Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?
Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own.
A/N: Sorry for the years I took off. Life man, life. Here's a long chapter to make up for it.
Warning: This chapter has some nudity and strong sexual situations. Anything in bold is Wolverine writing in Remy's journal that the Cajun tried to cross out. Italic Bold is Storm writing. Oh, and I'm just now adding Nightcrawler as if he's a new recruit.
Written Desires
Entry Eight: Action ou Vérité?
(Truth or Dare?)
Dear Diary,
We had nasty hot sex. I'm talking THEE NASTIEST SEX EVER! There was sweat, moaning and groaning like shit!
Journal,
First of all, t'is ma journal and I haven't de slightest why t'at adamantium freak t'ink he can just use it whenever he want to. Wolverine stop writing in my journal vous asshole! T'is uh journal, not a diary! Journal! If t'at metal molded fool calls t'is a diary one mo time, he's dead! DEAD!
-Ahem-
So let Remy recap what happened yesterday…
Dear Remy's Stupid Ass Diary,
I, Logan, aka Wolverine, am now writing this entry. Only I can give you the details of the last two days like they were meant to be told. Remy is currently tied up. Take that however you want to. Beau is sitting on his head, comfortable as can be as the Cajun lets loose a string of cuss words a sailor would blush at hearin'. Good lord he's loud as hell too.
Hang on, let me shut this red eyed thief up…
*insert sound fx here from claws*
So as far as Roguey sleeping with the walking bomb the other night, it didn't happen. The damn lizard came back from jail. How the hell that idiot keeps making it back here is a damn mystery to me. Who the hell keeps giving out our address?
Nevertheless, right when everyone was tucked in for the night—ok so I will say that Roguey was in the Cajun's room that night, but I highly doubt that anything happened because of Cody's timing. I mean, I heard the Cajun's fast, but not that fast…
Or maybe so. Prolly why he doesn't have a femme yet. Ha! Ol fast ass swamp rat!
I can say, however, that I slept with my little African Tornado that night and whew! Ro keeps blowing my mind every time. Just when I think I got my darlin all figured out, BOOM!
Keep vous stupid sex crimes out of moi journal you nasty pervert!
Diary, this ain't bout me. SO the skinny little freak returned and he was none too happy with our resident Cajun. Amused me. Gumbo was more than pissed about the lizard's return. Even more amusing. The two faced off…
-Sidenote, I think red eyes was shirtless and I THINK RO WAS STARING AT HIM. Like that swamprat could ever compare to all this Canadian sexiness. NOTE TO SELF: ask Ro bout her wanderin eyes later on.
Nah, scratch that, I know she's loyal. NEW NOTE TOO SELF: HAVE SEX WITH RO AFTER HER DANGER ROOM SESSION \_/ -that's my happy face
No one wants vous damn wife you self-absorbed jerk and stop writin in all caps! Just stop writin! If someone find t'is, call 911 cause someone bout ta die!
Back to the story Remy's Diary,
Roguey looked all kinds of annoyed that the lizard was back, but pulled him away anyway. Blah, that homme gonna get his ass kicked in his danger room session with Remy. That Cajun went to bed angry and sexually frustrated. I can't sympathize with him on that last part. Cause I gets BUSY!
Journal,
I swear mon Dieu, t'is Cajun's gonna kill t'at adamantium freak one day. Friend or not. Teammate or not. T'is not uh diary and damn well not community property eit'er! Da fuck? It's one t'ing to read ma journal, but don't write in it! Especially lies!
Shut up you crybaby **,
I hate Wolverine sometimes.
The feeling's mutual asshole!
Anyway, you can imagine t'at I was pretty livid when I woke up de next morning t'at my cereal even tasted different. Moi coffee? Sucked. T'at lizard was smirkin at me de whole matin et j'ai été bout to blow his ass to pieces, mais non.
Do vous realize how hard it is ta find an open hardware sto in de middle of de night? Extremely.
Well, to be fair, the hardware store wasn't exactly open when we got what we needed sooo…
Shut. Up. We left a note.
