Meet Me on the Inside
Chapter Five: Destruction
Emma spoke too soon. Regina's and Hook's antics hadn't blown up the town, but they had come close, leading it to mutual destruction.
A lot of mutual destruction.
"How did this even happen?" Emma sighed in distress, planting her face in her hand, and shaking her head.
"It was all his fault!"
"It was all her fault," Hook and Regina accused at the same time, pointing at each other.
The day had started off normally, or as normally as it could for two body switched people. Regina had left an extensive list of rules for Hook to follow regarding treatment of the body he was in, of the house he was using, and of his role as Mayor. He had no idea how to work the political sphere so Regina suggested he work from her home office where she could come by and help him with the documentation. And where most importantly, no one could see him.
And he had also laid ground rules for how Regina could act around his girlfriend, and his ship, his two most prized possessions. Basically, hands off as often as plausible.
"Okay, everyone set?" Emma asked. She was helping negotiate the deal between them because knowing the two of them, they would get into a big fight if she wasn't here.
"I suppose," Regina sniffed, eyeing Hook distrustfully. "We'll see how well Hook conducts himself."
"Don't worry, your majesty," he jeered. "It seems you are intent on keeping me caged up in your mansion."
"I don't see why that's an issue. Saves us all the problem of having to see your ugly mug."
Hook pointed a finger at his face. "Everything you say about me now, just insults you."
Regina sighed. Even insulting Hook wasn't any fun now because the usual insults just ended up hurting Regina's own visage. "Just don't destroy anything in the house. I'm going to go do the obligatory drunken morning stroll you do to keep up character and then I'm going to the library to study up on ancient magic."
"So I'm really expected to do nothing?"
Why was Hook whining about that? "Isn't that what you normally do?"
"I actually do stuff-"
"Drinking and committing acts of drunken altercations do not count as work," Regina snapped back.
Hook crossed his arms over his chest and accidentally set the table on fire.
"Hook! Reign in your powers!" Emma cried out, waving her hand and extinguishing the conflagration.
"Then tell your witch to shut her cursed mouth." His eyes were dark and Emma looked from him to Regina and shook her head in defeat. "Bye Hook, we're leaving." She grabbed Regina by the upper arm before the woman could retaliate and tugged her out of the house towards her Bug.
"I am not getting into that." Regina dug her heels in.
"You have no other choice."
"You could teleport me," Regina offered. Normally she would have used her own magic but she didn't have any this time.
"Regina, please, can you just make this easier on me?" Emma rubbed her temples. "I have work to do and I don't need two migraines running around and making things harder on me."
Regina grit her jaw but decided to go with it. "Fine." She jerked the passenger side door open angrily. They drove in silence, Emma dropping off Regina at the pirate's ship. "See ya later," the blonde woman leaned in and pecked Regina on the lips. The both of them froze, Emma staring like a deer in headlights before she slowly pulled back. "Sorry, force of habit."
"Ah," Regina let out, getting out of the car and walking off. Her lips tingled where Emma had touched them.
The pirate's ship bobbed in the waves and she got in, wrinkling her nose up at the smell. She most definitely did not miss this ship. It carried bad memories for her. Memories of almost losing Henry. And of actually losing Emma to Hook's charms.
Regina closed her eyes to try and block out those memories before snatching up a bottle of rum. She had to make her act convincing. Then she got to drunkenly walking the streets, pretending to take swigs of her drink. In this manner she greeted town folk and made her way to the library where she could take out some books.
Hook on the other hand, was entirely bored. He had already walked the whole length of the mansion and found himself lacking anything to do. Regina had been strict about him not touching anything because she was afraid his pirate germs would get on it. But he was clean! Most of the time. Which was way more than most men in his crew.
He made his third circle around the foyer, eyeing the liquor cabinet. Those decanters of cider looked like really good entertainment right now. Without another qualm or thought about Regina's ire should she find out, he grabbed one and popped the cork off, letting the apple scent waft up to him.
And then he proceeded to drink three bottles worth. He found himself having immensely more fun. His hands trailed over cabinets and drawers filled with Regina's clothing. Let's see what expenses the woman has in here. The Queen did take great pride in looking good. He went through half her closet before he registered someone ringing the doorbell impatiently.
He went down the stairs, opening the door to Emma's shocked face.
"What are you doing here?" Hook asked coyly, leaning against the door frame because his head was spinning.
"I..um, I'm-what, what are you wearing?" Emma's face was flushed and she wasn't looking into Hook's eyes.
