(A/Ns: AAAAAAH IVE FINISHED IT. aha ok so there's still an epilogue but i have already written that. BUT i'll save the sappy writer's speech for that. i hope the time skip is obvious enough. it's a little shorter than the other chapters but meh. also i know AS Levels dont exist anymore but let's pretend they do. enjoy!

content warnings: smoking, mentions of eating disorders, homophobia, some fluff, drug addiction, swearing, mentions of relapse, the usual once again.

disclaimer: i do not own Pandora Hearts)

Chapter 15

He held on.

And it paid off.

That was, by no means, to say it was easy. Rather, it was quite the opposite, and if Elliot or Leo were to count the number of times they'd felt the seemingly insatiable desire to simply give up, they'd still be counting – six months on.

Leo spent just over a week in the hospital completing the detox, and then returned home. Home again, as if everything was normal.

However, it wasn't; his normality – living as a high-functioning drug addict – didn't exist anymore.

Nothing was right. Words could not convey the feeling of emptiness, and hopelessness he felt. Coming to terms with… well, everything that had happened was the hardest part.

His father was dead. His mother was unable to uphold a conversation with him. He'd missed over a week of school. He'd lost weight. He still wasn't eating.

But there were no drugs.

Leo's main priority was catching up on school, as well as persistently searching for a way to beat the opiate cravings he experienced innumerable times a day. He couldn't bear to relapse; it would break Elliot's heart to see him go through detox again.

And to tell the truth, it would break him to go through that agonising withdrawal again, too.

To little surprise, within a week of leaving the hospital, Leo picked up smoking again. Well, in his eyes, he'd never really quit in the first place – simply took a break. To tell the truth though, that wasn't really a concern. Sure, it ticked Elliot off when he first found out, but it was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

Rebuilding his relationship with his mother was another ordeal.

They tried to speak more. Emma tried to be more tolerant with him, Leo tried not to pick at everything she said. However, ultimately, their progress was minimal, if not totally non-existent. Keeping secrets was too far engraved into Leo's life, and telling her truthfully how he felt – alone, depressed, suicidal, and on the brink of relapse – was just not possible.

That wasn't the only thing he had to work on.

Whilst he was in the hospital, and was able to keep down food again, it soon came to light that two years of making himself sick after every meal had taken its toll. Not only physically, but psychologically too. Thus, after being discharged, working through his semi-developed eating disorder was yet another burden to deal with. A difficult one; one they hadn't accounted for. It was two and half weeks before he was even able to take back control over that part of his life – with mostly Elliot's support – and actually choose to keep food inside him.

Unfortunately, that insignificant glimmer of hope and fleeting sense of achievement wasn't enough.

Shortly after he turned 17, in mid-January, Leo relapsed.

It wasn't just once, either. And both Elliot and Emma reckon that if Elliot hadn't caught him out that day, he would've gone straight from "just once" to a full-blown opioid addiction. Again.

What exactly led to it, neither of them knew.

They did know, however, that for whatever reason, Leo had gone to his dealer and bought four 20mg OxyContin pills. He'd taken one in evening, one the next morning, and was about to get the third fix when Elliot caught him out.

After Oswald contacted his mother, Leo was subsequently taken to the hospital. For one: to check he hadn't overdosed. But also, to see their psychiatrist.

It was at that point he broke.

In the psychiatric ward of the hospital, the moment he and his mother were alone, he broke down.

He apologised, over and over. And so did she.

He'd lied, stole, and kept uncountable secrets from her. But she hadn't been there for him. She hadn't been enough.

For the first ever, though, they were able to share their grieving.

Thankfully, after this, Leo decided to willingly start therapy, both alone and with his mother. It was as if he'd been struck by the overwhelming courage to just do something. Something to get out of the vicious cycle they were stuck in, of lying and stealing and keeping secrets, and ultimately failing in recovery.

That night, after returning from the hospital (once doctors were convinced he wasn't going to go into another withdrawal), he let his mother cut his hair. And shortly after that, he invested in new glasses; ones which didn't cover his entire face.

For the first time in 3 years, his eyes were visible to the world.

Things were really starting to look positive in some aspects.

However, in others… not so much.

