Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Title: Phantoms Don't Do Paperwork

Premise: OP, probably Mary-Sue, female SI-OC named Yukimura Kiyoshi posing as Tsuna's best friend. Kiyoshi is the product of meddling higher powers, human experimentation, and probably some black magic.

Rating: T (for language)

"YUKIMURA KIYOSHI! PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!"

It surprised me when I looked up to find my best friend in just his boxers, standing in front of me, his hand outstretched, and a bright orange flame sprouting from his forehead. I stared blankly at him and reflexively stopped a someone - Mochida Kensuke - from laying a hand on my friend. I took off my noise-cancelling headphones currently blasting loud American '80s rock, and looked expectantly at my best friend.

"Sorry, did you say something, Tsunayoshi? I was listening to my music."

Interestingly enough, the flame had disappeared. And then I noticed the small figure standing on the ground, watching the proceedings with interest.

"And who might you be, young sir?" I asked, kneeling to be eye-level with him. I figured I might as well call him 'young sir' since he was wearing a suit and a fedora. I even held out my hand for a handshake.

"I'm Reborn, the world's greatest hitman."

Damn, this kid wasn't lying. And speaking in Italian, to boot.

"Pleasure to meet you, Reborn," I replied in the same language while shaking his small hand. I figured I might as well introduce myself properly. "I'm Yukimura Kiyoshi, and I am currently employed by INTERPOL as a free agent." Flames... Reborn... hitman... It sounded so familiar... "So, Reborn, what is your business in Namimori?"

"What is your business, Yukimura-san?"

I shrugged, not too bothered with having my question answered with a question. "I'm currently employed by Kyo-tan as his secretary and chef. And I'm attending Namimori Middle as a cover. And I usually help Tsunayoshi with whatever. And I do other odd jobs around the place." I then turned to Tsuna, switching back to Japanese easily. "You might want to put some clothes on, though, Tsunayoshi. I'm not sure how you ended up running around in your boxers, but people will talk. And the fact that I'm actually a part of the Disciplinary Committee means-" That got him moving.

Apparently, Mochida had gone around spreading rumors that Tsuna had made me cry and that I had run away in disgust. I just ended up raising an eyebrow while I looked toward Kurokawa Hana to explain things.

"He's using Kyoko's reaction to describe yours."

Sasagawa Kyoko blushed when I looked at her with my raised eyebrow.

"He just appeared out of nowhere. I got startled and ran off."

Kyoko and Hana then dragged me to watch the Mochida v. Tsuna duel. I wasn't really paying much attention to what Mochida and people were saying, instead listening to my music. I was completely oblivious to the sweatdrops of the people around me.

And then I stopped a tonfa from hitting me in the back of the head. I finally took off my headphones and turned to face the prefect, Hibari Kyouya.

"Kyo-tan, what's the deal?"

"They're fighting over you. You should pay attention, minion."

I smirked. "Hey, want to join in or something? Make it a three-way duel?"

"No."

"Then shoo. Go make sure the ref isn't being unfair or something."

And then I cheered for my friend. "Go, Tsunayoshi! Beat that Mochi-guy's punk ass!"

"Mochi-guy?" Hana asked.

I shrugged. "He reminds me of mochi, you know. Sticky and clingy, requires a beating." I purposefully ignored the sweatdrops this time.

And then Tsuna won by hitting Mochida and pulling out all his hair.

"Yeah! Go Tsunayoshi! You're awesome, my bestest best friend ever!" I yelled loudly. And then the question that had been bugging me made itself known. "Hey, Tsunayoshi, what did you even ask me yesterday. I didn't hear you since I was listening to my music. In fact, why were you even dueling Mochida, anyway?"

That caused nearly the entire gym to facefault and my friends to facepalm and sweatdrop.

"Kiyoshi, why do you think they were dueling?" Hana asked.

"Ummmm, they were dueling over who got to have my bento?"

She just sighed. "Something like that."

"So, who put that up as the prize?"

"Mochida-senpai," someone answered.

"Oh, he did, did he?" I asked absentmindedly. Well, I would need to teach that kid a lesson. What was he thinking, putting my precious bento on the stakes between the two of them? It was MINE. MY PRECIOUS FOOD.

I walked over to Tsuna's house with him, then went back to the Hibari residence (I swear it was a mansion), and let myself in. I cooked Hibari's dinner, then went off in search of him. I always had to go deliver his food when he was on one of his patrols. And I did my various other things.

