awh man, thank you guys, for all of you that reviewed last chapter and for your kind words and being so understanding! it made me so incredibly happy that so many of you guys are still with this fic, even though the updates are so far and few in between! i really love each and every one of you!
this here will be the last chapter of the summer – so next up, second year! enjoy!
—Summer's End—
The devastation etched across her brother's face was enough to summon a twinge of guilt deep in Kagome's chest. He looked completely and truly shattered at the news she'd brought down on him, and for a moment, she considered taking it back.
Just for a moment, though.
"But-but Kagome," James begun, shuffling closer, his eyes going wide. Pleading had even started to bleed into his voice. "We've been talking about this for years!"
You have, maybe, Kagome thought, perhaps a little too unkindly. She loved flying on her broom, the air rushing through her hair, past her face, numbing her nose and cheeks – it was exhilarating. Freeing. And she did enjoy Quidditch; not as much as her brother, that was obvious, but it was a lot of fun.
But joining the team… She wasn't sure it was something she was interested in right now. Especially since Gryffindor already had a great seeker – the one position she would even entertain trying out for.
Sighing, she shook her head and shot her brother a look imploring him to understand. "James, tryouts probably won't even be held for seeker!"
"You don't know that!" her brother countered immediately, "Selway might not stay on because of NEWTs, or, or the captain might decide to hold tryouts for all positions!"
She snorted, incredulous. "Yeah, because I can totally beat out Gryffindor's resident seeker for the last four years." Crossing her arms, she slated her twin with a look. "Let's be more serious."
She realized her mistake too late as Sirius took a hurried step back from the pair to join Remus and Peter, both who wisely remained silent and out of the conversation. "Oi now, don't bring me into this!"
A pained expression passed over Kagome's face, and she rolled her neck around so she could glare over at him.
Sirius coughed, averting his eyes and looking properly chastised.
James ignored their exchange and pressed on, continuing as if they were never interrupted and throwing his arms up into the air. "Then you can be a reserve!"
Kagome shot that idea down with a firm shake of her head. If she couldn't play, then she'd rather watch from the stands to cheer with her friends. "I'd rather not, thank you very much." At her brother's crestfallen expression, she felt the need to soften this blow. Crossing the distance between them, she reached out, taking her brother's hands into hers and giving them a pleading squeeze. "I'd much rather be in the stands, where I can cheer my brother on along with Remus and Peter because I know you'll make it on the team." Her gaze flickered around to Sirius, smiling kindly. "And you as well."
"Mel…" James murmured mournfully, looking torn, not wanting to give up just yet.
At her nickname, Kagome knew this was when she had to resolutely stand her ground; she had to show no weakness – James knew her like the back of his hand, and if he picked up even the slightest hint of wavering he's swoop in for the kill.
"James," she replied, as evenly as she could manage.
He studied her closely, lips beginning to purse in a pout with each passing second when he realized there really was no convincing her. His shoulders suddenly slumped and he nodded, giving in. Still, as he peered up at her moments later, it was clear he had one more pitch. "Selway's graduating this year," he told her, with heavily implied meaning.
Kagome allowed herself a silent groan. "She is," she hedged, knowing exactly what it was that he wanted to hear.
James' bottom lip pushed out even further, and he shot her a look so sad and pitiful that made her resolve waver so easily, it was honestly shameful. Merlin, she hated when he pulled out the sad, puppy face.
Resigned, Kagome groaned out loud this time. "Okay!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air, "Next year. I'll think about it, okay?"
James perked up in an instant. "Okay!" Turning on his heel, he made his way out into the field, practically skipping. "Now let's play! If you're not trying out, then you're gonna help me and Sirius train!"
Kagome's gaze went skyward, but even as exasperated as she felt she couldn't help the smile crossing her face.
It went better than she expected, so she didn't feel like complaining. And besides, she was planning on helping them train anyways.
The others crowded around beside her. "Y'know, sometimes I think he's wrapped around your little pinky," Remus marveled from her left, one of her spare brooms slung against his shoulder and an wicked little smirk on his face, "But then I can't help but think, with moments like these, you're just as much wrapped around his."
"Merlin, please don't tell him that," Kagome uncharacteristically begged, shooting him a beseeching look. "He'll use it to his advantage to get what he wants, like, all the time I'm sure of it."
Remus huffed a laugh, Peter tittering on his other side.
With a snort, Sirius shook his head. "Well, c'mon then," he murmured, and she barely caught the odd quality colouring his tone. "Before he comes running back and badgering us."
Head tilting to the side, Kagome watched as Sirius started walking, the others following after him, lingering until Peter made a questioning noise when he realized she was falling behind.
"Coming, coming," she faintly said, feet moving forward and following them into the field.
.
.
If this kept happening, Kagome dourly thought, she was sure their mother was going to conjure some indestructible rope to tie their wrists together and make sure they stopped getting separated so often.
A statue in the middle of the afternoon crowd of Diagon Alley rushing around her, Kagome stood on the tips of her toes, trying to catch sight of one of her parents, or Alphard, or even her brother and Sirius all to no avail.
Dropping back down to her heels, she muttered half-hearted apologies whenever someone pushed into her, not expecting a roadblock in the middle of the traffic as she took a moment to think.
