CHAPTER 2

"Hey, Casey….does it gotta be the season of miracles for you to bring your wife here?"

Christopher Herrmann was behind the bar at Molly's and he was in rare form. Matt rarely went to Molly's on his off shift because he was usually working on some construction job. Now that the Chicago winter was in full swing, business had slowed down and we decided to go out and have a few drinks. I had been out of work for close to three weeks and the four walls of our house had begun closing in on me. There was only so much baking, decorating and wrapping a person could do.

"You know I'm just yankin' ya, right?" Herrmann winked at me and set a glass of clear, bubbly liquid in front of me on the bar.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Tonic water. Casey here told me you were off the hootch."

"I was, but now I'm back on the hootch so put some damn Tanqueray and a piece of lime in there...and a maraschino cherry!" I shouted at him.

"You got it, Maddy."

I looked around the bar, scanning the large crowd. Molly's a was a relatively small place and it was standing room only. Most of them were familiar faces from House 51, but there were a lot of local people from the neighborhood that I didn't recognize. To be honest, I was looking for one person in particular. She was the only reason I didn't come to Molly's often and Matt knew that. It wasn't that I was intimidated by her presence or the fact that she and Matt had had a relationship several years ago. Gabby Dawson had a bad habit of hanging all over my husband and I didn't like. She liked to get a little too touchy feely for my taste. At first, Matt thought I was being overly sensitive...until I asked him how he would feel if Kelly started to act the same way with me. We had been lovers once too and even though Matt played it cool most of the time, I knew deep down inside there was a little part of him that was secretly driven to the edge of insanity over it.

"You OK, baby?" Matt's voice jolted me from my momentary haze. I assured him that I was and took a nice big sip from my drink to prove it. He pressed his lips to mine, giving me a deep, solid kiss and it felt amazing. Since Thanksgiving, we had been doing better. We were connecting on a much deeper level which made the laboratory experiment that was our sex life a lot more meaningful and much more tolerable.

"Maddy Casey...how are you, sweetheart?" Chief Boden's booming voice and outstretched arms were suddenly behind me. I spun around on my bar stool and stood up on the lower rungs to give him a hug.

"I'm great, Chief. How are you?"

"Well, I'm happy to see you. It's been too long. Where's Casey been hiding you?"

"Nowhere that I don't want to be."

"Haha...still in the newlywed mode, huh?"

"Yeah, something like that." Matt was looking at the Chief and had a huge smile on his face. God, that was good to see. The Chief let out a big bellowing laugh and patted Matt on the back, like they were in some secret boy's club where the members congratulated each other on "going all the way with a girl".

"You are a naughty boy, Matthew Casey." I said, sucking up the contents through the straw in my second drink. The effects of the gin were beginning to take hold now. The more I drank, the more relaxed I became. The more relaxed I became, the happier I was and it felt damn good.

"And you love it, Madeleine Casey."

"I love you, Lieutenant. Come here." I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in for a deep, soft, wet kiss. His hands slid under my jacket and around my waist as I pulled him in close. He didn't usually like such public displays of affection, but his tongue was wrestling with mine like it was in there for the championship belt.

"Jesus, get a room."

"Shut up, Morrison. If you and Severide can practically hump on every flat surface wherever you are, Maddy and I are allowed to make out among friends." Em blew a stunted version of raspberries in Matt's direction before giving me a hug.

"It's good to finally see you guys here, Mads."

"Yeah...well, it's never been my favorite place but it had a certain attraction tonight that I couldn't ignore."

"And what's that?"

"My gorgeous firefighter husband of two years being right by my side." Em rolled her eyes in that inimitable way of hers, but I knew that she knew exactly what I meant.

"And in your mouth." We both erupted into fits of giggles which quickly transformed into snorting thanks to the alcohol we had both consumed.

"Every time these two get together, it's a gigglefest. Hey bro, what's up?" Somewhere amidst our laughter, Kelly had joined the three of us. He and Matt did the bro hand thing before Kelly came in for a hug.

"You look good, Mads...relaxed."

"I am very relaxed. I should have taken a leave of absence from work months ago."

