Old friends

„That thou art happy, owe to God/ that thou continuest such, owe to thyself."

Paradise Lost

Mrs. Hudson's welcome gave me a feeling I had never been properly hugged before in my life.

She held me by the shoulders, though she had to get on tip-toe to do it, as though I would crumble if it were not for her support, like a rag doll. Her smile beamed across her benign, old-maidish face.

„How tall you have grown, Madam! How pretty! It seems only yesterday that you were running around the house - a romp, you were, Madame, if I may say so! - playing and singing and baking tea cakes in the kitchen. But look at you now! So elegant, so sophisticated, so…."

„Mrs. Hudson." Holmes' face was extremely weary, and his voice even more so. „If you would Kindly allow me into my house now, I would be very much obliged indeed. You forget we have had rather a long journey today. Tea would be very welcome, if you don't mind…?"

„Mr. Holmes!" She huffed, taking her eyes off me for the moments, but holding on to my shoulders as if he were trying to take me away from her. „When one hasn't seen one another in seven years, one has a right to some words of welcome, won't you agree?"

I smiled at her, as I hope, encouragingly. The truth is, I had little experience of inspiring such kind feelings in anyone, and was genuinely touched by the emotional display of a lady I had remembered as proper and a little formal. But time will change one's standards, and to me, long weaned as I was from the rough familiarity of the Limehouse streets, her words and deeds seemed the most cordial treatment I had ever received.

Holmes did not appear to share my sentiments, for he forced himself past her by means of our suitcases, and disappeared inside the house. The dear old house! Reaching up for Mrs. Hudson's hand and pressing it lightly, I took a small step back and looked up at the sturdy beams of the Sussex cottage, a place so friendly and smiling it almost made me forget the horrors that had taken within and around it.

„Thank ya, Mrs. `udson. It is good ter be back, innit?"

Unconsciously, I had put on a thicker layer of my native accent than usual with me these days. The elderly lady looked at my face, and her eyes narrowed as if with an unbearable composure of love and pain. Inwardly, her look of bereavement made me flinch. Another one of the sort! Would I never be free of the past? Damn you, Kitty!

Aloud, I said: „I am afeared Mr. `olmes was c`rrect, Mrs. `udson. I feel the exertion of journeying upon me now. Would it be possible for me ter lay down for a while?"

„Of course, Madam!" She clasped my hand in both of hers and peered up at me, still with a lingering sense of that bereavement, but a little more lucid now. „Of course!"

And we went inside, into the space she had inhabited.

oooOOOooo

Mrs. Hudson had prepared the rear room for me, a guest room Aunt Mary and Uncle John had occasionally occupied in years gone by. It gave over the backyard, the stables and the kitchen garden with its herb beds and bean poles, now carefully covered for the impending winter. Some hands were tending the horses that had brought us here. Steam rose from the bodies of the quadrupeds.

I just set what was in my hands on the floor and dresser - it was just a carpet bag and a few parcels with hastily acquired necessities - and plunked myself onto the bed full length. Staring up at the whitewashed ceiling, I pondered. It was true what I had told Mrs. Hudson, the journey had exhausted me - but not for the reasons that she would probably assume.

Actually, everything had gone very smoothly. We had observed no followers, and had been impeded by none. We had got the train to Calais alright, and we had not missed the boat headed for Dover. Once across the channel, chances that we were being followed had begun to look fairly slim, and we had relaxed our watchfulness and hired a horse cart to take us into Sussex.

And yet. I can hardly think of any occasion where traveling had been less comfortable for me, or more precisely, the company in which I travelled. During the whole of our seven hour voyage, Holmes had not directed a single word at me except for instructions as to tickets and watchfulness. Whenever possible, he had withdrawn into silence - hard, icy, almost inimical silence.

Maybe I could not blame him for it. The preceding evening weighed heavily on us both, and I did not think of myself as less culpable than he. My weakness had contributed to bringing about the dreadful situation in which we were now placed. How could I have been so purblind? Whatever might have come from my behavior - my compliancy with his whim - it would never have been anything that he or I could approve of in hindsight, and I had implicitly been aware of this. Suffice the one misstep, we did not need to repeat it.