Sure, with the assistance of the therapy, the trust between Leo and his mother was slowly being revamped. But in terms of the rest of his family? Not a chance.

One approach their psychiatrist took was helping improve his attitude towards authority, and that involved some rather messy and somewhat toxic therapy sessions with Oswald.

Needless to say, the focus of each usually reverted back to his father – dead father – and that was not something Leo had come to terms with, nor learnt to deal with.

However, despite their differences, they were making some progress, in a sense. It seemed as though maybe, one day, they might even repair that nephew-uncle relationship which once existed.

A little after starting therapy, Leo had also decided to try and quit smoking. Cold turkey, too. To him, it was a habit that came with the drugs. With no drugs, it was ultimately pointless.

He lasted 2 days.

His second attempt was only few weeks later, which was Lottie's birthday party. To cut a very, very long story short, in one 24-hour period, Leo smoked pot, got alcohol poisoning, and was more or less forced by Elliot to stop smoking again.

As expected, however, he failed after only 3 days.

And then again, a month or so later – also under Elliot's jurisdiction, he attempted to quit one last time. This time he lasted a little longer, but ultimately gave up after 6 days.

After that attempt, it was fair to assume he wasn't going to quit any time soon. Even so, with the help of therapy – which was finally, finally starting to work – and Elliot (what a surprise), there was a mutual agreement that Leo would, at the very least, cut down. Needless to say, the success of that plan was highly dependent on the day.

However.

Leo wasn't the only one who had made progress.

The first of Elliot's family to come around to his sexuality was Ernest. It happened shortly after the relapse, when they'd engaged in another nasty argument, Elliot's sexuality of course being the focus of it.

Elliot had left, to no doubt, taking time to himself at the park near their house with himself and a bottle of vodka as company.

Ernest found him.

And surprisingly, he was willing to talk it out. He listened, and accepted. It took time, but it was worth it. Because shortly after that, Ernest somehow convinced Vanessa that really, Elliot was no different.

Vanessa took slightly longer to come around, but eventually, she was able to sit in the same room as Elliot without sparking a fight with him.

Over time, their parents came around, too, albeit their relationship with Vincent and Gilbert never seemed to repair. They also never approved of Leo as Elliot's choice of partner, but at least they – like Ernest – had finally concluded that he was no different.

And all of that took the two up to where they are currently: mid-way through their AS Level exams.

"Leo! Are you awake yet?"

As he placed the last book into his bag, Leo couldn't help but chuckle, the memory of the other day when he'd overslept on an exam day resurfacing. To be specific, it was Elliot's angry phone call which was more amusing to remember.

Nevertheless, today, he was ready early, already dressed and probably ready for the exam. (Probably.)

Halfway through traipsing down the stairs, his phone buzzed inside his pocket, albeit Leo ignored it until he was in the kitchen. Slipping it out of his pocket, he quickly saw that it was Elliot, and so didn't bother reading it.

"Good morning," Emma said, flashing him a brief smile before continuing the washing up.

"And you," Leo said idly in response, as he poured himself a bowl of dry cereal. Once at the table, he dropped his bag onto the floor, and pulled out the AS Level Chemistry textbook, flipping to a random page and skimming over it. In very little detail, though.

"Which exam is it today?"

"Chemistry. Organic Chemistry. Easy stuff," Leo answered, and snickered to himself. "Elliot is picking me up in 15 minutes."

To no surprise, Elliot was taught how to drive on his parents' estate with his own car at 16, and therefore had a car and a licence the moment he turned 17. Leo would say he was jealous, however having a boyfriend with a car who was willing to drive him everywhere was equally as good, in his opinion.

"Well good luck, as always," she said, "Not that you'll need it. You think everything is easy."

"It's not even A Level. Of course it's easy," Leo declared, smirking as he thought of the exact words Elliot would say if he heard him. "This one particularly, though. Plus, I have a good teacher."

"Yes, your teacher…" Emma rolled her eyes. It was an attempt at playing it off as a joke, when really, she was just thinking back to their parents evening, which was… eventful. After everything that had happened, it was certainly awkward, and took an interesting turn, to say the least.

Silence lingered for the next few minutes, but it was a peaceful silence, the only sounds being the running of the tap and the occasional flip of Leo's textbook.

