CHAPTER 12

"Pull over again, Em," I said. She pulled the black BMW that the Walker family had arranged for us onto the side of I-20BL to let me throw up for the second time since we left Midland International. We had taken an early morning flight out of O'Hare and the turbulence had left a lingering effect on me, along with my frayed nerves about the doctor's appointment that awaited me at medical center in Odessa. It was for the preliminary testing that was necessary before my bone marrow could be harvested. The oncology and surgical teams had to be sure I was a viable doner first.

"Are you sure you're alright, Mads? You look green," said Em, as I got back into the passenger seat, wiping my mouth on a tissue I'd pulled from my purse. "Bad flight, is all. I'll be fine." I said.

Em pulled back on to the highway and we continued our journey. We were about halfway into the fifteen mile trip from the airport to the medical center. Nothing looked familiar to me, even though I had lived in the area. Of course, it had been over fourteen years since I had been here, so the unfamiliarity was not totally unexpected. The only thing I remembered was the extreme flatness of midland Texas. No mountains or the tiniest hill could be seen for miles around. It was a completely different landscape to Illinois and New York. I felt a little like a stranger in a foreign land.

"Are you scared, Mads?" Em's voice broke the silence. "Terrified," I said. There was a lot about this trip scared me. Even though the odds were in my favor, I was still concerned that I wouldn't be a good match. I wondered where that would leave Harper and it weighed heavily on my mind. Then there was Matt. We hadn't seen each other in almost three weeks and had only spoken once, and that was a very brief conversation about a leaky faucet in the kitchen, which he fixed one morning while I was at work. He had no idea that I had decided to make this trip to Texas because he never bothered to ask and I would be damned before I would tell him. I missed him but the anger I felt towards him trumped every other emotion I was feeling towards him.

"We're here," said Em as we pulled onto East Sixth Street and into the expansive parking lot in front of the medical center. Before we got out of the car and made our way in, I grabbed Em's hand and told her how much I appreciated her making this trip with me. She squeezed my hand and pulled it up to her mouth to kiss it. I swear I saw tears in her eyes, too, but she would never admit to that.

As we walked through the automatic sliding glass doors of the front entrance and into the lobby, we were greeted by a swarm of people. Nurses, maintenance men, housekeeping staff, Candy Stripers, volunteers, lab techs, visitors...all rushing to parts unknown with their own business. It was a bustling little metropolis all its own, independent of the sprawling medical center that surrounded it. We made our way through the crowd and up to the information desk that was situated in the middle of the lobby. As we approached, a young woman with long black hair and a distinctive Texas twang, greeted us.

"I'm here for some pre-surgery lab work," I said, handing over the packet of papers that had been sent to me a few days earlier. She scoured each page carefully, then pointed us in the direction of the lab. After walking down a long hallway whose walls were ceiling to floor glass, we came to a bank of six elevators, all stopped on various floors. Em pushed the button to call one of them to the ground floor. As the doors opened, a group of people vigorously pushed their way out and into the vestibule nearly knocking us over, like there was a fire behind them. I briefly thought of Matt.

"Em, you're sure you told Kelly to not say anything to Matt about this trip, aren't you? I don't want him finding out from anyone but me,," I said. "Don't worry, Mads. He'll keep quiet," she said. I felt a little relieved, but not completely. If our relationship was complicated now, it would only get worse if Kelly tells him anything. I wanted to be the one to tell him when the time was right. But who knows when that will be. Our marriage had grown more complicated over the past few weeks and neither of us could have anticipated it.

The doors of the elevator opened as we reached the lab on the fourth floor, which was stark white from the ceiling panel to the tiles on the floor. It gave off a sterile luster that hurt my eyes to the point of wanting to put on my sunglasses. We managed to find our way to the registration desk where they entered my labs into their system.

"Here's my insurance card," I said, sliding it across the desk to the stoic woman who was pounding on her keyboard as if she was mad at it.

"There's no need for that, ma'am. Says here that all expenses incurred will be handled by Walker and Sons, Inc.," she replied. Em and I gave each other a look of surprise. But given that the family had paid for our flight, our hotel and our rental car, neither one of us should have been surprised by their continued generosity. When the woman was done typing, she printed out a couple of forms for me to sign and was told to take a seat in the waiting area. Within a few minutes, my name was called and I was following a lab technician into one of the blood draw rooms. After taking what seemed like all of my blood, I was asked to pee into a cup. When I was finished with everything, the tech told me it would be a couple of days until they had all the results they needed and that they would be contacting me for a follow up appointment with the surgical team to review everything.

Em and I took the elevator back down to the lobby and headed for the parking lot. As the heat from the pavement hit our faces while we made our way to the car, I felt a little lightheaded. Realizing that I hadn't eaten or drank anything since midnight, Em and I decided to get a late breakfast somewhere. I took my phone out to look at what restaurants were in the area when it began ringing.

"Hello, Madeleine...this is Audra Walker. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I just finished getting my lab work done."

"I trust all went well."

"It did, yes...although they did say it would be a day or two until all the results were in. Once they are, I'll be seeing the surgeon."

"Yes, Dr. Hartman. He's the best in Texas. You'll like him. Are you happy with the accommodations that we arranged for you?"

"Oh, yes...the hotel is beautiful, what we could see of it when we dropped our bags off and the car rides like a dream. Thank you so much."