But now we were here, thrown together again. I nervously plucked at the corner of a pillow. How would it affect him to see me in this sphere? Would it make things worse between us? God, I just wished I knew what his plans were, if he had any. Laying low here was no permanent solution. I would have to return to Paris at some point. And so would he.

The afternoon softly blended into evening outside, and I still stared up at the ceiling, brooding.

oooOOOooo

„Toad in a hole! I haven't forgotten your favorite dish, you see, Madam!" Mrs Hudson proudly announced, as she carefully stepped across some of Holmes' mess with a tureen balanced in her hands. It was incredible how fast he was to accumulate rubbish on the floor around his person. Mrs. Hudson's neat little kitchen was strewn with things from his valises, and he himself sat in a corner behind the rustic table, in shirtcuffs and with a sour expression.

„For God's sake, Mrs. Hudson!" He snapped as dinner was announced. „The Meurice has treated this girl to a lump of gold's worth of oysters and champagne. Do you seriously think to impose on her palate with this carbohydrate and grease mélange?"

„Be quiet!" I bit back, and he fell silent, a little taken aback. To the indignant landlady, I said with a smile: „Thank you, Mrs. `udson, it was very thoughtful. Such a delicious smell, too!"

Though I must admit, my stomach turned a little when I looked into the tureen. Holmes' description of the receipt had been accurate. Had I really liked such things as a child?

Holmes was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest through the greater part of the meal, smoking his pipe regardless of the eaters. Mrs. Hudson`s appetite was visibly undiminished by it, but I struggled with my helping, and when we rose from the table, I felt as though I had ingested a stone.

I helped wash the dishes, and Holmes retreated into his burrow. The landlady, at whom I passed the plates for drying, mentioned that Mildred had enquired after me.

„…and told her you were coming today with Mr. Holmes, but that she had better wait until tomorrow before she called, as I did not know what your plans were. I hope this finds your agreement, Madam?"

„O' course, Mrs. `udson. You were right, I was very tired terday. Tomorrow, I shall be happy to meet Mildred. It has been ages!"

But again, I only feigned my joy to please the old lady. It would be more to the point to confess I had begun to dread meeting people from „the past". What if I had ceased to exist? What if I was only there to remind, remind each and everyone of a state of affairs irrevocably beyond our reach?

oooOOOooo

I woke to mild sunshine creeping into my room by stages. First, it touched the floor beneath the window, then it reached the counterpane on my bed and started to approach my hands and face, which had welded into the pillow. I sighed. I could not hide in here, I had to get up and dress, and so I did. Better to confront Holmes now, ask him what he intended to do, than remain in uncertainty for another day.

But I was not fated to receive explication. On the steps downstairs, I met the landlady, who was carrying up a stack of clean linnen.

„Mrs. `udson! Good morning! I was wondering whether Mr. `olmes is up already?"

She affected a mysterious expression. „Mr. Holmes was up very early indeed, Madam, but he has gone up to London with the first train."

„To London!" My surprise was considerable. „To do what?"

„Well, he doesn't tell me, Madam. I only know that he was very smartly dressed. He was wearing a tie with an emerald needle in it, imagine! At this time of day!"

She sniffed a little, as though wearing an emerald needle were to be considered highly improper. I frowned. „Awright, then. Thank you, Mrs. `udson."

As I proceeded on my way down the stairs, I felt the frown etch deeper into my brow. What could this possibly mean? I wished I had possessed the courage to question him earlier on his course of action! Clearly, I wouldn't hear from him before tomorrow, maybe later.

But I was wrong here.

When I sat down to my breakfast cover, lovingly prepared by Mrs. Hudson, I saw something white twisted into the thick, stiff ornamental table napkin. I unrolled it, and found a note written on something that looked like a page spontaneously torn from a pocketbook. It read:

Fanny,

Pray take note of my sincere regrets. I will be back from London tomorrow with news, and, so I hope, improved manners.

SH

That was all. I placed the piece of paper next to my plate to re-read it as I ate my breakfast, slowly and ponderously.

oooOOOooo

„Fanny!" Mildred beamed at me, white teeth flashing with health and many drinks of fresh milk. Her outstretched arms wrapped me, drew me close to her narrow chest. „How well you look!"

