CHAPTER 21
"There's your baby, Madeleine. He...or she is growing perfectly, the measurements for 34 weeks are right on target. How are you feeling?"
"Fat...puffy...like a big ball of blubber. Other than that, I feel great. A little tired, maybe," I replied. I had started seeing Dr. McAdams every two weeks for the past month, but would be ramping it up to weekly soon. I was trying not to dwell on the fact that Matt wasn't at this appointment. It was the first one he had missed. I stared at the little squirming figure on the ultrasound screen, amazed at the sight of the baby inside me and wishing my husband was here to see it, in spite of the fact that I was still furious with him.
"That's perfectly normal, especially at this stage of the pregnancy. But all your labs are normal and you've kept your weight gain in check this last month, which is important. The only thing I'd like to keep an eye on is this...see that ridge on the lower left side of your uterus? That's your placenta. It's a little bit lower than it should be at this point. It's actually partially covering the the cervix, which concerns me a little. Hopefully, as the baby's head turns down, the placenta will move up." She sounded harshly clinical and it scared me.
"And what if it doesn't move up?" I asked.
"Then we may have a problem when it comes time to deliver. It's called placenta praevia and we'd most likely have to do a C-section. But let's not worry about that just yet. It's not completely covering the cervix and we still have time," she said, sounding a little more reassuring white wiping the clear jelly goop off of my belly. She helped me up to a sitting position.
"Great...one more thing to worry about," I mumbled.
"Are you sure you're okay, Madeleine? I sense there's something else worrying you." I kept my head down as I pulled my shirt back over my stomach. "No, I'm fine...really. Just tired and a little anxious to get things done before the baby comes."
"I'm going to have to take you out of work and put you on bedrest," she said.
"What? No, you can't! I still have a lot of work to finish before my maternity leave starts!" The last thing I needed was to be out of work, sitting home alone, thinking and waiting and worrying.
"I know it's bad timing, Madeleine, but it's absolutely necessary. You're only 34 weeks along and we can't risk this baby coming early. As it is, we may have to start giving you corticosteroid injections to help speed up the development of the baby's lungs as a precaution. Until your next appointment, I want you on bedrest. No intercourse, either...not until I see how things are going next week. I hope your husband understands." I felt a few tears prick at my eyes as I said, "Oh, that won't be a problem. Matt's main concern right now is the welfare of the baby." She nodded as she tapped at the keyboard on the portable laptop that contained the database for all of her patients. "Good. He'll need to help you as much as he can over the next six weeks," she said, not realizing that I was now crying softly. I quickly wiped my eyes and cheeks before she looked up from the computer screen.
"You're all set, Madeleine. I'll see you next week...and remember, nothing strenuous," she said as she left the exam room. I got dressed, paid the receptionist and scheduled my next appointment. I had left work a little early for my doctor's appointment, so I decided to head to the Whole Foods Market on Kingsbury Street in Lincoln Park. It was a slightly out of my way but I needed to clear my head a little before going home. As much as I was still angry as hell at Matthew, I hated being in an empty house. Besides, I was craving one of their berry smoothies and a beef empanada. I also had a taste for a fresh nectarine. Boy or girl, this baby definitely has an eclectic palate.
As I drove towards the neighborhood I grew up in, I reveled in the late summer evening. The sky was beginning to turn into a gorgeous shade of purple, orange and pink with a few streaks of thin clouds scattered throughout. The air still had the day's warmth in it, but as soon as the sun set, it would get a little chill. I watched several kids playing in the puddles of an open fire hydrant. There weren't many of them around anymore with all of the new building codes requiring larger sprinkler systems, but the older neighborhoods of the city still had them on almost every street corner. Watching them reminded me of when I was a kid, doing the same thing on a hot summer night. It was such a simpler time.
I pulled into the Whole Foods parking lot, parked and grabbed one of the grocery carts at the entrance. I headed straight for the produce section and began pinching nectarines and peaches, picking out a bunch of bananas that were still green and a couple of pints of fresh blueberries. Matt loved my homemade blueberry coffee cakes. Matt...
As thoughts of my husband invaded my head, I heard a familiar voice call my name from somewhere behind me.
"Hey, baby girl...what are you doing in this neck of the woods?"
"Hey, Daddy...oh, I guess I was feeling nostalgic for the old neighborhood...and the baby was hungry for a berry smoothie and a beef empanada."
"How's my grand baby doing in there?" Dad put his hand on my stomach as he gave me a hug.
"Except for the weird cravings, he or she is doing just fine. Dr. McAdams told me everything is on schedule. I just came from her office." I didn't want to worry him by telling him about the placenta thing. It was better this way.
"Good to hear, baby girl. And how's my son-in-law?" Insert a pregnant pause here.
"Matt's fine too, Daddy. Working a lot, as usual," I stammered.
"Is he going to take some time off when the baby is born? You're gonna need an extra set of hands around."
"Oh, I'm sure he plans to come...be home with me...for a while...you know, after the baby comes." I could feel a lump forming in my throat. How could I tell my father that I kicked Matthew out of the house? That he was once married to that wretched cow, Dawson and never told me and that I was angry as hell at him? The thought of it was too much to bear.