"No, thank you Madeleine. The gift you're giving our little girl is worth much more than a five star hotel and a BMW. Have you eaten yet? I'm sure most of the tests you had done today required you to fast."

"Actually no, Em and I were just looking for a place to eat when you called. I got a little dizzy a few minutes ago…"

"Oh Lord, we can't have that! Preston and I have arranged a brunch here at the house. I'll give you the address and you can punch it in to your GPS."

"That's incredibly kind of you, but given the circumstances, I think it might be best if I stayed away from the Walker ranch. I don't…" my voice trailed off.

"Of course. How stupid of me. Please forgive me. OK, tell you what...you head back to the hotel and we'll call them to arrange for brunch to be served there. See you in twenty minutes." The phone clicked and the call ended. Em and I followed the road back to the hotel and were greeted at the office entrance by Audra and tall, bear of a man who wore a black Stetson with silver accents. He was dressed all in black, from the top of his head down to his black leather cowboy boots with shiny, steel toes.

"Madeleine, this is my husband Preston, Jr." said Audra. He extended his muscular forearms towards me until they had encircled my waist and pulled me into a massive bear hug. "It's good to see you again, Maddy." I was well aware that I had met this man before, but I had no memory of him or any interactions we may have had before today. He didn't resemble Jackson in the least and his familiarity took me a little by surprise. The expression on my face must have given me away.

"I'm sorry if I startled you, ma'am...but we was family once," he said, his eyes turned downward.

"Of course we were. No harm done. I'm just sorry I don't remember you," I said, giving him what I'd hoped was a reassuring smile. So much of my life in Texas was still a mystery to me and I wasn't sure that I wanted that to change. I had made the decision to help Harper without any hesitation. She is my daughter and she needs me now, at least behind the scenes. I was never going to be a presence in her life. That much was certain. Her life had already been disrupted by an illness that was taking its toll on her. She didn't need any more complications. Preston and Audra are the only parents she's known since she was born and even though that pleasure was taken away from me, I had no desire to take it away from them. I had a new life now that needed to be concentrated on and I would be doing that the second I got back to Chicago, with or without Matthew.

We made our way into the hotel and into one of the meeting rooms where brunch had been set up. Tables with several chafing dishes, platters of pastries and fresh fruit lined the back wall. A coffee and juice station had been set up across the way from it. The aroma of sausage and maple syrup filled the air and my stomach started to grumble. I suddenly became very aware of how hungry I was and how many hours it had been since I had last eaten. As Em and I headed towards the buffet, I became lightheaded. A prickly sensation rippled through my body and I felt as though I was going to pass out. I quickly pulled out the closest chair and sat down, putting my head between my legs and taking a few deep breaths.

"Madeleine, are you alright? Someone get her a glass of water!" Audra was now kneeling in front of me.

"I'm fine. Just a little lightheaded. Must be the four gallons of blood they took combined with not having eaten anything yet." I took a few sips of the ice water that the hotel attendant had brought over to me.

"You stay put and I'll get you your breakfast. I know what you like," said Em. I was so thankful to have her here with me. She was one of the few people in my life that had never let me down. I knew she always had my back.

"You've been through a lot over the last few weeks, Madeleine. I realize how difficult all of this must be. We dropped this in your lap like it was a hot potato. It's bound to take its toll on you," said Audra. Just then, Em came back and set a glass of orange juice and a plate heaped high with pancakes, sausage, fresh strawberries, blueberries and pineapple in front of me. I dove into it head first, eating like a wildebeest after a bleak winter.

"Do you think I could get a glass of chocolate milk? I've got a craving for it," I said between bites.

"Yeah, she's definitely feeling better," said Em, taking my plate for a refill.

"Preston and I want you to know how grateful we are that you're doing this for us...for Harper," said Audra. Preston reached out and grabbed her hand. There were tears in her eyes as she spoke. "I don't know what I would have done if I were in your place, having been faced with all of this. We only had Harper's best interest in mind, nothing more. We intend to take care of all of your medical and personal expenses, Madeleine. It's the least we can do for saving our little girl's life. Did the doctors give you any idea when you'd be hearing from them?"

"The lab tech told me it would be at least 24 hours, possibly 48, before they have all the results. Once they have all the information they need, they'll call me back to talk to the transplant team, the oncologist and the other surgeons," I said.

"Right, so it's still a little bit of a waiting game," said Audra. She seemed disappointed that it was going to take a couple of days for the medical center to get back to me.

"I'm sorry, Audra...it's out of my…" Audra stopped me before I could finish my sentence. "No, I'm the one that should be sorry, saying such an insensitive thing when you have absolutely no control over this. It's just that PJ and I have been agonizing over this for so long, it already seems as if we've waited forever. We only want Harper to get well and lead a normal life like any other little girl her age," she said, wiping more tears from her eyes.

We finished our brunch in relative silence and as Em and I headed out of the ballroom and back upstairs to our suite, Audra and Preston said their goodbyes and left the hotel. I promised them I would be in touch whenever I heard back from the doctor. Em pushed the elevator button to carry us up to the fourth floor.

"Mads?" she said. "Yeah?" I countered. "Aren't you the least bit curious about Harper?" she asked. "Of course I am, but that won't help anyone involved in this, least of all Matthew and me." I said. The elevator doors opened with a 'ding', letting Em and I emerge. As we made our way down the hallway, Em quietly took my hand in hers, squeezing it gently. And with that, I knew she understood. She always did.