After he finished most of the cereal, Leo pointedly lifted the textbook shut, staring at it in contemplation before placing it into his bag with the rest of his things.

"Are you home early today?"

"No," he replied, and then stood up. Without vacillation, Leo discreetly slipped the cigarette pack from his pocket, clutching it in his palm along with the lighter as he grabbed his bag again and headed towards the door. "There's a revision session for Latin."

"No doubt you'll do amazingly in that one too." Emma smiled at him briefly.

Leo shrugged, opening the pack and counting them individually, before drawing out a single cigarette and pocketing the rest of them. "I'm heading out now. No doubt Elliot will be early."

"Good luck, again."

Waving dismissively, with a slightly smug grin tugging at his lips, Leo promptly did as he'd said. The cigarette between his teeth, he quickly lit it with his back to the breeze. Idly staring at the morning sun, he took another short drag of nicotine, mentally rehearsing stuff he'd probably need for the exam. Not that he needed to, or anything,

As he'd predicted, five minutes before he was due, Elliot's car pulled up to Leo's porch, honking obnoxiously to get Leo's attention.

Dragging on the cigarette once again, Leo responded with a jokingly bitter smile, equally as obnoxious. Elliot scowled back, but nonetheless waited patiently for him to finish the cigarette, snub it out, and join him in the car.

"Good morning," Elliot said nonchalantly.

Leo caught him out. "Don't 'good morning' me. You're shitting yourself and you know it."

"Tch," Elliot scoffed in blatant denial. He extended a hand to the other, and changed the subject. "Cigarettes. I still keep them in here."

"Not on exam days, asshole," Leo retorted under his breath, but still handed them over despite his protests.

With a roll of the eyes, Elliot handed Leo one cigarette from the pack, before shoving them in the glove compartment and finally pulling out of the driveway.

"So," Leo said, cracking his fingers and folding his legs over on the seat; Elliot still couldn't fathom how he sat like that every time and found it comfortable. "How are you really feeling?"

"Well…" Elliot chewed on his lower lip nervously. "Organic Chemistry has… always been a… a weaker point."

"You'll be fine."

"Coming from you, that hardly means anything."

"Work hard, play hard. Haven't you learnt anything?" Leo said, smirking as an awkward expression morphed onto Elliot's face. Every now and again, he couldn't resist making a joke out of the drug situation – albeit Elliot had yet to get used to this. "Speaking of which… my mother is away this weekend, so you can come over and stay."

Elliot knew exactly what staying over at Leo's meant, and fighting back the blood rushing to his cheeks was impossible. "Yeah, that's… fine, I guess. I… have a fundraiser, but I can go straight there."

"Oh, does that mean you'll still be in your suit, all dressed up and fancy and shit?"

"Hm, yeah…"

The drive between Leo's house and their college didn't take very long, and within a few minutes, they were pulling into the student car park, and parking in their usual spot.

Elliot tried his best not to let the trembling in his hands show, but it was to no avail.

"You're going to be fine," Leo said once again, honesty laced into his words. "You ready?"

"Yeah… I just, have to do well in Chemistry. Because you know, Medicine, and stuff…"

"Here, let me wish you luck properly."

Despite the fact their fellow classmates could most likely see them, Leo still leaned over, placed a hand in the crook between Elliot's neck and head, and placed his lips softly onto his. And Elliot was so used to this by now that he didn't squirm, or resist – merely melted into the kiss.

A couple of seconds later, Leo pulled away, flashing Elliot an irresistible smile before clambering out of the car.

"Tch, good luck to you too…" Elliot grunted reluctantly, as they headed in the direction of the exam hall.

They survived the exam.

Currently, it was lunch, the two having just had two free periods, along with Oz. And considering it was mid-June, and the weather was almost unbearably hot, instead of staying in the library, they'd gone to the field to study.

"Alright, I'm done," Leo declared the moment they heard the bell go. Revision cards flung into the air, he settled his head on Elliot's thigh, folded both arms over his stomach and bathed in the afternoon sun's heat. "It's too hot."

"Yes Leo, you can sit on me," Elliot said sarcastically, rolling his eyes to suppress a grin.

"You love it," Leo commented under his breath, mockingly rustling Elliot's hair for a second or two. "Did you pick another duet piece?"