"Oh, this?" Hook looked down at one of the outfits he had been trying on. It was a corset with a matching pair of lingerie and a sheer negligee to go over it all. "I don't know what it's called per say. But I didn't know her majesty had such risque things in her closet."
Emma jerked herself free from whatever spell it was she was under, forcing her eyes up from Regina's bust-line. "Regina is going to be so pissed! You have to put all her stuff back."
"But I have nothing to do," Hook pouted and watched as Emma's strictness wavered. Regina with a pout-deadly. Emma couldn't yell at her now.
"Hook, no. Come on, I'll help you clean up. I came by to ask if you wanted anything from Granny's."
"I want you..." he sloppily wrapped his arms around her and she shrugged him off.
"How much did you drink?"
"Not a lot," he shrugged only for Emma to suck in a hiss of air once they reached Regina's bedroom. "You drank all of her good cider!" Emma glanced down at the six empty bottles. "She's really going to kill you now! What happened to the list she gave you?"
Huh, Hook had sworn it had only been three last he remembered. "I don't recall reading that on the list."
"It was one of the first rules!" Emma hunted around the mess of the room and found the foot long scroll all soggy. "Why is this wet?" she held it in a pincer grip, wrinkling her nose up in distaste.
"I spilled some cider so I used the paper to clean it up." He flopped down onto the bed, doing a snow angel on top of all the outfits he had dumped out.
Emma shook her head. Just great. Leave Hook alone for three hours and this was what he did. She wondered if Regina was faring any better. She hoped for both their sakes she was.
"Emma, come here," Hook waved a hand in the air to summon the sheriff and Emma came closer only to be pulled down on top of Hook.
"What are you doing?" Emma asked as she hovered on all fours over Regina's body.
"I haven't seen you in so long. Haven't been able to kiss you in so long..." he drawled drunkenly and then leaned up and kissed Emma. The kiss was hard and sloppy and not like Regina at all. It felt wrong for her body to kiss this way. Emma always imagined the kisses would be softer, teasing. Not kissing to prove something.
It took a while for Emma's brain to think that however, because it was still Regina's lips on hers, even if it technically wasn't. And how long had she stared at those lips and thought just once...
She freed herself from Hook's clumsy grip and moved away from his grasp.
"What are you doing?" he demanded, sitting up with some difficulty.
"I can't do this, Hook. I won't sleep with you."
"But you slept with her!"
"I didn't know it was her. I thought it was you," Emma explained, wincing in guilt.
"And now you know it's me in here, so why won't you let me sleep with you and get my original body back?"
Emma shook her head, not having the words to explain her reasoning to him without pissing him off. She simply didn't want Regina if it wasn't Regina behind those chocolate eyes. She didn't dare to sleep with her friend when she didn't consent to it. No matter how enticing she was in that get up.
"Get some rest Hook. I'll bring you some food to help sober you up." Then Emma left in a poof of smoke, Hook cursing under his breath.
Unsurprisingly, it was hard to get books rented out to you when you were an alcoholic pirate with a strong hatred for books. "No Hook," Belle said sternly. "I won't let you take books out because last time I did you lost them at sea. And before that you got them stolen when some pirates raided your ship. And the time before that you used them as fuel to make a fire on a deserted island."
"Uh...those were accidents love," Regina tried to throw on Hook's most charming smile, the one that she'd seen Emma go gooey eyed at. But it didn't work on Belle. Librarians sure were tough shit.
"No, Hook. Either you read them in here or you leave empty handed."
This was not going as planned, but what else could Regina do. If she had her magic she'd simply smuggle them out of here. She dearly missed her body now. This pirate was bloody useless!
She skulked off to roam through the aisles, pulling out any book that so much had an inkling to do with her topic and then set down the gigantic pile next to a desk and began flipping through the books. That was hard to do quickly when one hand was a hook that kept getting caught on the pages. She ended up ripping one page, the tearing noises echoing through the library chambers like a gun shot.
Like a blood hound to the hunt, Belle's head perked up from where she was looking some book over behind her desk. "Did you just rip a book? A priceless ancient book?" she accused.
Regina felt a bead of sweat roll down her forehead. "No," she said rather unconvincingly.
Belle glared her down, promises of pain in her eyes. "Hmmm, I hope not. You're treading in deep water Hook," then turned back to her own reading.
Regina let out a shaky sigh and began to read the texts more carefully.