There weren't many places left they had to go to finish shopping for supplies for their return to Hogwarts in just a week and a half. After meeting with Sirius and Alphard earlier, they had hit the bookstore first to grab all their texts for second year, following up with the apothecary for potion supplies. They still had to go in to get their robes adjusted, swing by the pet shop for treats for their owls and Kirara, replenish their writing supplies at the stationary shop, and if knowing James, make a quick stop at the quidditch shop.
So just… four possible locations they could be. Lovely. She really should have paid more attention to where the adults saying they were heading to next, not marveled at the display in Obscurus Books of their new release of Myths and Mayhem: Strange Sightings Across the Worlds until the crowd separated them before she realized what happened.
The closest shops were Madam Malkin's and the Quality Qudditch supplies, so she decided to hope for the best and pushed through the crowd, heading north.
She'd barely gone ten steps before she ran into a roadblock of her own and tripped. As she fell to the ground, Kagome couldn't help but also consider the practical applications of a permanent cushioning charm.
Shaking off the tumble, Kagome looked up to find that her roadblock was actually a kid around her age, maybe a couple years younger, that had fallen to the ground as well and was currently rubbing his elbow with furrowed eyebrows and frown that looked too severe for his young face.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Kagome was quick to say. Popping off from the ground, she quickly stepped over to offer her hand and a bashful smile. "I really need to watch where I'm going. Are you alright?"
The boy blinked and looked from the hand she offered before trailing up to the face of its owner. Grey eyes widened at her – the sight striking a chord of familiarity in her – and if Kagome wasn't mistaken, a faint rosy hue coloured his pale, rounded cheeks. He cleared his throat, giving a soft shake of his head, his dark tresses hiding his face from view. "I'm fine, thank you," he mumbled as he reached out to take her hand. "I wasn't watching much myself, however, so it's alright."
Well-spoken, she couldn't help but note as slim fingers wrapped around her own and Kagome helped to pull him to his feet. Finely dressed as well, going by the quality of his crisp, black robes and its fancy buttons inlaid with silver.
Giving a brief laugh, her smile widened. "We'll just call it even, then." She found she wasn't wrong earlier, just then—red dusted the boy's cheeks once again. She bit her lip, trying not to quell her grin lest she fluster the younger child any further. "My name's Kagome," she introduced herself, and wondered at the twist in his expression she'd barely caught passing.
"As in, Potter?" he quietly inquired. His shoulders had straightened now, tension coiling in his small body.
Kagome tilted her head, a bit confused, if not a little uncertain as well. She nodded slowly. "How'd you know?"
Before he could answer, though, a booming voice interrupted them and a large hand found itself atop of the boy's head.
"Reggie, my boy," Alphard greeted warmly, rubbing the child's hair.
Reggie?
Kagome's eyes widened and she did a double-take: dark, black curls, pale complexion, grey eyes…
Sirius' brother?
Regulus wiggled minutely, a flash of discomfort fleeting across his face, but he offered a polite greeting nonetheless. "Hello, Uncle Alphard."
With a low chuckle, Alphard relented and removed his hand. Regulus promptly moved to straighten his hair. "I wasn't aware your parents were taking you to Diagon Alley. If I knew, I would have offered to take you along with your brother," he commented, looking up to scour the street. He missed the way Regulus' gaze skipped towards Kagome for a brief moment.
Kagome, on the other hand and with an odd, sinking feeling, did not.
"Where is that sister of mine, anyway?" the man continued, scratching absently at his cheek.
Regulus glanced to the ground, fidgeting. "I'm not sure. I lost her in the crowd," he said in a small voice.
"It happens," Kagome said, trying to lighten his mood. "Especially now, with everyone doing shopping for school supplies. Merlin knows how many times I've lost my brother when we were younger, even when we held hands to keep track of each other."
Alphard gave a snort, "You mean, like just now?"
Kagome pouted and ignored the grin on the older man's face. "In any case," she said a little loudly, pointedly turning away from the grinning man and the laughter now coming from his direction. "D'you know where you guys were headed next? Maybe if we're quick, they won't even notice you were separated."
For a moment, Regulus hesitated. She thought he wasn't going to answer, maybe even decline her offer to help, but he nodded. "I believe we were going to pick up my books next." He looked around, eyebrows furrowing. "I'm not sure where the bookstore is, however."
"Just around the bend, luckily enough," Kagome exclaimed. Quickly, she took Regulus' hand and started for the other end of the street at a brisk pace, trying not to laugh at the sputtering it startled out of the boy. "We can pop in – well you can, anyway – like nothing happened." To Alphard, Kagome gave a quick look over her shoulder. "I'll be back in a mo'!"
Alphard waved her off. "I left the boys at the quidditch shop with your parents; I'm sure you know your way. Just meet us there!"
Kagome gave him a thumbs up in reply. When she looked over at Regulus, she found the boy's eyes blown wide and staring back at her and she grinned. "C'mon!" she urged, and picked up the pace.
Despite the stuttered protests he gave her, the hand around hers tightened as she led them through the crowd, weaving and squeezing between the throng of people clambering down the street.
It took not even a minute before they found the bookstore and Kagome reeled to a stop.