"No," Elliot answered half-heartedly, screwing his face up at the textbook. "I haven't touched the piano in a week."

"Ooh!" Oz perked up, abruptly lifting his head from the textbook. He hadn't spoken too much for the sake of burying his face in revision, which was unusual, but Elliot knew from their GCSEs that Oz never handled exam stress very well. "What about 'Le Onde' by Einaudi?"

"He probably already knows it," Elliot grunted.

"Hm… I don't think so…" Leo tapped a finger to his lips idly.

Elliot glanced down at him, cocking an eyebrow. "I thought you knew all of th-"

"Well well well, what do we have here~?"

"Lottie!" Oz was the first to spot her, strutting over to where they sat.

She took her space on the grass beside Oz, before flinging an arm around the blonde's shoulder. Then, she eyed Elliot and Leo up and down, Leo giving no reaction and Elliot glaring. "What's this little PDA, hm~?"

"Tch, shut up…" Elliot grunted, reverting his gaze to the textbook the moment the usual blush spread across his face.

Cracking one eye open, Leo turned his head towards Lottie. "Is anyone on duty yet?"

"Nope."

"Good," Leo said quietly, as he sat up from Elliot's thigh and shuffled a couple of feet away, crossing his legs up and resettling himself. With a smirk which bluntly said he knew exactly what was to come, he took out the cigarette and lighter Elliot had granted him earlier, stuck the cigarette between his lips, and lit up.

The smell of smoke reaching his nostrils, Oz sat up. "Hey! What happened to cutting down?!"

"That's what I said…" Elliot interjected, shooting a sidelong glare at Leo. "Exams are an exception supposedly."

After a teasing drag from the cigarette, Leo responded with a bitter smile. "Not that I struggle, or anything…"

"Aaaah, I'm jealous of your confidence…" A regretful smile spread across Oz's face, before he resumed whining. "I have Biology tomorrow…"

His smug grin lessening no less, Leo briefly tapped the ash off the cigarette onto the grass, asking, "Are you confident?"

"Well… not really… I'm fine with all the classification stuff, and errrr, cells and the immune system is alright, but I still can't get my head around the genetic stuff…" Oz listed off, sulking, as he once again buried his face in the textbook. "How did you guys' exam go today?"

Leo's smirk only widened. Again. "What do you think, Oz?"

"Oh please, now you're just showing off…" Elliot said, "It was okay. I, uh, messed up the mechanism question though…"

Glancing towards Elliot again, Leo chuckled, flashing back to the other's distress as they left the exam hall. Elliot caught a glimpse of that smile, but it was enough for him to laugh it off.

That smile.

Every goddamn time he saw it, there was this warm, comforting sensation which overcame him, making it simply impossible to tear his eyes from Leo.

Where they were now: it was incredible. And every time he thought about it, he thought the same damn thing, nostalgia coursing through his blood each time he looked at the other.

Elliot wasn't sure how long he was lost in his sentimental trance. All he knew was that he was suddenly nudged on the arm, Leo snuffing out the cigarette before resting his head back on his thigh.

With an honest, truthful, raw smile, Leo looked up at him. "It was thanks to you too, you know."

He wasn't a mind reader, but Elliot knew he could tell what he was thinking. And if both their thought trains were going to simultaneously spiral back down into that uncontrollable cycle of reminiscence, then so be it.

"It's been six months exactly. Did you know that?" Leo said, idly scanning the sky above them, occasionally catching a glimpse of Elliot's perplexed, lost expression and snickering. "You know, since I overdosed."

"Yeah, I figured…" Elliot muttered.

Six months, and this was where they were.

Yes, it really was unbelievable.

An awkward smile at his lips, Elliot found himself stuck searching for the right words to continue. "It was worth it, though. For your sake."

"Mhm." Leo's eyes fell shut. "And yours."

"Hm?"

"It was worth it for both of us. We both lost, and we both gained."

This time, as a smile tugged at Elliot's lips, it stemmed from a genuine feeling of satisfaction. Not forced. Not confused. Not unsure.

It was a feeling of contentment and serenity no mere drug could ever bring to them.

Delicately, his fingers raked through Leo's hair, as he titled his head up to the sun, and smiled.

"Yeah, I… guess you're right."