Saturdays had become our date nights.

We hadn't bought much with the stolen cash yet, but I did upgrade my wardrobe a few times. Tonight, I wore sparkly red and black shorts, and a white shirt on which I'd painted Mister J's smile.

We blasted through the front doors of the movie theatre. The line to the ticket counter was packed, as were the automated machines and concessions. Overhead, an enormous spaceship hung alongside posters advertising current showings. The place reeked of popcorn and sweat.

Screams erupted, and everyone in the lobby hit the floor.

"Take your seats, ladies and gents," I shouted. "It's showtime."

Their eyes followed us as we stepped inside, heads peeking over booths and ticket machines like gophers.

I shook my pillowcase. "Wallets, diamonds, and cell phones, please! If I see any of you making a call, you'll have thirty bullets in your head before you can finish dialing."

"It's the Joker," someone whispered, and then others. "It's the Joker and his girl. Look. It's them!"

Sitting beside us in the ticket line, a blondie raised her phone. The camera made a loud CLICK!

I was over to her in three steps. I bent and snatched the phone from her manicured hands.

"Wait!" she said, reaching for it. "Can I send the picture to my friend first?"

I leaned back, appraising her. She stared up at me with huge doe eyes.

"What the hell," I said, and passed the phone back. "Here, take a better one."

I leaned in. She held the phone out for a selfie. I pressed my gun to her temple and stuck out my tongue.

She took the photo, sent the text, and passed me the phone.

"Wallet, puss," I said.

Blondie dug out her wallet and passed it to me.

Mister J was already behind the concession counter, dumping entire drawers of cash into his bag. Loose change clinked onto the floor.

"You should all be grateful," he said. "The burden of money and possessions… You don't need it. We're setting you free."

I walked the perimeter of the lobby, encouraging people to move quickly by twirling my gun around my finger.

"What a place for a date!" said Mister J, rummaging through the candy display. "Nothing says I love you like a ten dollar bag of Skittles."

I giggled.

The man kneeling in front of me snarled like a dog. He didn't produce his wallet.

I let my smile fall like a snuffed flame. "What's wrong, mister?"

I leaned down and combed through his salt-and-pepper hair. He refused to meet my eyes. I placed a finger under his chin.

"You don't think Mister J is funny?"

The man scowled but said nothing. I pressed my gun to his temple.

"Tell Mister J his jokes are funny."

He didn't obey. I clubbed him across the face with my gun. A spurt of blood hit the woman beside him.

"Laugh!"

The man made a pathetic noise, halfway between a sob and a gasp.

Satisfied, I reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He had an enormous wad of cash and a spiffy-looking credit card. I smelled the cash, then tossed it all in the pillowcase and jammed the empty wallet in his mouth. I reached in his other pocket and pulled out his car keys.

I squealed. "Ooh! A lamborghini man!"

He didn't meet my eyes. Blood trickled from his lips.

I stuffed the keys in my bra and ruffled his hair. "Thanks, mister."

A high giggle rose behind me. I whirled. Who the hell was laughing?

Across the lobby, kneeling among the ticket cue, the doe-eyed blondie was talking to Mister J. He'd stopped in front of her.

"… you want to get up the tower, I have connections," she said. "I'll get us in there."

"You don't want this lifestyle, baby," said Mister J. "It's exhausting."

She looked up at him through her eyelashes. "It would be fun with you."

Mister J tugged a lock of her blonde hair. "You saying you want to be my partner in crime?"

"Hey!" I roared, striding over.

The girl paled. Mister J whirled around.

I waved my pistol. "You interested in my man, puss?"

Mister J raised his hands. "Baby—"

I kicked the girl in the ribs and jabbed the barrel of my gun into Mister J's throat.

"Who you calling baby?"

He stepped back. "Harley, I was only—"

"I'm your partner in crime!"

"Of course you—"

Blondie scoffed. "It's not like you're married."

She sat up, rubbing her ribcage.

I shot her in the forehead. Blood sprayed the people around her, including me and Mister J. Several people screamed, then shut up when I waved my pistol at them.

Mister J sighed. He raised his green eyes to mine. "Pumpkin, you know you're the only girl in my life."

My heart fluttered at his words. I lowered my pistol. How could I stay mad at that face?

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him.

I heard the CLICK! of a camera.

"All right," I shouted, peeling away, "who hasn't given us their phone yet?"

Sirens wailed in the distance. Mister J and I exchanged a dark look. Showtime's over, ladies and gents.