There Walburga was, slowly but surely strutting towards the entrance just two shops away and speaking to whom Kagome assumed was her husband, the crowd parting to make way for her as she moved forward. Idly, she wondered if it was the chilly aura she gave out and disdainful expression she wore or a faint repulsion charm that warded the mass away.
Before she could say anything, she felt someone crash into her from behind and she grunted, stumbling forward.
"S-sorry!" she heard Regulus choke out from behind, and quickly shook her head.
"I should have warned you," she laughed, whirling around. "You're parents are up ahead though – doesn't look like noticed you went missing just yet but best to hurry."
Regulus looked past her, still panting as his mouth twisted into a frown, and he gave a curt nod. He went to take a step forward, but he stopped short with a look at her, as if remembering. "T-thank you," he muttered, looking embarrassed.
Kagome grinned. "Anytime." She reached out to straighten his robes, but stopped short herself when she noticed him freezing. "Sorry, may I?" she said, gesturing to his disheveled appearance.
Regulus' blinked in shock, but he nodded.
"Take a deep breath," she advised, and he did as he was told as she went to smooth out his clothes. She had a feeling Lady Black was a stickler for appearances. "Try to steady your breathing. Just slip in, look casual, and you're good. Ah, don't forget your hair," she added quickly, before she gave him a nudge.
Regulus nodded quickly, hands rising to fix his wind-mussed curls. "Thank you again," he said, this time more strongly. "It was…nice to meet you, Kagome." He looked a little perplexed even as he said it.
Kagome grinned. "It was nice meeting you too!" Regulus blushed, his gaze meeting the ground for a moment before he gave another nod, a short one, and started to walk towards his parents. His steps stumbled, however, when she added, "Sirius talked a lot about you, last year. He was looking forward to when you'd be able to come to Hogwarts with him!"
Her grin faltered a little at the look Regulus shot her when his head whipped around to look over at her – she wasn't sure how to describe it. Her remark had unsettled him though. He looked upset, that much she could tell, and torn – between anger and confusion and something else before the boy shook it all away with another short shake of his head and a mutter Kagome could barely even catch.
"He might be the only one."
Before Kagome could ask what that meant, Regulus leveled her with a surprisingly blank look. "Goodbye, Kagome," he said, quiet and firm before he whirled around and hurried over to his parents.
Kagome watched as Regulus caught up with his parents and slipped into step behind them without a hitch. She lingered there, to the side of the street, contemplating his words when she noticed Regulus sneaking a quick look over his shoulder at her just before he entered the bookstore after his parents.
She raised a hand in a wave, mouthing the words, 'Bye, Regulus,' and watched as his head gave a small dip in acknowledgement before disappearing into the store.
"Man," Kagome breathed out aloud to herself. "That was weird."
Shaking her head to herself, she spun on her heel and started walking towards the quidditch store and the others.
.
.
They didn't stay long in the quidditch store, just enough to grab care kits for James and Sirius' brooms before they stopped into Madam Malkin's. Both had gotten new ones to commemorate their decision to go for tryouts, though Sirius' mother only did so after hearing that James was going to give Sirius his old one, since the Potter had only gotten it just the year before.
Apparently no son of the Black family would go to school with anyone's hand-me-downs, and especially of the Potters, no matter that Sirius himself was perfectly happy to do so.
Kagome's earlier disappearance hadn't caused much of a stir, her mum giving an exasperated shake of her head when hearing why she was distracted and her father giving a fond pat on her head and a laugh. James hadn't even noticed, surprisingly enough, or so she thought before seeing the glazed look in his eyes as the browsed his favorite shop, but Sirius had given her a raised eyebrow.
As James was being treated to the tender mercy of Madam Malkin, Kagome stood by Sirius while they waited their turns. "Met your brother just now," she commented, and Sirius glanced at her in surprise.
"In Diagon Alley?" he asked, confused and a little concerned. "Where were my parents?"
Kagome laughed quietly. "Funny story, that. He got lost in the crowd same time I did – ran into each other. Literally." Sirius' lips twitched at that. "Helped him sneak back to your parents' sides."
"Thanks for that," her friend murmured.
Kagome nodded, absently rocking on her heels. "Nice kid. Quiet. Bit odd, though." She laughed, peering at Sirius with a small grin and teasing, "Complete opposite of you, when you think of it."
At that, Sirius mood seemed to do a complete one-eighty. "Yeah, there's not much we have in common," Sirius muttered, sounding glum.
Her rocking slowed to a stop, grin falling, and she turned to get a better look at him. Her eyebrows furrowed when he stubbornly refused to meet her gaze, but before she could call him out on it, her mother beckoned her over.
"Kagome, sweetheart, it's your turn to get your uniform taken out."
"Coming," she quietly replied, and with a lingering look at her friend who still hadn't looked at her, she sighed and stepped up to the dais.
.
.
"James, your room is a mess," Kagome announced when they finally returned home and filed into her brother's room.
"Merlin, did your trunk explode while we were gone?" Sirius asked, sounding a bit in awe.
Clothes were strewn everywhere. His trunk was left open on his bed, books and parchment and other school supplies scattered about the thick, dark red comforter and spilling onto the floor.
