CHAPTER 20

"What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Why didn't you tell her?" Kelly asked.

"I don't know. Everything happened so fast and she made it clear from almost day one that she didn't like Dawson. I couldn't bring myself to tell her."

"Jesus, Casey...I thought you were smarter than that. She didn't like Dawson from the beginning because Dawson made it impossible for her! She went for Maddy's throat when you first started seeing her! It didn't occur to you then that maybe you should tell Maddy the truth?"

"I told her that Dawson and I had dated for a little while after Hallie died..that she helped me through a difficult time," said Matt.

"And that's it?!"

"I thought that would be enough. Jesus, I don't know what I was thinking."

"No, man...you didn't and you may have fucked up the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"What am I supposed to do now, Severide?! I can't change the fact that Dawson and I were married. How do I make this right? I can't lose Maddy...not now...not again."

Severide rubbed his face with his hands, trying to take all of this in. He and Matt had been friends for a long time and had gotten each other through some difficult times, but he was at a complete loss of how to help him with this one.

"To be honest, I don't know if you can make this right, but Maddy is a level headed woman...and she loves you...maybe once the shock wears off and she cools down...I guess time will tell."

"Time? I don't have a lot of time. The baby is due in six weeks. I need to be home."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Kelly asked, against his better judgment.

"Jesus, no! She'd see it as an intervention and pregnant or not, you'd walk away from her limping." Kelly heaved a huge sigh of relief. He really didn't want to get involved in that way. Casey had to figure this one out for himself.

"I think the best thing is for you to talk to her," said Kelly.

"I know, I know...I just don't know how to go about it. I don't want to ambush her and I don't want to come off as smug. Jesus, she's my wife. I should know how to talk to my own wife! I've known her since we were sixteen, for God's sake!"

"I don't know, man...you're gonna have to figure it out."

"Hey, do me a favor and don't say anything to Morrison about this. I don't need her anvil to come crashing down on my head, too."

"Not a word, I promise...but don't you think Maddy will say something to her?"

"Jesus, I hadn't thought of that. Hopefully, she'll keep this thing close to the vest. It's between me and her."

"Here's hoping…" said Kelly.

"Thanks for letting me crash here for a couple of days."

"No problem. What are brothers for anyway?" Kelly slapped Matt on the back and handed him a beer.

"I wish I could make Maddy understand that I didn't love Dawson like I love her. I've loved Maddy since high school. Then shit went down between my parents and I was shipped out to California to live with Christie until I was twenty-one. By the time I came back to Chicago, she had graduated college and moved out of state. Her mother refused to tell me where she was, saying my family was nothing but bad news. We lost touch, but I never stopped loving her. Never. Even when Hallie came into my life. I loved Hallie, but not like I loved Maddy. It sounds absolutely insane because we were just kids, but any woman I was ever involved with could never live up to her, you know?" Matt absentmindedly peeled the label from his beer bottle as he spoke, never looking up.

"I know, man. I get it," said Kelly.

"Dawson was another thing. Christ, she practically threw herself at me from day one, even though she knew Hallie and I were together. After Hallie died, she shifted it into high gear. I went into a tailspin and she was there for me then, Severide. She saved me from myself."

"I remember. You were a mess back then," said Kelly.

"I guess I felt that I owed her something for helping me through all of that...and then when she told me she was pregnant, I thought it was the right thing to do."

"Marrying someone you don't love is never the right thing to do, Casey," said Kelly.

"Yeah, I guess the fact that we divorced after a little over a year of marriage proves that. We were all wrong for each other anyway. It never really felt right, if you know what I mean, because somewhere in the back of my head, I knew I was meant to be with someone else."

"But at that point, you had no idea if you'd ever see Maddy again" said Kelly.

"It was a risk I was willing to take, I guess. I loved her that much. I did see her once, though...when her Mother died. Hallie went with me to the wake. She has just gotten married to Stephen Gage a few months earlier. She was living in Westchester, but had come back to Chicago for the funeral. The minute I laid my eyes on her, all I wanted to do was grab her, kiss her, throw her over my shoulder and run away with her. You never really lose that kind of love, no matter how hard you try to move on. She's everything to me, Kelly…"

"These are the kinds of things you need to say to her, buddy...not me," said Kelly. Matt rubbed his eyes and slowly shook his head. These were things he knew he had to do, but didn't know how to go about it. He had never seen Maddy so angry before. He knew she had every right to be angry. It was his own fault for not telling her about things sooner. All he could do now was to wait a few days and try to talk to her again. He finished his beer, picked up his overnight bag and headed for Kelly's spare bedroom.

"Gonna call it a night. Thanks again, Kelly," said Matt.

"Any time, Matt," said Kelly. He watched as his friend and brother in arms closed the door to the spare bedroom behind him, shaking his head in disbelief. Matt and Maddy were the perfect couple in his eyes. They were destined to be together, but yet here they were, separated for the second time in just a few months. He had been burned so many times that he was afraid of committing to any woman, He loved Em, but if two people like Maddy and Matt couldn't make things work, he knew he and Emily couldn't either. He downed the last of his beer, leaving the empty bottle on the coffee table. He shuffled off to his bedroom, turning to look at the closed door to the spare room.

"God's speed, brother," he said, then slowly closed his bedroom door.