CHAPTER 15

"Where is Matt? Please... help me find him! I need to tell him something important! Why won't you tell me where he is?' I rushed around frantically, looking in every corner and crevice of the firehouse, but still couldn't find him. "Matt...please tell me where you are. I need you."

"I'm right here, baby," he said, stroking my hair. I began to cry softly as his fingers caressed the side of my face. Finally, he was home.

I woke with a jump, not realizing where I was when I opened my eyes, The light from the television was flickering throughout the darkened room, bouncing flashes of light off of everything, including what looked like a figure of someone crouched beside the couch next to where I was laying. My head felt fuzzy and I still wasnt sure that I was awake. It had all seemed so real.

"Maddy? Are you OK?" a soft, familiar voice asked.

"Matthew? Is that really you or am I still dreaming?" I said, pulling the afghan up around my shoulders.

"It's really me, baby. I let myself. I hope that's okay," he said in a low whisper.

"It's still your house too, Matt. How long have you been here?," I asked.

"Long enough to hear you call out for me in your sleep," he said.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, ignoring the comment about me calling out for him. I sat up and turned the TV off with the remote.

"After seeing you today, I realized that I've been a complete jackass," he said, his deep voice cracking slightly. "I should have been here for you, Maddy. You were put in the middle of something that you had no control over...something you shouldn't have had to face alone. I'll never forgive myself for walking away. All those things you said to me that day were true...I was only thinking about myself, thinking you didn't have the right to get on with your life without me, fall in love, have a family...and that was wrong," he said.

"Yeah, it was, Matt. That's not how married people should act," I said.

"I know that. I didn't exactly have the best role models. My father beat up on my mother just about everyday until she couldn't take it anymore and shot him. Not exactly Mr. & Mrs. America," he said.

"Matt, you can't compare yourself to your parents. It's like apples and oranges," I said.

"Yeah, but I still have to lay the blame somewhere, Maddy. I know I wouldn't have walked out on you if my parents hadn't had such a dysfunctional relationship," he said.

"OK...fair enough, I guess."

"I've lived in this city most of my life, yet when I came back from California once I turned twenty-one, something never felt quite right, like I was missing a piece of myself. The day that feeling went away was the day you walked back into my life, Maddy. All that emptiness and feeling lost just disappeared the moment I saw your face. The piece I had been missing was you...us...what we had. Even though we were kids, I knew then it was the most genuine and deeply I had ever loved someone and been loved back," he said.

"I want you to know something, Matt...when you disappeared, my life as I knew it back then came crashing down around me. I had no idea where you were or what I could have possibly done to make you stop loving me. I practically ceased to exist without you or an explanation of what had happened. I spent the better part of my Freshman year of college in and out of the hospital because losing you nearly killed me. It was like that for a long time. I didn't live a normal college girl life. I didn't have boyfriends or go to parties. I withdrew from everything and everyone. I ached for you every day, Matt...until I met Jace. Jace was the only one to ever make the pain of losing you go away. I didn't plan any of it. It just happened and then when I lost him too...and then the baby…" My words were suddenly stunted by the sobs that were stuck in my throat.

"I know, Maddy...and hearing all of it unfold a few weeks ago for the first time...well, it all hit me like a runaway train and I ran, never thinking about you or what you were going through. I don't want to be that guy, Maddy. I'm not that guy. You know that. Being away from you has only proven to me that my life isn't complete without you in it and what happened when we were apart shouldn't make any difference. At the end of the day, no matter how ugly it's been, I know that I still have you to come home to. I love you, Maddy...nothing, not anyone or anything, will ever change that. Please say that I can come back home. I made a terrible mistake and I'm so sorry I put you through this," he said. I could tell that he was crying. He was kneeling in front of me, his hands holding mine and his head bowed low.

"Matt...come on, look at me," I said, lifting his head up. His eyes were wet and red. The look of shame on his face tugged at my heart, even though it was justified. He did a despicable thing by leaving me at such a critical time, but at least he was here admitting he was wrong and apologizing for it.

"I was just as floored as you were to hear all of that. For ten years, I thought that the baby I had given birth to had died. All this time and not one person gave me any reason to think otherwise. I buried both her and Jace's memory together and locked it up somewhere deep inside me. I never lied to you, Matthew. It was a time in my life that I didn't want to talk about. I couldn't remember most of it and what I could remember was just too painful. Please tell me you understand that," I said.

"I do," he said, shaking his head.

"Finding out she was alive after all these years was a huge shock, but necessary. I had to do what was right, Matt...with or without you. I couldn't let your leaving affect my decision. I had to do right by Harper. It was the least I could do for her," I continued.

"I know that now. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up to where you were, were you are," he said. "Did you go to Texas yet?"

"Yes, I did. We got home about a week ago," I said.

"We?" he asked.

"Em went with me," I said.

"Morrison always comes through, doesn't she? Did everything go okay?" I wasn't sure how to answer his question. Everything had gone right except for helping Harper.