"I was trying to reorganize my trunk before we left, actually," her brother said, sounding sheepish. "I'm having trouble fitting everything in."
Eyebrows furrowed, she crossed over to his bed to take a look inside his trunk, wondering what in the world he was trying to bring that was giving him such trouble. Seconds later after peering in, she was laughing. "James, what?" Reaching inside, she pulled out a large black case and flipped the lid open. It was packed tightly inside with half-inch sized black balls. A faint, foul odour emanated from them, and she quickly snapped the case shut before whirling on her twin, incredulous. "Is this our entire supply of dungbombs?"
Sirius barked out a laugh. "You were actually serious about stinking up our dorm with these?"
James scratched the back of his head, shrugging. "It would be a last resort," he said in his defense. "In case we can't think of something else."
Kagome looked at him like he'd gone mental, her head slowly shaking. "Merlin…" she muttered as she took out a plain looking pouch the size of her hand. Tugging at the strings, she rolled her eyes upon seeing the fake sickle, knuts, and even a few galleons stuffed inside. Tying it up, she tossed it back in and turned back to her brother. "There's no way you can fit all of this – these joke supplies take up nearly half of your trunk, James."
"I know!" her brother lamented. His eyes flicked over out from the corner of his gaze, shiftily. "That's why I was wondering if maybe you would…" he trailed off meaningfully, giving his sister a pleading look.
With a pained sigh, Kagome propped her hands on her hips. When her brother only batted his eyes, she rolled her own and surveyed the inside of his trunk. "I'll take the fireworks," she said, decisive. The bundle was what took most of the space, and she wasn't about to risk all her belongings by taking the hundred something supply of dungbombs. "You know I'm already taking my share of supplies too!"
James ambushed her with a hug from behind. "You're the best sister I've ever had!"
Kagome snorted. "I'm your only sister," she deadpanned and pushed his face away from hers with a hand to his cheek. "Now get off and get this cleaned up before Ipsy comes in and has a heart attack."
James nodded readily, hefting out the bundle of fireworks and pressing it into Kagome's waiting hands. "Shouldn't take too long," he said, looking at the mess he made and Kagome held back a snort. A hopeful glint lit up his eyes as he regarded Kagome and Sirius. "You guys wouldn't mind—"
"Not a chance," Kagome bluntly said, cutting him off. Sirius snickered. "We'll be in my room until you're finished." Grabbing Sirius' hand, she led him out of the room.
"I take back what I said earlier!" called out James' petulant voice from behind.
"That's nice," she sung back in return as they went into the hall. "Have fun~!"
Beside her, Sirius snorted. "You guys are packing pretty early," he commented as they walked down to Kagome's room. "We've still got over a week before the first, y'know."
"Mum makes us pack early so we're ready," Kagome explained as she opened the door and let Sirius through first. "And if we're not all packed by Monday, she threatened to do it for us and hide our trunks where we can't get to them."
Sirius made a noise of understanding. "And there goes all your fireworks and dungbombs," he murmured wryly.
"Among other things," Kagome confirmed. Tossing the fireworks onto her bed for now, she took a seat at the edge. With James occupied for at least the next half hour – her twin was one of the slowest packers ever – Kagome felt like this was the only chance she'd get to talk to Sirius alone. "So," she begun, trying to sound casual. "Your brother…"
It failed either way with how Sirius had stiffened immediately. "What about him?" he quickly said. He stepped away, suddenly finding the view outside her window very interesting.
"Sirius," she said, voice even, and turned so she could follow him with her gaze. "You've been… off this whole summer. You haven't said a word about Regulus, and whenever I so much as bring him up, you go stiff as a board. And then what you said earlier, in the shop…"
Sirius gave a rough shrug and didn't even look at her when he muttered, "It's nothing."
That couldn't be further from the truth. "You're not fooling anyone here, Sirius. I know you were looking forward to seeing Regulus when you came home; did something happen?" Concern leaking into her tone, Kagome climbed to her feet and followed after him. "You know you can talk to me, or James…" Softer, she asked, "What's going on, Sirius?"
She watched as Sirius stuffed his hands into his pocket robes, his shoulders hunching in on themselves. "It's nothing, Kagome," he repeated, louder this time. There was even a hint of warning to his voice, telling her to back off.
Kagome sighed, beginning to feel a little frustrated. Normally she would back off, but she was getting pretty worried about him – whatever was happening with his family, with his brother, it had obviously been really bothering him for a while now. She didn't like seeing him so troubled, and hoped that if he'd only just opened up, she could help him somehow.
"You keep saying its nothing, Sirius, but clearly—"
"I'm saying," Sirius suddenly exploded, cutting her off. He whirled around to face her and in three steps he was just inches away from her face. "That it's none of your business!" She froze at the ferocity of his voice, too shocked into silence to respond. Kagome just stared, rooted to the spot and eyes wide as a strained, humorless laugh pulled from his throat. "I'm saying, I'd really rather you wouldn't meddle with this like you do with everything else!"
An offended noise weaseled out from her throat. "I-I don't," Kagome stuttered, but didn't continue, couldn't even, as Sirius barreled over her attempts to speak and started up again.