Note? Oh! This one?- The Lizard people need all the green paint you have. Your world will be taken over! Earth isssss oursssssss!{long tongue gesture at all humansssssss}{crude lizard drawing}
Well fuck. Vous forgot ta leave de note behind.
Yep.
Back ta de story, stupid homme didn't even realize he was painted green. Who don't look in the mirror when t'ey wake up? Holy hell! T'at mean he didn't wash his hands aft'r he used de bat'room!
-BRB while t'is sex beast go puke-
De professeur called moi into his office.
De professeur just saved a life t'at day.
You not bout that life Gumbo.
Stormy, de adamantium homme t'at shall remain nameless et ma chere were already t'ere. We were being briefed on a new mission for de four of us, mais t'is Cajun mind was one track.
L'AC was on blast.
Ma chere nipples were like headlights pointed right at moi. Mon Dieu!
I t'ink I fainted un peu…
I wouldn't have caught your dumb ass.
Non, but almost…et I t'ink she noticed moi droolin cause she gave me the look of a promise of pain to come.
Oh well! Still didn't cover up t'ose big ol boobies t'ough!
Merde, bat'room break…
Dear Diary,
Today I became a woman. I got my period today. It was like a milestone in my life that I'll never forget. Now if I could just lose my virginity, I'll be complete. –blush blush-
Zut alors! Get your own fucking diary since it seems like you want one so fucking bad you fucking jerk!
You're a dickhead!
Deep down, Rogue loves de jokes et l'attention. It's not t'at Remy's sexist, it's just t'at she de only femme je voudrais. Wouldn't dream of looking at anot'er like je regarde a l'elle.
In any case, let's talk about de mission from earlier today. T'is sexy ass Cajun got shot at, t'rown cross de room and slapped, but it was all worth it cause…I got to see ma Cherie naaaaakkkeeeeddddd.
-Insert school girl squeal ici- -insert sexy face ici-
Speaking of sexy, we met up at the jet around 6am bright n early t'is matin. By everybody, Remy mean de four of us t'at actually matt'r in t'is place. Moi, ma Cherie, Stormy et t'at jerk Wolverine. Luckily, everybody t'ought it'd be a tres excellent idée to brush t'ere teeth today. C'est un miracle!
It was early, oui, but Remy had so much energy t'at he wanted to sing a song for Rogue. Uh huh, vous didn't know t'at ya boy had t'em vocals huh? Oui, Remy can blow.
You a damn lie Cajun
Yet I'm definitely still a loveable pervert. Imagine moi singing, 'Love Me Sexy' by Jackie Moon* while my Cherie slowly strolled towards moi. I'll give you a second to imagine all t'at sexy shit t'at went down….
-Rogue's POV-
I am not uh mo'nin person. So when I got this early mo'nin mission, I protested 'gainst it like uh rat caught in uh trap. Damn it all to hell! Who needs our help this damn early? Only reason I'm here on time is 'cause Storm dragged me out the bed and made me get ready…and 'cause of uh certain sexy Cajun I just be dying tuh lay mah hands on. Ma mind is so terrible fo all dis I'm thinkin bout, but fo goodness sakes, why ain't he just try to holla at me before Cody came back? Damn…Cody. That's another story altogetha. That damn Cajun…well speak of the devil…here he is standing in front of the jet sanging. Remy can sang? Say whaaaaaat? Oh I should've known, it's a perverted song too. I just shake mah head and continue walking towards him.
"Come on girl, yeah..it's me Remy LeBeau.
Don't gimme t'at look, t'at's right, let's get sweaty, let's get real sweaty
I'm talkin' rainforest sweaty, I'm talkin' swamp sweaty.
Let's fill de bathtub full of sweat…alright."
Oh mah Lawd, is this man really gyratin' his damn hips at me?
"Baby who wants to love me sexy uh?
Baby are you ready to lick me sexy uh uh?
Take off your shoes and suck me sexy
Baby we're naked and we're humpin' sexy"
Naw, I'm definitely not bout this life. He needs to stop before I jump his damn bones and drain his life kissing him stupid. Quick, think of something gal before he notices yuh blushin like uh idiot!
