CHAPTER 3
"That was an amazing Christmas dinner, baby girl. You are one hell of a cook," said my father as he sat down in the overstuffed chair in the living room and lit up a cigar.
"Thanks, Daddy...but flattery will get you nowhere. You know you're not supposed to be smoking those...especially in a house where one of us is trying to get pregnant."
"One isn't gonna kill me or you, baby girl….but I'll go out on the front porch to make you happy."
I stood at the dining room table, scraping the dinner plates and putting the leftovers into containers and I could feel the muscles in my neck tighten up. "Deep breaths, Maddy….deep breaths…." I had started listening to my inner voice a little closer these past few weeks and she hadn't steered me wrong yet. After a few of those deep breaths, I felt a little more relaxed. I had taught myself to not let the little things upset me and I felt more centered than I ever had before. My hope was that it would lead to nothing but positive outcomes. I carried the dirty dishes into the kitchen where Matt stood washing the pots and the roasting pan.
"Have I mentioned lately that I love you?"
"Ummmmm, only every day, but it never hurts to say it one more time." We shared a quick kiss before I started pulling the desserts out of the fridge and shoveled in the leftovers.
"I am so tired, I could fall asleep right here in the refrigerator."
"It's no wonder. You've been working your ass off for weeks preparing for today."
"I know, but I actually enjoyed doing it."
"You know what else you would enjoy? Soaking in a nice warm bubble bath with a cup of tea while I drive your Dad home. How's that sound?"
"That sounds amazing...and like I owe you more than one 'I love you'."
"Come here," said Matt, pulling me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head and hugged me tightly. He made me feel so safe and loved and it was exactly what I needed right now. Even though our sex life had become medically mechanical, our embraces and kisses still felt warm and human and genuinely loving. I stood there listening to his heart beating under my ear and feeling like this was the most intimate we had been in a while. It felt good.
"Come on, you two...we want cheesecake! Can't this stuff wait until we go home?" Emily stood in the kitchen doorway, holding an empty dessert plate and a fork.
"Jesus, Morrison...you must have a hollow leg," said Matt. I buried my face in his chest and giggled. Yeah, I was that tired.
"I didn't make any cheesecake, Em….just a raspberry trifle and a pumpkin roll and 10,000 Christmas cookies and candies."
"Well, bring it on!" she said, banging on the plate with her fork before walking back into the dining room.
"Excuse me, but I have to feed the problem child." Matt smiled and gave me another kiss before I busied myself with getting the desserts out. How anyone was ready for dessert thirty minutes after an enormous dinner was beyond me. What further boggled my mind is that Em was not even remotely chunky. She was thinner than I was, but ate three times as much as me.
"Happy now, my hungry hungry hippo?"
"If you hadn't given me that James Dean t-shirt and a new pair of Keds for Christmas, I might take offense to that," said Em, shoveling raspberry trifle into her mouth.
"You guys got any plans for New Year's yet?" asked Kelly, as he sat back down at the dining room table.
"I think we're just gonna spend a quiet night at home. Maddy goes back to work that week." said Matt. The words struck me like an arrow to the gut. My leave of absence was coming to an end and I still wasn't any closer to being pregnant than I was at Thanksgiving. Em had done a great job filling in for me, but if I extended my time off she would definitely freak. Besides, there were no other holidays on the horizon that I could focus on to take my mind off of the baby that wasn't coming. Maybe now was the time that Matt and I should start thinking about adoption.
"Everything was great, Mads. Thanks for the invite. I'll take Bruiser home now before she eats your china." Kelly hugged me as he and Em made their way to the front door.
"Thanks, Madster. Love you," said Em.
"Love you too," I replied. I watched as the two of them got into Kelly's car and drive away.
"I'd better get going too, baby girl. I'm sure you're sick of company by now."
"Don't be silly, Daddy. Stay as long as you want."
"I've known you your entire life, baby girl, and I know when you're tired. Just let me borrow your husband long enough to drive me home. Go soak in a warm bath and relax. You've earned it." He kissed me on the head before getting his coat.