"No, you shouldn't have," said Em. She had been saddled with temporarily filling my position during my leave. She was more than qualified. In fact, she should have been offered the position before I was. She had seniority in the department and I was the greenstick social worker who reluctantly accepted the job, but only with her approval.

"What? Why, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, but I miss how we secretly talk in your office about all the people we don't like."

"Jesus, Morrison….are you perennially stuck in third grade?" This time, she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Way to prove him wrong, Em." I sniggered.

We moved our little party to a table towards the back, away from the mounting noise and line that was four deep at the bar. We ordered another round of drinks and a few appetizers.

"So, what have you been doing with yourself now that you're not working, Madster?" Kelly asked.

"I've been getting ready for Christmas mostly...lots of baking, wrapping presents and decorating...in between meticulously charting my temperatures every day."

"She has our house looking like Martha Stewart exploded all over it." I punched him in the arm for that remark. "I'm kidding, baby. It looks amazing." He rectified himself by leaning over and giving me another kiss. His lips weren't only perfect, they were magical.

"You must go at her like a jackhammer, huh Casey?" I could always count on Em for awkward questions and comments. Matt and I were both used to being questioned about our fertility efforts, but it still was an uncomfortable subject to talk about, even with friends. Kelly hooked his arm around her shoulders and pulled her towards him. He had been dating Em for over two years now and had perfected the "I think you've said enough" moves. Matt reached for my hand under the table and gently squeezed it. Sometimes, that was all I needed to bring me back to center, but tonight I felt a little more on edge than usual. I lifted my empty glass in the air, signaling Herrmann to bring me another. More gin will help, my inner voice said...and I believed her.

As soon as Herrmann set the magical concoction in front of me, I grabbed it, threw out a couple of sarcastic comments about me being an undefeated pool shark and headed to the pool table. I racked up the balls, picked up a pool cue and waited for someone else to pick one up.

"Come on, guys...one of ya pick up a cue. I wanna play!"

Kelly grabbed a cue from the rack and chalked up the tip. He had a big smirk on his face as he sauntered towards the table.

"You break, hot shot." I placed the cue ball at the opposite end from the rack, leaned over, lined up my shot and then….BAM! The balls scattered everywhere with the five and eleven balls rolling into the opposite corner pockets.

"Lucky break, hot shot."

"That's called skill, smoke eater."

"Ooohhh, them's fightin' words, hot shot! It's on!" said Kelly as he pulled a $50 bill from his wallet and slapped it down on the raised edge of the table. I leaned over the money, lined up the shot and sunk the three ball in the side pocket.

"Are you sure you want to lose $50.00, smoke eater?"

"No, I'm not so make it $100.00, hot shot." He put another $50 bill on top of the first one. By this time, my fourth gin and tonic had bolstered my confidence to an exaggerated level, but it had also raised my game a notch. I managed to drop the next three balls in their respective pockets until Kelly coughed just as I lined up for the fourth. I lost my concentration and banked the shot, sinking only the cue ball.

"Interference! Interference!" Jesus, I was loud when I was drunk.

"We need a ruling, judges! A ruling!" Matt was working the crowd that had gathered around the pool table to watch us.

"Give her another try!"

"He spooked her on purpose! Let her go again!"

"Fucking male chauvinist pig can't bear to be beat by a woman!" There's always one diehard feminist in the group. I grabbed hold of Matt, wrapping my arms around him to kiss him but also to steady my increasingly shaky legs.

"Help me line up the shot, Lieutenant. I'm a little wobbly," I whispered in his ear.

"You're cute when you're drunk, Mrs. Casey," he whispered back. He turned me around and guided me down to the pool table, pressing his crotch right up against my ass and practically laying on my back.

"Is that your pool cue or are you just happy to see me?"

"Behave yourself, Mrs. Casey or I'll be forced to take you right here on top of this table in front of all these people."

"Is that a promise or a threat, Lieutenant?"

"That depends on if you make the shot." Matt stood up but kept one of his hands pressed against my backside. The crowd had gone quiet, except for the occasional clearing of a throat of the sound of ice clinking in a glass. I could hear Matt's steady breathing behind me as I ever so slightly slid the pool cool back and forth between my fingers. I drew in my breath before tapping the cue ball, sending it rolling towards its target. I held it in as it glided over the green felt until it gently hit the seven ball and plunked it into the corner pocket. The crowd erupted into applause and sporadic shouting. Matt spun me around to look at him.