„So do you", I returned, sheepishly, but it was not empty flattery. For some reason unclear to me, I had pictured my girlhood companion as a broad, chunky young woman with a dairy bucket and and oafish, good-natured grin on her face. At the sight of the slender creature with the velvety reddish-brown complexion, I felt outright bad about my prejudices. How narrow I had become! Life in the metropolis maybe had not done as much for my character as I had hoped.

„You haven't changed a whit", she mused, looking me over again and again in amazement. „Though your legs, of course, have grown longer, and there's some improvement on the end of them, too!" And she playfully smacked me on my bottom, a demonstration of intimacy I was utterly unprepared for.

But at least, my appearance clearly did not bring memories of mourning to her mind. With relief I registered that in this one case at least, it was I, not my aunt, who had left the lasting impression.

„Er…thank you", I returned, bewildered, but pleased.

„And how fancy you are!" She admired my apparel, not restricting herself to visual appraisal, but tugging at my skirt here, brushing over my collar there, as though we still were children that toyed with one another totally without inhibitions.

„I must needs be dressed well, because I work for a fashion designer. See here! I made this for you!" I declared, and delved my hand into the valise Holmes had slovenly abandoned on the kitchen floor. It found the brown paper bag, and took out the hat with silk flowers.

Mildred's mouth formed an O as she took the gift without false hesitation and placed it on her head before one of Mrs. Hudson's polished pans. „My, look at me! Don't I look chic with that straw boater? People will think I'm a lady!"

„You are a lady!" I said, with a sudden impulse that overrode all of my customary reserve, and laid my arms around her waist as sisters will. She stopped, hands still raised to the hat, and laughed at me, that fresh, milky white laugh.

„Thank you, Fanny. Oh, I am right glad you came! Let's go out into the sunshine, shall we? A new hat needs parading!"

I agreed, and we strode out of doors, and beyond the small brick wall in front of the cottage.

„So I hear you run your father's farm these days, all on yer own?" I enquired lightly, without having to force conversation. I had not felt so easy, so unrestrained with anyone in ages!

„Well, not all by myself, shall we say." She winked at me merrily. „I married earlier this year. He's the son of one of the neighboring farmers. Tom. Now, don't you start to sing!"

But I was humming already, and she shook her head in despair at my simplicity. „So anyways. He is a big help, since Pa is beginning to have some trouble lifting and carrying heavy loads, and I can't very well do the hay harvest all on my own. That's what we do these days, hay and cows, mostly. Although - „ and she smiled as if at a private joke" - we still have our bees."

„Your bees? Ah!" Walking around the cottage, I spied two large, conical shapes down in the meadow. They seemed surrounded by tiny, moving dots. „I think I can see them!"

But Mildred shook her head. „No, no. This is not ours. This is your bees."

„Why, I can't follow you!"

„Don't you remember? The one's left here from the predecessor? You took care of them when you came here. You can't have forgotten that!" Mildred marvelled, looking at me almost reproachfully.

„Yes - no - I `ave not - only I didn't know the hives were still `ere! Who tends them, if not you?"

„Mr. `olmes, of course! I even borrowed him a book of mine: Practical Handbook Of Bee Culture with Some Observations upon the Segregation of the Queen is the title, and if it ever taught anybody any beekeeping at all, that person is Mr. Holmes. He cares for them so well that over the years, their number has trebled!"

„That is…remarkable", I mumbled, and with going deeper into the subject, we walked past the hives, still busy in late autumn, and strolled deeper into the green, rolling meadows of South Sussex.

Hello, hello!

I feel warmer now around the heart when I write Fanny, and I hope the feeling is shared by you, the readers. Holmes, of course, is a complete bum, but we don't expect anything else, aye?

But even the mellow October sun inn merry old England is insufficient to dissolve certain difficulties. Fanny is confused, and surrounded by a vortex that quickly sucks her in deeper. What will happen to our heroes when things finally come to a head?

Read on and find out!

Love, Mrs. F