"You do!" he insisted, hands thrown up into the air, getting ever closer to her. "With Peter's aunt, with Remus, with James and Severus – you don't have to stick your nose into everything!" Sirius' chest heaved, eyes blazing furiously as stared straight into hers. "You don't know everything."
Kagome found that she was having trouble breathing. She also found that she had to remind herself that twelve she may look, she was still older than Sirius, still the mature one and should act like it, and that she should not snap right back at him like she really, really wanted to.
Sirius was on the defensive and lashing out, her mind tried to reason. He probably didn't even mean what he was say, or so she told herself, despite the niggling doubt squirming deep in her chest.
Kagome tried for a steadying breath and was only half-successful. "That is not fair, Sirius," she slowly, forcefully, said and took a step back, as if it would help her do the same emotionally. "I was helping Pete with his aunt. You were right there beside me when it came to Remus. James is my brother and Severus is my friend – it is precisely my business to intervene when they're being a couple of twits." With another shuddering breath, she tried to calm herself. "And I've never said that I know everything."
"You sure act like it, what with the way you seem to like bossing each of us around," Sirius coldly retorted, and Kagome felt her jaw twitch. "Whatever problems I have with my family, with Regulus, leave out of it. It's not one you can solve."
Kagome clenched her fists, fighting to steady the trembling. It failed.
"I'm sorry," she said, words dripping with sarcasm, "That my concern for one of my best friends is such a bloody nuisance to you." She took a step forward now, fixing him with a fierce look as she cut to the crux of the matter. "But whatever problems you have with your family, with your brother – don't take it out on me."
Sirius flinched. He opened his mouth to retort, but instead he turned on his heel with a snarl, stalking out of her room. Her door shut behind him with a slam.
And as it slammed, Kagome flinched and slipped away.
There was a chill in her bones that she couldn't shake.
Her footsteps felt heavy, as did her eyelids, an uneasy feeling settling in her stomach. Against her chest thumped an ornate locket in time with her steps, the chain around her neck feeling more akin to shackles than the thin metal it actually was.
She rubbed her hands uselessly against her arms, against her shoulders, tightening the scarf around her neck. A heating spell could not chase the chill from her body, she had already tried – why would this?
Approaching the edge of the barrier's protection, she came to a stop with centimeters to spare. Her hand unconsciously found the locket resting atop her jumper, her thumb running along its bitter cold seam, over the clunky latch, and she found herself glaring at the lavish, serpentine 'S' inlayed in glittering stone into its golden face before long.
Slowly, her fingers curled over the clunky trinket, clenching, so tight her knuckles turned whiter, wishing that it would give, wishing that it would crumble, wishing it would be destroyed and she bit her tongue so hard it nearly bled.
Wheezing, Kagome staggered, falling to the side and barely catching the edge of her bed. She pried her eyes open to glance down at her hand, half-expecting to see the locket there only to come up empty-handed and wishing she never opened her eyes in the first place.
A moan, hoarse and pained, clawed up her throat and she had to swallow it back – she couldn't have someone overhearing and coming in and panicking, even if she was starting to panic herself, even when her head felt like it was about to split open, and the left side of her tongue burned, and her stomach was still rolling, the uneasy feeling she felt in the memory transferring over and seemingly doubling.
She reached down, fingers wrapping around a golden locket that sat innocently in the bottom of the basin, and picked it up with disbelieving laugh.
"You did it, Professor," she said on a breathless exhale, still laughing.
The agony interlacing Dumbledore's hoarse reply jolted her out of her relief. "Harry," he pleaded, and she whirled around. "Water."
The memory was as quick to pass as it came, but Kagome had only just managed to drag herself onto the side of her bed when she was pulled under once more – this time, in the memory itself, more literally.
And she was sinking, drowning, dank water burning down her throat as she choked and writhed and struggled to get free. The thin, wiry arms wrapped around her arms and chest were like bands of steel, deceptive in their appearance. No matter how much her hands pulled, no matter how wildly her legs kicked, no matter how violently her hips bucked, no matter how hard she fought, she was helpless but to let herself be dragged down further into the abyss.
Bile rose, and before she could stop it, before she could swallow it back, Kagome began to heave.
The next time her vision swam, it was different. There was no memory for her to become a puppet in but images instead, flashing through her mind too fast for her to make sense of – a boat, green and tiny with no row, sailing across dark waters whose edges bled into darkness in the distance; a snake-like white face shrouded in shadows, red eyes a glowing beacon; an elf writhing on the dirt ground and shrieking in agony; just a few among numerous others – she only knew the split-second of emotions that came with the flashes, over the underlying sinking feeling of dread and horror and oddly enough confusion that combined together and left her reeling.
Dragging deep gulps of air, fingers digging what would no doubt turn into bruises into her knees in a vain attempt to ground herself back to reality, she wondered just what the fuck that was.
She had powerful flashbacks before, but nothing like this. Never anything like this. Never so intense, so… consuming. So disjointed. And she couldn't understand why, couldn't understand what was so important about a locket, how a simple piece of jewelry could have such an effect on Harry that it would linger.
She couldn't understand why Sirius would trigger such a memory in the first place.