"Are you ready, Jim?" asked Matt as he came down the stairs. He crossed the living room and into the dining room where I was still standing.
"I started your bath for you. Make yourself a cup of tea and go unwind in the tub. I'll be back in half an hour and I'll finish cleaning up." He quickly kissed my mouth before getting his coat and keys and walked out the door.
I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my favorite big mug and some green tea from the cupboard. I yawned as I poured the boiling water over the tea bag and into the cup. I dragged my tired body away from the dirty dessert plates that were left on the kitchen counter and trod up the stairs and into the bedroom. I turned off the water in the bath and set the mug of tea on the edge of it. I pulled off my clothes and left them in a heap on the floor as I stepped into the middle of the warm pile of bubbles. I slowly sank into the water, letting it wash over me a little at a time, until I was fully immersed in a jasmine scented cloud. Matt had lit a few candles around the edge of tub, completing the atmosphere of relaxation. I had been going at a dead run since Thanksgiving and it wasn't until this moment that I realized just how badly I needed this. I closed my eyes and sipped my tea, revelling in the warm water and the quietness of the house.
When the last of the tea was gone, I climbed out of the tub and dried myself off. I wrapped the oversized towel around me and stood in front of the bathroom mirror brushing out my hair. I heard Matt come up the stairs and open the door to the bedroom. I could hear the clinking sound as he emptied his pockets and threw the loose change into the dish on top of his dresser. Then he opened the bathroom door. I could see him in the mirror behind me as he unbuttoned his shirt and threw it into the hamper. He walked a few steps towards me, stopping just behind me.
"Hey you," I said. A soft smile broke across his face, but he remained silent.
"Matt? Are you alright?" I asked.
"Yeah, baby...I'm fine. I just want to look at you for a few minutes, if that's alright." He unbuckled his pants as he stood there, just watching me. He took them off and tossed them on top of the hamper. He moved in close, pressing his body up behind mine and wrapping his arms around the front of me.
"My God...you're beautiful."
"You're prejudiced, Lieutenant." Again, he said nothing as he moved his hand up to my shoulder and swept my hair back off of my neck. He kissed me softly, starting just below my ear tracing my skin with his mouth all the way down to my shoulder. I felt a shiver run down my spine as his lips brushed against me. His hands slid around the front of me and pulled at the top of the towel, making it drop to the floor at my feet. He immediately cupped my breasts and pulled me back towards him. His fingers gently tugged at my nipples and I dropped my head back on his shoulder. I could feel his erection against the small of my back.
"I want you, Maddy," he whispered. Before I could say a word, he turned me around and kissed me hard on the mouth. His hands fisted in my hair at the back of my head. My heart was pounding in my ears as I tried to get my breathing under control enough speak.
"Matt...it's not the right time yet...I didn't even take my temperature this morning…" He held my head firmly in his hands, looked straight into my eyes and spoke in a low passionate voice.
"Baby, when was the last time we made love because we wanted to and not because it was good clinical timing?" I could feel unexpected tears welling up in my eyes as I thought about his question.
"I can't remember," I said.
"Exactly...so let's take a break from being medically correct for one night and go back to being Matt and Maddy and make love like we used to do. I love you so much. I just want it to be you and me for tonight, ok?"
I nodded as the tears rolled slowly down my cheeks. He kissed me again, lifting me up as he did. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me to our bed. He laid me down across the comforter and stepped out of his boxer briefs. His erection bounced slightly as he removed them and moved closer to the bed. Instinctively, I sat up on the edge of the bed and took him in my hands. I flicked the end of my tongue over the tip of his cock, tasting the sweet drop of fluid that had formed there. His body shuddered as I slipped the length of him in my mouth. I felt him throbbing against my tongue as I slowly moved up and down his shaft. The faster I moved, the harder and bigger he grew. I stroked him with one hand and cupped his balls in the other. I could feel his body tense.
"Lay back, baby...let me look at you." I sprawled out across the bed, watching him as he was watching me. His eyes roamed over my entire body while he stood there, silently stroking himself. He knelt down between my legs, then placed his hands on the bed next to my head, letting his body hover a few inches above mine.