"You did it, baby! You're amazing!"

'Yeah, but I still have two more balls to go."

"I've got two balls for you right here." He straddled me and leaned me back over the pool table and kissed me. I could feel the promising hardness against my stomach as he relentlessly attacked my mouth.

"Hey Casey, maybe if you bent her over like that at home she'd be knocked up by now!" Both of us froze as the words hung in the air above us, like an unexploded bomb. The crowd parted slightly to reveal Gabriella Dawson sitting at one of the elevated tables against the wall, sipping a beer.

"Back off, Dawson," said Kelly, walking towards her.

"Nobody wants to see that shit here, Severide." Clearly, she was drunk.

"Least of all you, Dawson! He's mine...deal with it." I said, struggling to get up from under Matthew's weight, but he was purposely holding me down.

"Don't, Maddy...you'll only make it worse."

"Really, Matt? How could it get any worse than her reminding me that I'm having trouble getting pregnant? Explain that to me." He eased his body off me, but held onto my hand like a vice.

"That was uncalled for, Gabby."

"My bar, my rules, my mouth."

"How'd you like one of my fists in your mouth?"

"Maddy…"

"Bring it, you blonde bitch!" Kelly grabbed her arms as she moved off the stool towards me. Matt placed his hand against my chest, holding me back.

"Knock it off, Gabby! That's enough!" Matt yelled at her.

"What the fuck has gotten into you, Dawson?" asked Kelly, jerking her body around a little as he spoke.

"Get off me!" she screamed. Herrmann came from behind the bar to help Kelly.

"Take her outside until she cools off," he said. To my surprise and utter disgust, Matt followed Kelly out through the kitchen. I grabbed my coat and bag from the back of the chair they were hanging on and pushed my way through the crowd of people and out through the front door. I could faintly hear Herrmann calling my name as I slammed the big oak door behind me. I tied the leather belt to my jacket around me and started to walk home. If Matt would rather be with Dawson than me right now, to hell with him. I tucked my hands inside my jacket pockets, put my head down and watched for black ice on the sidewalk. Boots with three inch heels, Chicago winters and lots of gin do not make for an easy walk home in the dark. I had only walked about three blocks when I heard the roar of a vehicle's engine pulling slowly up next to me.

"Maddy, get in the truck."

"No. I feel like walking."

"Get in. It's freezing."

"Yeah? Well, I'm hot. Boiling, as a matter of fact."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, Matt...I'm mad at the idiot that forgot to put nutmeg on my latte at Starbuck's last week. Of course you! Jesus…"

"Can we talk about this please? Come on, baby...get in the truck."

"Looks like you've already talked enough, Matt...and of all people, it had to be Gabby Dawson. Why, Matt? Why do you feel it necessary to talk to her about us? You know how I feel about her! You heard the way she talked to me just now! Jesus Christ, Matt….I'm your wife!"

"That's right, Maddy. You are my wife...which is why I want you to get in this truck right now so we can go home and talk."

"I don't think I want to talk to you anymore tonight...except, maybe to ask you one question...what is so goddamn special about Gabriella Dawson that you'd prefer to comfort her instead of me after she insulted and threatened me?! Huh? Please tell me because I'm dying to hear the answer." He slammed the truck into park and jumped out of the driver's seat and onto the sidewalk in front of me.

"I wasn't comforting her, goddammit! I went out there to tell her to back the fuck away from us or I'd report her to IA. I also told her I'd request she be transferred to another house if she doesn't leave us alone! Christ, Maddy...after all this time, why do you still think the worst? Ask Severide if you don't believe me."

He was right. I did always see the worst case scenario lately and that was not like me. Maybe it was my way of turning the attention away from me and my defects. I thought I had made some progress over the last few weeks, but all it took was one shitty comment from Dawson to make me feel defective again...broken, unfixable. God, how I hated her. I didn't like hating anyone, but she made it impossible not to. I snaked my arms around my husband's waist and leaned my head against his chest. I closed my eyes and listened to the brag of his heart beating against my ear.

"Take me home, Matt."

"That's all I've ever wanted to do, baby."