"Hook? Hook?" Emma knocked on the bedroom door where she had last left her boyfriend, tray of food in her hand. When there was no response she walked in, finding the place empty. That couldn't be good. A quick survey of the whole mansion let Emma in on the fact that he wasn't inside at all. So that only meant he had left the premise.
"Great, now I have to hunt down a drunk body switched pirate witch."
That was surprisingly hard to do given how small this town was. You would think residents would have noticed a drunk former queen stumbling around in little to no clothes. But as it was, Emma only found Hook two hours later and in a tattoo parlor of all places.
"Oh god, Regina is going to kill you, her body or not. And she's going to slaughter me for letting this happen," Emma moaned out as she slapped her hands to her face.
"So I'm guessing you don't like the tattoo?" Hook asked, lowering his shirt over the tramp stamp he had gotten. It was still fresh and it said Emma's Bitch in bold black letters.
"Fuck me..." Emma didn't know any spells to keep this covered. Regina would see and be furious.
"I've been trying to," Hook whined, "but you won't let me."
"Uh, I don't wanna get involved in this lovers quarrel so I'm going to go now," the tattoo artist said and moved on.
"It's not a lovers quarrel!" Emma shouted out after him. She needed to take Hook home and now before he made things worse. She swung an arm around his shoulders and he leaned heavily against her as they walked their way back. Emma would have normally teleported but she didn't want to risk taking a drunk Hook on the journey. What if something happened to him during it? Drunk teleportation was bad.
Finally done with some research, Regina left the library, notes in her pocket. It had been a somewhat productive session, though it would have been better if she had been able to take the books out. Stupid Hook and his inability to care for literature.
Just as she was walking down the street to her mansion, ready to make up the mayoral duties that Hook had shirked, she saw two familiar figures walking down the street. Her blood pressure instantly shot up through the roof. "Emma, what is the meaning of this?"
"Uh...surprise?" Emma chuckled weakly in the face of Regina's ire. There was just something so Regina about her anger that even wearing a different body it still frightened Emma; was still recognizable.
"Hey, guess what I got," Hook turned around and lifted up his shirt to show Regina his tramp stamp. "It's pretty nice. And so was the cider. I drank all of it." He dropped his shirt, turning back around and belching loudly. "That'll teach you to want to give me rules."
Regina's nostrils flared at this. "You drank all my cider? And got a tattoo? And walked around town inebriated so everyone could see?" The calm even tone was the worst. It meant Regina was so mad that it could not be expressed in words or volume or tone. "Excuse me a moment." In hurried steps she left.
Emma had a really bad feeling about this. Like, really bad.
And she wasn't wrong. When she made it to the town square with Hook, she noticed a new addition to the clock tower. Sticking out of it was Hook's ship, crashed right through it. How the hell Regina had accomplished that without any magic was beyond Emma. The blonde made note not to piss Regina off again.
"My ship. My beautiful ship!" Hook bemoaned, dropping to his knees. Regina approached them, a triumphant smirk on her face.
"How did you do that?"
"A true queen never reveals her secrets."
"Okay, well, don't do something like that again," Emma tried to come off as hard on the topic but really, she was begging.
"Oh, but it was okay for Hook to ruin and mar my body?"
"A little bit of magic can get rid of the tattoo," Emma appeased.
"And it can get rid of him too," Regina reminded unnecessarily.
"You are not getting rid of him," Emma said protectively. Even if he was a giant ass sometimes...okay, most of the times, didn't mean that he deserved to be offed.
Regina gave Emma a sharp glare but said nothing more on that.
"Wait, where's Hook?" She glanced wildly back and forth where it had been mere moments ago. She looked at Regina. "Did you-?"
"With what magic, Swan?" Regina rolled her eyes. "Do keep up."
"Right," Emma nibbled on her bottom lip. Regina currently didn't have any magic to get rid of him. But Hook did. Had he gotten rid of himself? There was no telling what he was doing in his drunken state. And now Emma would have to look for him again. Which given how it had gone last time, would take a good while.
A firetruck pulled around the corner, speeding down towards the nicer parts of town. Behind it was a police cruiser which slowed down as Emma waved at it. Her dad was behind the wheel. "David, what's going on?"
He rolled down the window so she could peer in. "A fire."
"Where?"
"108 Mifflin street."
Or maybe not as difficult this time.
Regina's back straightened while Emma leaned away from the window. "Hook," they both said in unison before ripping the car doors open and jumping into the cruiser. "Hit the gas dad!"