"I love you so much," he whispered. I pulled his face down to mine, giving him a deep wet kiss. My body ignited as his tongue swept my mouth and his chest hair brushed against my breasts. My fingers caressed and pinched at his nipples, making him arch up. His erection poked just above my belly button, making the throbbing between my legs turn into an unbearable ache. I hadn't realized how much I missed our lovemaking the way it used to be before Operation Pregnancy. I needed to be made love to and now I know that Matt felt the same way. He worked his way down to my breasts, taking each nipple in his mouth. His warm, wet tongue surrounded the delicate flesh, sending shivers throughout my body. One of his hands found its way between my legs. His fingers rubbed at my swollen clit.
"So wet," he said. He pulled his fingers away from me and slid them into his mouth. He ducked his head between my legs and pushed my thighs apart. The first feel of his tongue on my clit sent shockwaves through my pelvis. I gasped as he flicked the tip of it back and forth across my quivering little bud. He continued to lap at me relentlessly until an expected orgasm erupted. He held onto my thighs as I gently bucked against his mouth.
Before I could catch my breath, he lifted my legs up over his shoulders and placed the tip of his cock between my legs and pushed himself into me. His cock felt huge and almost foreign inside of me after months and months of charting my LH surge days, my hips on pillows, using turkey basters and endless seminal injections.
"Welcome home, Lieutenant." Matt leaned down to kiss me, as he began to slowly thrust. Little groans escaped my from my mouth as he pushed a little harder and deeper with each thrust of his hips. I held onto his back, feeling the muscles ripple under my fingers. His body moved seamlessly into mine and I rocked my hips in perfect rhythm to his. I could feel my second orgasm building quickly. It hit like a runaway train, sending out powerful spasms in every direction so strong they were almost painful. I dug my nails deep into the back of Matt's neck, holding on tight as I shuddered around him. His body tensed and his face contorted as he came inside me, moaning into my mouth with each spurt of his release. My entire body was pulsing with what felt like surges of electrical current. I slipped my legs off of his shoulders and laid them limply down on the bed. My breath was coming out in short bursts between small gasping sobs. I couldn't control the tears and I didn't want to. Matt collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily into my ear.
"Christ, Maddy…..Christ…." he said, between breaths. He lifted his head up and looked down at me. His eyes were wet with tears.
"You're crying," I said, wiping away the wetness with my thumbs.
"So are you."
"Because it's been so long since I...since we…," I said, my voice breaking off. Tears rolled down the sides of my head and onto the bed.
"I know, baby...I know," said Matt. He leaned down and kissed me softly. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, never wanting this moment to end. It was the most intimate we had been in several months and I didn't want to let him go. He slid his arms underneath me, kissing me deeper as he pulled me up off the bed.
"I love you, Matthew."
"I love you too, baby."
"I'm sorry I've been such a disappointment to you."
"What are you talking about? You could never be a disappointment to me."
"I meant that we built things up in our heads when we were kids….you know, the big farm house we wanted with a bakery in the back that you were gonna build for me, the five kids we were gonna have...it didn't quite turn out that way."
"So? That doesn't mean I'm unhappy. Are you unhappy?"
"No, of course not. I just want us to have a baby."
"So do I….and we will. Miracles happen all the time. We found each other again. Isn't that proof?"
"I suppose, but maybe we should start thinking about adoption. Maybe we only get one miracle in this life."
"We can do that...but let's not give up on Operation Pregnant just yet. OK?"
"OK."
We both got up from the bed and turned down the comforter and sheets and climbed into bed. I snuggled up to him, resting my head in the crook of his arm and draping my arm across his chest. The scent of his skin calmed and comforted me. His fingers lightly stroked the skin on my arm as we both started to fall asleep.
"I love you, Maddy. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing." I nodded and kissed his chest, trying not to give away the fact that I was crying again. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to answer our prayers. If He wasn't listening on Christmas night, He never would.