I really was one of Interpol's free agents. I basically did what I wanted. Especially since I could make portals to anywhere, and I could teleport. And I could change my age. They couldn't really keep track of me, so they gave me free reign as long as I was helping better society. And agreeing to be their test subject for various things.

On the subject of those tests, well, they're more like experiments. And one of the experiments has made me a bit blood-thirsty in the literal sense. I'm a living example of a vampire, though without the fangs, the aversion to random silver, light, and garlic things, and the sparkles. I can see exceptionally well in the dark, have an exceptional sense of smell, can hear really well, and you get the idea. Hence, Kyoya had deemed me a carnivore. And he helped get me blood pouches from the hospital.

I had tried making blood pops as mentioned in the Harry Potter books, but so far hadn't succeeded. I had even tried to get INTERPOL to try making them, but they refused. They did send a bag of blood every week, though, so I was satisfied. I mean, it was their fault that I got a taste for blood, so I felt that they should feed me.

Selfish? Well, if you'd gone through some of the things I'd been through, you would probably feel a need for self-entitlement. At least I wasn't planning for world domination with the abilities I had. I was fine with being a middle school student. And Tsunayoshi really was my bestest best friend. I mean, really, for all his faults, that kid was a saint.

I woke up on the weekend in a cold sweat. Damn, how did I manage to land myself in a fictional world? No wonder things like vamipirism and intelligent babies and flames on people's heads existed here.

"Ciaossu."

I looked up from my desk to my window where I found a familiar fedora-wearing baby.

"Yo, Reborn. Did you need something?"

I watched, interestedly, as he hopped onto my desk.

"There are no records of you in INTERPOL's database."

I nodded. "Of course. But that is no fault of mine. For some reason, any records of me placed in the vicinity of any technology seems to vanish. When I suggested that they use natural charcoal and parchment, well, surprise surprise, a record of me stayed intact. They decided that it was too much trouble to deal with that, especially storing it in a random area in the middle of a forest, so they just keep the bare minimum under a false name." I'd come up with the idea that my guardian angel or whatever didn't want my existence to be spread or something. There were times when certain INTERPOL agents I came in contact with me wouldn't ever recall meeting or knowing about me. It was later found out that those certain individuals were spies. "If you ask me questions, then I shall try to answer them. If I don't feel like answering your question, I won't. And please don't give me those stupid yes/no questions that back me into a corner."

"How old are you?"

"I'm not sure. I was born on January 25, but the year? If you want the original date of my birth, it was 1990."

"How long have you been living in Namimori?"

"16 years."

"How long have you been working for INTERPOL?"

"With, not for. Ever since it was founded. I'm not too sure on when that was." Bastards had tried putting me to sleep for random amounts of years. I had fought off the drugs faster and faster every time. They had also really messed with my metabolism and sleeping patterns. I didn't have to sleep. I could go years without sleep and function just as normally as other people. But I hadn't let Kyoya know that. If he did, he would have me out patrolling at all hours of the night. No, I liked being able to sleep, even if I didn't need it. Made time go by faster.

It was a while later when I heard 'Vongola' and 'Decimo' and 'Tsuna' in the same sentence.

"Wait, wait, wait. You mean that Tsunayoshi, as in my best friend, is a descendant of that idiot Giotto? The one who kept thinking I was a guy?" I asked Reborn. "The blonde one who didn't remember his best friend's birthday, even when it was the same as his?" And then I sensed Reborn's frustration. "Sorry, shutting up now."

So, I guess Giotto had managed to create his vigilante group. He had been an interesting kid, even with all his faults. Like the fact that he could barely talk to a girl besides me. But then again, he never saw me as a female...

"...so you will not be interfering by, say, alerting INTERPOL of the going-ons here, will you?"

"Reborn, you really don't have to worry about me telling them about anything going on with Giotto's descendants and such. Really. And here I was wondering why some of the people around here look like his little groupies. I only deal with world-wide terror and crap. Well, and small stuff like serial killers and stuff. And I work on my own, anyway." Besides, I got the feeling that even if I were to tell that their memories would be wiped anyway. "And Tsunayoshi's my bestie. I wouldn't sell him out for something so small as this." And he might be able to change the mafia. It wouldn't hurt to be eternally hopeful about that, right?

Cringe. ~VM