Voices followed then, echoing in broken sentences in her ears and difficult to make out, sounding like they were travelling a long distance through an underground tunnel.
"…crawled to the island's edge, and he drank… dead hands… dragged Kreacher under..."
But how, she – but not her – wondered.
"It's obvious, isn't it…? …e Disapparted!" "…Elf magic isn't like wizard's magic…"
But why?
"…ourse, Voldemort would have considered the ways of house-elves far beneath his notice… never have occurred… have magic he didn't."
And the images came once more, but instead of Voldemort, she saw a man, younger, thinner, with dark curls and grey eyes reminisce of Sirius – Regulus, she realized, and the thought struck her heart with mounting dread – sailing across those same dark waters from before, of the same basin, but now filled with a dark purple potion.
She heard sobs, great and heavy and gasping. "And he drank – all the potion – and Kreacher watched… watched as Master Regulus… dragged beneath the water and…"
Kagome's breath hitched in her throat just as it tightened, goosebumps rising in time with the chill racing down her trembling arms.
Aftershocks running through her limbs still, Kagome shakily scurried back into her bed, bringing her knees up against her chest, pressing her back against the heavy wood of her headboard, solid and grounding.
She shut her eyes and focused on breathing.
It was minutes before the trembling eased. But the splitting headache still remained, painful as ever and making her vision swim whenever she dared crack her eyes open.
The voices faded but she was there, she was back – standing at the edge of a vast black lake, on stone that narrowly bordered the unnaturally still waters. Far away a green light glowed in the middle of the lake, the only light in the cavern aside from those of their wands.
She felt her mouth moving, her lips forming words, but sound escaped from neither her nor Dumbledore in front of her, even as she raised her wand and cast a spell.
Still she heard nothing, though her head snapped to the right, where just twenty feet away a flash of something pale and large exploded out from the water before sinking just as fast as it appeared in a great splash. She leapt back, crashing into the wall behind her, heart pounding in her head as she turned to the Headmaster.
They traded words that she could not understand as Kagome looked back out at the water, the surface once more eerily still, before they were moving once more.
She watched, a silent spectator as Dumbledore pointed at the middle of the lake, towards where a misty green light broke the darkness, watched as she stumbled into the Headmaster's back and nearly tripped into the water before his good hand caught her by the arm, pulling her steady.
She watched as Dumbledore raised his hand – and at first, nothing happened. But then still black waters stirred, bubbling – a chain ascended from the water's depths, and soon Kagome was pulling, heaving, the chain beginning to pile by her feet until –
The waters broke to reveal – a round knob it seemed at first, but that was only the tip of something more, of a bow, of a boat.
It was a boat, green and tiny, and there was no bow.
There were tears in her eyes; Kagome was only marginally sure they were her own and not from the pain of her throbbing head or the memories themselves.
"Shall we go down to the kitchen?" a brunette was suggesting, peering up at Kagome with a sympathetic smile as they stood in a dim-lit, dreary hall – where the wallpaper was moth-eaten and peeling and dust covered every surface. "Find something for breakfast?"
Grudgingly, she agreed and followed the other girl down the hall and out onto the landing. On the way they passed another door, where deep scratch marks gouged the paint and wood under a small sign she had missed in the dark. She paused at the top of the stairs for a moment to look at it more closely.
Neatly carved and more than a little pompous, it reminded her of Percy a bit in the way that she could see him putting a sign just like it on his own bedroom door.
Do Not Enter
Without the Express Permission of
Regulus Arcturus Black
It was like she had an epiphany but couldn't quite understand what of – not until she read the sign again. All so suddenly her trouser pocket where a certain note was stored felt like it was burning.
R.A.B.
It was him.
"Hermione," she called out, sounding oddly calm. "Come back up here."
Sirius' brother was the one to betray Voldemort—Regulus was the one to switch out the—
"Little miss!"
Kagome came to herself with a heaving, desperate gasp – it took her a moment to realize the large bulging eyes staring back at her were a different shade than that of the elf's in her, in Harry's, memories, a pale green instead of blue; that the face hovering over her own so close their noses were nearly touching was twisting not in rage or pain or guilt but vast worry mixed with horror and not as heavily lined, as aged; that the elf in front of her was not – Kreacher – but instead, Ipsy.
And as soon as that thought registered, Kagome's heart stilled for at the same time Ipsy was already opening her mouth, no doubt to summon her parents.
"No, don't!" she shouted, ordered, her voice so ragged and hoarse that a sharp crack cleaved through the middle of her words. Her eyes widened and her hands had already been clapped over her lips before she'd even stopped speaking, just as Ipsy's mouth clicked firmly shut with a clack.
For a beat, the pair stared at one another – Ipsy with surprise and Kagome with dismay.
Oh, gods.
Kagome wasted no time to sputter out her apology, hands still covering her mouth. "I—I'm so sorry," she said, pleaded, "Gods, Ipsy, I didn't mean to – I didn't mean to raise my voice at you like that, I didn't mean to give you an order, I'm so sorry."
But it didn't seem that Ipsy was paying much attention to the child; she was shaking her head softly, mumbling to herself. "…mistress," she heard the elf say, sounding terribly confused.
"…Ipsy?" Kagome slowly prodded, hands falling away warily.