Movement caught my eye through the hole we'd come in. I turned, but nothing was there.

THWACK!

Mister J shouted, and I spun to see him grasping his wrist, the assault rifle on the floor.

"Puddin'!"

He was bleeding. I tried to grab his hand but he shoved me away.

"I'm fine."

I glanced around, pistol raised, trying to figure out what happened.

Something glinted on the floor. I picked it up. It was a metal blade, like a throwing star — except it had wings. It was shaped like a bat.

"Mister J, what—?"

Something whooshed past me, and I dropped the bat blade. I flung a hand to a sting on my upper arm. Warm blood seeped through my fingers.

My pulse quickened. Whatever was going on here, I didn't like it.

Without hesitating, I picked up Mister J's rifle and aimed for the cables holding the spaceship to the ceiling. It crashed into the screaming crowd, shattering into a thousand pieces and forming a wall between us and them.

A dark figure dropped into the crowd — was that a man? I didn't pause to decide. Mister J and I turned and fled through an emergency exit.

I pulled the lamborghini keys from my bra and clicked the alarm. Our ride home beckoned us.

We skidded to a stop in front of it. That was the first time I'd ever been turned on by a car. I didn't know enough about cars to know the model, but it was silver with wide vents in the side, sleek and geometric — shaped, I thought, like the embodiment of an orgasm.

I tossed the keys to Mister J. He caught them in one hand and slid into the driver's seat. I got in the passenger's. We stuffed the weapons and pillowcases at my feet.

Mister J caressed the steering wheel and moaned. "This leather feels like it's made of baby seals."

I put on my seatbelt, excitement constricting my chest. The car still smelled new.

Tires squealed. I braced myself against the door, laughing.

For a moment, I thought the cops tried to give chase — but we disappeared too quickly. Then it was just us, flying down the highway at a speed that left me breathless.

Mister J whooped. "I'm keeping this ride, Harley."

"Whatever you say, Mister J," I gasped.

As we peeled down the road, neither of us brought up our dark attacker. It had been too close a call. Who — or what — was it?

It didn't matter. The shiny new lamborghini made up for it, and we were safe, now.

Blood trickled from my arm and onto the leather seat. I pressed my palm over the wound to stem the flow. I wished I'd kept that bat blade so we could study it. I'd have to look it up later.

After twenty minutes of tripling the speed limit, we pulled into the parkade at Mister J's apartment. We grabbed the pillowcases and rode the elevator up, feeling the weight of our loot. Another successful heist, smooth as always. Despite the close call, Mister J must have been pleased.

He watched me closely, a lopsided grin on his lips.

I tugged him in for a kiss, unable to wipe the smile from my face.

Part of me expected him to pull back. But he kissed me again, harder. His hand reached around my waist. I arched into him. We moved against each other until the elevator stopped. We kept kissing, fumbling our way into the apartment.

I shoved him onto the bed and climbed on top of him before he could make a move. He tried to roll me over but I didn't let him. I pinned him down, kissing his lips, his face, his neck.

He dragged his fingers up my back, making me shiver. I gasped.

In my moment of inattention, Mister J flipped us over. I hissed in protest.

We kissed for a few minutes, both of us breathless. He broke away from my lips to kiss my neck. Then my collarbone. Then my chest. I whimpered, the sensation unbearable. He moved down to my stomach. Then he moved lower.

xx

"I take it back, Red," I shouted into the phone. "I know I said our first night together was the best of my life, but last night wins. You know what he did?"

I told her.

"Thank you for that disgusting amount of detail," said Pam.

"He was amazing. He really cared about my happiness."

"As things should be in a relationship."

I scoffed. "He's always cared. He just has a hard time showing it. He's a misunderstood kitten in a world of lions."

"Has he taken you on a real date yet? To dinner, or the movies?"

"We just came from the movies."

"All right. Just be careful, Harl."

My mind jumped to our dark attacker — yes, we would need to be careful of whatever that was — but then Pam said, "I mean, you've changed a lot for this guy. Are you even going to class anymore?"

"I found a more lucrative career path. What's your point?"

"I know he was, uh, good to you last night, but he seems to be using you for his own agenda."

I gasped. "Mister J is not using me."

"You want all of this as much as he does?"

"Yes!"

Pam fell silent.

I bit my lip. "I think I'm in love, Red."

She sighed. "You guys have the weirdest relationship I've ever heard of."