The Grace of God

There in the night, I sat by the creek where Castiel had once found me. I had no idea how I had gotten here. I had no idea how I got anywhere anymore. How I had been cast out of Heaven. How I moved around from different states without leaving said state by myself. Memories were failing me, and me being human was not helping anything. I could barely remember yesterday. I worked at a bar for a night to earn cash, but after I got paid I left. I made my way to the Illinois and Indiana border. Yet, here I was in the middle of nowhere South Dakota.

I looked out in the water of the creek to see the stream of water hit the rocks just right. It created little ripple effects in the night light. Leaves traveled across the water like giant vessels upon the high seas. The light breeze blew them along. Their passengers were little bugs clinging onto dear life.

A deep voice called to me, "Are you lost, Child?"

"Who are you?"

"I am God," the voice stated.

I sighed, "But you are not here. You just grace me with your presence?"

I heard silence, but I knew he was nodding. I closed my eyes as I inhaled the cold air. I opened them as I expelled the thick cloud of hot air into the night.

"Why did I fall?"

"I needed you to fall, Phoebe." God stated, "I needed you to see something that you have never seen."

"You made me lose my grace. Lose me."

"But in order to find yourself, you gained something else."

I sniffled, "What could I have possibly gained?"

"Humanity."

With my eyes closed, I shook my head at him. While I had never met God, I pictured him how I always did. Tall, loving eyes, bright smiled, and always welcoming. I never gave him an official hair color, eye color, or anything because he could change. What if I was wrong and he would be upset. I had always wanted to meet God, but how could I? He never truly showed himself to anyone.

I was confused so I asked, "Why would I need that?"

"I need to show you the way humans act. I needed to show your emotions."

"Emotions?" I wanted to laugh, but held it in. "All these terrible emotions?"

"Terrible?" God laughed at me not holding it in. "What about Love? Happiness? Child are those terrible?"

I sighed as I looked down at where my hands should be. I had not moved from my sitting position on the floor. I had not moved because I did not want to move from somewhere I felt better at. While the rocks and sand by the creek were cold I felt warm. Perhaps that was the presence of my father. He was always known to run a little hotter than some things. His hugs were warm and loving. His soothing touch, however, was sometimes cold to cool down any unneeded anger.

"They both end in heartbreak and sadness," I told him.

God shook his head as if I was missing a point, "Not always do they end that way, Phoebe."

"You have a reason for everything, but why this? Why bring me here to experience human things."

"You must learn their ways to understand the Winchesters."

I peeked up, "Why must I?"

The Winchester's were like stuff of ancient proverbs. They were well documented by Metatron before they were born. Metatron was the scribe of God. He wrote down endless works that he was commanded to do. They were the men who would save the world or damn it to hell. No one knew quite what they would do. That is why angels and demons both feared them equally. Though, very brave souls temp them, and that shall be their demise. To cross a Winchester was a kiss of death.

I heard the wind around me pick up. Something out there was changing. I heard angels scream that another seal had been broken. Another seal that kept Lucifer in that cage had been unlocked by the demon Lilith. I heard God's anger and saddness. He was angry by the fact that the seals were being broken. That his son would be set free after sons of rotting in Hell. He was sad for what this would bring to his creation. God was also sad that he had to lock Lucifer up. Lucifer was his favorite son, but he put him where he needed to be.

"You will be with them a lot in the future," God replied.

"What of my grace," I asked.

God smiled, "You will earn it soon. Patience is a virtue."

"I know, Father." I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "I miss you very much."

I heard the soft sound of his feet on the stone. I could feel him now standing before me. I kept my eyes closed tightly. The sound of rocks shifting, however, perked my ears. A tear continued to run down my cheek as I waited to hear what he had to say. I felt a hand on my cheek. It wiped away my tear. I slowly moved my hand to place it on his. His hand was large, and calloused. Yet, it was soft and small. I held his hand close to me as he kept wiping away every single tear.

"I miss you too, but I am always here. even if you do not see me."

I opened my eyes to feel my Father's presence leave me alone. My eyes crossed over the water that leads down the hills of this area. Such a beautiful location, but it was nothing like the garden of Eden once was. I walked in that garden long ago. I walked among my brothers and sisters.

I had once long ago met God's son, Jesus. He was not at all like the pictures painted him to be. While, they were close they were not. Jesus did have brown hair, and eyes that I could never quite tell what the color was. He had a mix of everything, and it was almost impossible to give a definitive answer. I knew he was God in human flesh, but I knew God himself looked differently. He had his own true form. I wondered if it looked like Jesus. If his eyes too were unable to be color categorized.

I stood up from my seat upon the creek side. I walked along the water towards the east. I looked along it and looked back. There was no going back now I suppose. I was locked into whatever future was ahead of me. Good or bad.