They got to the mansion only to see that Hook was currently dancing across the lit lawn where he had burned out in letters 'Regina Sucks'. The torch was still in his hand and the firefighters had parked the truck by the side of the street but they couldn't get any closer.
"Madam Mayor, can you please put down the torch?" one tried to coax Hook but he only moved closer to the mansion, torch in hand, threatening.
"Whelp, good thing is he hasn't burned down the house."
"Yet," Regina added bitterly. "Do something Swan, before I do."
"Calm down, I got this," Emma said but she didn't know if she got this. Hook was drunk and angry and he had fire. That was never a good combination. She approached him, trying to smile and not let her eyes tear up at the acrid smell of smoke. "Hook, uh, Madam Mayor," Emma hastily corrected, eyeing to see if anyone heard her slip up. Thankfully no one had, too busy with concern over the spreading fire. Emma got closer, carefully placing her feet on grass that wasn't burned yet. "Regina, can you put the torch down, and talk to me? Can we please discuss this?"
Hook's head snapped to Emma, betrayal glowing in his eyes. Seemed he wasn't over her brush off earlier. "Okay, I'll put the torch down." And then he threw the torch with all his might in through the open window.
Emma's eyes opened wide in panic. "No!" she stretched out a hand, willing water to come to it, to douse out the flames. She didn't expect to explode the firetruck and send the water there flying into the house.
The good thing was, the fires were out. All of them. The bad thing? Everything was soaking wet, including Regina who only crossed her arms over her chest and fumed at Emma. "I thought you 'got this'?"
Emma let out a dry laugh, afraid of the fury dancing in Hook's-Regina's-eyes. "Uh, I thought so too."
"I'm going to kill you right after I kill Hook. Speaking of that immense waste of human space, where is he?"
In the chaos he had disappeared again.
In retrospect, that was how the bad day had started. Hook would cause some sort of damage and Regina and Emma would chase after him. Emma to catch him before he could ruin the mayor's reputation further, and Regina because she was going to murder him.
"Maybe if I kill him, his dirty soul will vacate my body and I can enter if once more," Regina had said darkly after Hook had used Regina's body to streak across town. In retaliation she had thrown out all of his rum, pissed that he had no reputation to further demean so she couldn't actually shame him.
"Let's not go back into old killing habits," Emma had said sheepishly, worried for her friend. She was sooooo going to yell at Hook for this later. He was behaving childishly and totally irresponsibly.
"Some of you people make it really hard," Regina gave Emma a snide look.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Can't you talk to him and get it through his thick skull to leave me be? Why must he resort to trying to ruin me?"
Emma winced at that, guilty. "I'm sorry. I really am for his actions."
Regina didn't want Emma to feel bad for that sorry excuse of a man. "You don't have to be apologetic. But he will be." Her voice was low and gravelly with violence.
It was time to play dirty. Hit him where it would really hurt.
By the time they had found him, it was becoming afternoon. Or at least Emma guessed it was, because the clock tower had been ruined. He was stumbling about in the park, singing to himself some sea shanty, unaware of them.
"Killian!" Emma called out as they raced after him.
"Huh?" he turned around, a disoriented look on his face and that was when Regina struck.
She whipped Emma around by the elbow and into her, grasping her face between her hand and kissing her hard. Emma's startled lips didn't move at first, but as Regina pressed in, Emma slowly complied, unable to resist Regina's toe curling kisses. It was deep, sordid and definitely not a kiss that should be made in public. Emma moaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering shut. Regina kept her eyes open to see Hook's reaction.
The man was shaking, hands clenching open and closed, veins protruding on his forehead. "Get your dirty mouth off of her!" he screamed out and the trees around him began to bend back and forth, bark groaning.
Regina took her time in pulling away, wiping the bottom of Emma's lip free of saliva with her thumb. "It's your dirty mouth, or did you forget. If you want me to leave Emma alone, stop this foolishness and come back home."
"Oh, I'll show you foolishness!" He whipped out a phone and stabbed down a phone number. After three rings someone on the other end picked up. "Yes, hello, this is Mayor Mills. I want to donate all my money right now to the most nonsensical and stupid project the city has going on." A pause. "Oh, yes, Snow White's Bird House building initiative? That's perfect. Thank you." He hung up and Regina and Emma stared at him slack jawed. Emma more so still from the kiss, trying to get her bearings after the sizzling heat brought on by Regina's unannounced affections. And Regina was gaping open mouthed because he had just dared to donate all of her cash to Snow White's project! How would Regina ever live this down?! She didn't care she'd just lost her money, more aghast by the fact as to who it was going to.