"Mistress?" Ipsy replied, though it sounded there was more to the questioning tone in her voice.
"Are you okay?" Kagome asked, worried. "I'm so sorry that I… spoke to you like that," she said, eyes dropping to the floor in shame.
Ipsy was already shaking her head once again. "Ipsy serves the House of Potter, Mistress, and happily so."
Kagome grimaced. Swallowing, she settled back onto her bed, tried for a steadying breath, tried to ignore her throbbing head. "That… doesn't forgive how I spoke to you," she demurred, eyes falling to her hands in her lap. "James and I aren't allowed to give you orders in any case, and never in such manner."
"Not until little master and Mistress become adults, Mistress has said," Ipsy confirmed, and cocked her head to the side to watch Kagome.
"Right," the young witch mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "I just… Ipsy… Please, please, don't tell my parents."
The elf's brows furrowed. "Mistress' parents should know Mistress is ill," she said, sounding admonishing. "Mistress was trembling when Ipsy popped in; Mistress was whimpering and looked to be in a great deal in pain."
"Ipsy, please." Kagome's voice was close to begging, and it had Ipsy straightening, her eyes widening. "I'm fine now, really. Just, no details if you can help it."
The elf gave a small sigh. "Little miss…" she murmured, sounding sad. With a soft tut, Ipsy turned away from Kagome and inspected the mess she'd made on the carpet – with a snap of her fingers, it had disappeared, not a speck of evidence left in its place. She did not look at Kagome when she finally informed her, "Ipsy will inform Mistress that little mistress has become ill."
Kagome gave a soft sigh of relief and closed her eyes. "Thank you, Ipsy."
"Will little mistress be well enough for dinner?" Ipsy inquired, finally looking over at Kagome.
Biting her lip, Kagome thought about it for a moment and shook her head. Even if her stomach wasn't protesting at the thought of eating food, the last thing she wanted was to see Sirius right now. Not after…
Kagome wanted to laugh. Now, even if she wanted to leave Regulus alone, she didn't think she could. Not anymore.
A wrinkled hand on her knee brought her out of her thoughts to find that Ipsy had approached Kagome. "Ipsy requests that little mistress gets some rest, then," she murmured, gentle in her tone, "Will little mistress be needing any potions?"
"Ah, no, thank you," Kagome whispered, leaning into Ipsy's comforting touch and feeling so incredibly grateful for the elf in that moment, "I already have everything I need in my trunk."
.
.
When a knock echoed against her door later on in the evening, Kagome considered answering it for all of five seconds.
By the sixth, her eyes had already closed and she was set to just ignore it.
They snapped back open, however, as she heard her door creak but she didn't move.
"…Kagome?"
Kagome held back the sigh at her brother's hesitant voice. At least it wasn't Sirius. Quickly shutting her eyes, she feigned sleep.
"Are you awake?"
Kagome focused on breathing evenly.
"Dinner's ready, if you're hungry."
Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, and she clenched her stomach to stop the growl threatening to escape at the mention of food. "I'm not really hungry, James," she whispered loud enough for him to hear, curling further into the warm cocoon of her bed.
The door shut with a soft click, but her brother had not left. "Kagome, what's wrong?"
Her mouth twisted into a grimace, and she pulled her covers up to her nose, words coming out muffled as she replied, "I'm not feeling well."
"No, I mean—what happened? Sirius asked to floo back home early not long after Ipsy said you were ill."
Ugh. She tugged her covers up even further, over her eyes. "I don't know James, I've been here in my room. Got a bad headache."
Still. Even after a pain-relieving potion, a small, lingering ache nagged at her. The pulse was more irritating than painful, at least, so there was one silver lining.
She heard her brother's footsteps and clenched her eyes shut, wishing he would just – go.
But even still, as she felt his cool, small hand slide beneath her bangs and rest across her forehead, she caught herself relaxing at his touch, leaning into it just a bit.
"You're a terrible liar," James said, whispering, and it took nearly all her willpower not to laugh – at the irony, at how wrong that was, that had to be, for she had been lying to him for years now. "But you're burning up like a bloody furnace, so you're not lying about being sick."
She listened to his sigh, felt him tug the edge of her comforter just a little, his lips as they pressed gently against her cheek and his hand as it slid back over her hair, and felt a vast amount of both love and guilt swell up in her chest for her brother as he softly murmured, "Get well, Mel," before leaving her side and soon her room as well.
The following silence that fell felt deafening.
Sirius…
She could remember his words, his accusation, with incriminating clarity.
"I'm saying that it's none of your business! I'm saying, I'd really rather you wouldn't meddle with this like you do with everything else."
Kagome didn't know what to say at the time, or what to even think at this very moment. Even despite the fact that Sirius hadn't let her talk earlier, she was barely able to refute the accusation because Sirius was right.
She meddled. The whole time she'd spent at Hogwarts she'd been meddling, and into a great deal more than Sirius even knew. Becoming friends with him, with Remus and Peter, getting close to Lily and Severus…
Her whole purpose for being here was to meddle so much that she changed the future, took down Voldemort, and saved as many people as she possibly could.
It was her mission. She didn't have a choice; not doing so meant failing, meant so many deaths, meant their deaths.