"Yes...and no," I said. I got up from the couch, still holding the afghan in front of me. Matt stood up and turned around to look at me.

"What does that mean? Weren't you a good match for the bone marrow?" he asked, sounding completely confused.

"I was a perfect match for her, but the doctors there discovered something that prevented me from being her donor…" I said.

"Christ, Maddy...you're worrying me now. Is this the something important you had to tell me in your dream just now?" he said as he walked across the living room towards me.

"Yes, it is...but before I tell you, you have to promise on your life that you will always be that stand-up guy that I know you are. Promise me, Matt, because if I thought for even a second that something else could make you leave..." I said. I was crying again, trying to maintain my composure and dignity. He could never do this to me again, not now, not ever. He took my hands in his and brought them up to his mouth, placing soft kisses on both of them. Like mine, his eyes were brimming with tears.

"I promise on my life that I will never leave you again, Maddy. I will never let you down, ever again. Jesus….God...please believe me," he said. I believed him. He wasn't a perfect man and God knows he had his flaws, but he's perfect for me. He had been for the better part of almost 20 years.

"What, Maddy? They discovered what?!" His eyes were pleading with me, begging me to tell him. I could see the worry on his face.

"I'm...pregnant…" I said, barely above a whisper.

"What...did you say?" asked Matt, his face was a picture of disbelief.

"I'm pregnant, Matthew. We're going to have a baby," I said, in a flood of tears. His expression softened immediately and more tears spilled over onto his cheeks. He cupped my face with both of his hands and placed his lips on mine. His kiss was soft and wet and deepened with each second that passed. He wrapped his arms around my waist lifting me up, his mouth never leaving mine. I clutched at his shoulders as he held me, kissing him with a new found fervor and never wanting this feeling of sheer joy to end.

He set me gently down on the floor, then reached his hand out to touch my stomach. I lifted up the Blackhawks jersey, exposing my belly and the orange-sized bulge that was growing there. He kneeled down in front of me, his hand softly caressing the tiny bump in front of him.

"Miracles really do happen," he said.

"We both prayed so hard for this, Matt. This is our baby...ours...finally," I said. My ran my fingers through his hair as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my tummy. He lingered there for a moment before turning his face up to mine. With tears streaming down his face and his voice cracked with emotion, he said "When, baby…?"

"Dr. McAdams says around September 15th. I stopped charting my temps some time in February when we couldn't get our schedules to jive, but going by my menstrual cycle, she's pretty sure that we conceived on Christmas," I said.

The corners of his mouth lifted into that famous smile of his. "The night I said we should take a break from science and just be you and me...making love like we used to before all the fertility stuff," he said.

"Yeah, well...it worked," I replied. He stood up slowly, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me softly. His hands moved down to just under my behind and swiftly lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me up the stairs and kicked open the door to our bedroom. He put me down next to the bed and lifted the jersey over my head. His hands gently cupped my breasts as he leaned in to kiss me. "I love you so much," he whispered. He snaked his hands around to my lower back, then slid them into the back of my leggings, squeezing my behind before pushing them down around my feet.

"Is this alright? I won't hurt…" he said, looking concerned. "No, baby...it'll be okay...I promise," I said. He pulled his t-shirt off over his head and tossed it to the floor. He unzipped his jeans and pushed them down to step out of them. He scooped me up in his arms and laid me down on our bed, positioning himself carefully between my legs.

"You look more beautiful than ever...if that's even possible."

"Maybe it's that pregnancy glow everyone talks about...or maybe you're biased. " His smile widened briefly before he kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding on as his mouth attacked mine. He pushed himself up slightly, gazing down at me with a cautious look.

"Are you sure about this, baby?" I pulled him back down on top of me. I whispered in his ear.

"Just fuck me already, Lieutenant,"

His eyes widened and a wicked little grin broke out on his face. He grabbed my wrists and held them down on the bed on either side of my head and covered my mouth with his. With one shift of his hips and one hand to guide him, he was inside me. Still holding onto my wrists, he seamlessly moved his hips, pushing further and harder with each thrust. My body was hungry for him and responded immediately to the feel of cock. I could feel my clit swell, pressing and pulling against his shaft as he moved. My juices flowed out and around him, making his cock glide in and out of me easily. He let go of my wrists as he quickened his pace, pushing himself up and bracing himself on the bed. I dug my nails into the skin on his shoulders, feeling his muscles flex under my fingers. I felt myself begin to shudder as my orgasm hit. I thrust my hips upward and arched my back, letting wave after wave of intense spasmodic pleasure ripple through my body and around his cock. Matt closed his eyes and let out a short grunt as he found his release and collapsed on top of me.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, baby! Did I hurt you?" He pushed himself up and rolled over next to me. I rolled over on top of him, straddling his torso. I looked down at his careworn face with those incredible blue green eyes of his, sparkling like tropical water.

"I'm not a China doll, Matt. I won't break, I promise," I said. He shifted his body and pulled me down next to him on the bed. He brushed the hair off of my face with his fingers, then cupped my chin before planting another kiss on my lips.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I already have…"