinner. Tom will be home soon and he'll be hungry!"
David watched her as she bustled about the kitchen. He wasn't convinced that everything had been resolved, but he could see that she was trying her best. He would try talking to Han tomorrow. Hopefully, over time Elizabeth and Han would come to an understanding, but until then, he would do everything in his power to keep the peace between them.