CHAPTER 22

Another week had gone by and another appointment without Matt. Except this time, it was my fault because I had forgotten to tell him that Dr. McAdams had moved me up to being seen every week. I had told him not to call my cell phone instead of my office as I would be getting Em set up there to take over for me when I went out on maternity. At the same time, I was trying to keep Em from finding out that Matt and I weren't together. She'd have my head and Matt's testicles served on the same silver platter if she knew.

This game of cat and mouse was getting difficult to keep straight and it was taking an emotional toll on me. It wasn't helping me physically either. The placenta hadn't moved the way Dr. McAdams had hoped it would, so she started me on a series of steroid shots just in case the baby came early.

I needed Matt now more than ever, but my pride was still too hurt. We had talked on the phone a couple of times in the last week, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the placenta praevia thing. I didn't want him to worry and I definitely didn't want him to use it as an excuse to force me into letting him come back home. I wasn't ready for that. I had to feel this way until I didn't anymore It was that simple...and that complicated. Matt had punished me for my past, a past I couldn't completely remember, and now I was punishing him for his. The only difference being that he remembered his history with Dawson and all of its sordid little details. He just failed to tell me about it. I guess when you break down the minutiae of it, I am no less guilty than he is. All things considered, it was pretty stupid.

I had done my best to try to rest as much as possible over the past couple of weeks, but complete bed rest was next to impossible. There was still food to be bought and cooked, laundry to wash and all the other daily tasks that no one thinks about. I wasn't sure I could do this for another month, but I had to for the baby's sake and mine. With the exception of feeling puffy and slightly off balance, I was feeling pretty good. Dr. McAdams told me that I probably wouldn't experience any pain, but I needed to be on guard and watch for anything unusual, like suddenly feeling pressure in my pelvis, fluid leakage or the appearance of any vaginal blood. The more symptoms she ticked off, the more I wanted to run to Matthew and tell him to come home.

"What the hell are you doing, Mads?!" Em had unexpectedly popped in through the kitchen door, just in time to see me standing on a step stool and reaching into the cabinet above the stove, trying to retrieve the blender.

"I want a chocolate banana smoothie and this little gadget here helps with that."

"Where the hell is Casey? He's supposed to be waiting on you hand and foot!"

"Working," I said, thinking as quickly as I could.

"Kelly's not working and they're on the same shift, Mads," she replied.

"It's an extra shift."

"Funny. Kelly never said anything." As I stepped off the stool, Em stepped on it and got the blender down for me.

"Thanks, but since when has Kelly ever kept you apprised of Matt's schedule?"

"Apprised? Never, I guess."

"Then stop. Why are you here, by the way? If Kelly is off, I'd think you'd be with him."

"He's got some poker thing with a few of his buddies over in Elgin. He won't be back until tomorrow, so I thought I'd hang out with you. It's okay, isn't it?"

"Of course, but it would be even more okay if you made the smoothie for me. My back feels a little tight and achy."

"Sure, go sit. I've got this." As much as she was a pain in the ass sometimes, Emily Morrison was still the best friend I'd ever had. She always has my back, as achy as it was. I waddled into the living room and sat down on the couch, rubbing my back the entire way. I felt a slight twinge on my right side, probably the result of reaching too far up. I massaged that area too. Thinking I could have used an extra set of hands at the moment, I was really beginning to miss Matt. I felt my eyes begin to well up.

"Here ya go, babes. Are you hungry? I could order a pizza if you are," said Em, setting the tall glass of pureed banana, cocoa powder, yogurt, milk, honey and ice down on the table in front of me.

"This is enough for me, Em, but if you want a pizza, go ahead and order one. Or there's plenty of stuff in the refrigerator you can grab, if you want."

"Are you okay, Madster? My gut tells me there's something you're not telling me."

"Then your gut is out of whack, Emily. I'm fine."

"How many more weeks now until the little proby makes its debut?"

"About four...as long as he or she doesn't decide to come earlier. That's the reason I've gotten so fat. I've been sitting my ever-expanding ass for the last couple of weeks, not being allowed to do much of anything."

"Better safe...and fat, than sorry, so do what the doctor tells you."

"Yes, ma'am." I saluted her.

"Jesus, Casey must be peeing himself over the arrival of this baby. You two were born to be parents. It's like to two of you fell out of 'Leave It To Beaver', for God's sake."

" Leave It To Beaver? Really, Em? Why...cuz I cook dinner wearing a string of pearls and Matt comes to the dinner table in a suit and tie? Or is it because you're our equivalent of Eddie Haskell?"

"Funny. No, I just meant that you and Casey are so damn perfect for each other. It's almost sickening."

"Yeah, we're perfect alright." Nothing could be farther from the truth right now. I let out an unexpected groan as another twinge pulled at my right side.

"You okay, Mads? Just say the word and I'll call Casey for you.'

"NO!" I shouted a little louder than I should have. "No, no I'm okay. I think getting up on that stool was a little too much for my shifted center of gravity. It'll pass."

"A nice hot bath might help."

"Dr. McAdams said no more baths. It's too risky with the placenta where it is. I think I'll take a long hot shower and try to work this kink out before I hit the hay," I said, rubbing at the knot that had formed in my side.

"You mind if I stay here tonight? My place is being repainted and I hate staying in Kelly's apartment when he's not there."

"If you don't mind the sofa. Your old room has been converted to a nursery, remember?" Em nodded as she gathered up the smoothie glass and the remnants of whatever she had found for dinner.

"I'm going up to take my shower. The spare blankets and pillows are in the linen closet in the hall."

"OK, babes," she said, cleaning up the dishes off the coffee table.

The twelve stairs up to the second floor seemed like one hundred as I made each step upward towards the master bath. As I turned the water on in the shower, I realized that both my body, the baby and my mind were getting closer to forgiving and forgetting the whole Dawson debacle. Matthew was mine. There was no argument about that. He had been mine for close to twenty years, with a few detours here and there. My stupid female pride was keeping my husband from me and my husband from his baby. In my head, it had all seemed logical but looking at it all now two weeks later, is was anything but logical. It was a knee jerk reaction on my part that had more to do with my hatred of Dawson than it did with Matt keeping a secret from me.

As I crawled between the crumpled sheets and blankets of my bed, I made the decision to call Matthew in the morning to tell him to come home. All I could concentrate on now was getting a good night's sleep and hoping the twinge in my side would subside by tomorrow. I wanted to see Matt with a fresh face. Trying to find the most comfortable position I could, I rolled over, pulling Matt's pillows in close to me. They still had the remnants of his scent on them and I needed to feel like he was here with me in order to fall asleep. If I hadn't been so stubborn, he would have been here with me now. As I drifted off to sleep, I took comfort that he would be home tomorrow.