And, apparently, it meant that Regulus, the quiet little boy she had only just met this day was set to die, that he had died. That little kid who blushed when she smiled and offered her hand, had traveled to that – that awful place, only to be dragged away by those iron, slimy, deceptively feeble-looking hands to drown, alone in the depths of those dark waters but for the arms that kept him prisoner from then on to forever.
Kagome shivered and forced the memory away, lest she be drawn back into another terrible flashback, and refocused on…
On Sirius and his words.
It still hurt, though, when Sirius said it. That he even said. Made a small part of her mind race and wonder if that was really how he saw her; that he regretted bumping into her that day in Diagon Alley; that the only reason he even remained her friend was because James was her brother; that he, in actuality, only put up with her because of her relation to James.
And it… wasn't impossible, she reasoned, they were best friends, were meant to be best friends before she'd even came into it, into this time. They all were. She was the odd one out, the one that forced her way into the group, whether they knew it or not.
Kagome curled further into her bed and buried her face into her pillow.
It didn't matter.
It…
Kagome clenched her eyes tighter, trying to ignore the sting that started up in them.
It didn't matter.
This was not her world, not her time, not her… place. She didn't belong. As long as she defeated Voldemort, as long as she prevented all their deaths, as long as they remained alive, who cared how they felt about her in the end? What they thought about her?
Chances were that she probably wouldn't live to see the end of it, anyway. She'd probably die saving them all, just like she did when she and her friends died destroying Naraku in the end, if the jewel didn't pull her out of this world first once she completed her mission.
They probably wouldn't even remember her…
A sob rose from her chest to her throat with a shudder, and Kagome shoved it down with a harsh swallow. It didn't stop the tears pricking her eyes, however, or escaping through her clenched eyelids.
Throwing the sheets from her bed, Kagome rolled off and dropped to her knees, reaching under her bed to pull her school trunk out. Flipping the latch and then the lid, she rummaged through it until she found a small box. Opening it, she plucked a small bottle of purple, shimmering liquid from the collection of similarly filled flasks and vials stored inside, her stomach rolling for a quick second as it reminded her of the potion in her flashbacks. Snapping the case shut, she tucked it back gently under her folded clothes, following suit with the trunk's lid itself and pushing it back under her bed.
She popped the cork and took a few swigs of the potion before replacing the stopper. Stuffing the bottle into the bottom of her nightstand, she climbed back into her bed and settled in, shutting her eyes.
She didn't feel like facing whatever nightmare her mind would crop up just yet.
Not tonight…
soo… lmao, i totally didn't plan things going this way like, at all when first plotted out the summer, but here we are! i actually kinda like how this chapter turned out tho, so i'm not complaining lol.
anyway, couple of announcements – since the last update, kagomes-lover and miniroonie drew some art for the fic! kagomes-lover drew some really cute art of kagome with kirara and siki and miniroonie drew mr. and mrs. potter that looks absolutely perfect! thank you again so much guys! and in addition to that, there's a bunch of posts, questions answered, hcs, and even some future fic i've written, all on tumblr – just head over to the story and de headcanons tags to check it all out!
here are some replies to those that had questions in guest reviews:
Guest – AAaaa, thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and oh boy, I can't wait till I can get started on second year as well, I have so much stuff planned! But ahh, no, I mean animals specific to Japan would be possible, but giving Kagome a mythical form while the others have normal animal ones would be too much I feel? Like, making her stand out? Plus I think I read somewhere that animagus forms can't be mythical creatures, like phoenixes and the like, soo /shrugs. Aaand, no no, I'm keeping my lips zipped on Kagome's form, sorry! ;) Thank you again, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
BlytheHope – Ahhh haha, sorry you had to re-read the whole thing just to remember! And as for your question ;3333 lmao, that's all I'm gonna say on that subject. Also, as for Shippo! I do have an idea about how he'd come in! If you're really interested, head over to my blog here: zefyre. tumblr. co. m/search/shippo+headcanons/ (just remove the spaces and the period in the middle of com!) mind you, these are hcs so they're not entirely set in stone? But I really am leaning towards Shippo becoming a student lol.
Ghost – It's likely that the boys won't discover Kagome's nightmares for a while now, tbh! And I'd like to think that Kagome's well on her way becoming good friends with Severus! Only time will tell how their relationship will progress haha. Thanks for reviewing!
Guest – Hmm, while Kagome has the knack of making friends with the most unlikely of people, I think we'll find out kinda soon that it won't work with everyone that she meets. With Bellatrix specifically, I'm can't say which, because who knows what'll happen when I actually write them together lol.
Zombina – Thank you! And haha, that was one of my favorite parts to write, where Sirius gets flustered by Kagome! :D Unfortunately, Kagome will be keeping her secret to herself for a while now lol – and… I can't even say for sure if James will be the first one to find out either, aaa, but it sure won't go smoothly for either of them when it does come out…
Guest – Lmaoo, don't worry, Sirius may be a charmer and an incorrigible flirt, but like, that'll just his personality? My aim is totally for what you said, a down-to-earth relationship between Sirius and Kagome built on the friendship they've had over the years. Though, I can't promise they won't date other people before finally getting together :/