"How much longer?"
"Six more weeks," I said, trying to muster my best "everything's alright" smile.
"I can't wait to meet this little one," he said, placing his hand back on my stomach and grinning from ear to ear.
"Me too, Daddy."
"I'll let you get back to your shopping, baby girl. You sure you don't want to come home and have me cook you something? I make a mean skillet lasagna."
"Thanks, Daddy...but I think I'll stick to my plan of a smoothie and an empanada. The baby is sort of in charge these days."
"OK, honey. I understand. We'll talk soon," he said before kissing me again and disappearing down the aisle towards the check-out. I meandered around the rest of the store, picking up the things I needed, plus the smoothie and he all important empanada. I loaded the bags in the trunk of my car, taking my dinner with me into the front seat. Between bites of the spicy empanada, I sipped on the deliciousness of the blended berries and vanilla yogurt, as I drove back towards the city. The combinations of savory and sweet hit the spot. Even the baby seemed satiated, barely kicking by the time I had finished everything.
As I turned the corner onto our street, I could see Matt's truck parked in front of the house. I wasn't prepared to see him now. I was a mess, having cried on and off for the past two hours, stuffing my face with spicy ethnic food and feeling bloated as a result. Plus, my feet and ankles were puffed up over the straps of my sandals. I looked like a Rose Bowl Parade float.
I pulled into the driveway, popped the trunk and started to lift the bags out of the car when Matt came out the back door of the house. I turned around to see him coming down the back steps towards me.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," I replied.
"I just came to pick up some clothes and a couple of tools I needed. Got a job building a deck over on Kendall," he said.
"It's a little late in the summer to be building a deck, isn't it?." I didn't know what else to say.
"Yeah, but the guy's planning a big Labor Day weekend party. Here...let me get those for you."
"Thanks. Are you gonna be able to finish it on time? I mean, it's kinda short notice." I followed him into the house as he carried the groceries in through the kitchen. He set the bags on the counter and immediately started to put things away.
"It's a rush job for sure, but I'm on it. What… are you on a fruit kick?" He put the blueberries in the fridge and the bananas and nectarines in the fruit bowl on the kitchen table.
"Had a craving, I guess." His mouth curled into a smile and the dimple on his left cheek appeared. I could feel my heart melting. "Tell him, Maddy...for God's sake...tell him!"
"How'd everything go at the doctor's today?" I felt a lump form in my throat again and I couldn't say anything. I stood at the kitchen counter, quietly putting things in one of the cupboards with my back towards him. "Fine. Everything is fine." My voice croaked as I lied to him and a few tears spilled over on to my cheeks. I could feel Matt walk up behind me, the heat from his body radiated against mine.
"I wasn't sure that you'd want me there this time…" he said, in a low voice.
"Don't be silly, Matthew...this is your baby too," I said. I jumped as he slid his hands around my waist and slowly turned me around until I was facing him. His blue green eyes were rimmed in red. His lips were wet and partially opened. He never uttered a word as he leaned in close to my face and put his mouth on mine. His kiss was soft and light. His arms now encircled me, pulling me in closer to him. His kiss intensified with each second, his tongue gently pushing between my lips. I grabbed his shoulders, feeling my resolve weaken as his lips commanded control of mine.
"Jesus, Maddy...I need you…please, let me come home…" He rested his forehead on mine and whispered into my mouth. Visions of him kissing Dawson suddenly popped into my head out of nowhere and I abruptly pulled away from him.
"I think you'd better go now," I said, wiping at my mouth and the stream of tears that were falling. He rubbed his hand over his face as he looked down at the floor. He said nothing, only nodded that he understood what I had said. He turned and headed out the back door. My head was spinning with a hundred things I wanted to say to him.
"Matthew!" I heard myself yelling out his name. He stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to look at me. "Thanks for the help," was all I could manage to say. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't shake the images of him and Dawson out of my head. The thought of him touching her the way he touched me made me physically sick. Before I knew it, I was retching into the kitchen sink.
"Damn you, Matthew!"
My emotions were spilling out as fast as the tears from my eyes. Why couldn't he have told me when we were dating about him and Dawson? She had been rubbing it in my face all along and I never knew it. I had kept a secret too, but at the very least, there was no one there to keep reminding Matthew about it. Jace was dead and our daughter would never be in mine and Matt's life. Gabby Dawson was still very much a part of Matt's. He sees her every day at work. She's unavoidable and I didn't know if I would ever get past that. Maybe these separate secrets would be the end of us. Maybe too much had happened to us in all the years we were apart for us to make a life together. Things sound good when you're a lovestruck teenager, but more times than not, those same things didn't always translate well into adulthood. Or maybe I was just being far too emotional about this. My hormones had had their party hats on for months and it was possible that they were clouding my judgment.
Right now, all I was certain of were four things...one was that I loved my husband. That was never in question. Second, I wanted him with me and the baby. That was never in question either. Third, I knew I needed to be strong enough to move on from Matt's past with Dawson. And last was that I needed to call Em to fill her in and prepare her to take over my duties at work a little earlier than either of us had planned. I spoke out loud as I dialed Em's cell.
"One down, three to go…"