"How dare you!" she hissed out, moving past a still frozen Emma and meeting Hook head to head. "I'm going to destroy you, you little man." She ripped off his hook from her own body and threw it somewhere into the small brook that passed by them in this park. "One piece at a time."
"Then I'll take you down with me!" he promised. "I'll rip apart all your expensive dresses!"
"Then I'll burn your leather jackets-every single one of them!" Leaves were swirling around them like some storm. One of them whipped past Regina's face so quickly it gave her a cut. She barely noticed it.
"Then I'll donate all your organs-!"
"I'll surrender your body to Rumple for a life of servitude!"
They were snarling at each other like feral animals, nostrils flared, murder writ into their body muscles.
Emma finally snapped out of her stupor and rushed towards them, only to be pushed back by the whirlwind of leaves whirling dangerously around them. "Killian! Regina! You need to stop! There's a tornado coming!" Both looked on to see Emma was right. Steadily creeping closer to them, it hovering ominously in the sky.
"This isn't good," Hook muttered out, his anger at Regina momentarily forgotten in light of the natural disaster about to occur.
"It's your magic that is causing this!" Regina pointed out. "You need to calm down now!"
"I can't! You've pissed me off too much, and I can't control my magic," he explained.
"Shit, we need to take shelter and now," Emma ordered as the leaves around them dropped. She pushed them hurriedly into a small flower shop. Hook tripped and fell into one of the flowers. A shower of rose petals covered Regina and Emma.
"What's going on?" The owner, Moe French, asked, coming to inspect the damage.
"Tornado," Emma said breathlessly and pointed out the window. The twister was getting closer and closer. Already it had ripped up giant chunks of land. "Shit, shit, shit. This is really bad. Hook, you need to stop this."
"I can't," he spat out a flower, getting back up. Moe eyed the mayor's unusual get up but said nothing more, going to quickly pull down some metal grates on his shop windows. The wind was rattling the whole building now. "I'm still too pissed off."
"Fuck!" Emma knew her own magic wasn't anywhere nearly as good to stop the storm. If she had Regina's combined to her's...they had even moved the moon together. A bolt of inspiration struck Emma. She grasped Hook's hands in her own. "I need you to concentrate on my magic and put yours with mine. We can stop this tornado, together."
"I don't know if I can-" Hook looked frightened.
"You have to," Regina added. "I won't have my town destroyed by you."
With no more discussion, Hook nodded his head grimly and closing his eyes he held his hands out to Emma. For a long time there was nothing but the increasingly hungry sounding sucking of air. The tornado was now two blocks from them, rafters and cars in it's angry grip. It was so dark and big, spreading out and covering everything it had consumed with it's thick winds.
But as Regina watched in concern, slowly by slowly the tornado seemed to shrink. "You got this," Emma encouraged Hook who was sweating profusely, teeth clenched in effort. First the winds lightened, and then they began to slow, until at last all traces were gone, dispersed like a morning mist. In it's aftermath lay torn down bricks, and signs. Some cars dropped from the sky, alarms blaring loudly.
Confused townsfolk came out to look at the damage, wondering how this had started and ended so quickly.
Hook dropped his hands from Emma's hold and fainted into her arms. She caught the petite body, cradling it to her chest. "Now, we can get him home," she said softly. They exited the store, surveying the damage, Emma having lifted Regina's body into her arms bridal style. "How did this even happen?" she bemoaned.
She was already thinking of all the paper work she would have to fill out and of all the repairs to be made.
"It was all his fault!"
"It was all her fault!"
Emma looked down to see Hook had already regained consciousness. "You are in for a lot of talking."
He gulped but only snuggled in closer to Emma. "Later. My head really hurts and I'm tired."
Regina looked on at the scene enviously. How many times had she wished to be carried like that by Emma? And now that she was, it was Hook enjoying it and not her. She swallowed down her jealousy and marched ahead to her mansion. There would a lot of clean up to be done, and now the mayor's office would have more shit to deal with. All thanks to that damn dirty pirate.
There was a loud groan to Regina's right as some heavy metal plating was moved over. A woman stood up from under it, dusting off her clothing, hair a frazzled red mess. "That wasn't the worst way to travel, I suppose." She made eye contact with Regina who felt like screaming. The red head just smiled. "Well, it looks like I'm not in Oz anymore."
A/N: Halfway done with the series.