"Gawd yuh swamprat, why don't yuh shut up? Nobody wants tuh hear yuh stupid song."
-End Rogue's POV-
As you can imagine, ma cherie wasn't feeling de song I was singin' only for her. For shame. Oh well! T'is Cajun had to add even mo gyrating hip motion in for mo sexiness.
I wanna do a little thing wit choo
I wanna do a little thing wit choo
When I say love me you say sexy
Love me - sexy
Back it on up and show and prove
That lovin' me sexy is the thing to do
Your body says love me your mind says sexy
Love me sexy
And t'en t'ere was a monster yellin' 'cross de room at po ol Gambit like a madman:
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET ON THE JET YOU BACKWATER RODENT!"
Took me right out my hookup. Damn. Stupid Wolverine.
Remy don't see how Stormy tolerate de fool.
So we boarded de jet for the long trip to Germany to pick up a new mutant de professeur found wit cerebro and t'is Cajun wasn't looking forward to it. Well, Remy'd be lying if he say he wasn't looking forward to de long ride being shacked up wit ma chere. It's t'at metal fool t'at I wouldn't mind pushing off de jet t'at irks moi.
Sitting in the de same seat for 5 hours is boooooorrrrring! Mon Dieu! De trip needed help and soon! So what better way to kill boredom t'en wit uh game? Not just any game. Trut' or dare mon amie.
Surprisingly enough, it was easy to persuade mon amies to joue…wit NO GROUND RULES.
-Muhahahamuhaha – Cajun gonna make you do naughty t'ings laugh
De jet was set to auto pilot as we sat around de back area getting ready and in my mind, it was, about, to go, down. Gotta start off easy so de femmes don't get offended. Wolvie went first and t'at was a mistake.
"Storm, truth or dare?"
Stormie was always a bad ma'ama jamma in t'is cajun's book, so she went with dare. Wolverine had no chill on de first go round.
"Get naked."
And whoa, whoa, whoa, no matter how much Remy wanted to jump in and say, non, t'is ain't right, my lips only broke into a huge grin. Rogue was all, 'awl hell nah! Dat ain't fair!' but I was trying to finally see de weat'er goddess naked.
Hold up, not cause Remy no pervert, which I am, but only cause t'at metal skeleton freak saw ma Cherie naked before by mistake. Payback's a bitch mon frere.
Stormie attitude was all, no fucks given, cause she was naked before t'is Cajun could blink. Everyt'ing was silent. How she do that so fast? Naked in 1.2 seconds? Really? Who does t'at?!
My wife does that and keep your demon eyes off her!
She stacked t'ough!
I said keep your eyes off before I shove a deck of cards down your throat!
So t'is game, oh it was definitely on. Stormie was next and she chose her maniacal homme, and he picked dare.
I got this one swamprat. So my chere dared me to take a dare with diablo over here and I took it. I don't back down from no dares. Especially from a soft female like Ro.
Storm is far from a soft femme mon ami.
Heh, don't I know it? She dared us to windsurf on the jet. No problem right? Until she said naked. The Cajun was all too happy to comply and was stripping in no time. Me, on the other hand, I had to get a few more beers in me before I could attempt to function like that. Damn her, she knows how much I hate my balls flying in the wind. It's not a comfortable experience Ro. I told you that on our wedding night when you used your powers to wkhkdhkfjkeduifhdkkdkd dhkahkajk skjakjkaa jkkshduhd iqehdjdhk jidwiyed!
Whoa, whoa! No one needs to read all t'at! T'is Cajun had to write over it just to make sure it couln't be seen no more! T'at's gross! Vous duex are gross! Remy never gonna look at vous de same way again!
-Brb, gotta t'row up-
Rogue makes a disgusted face as she holds the journal away from her.
Oh mah Gawd! I can still read it! They did what? I can't believe they do that during sex! Those two are so gross!
She stops to think.
I wanda if Remy'll like that if Storm let me borrow her powers for awhile…
She goes back to reading with a smirk.
Rogue's POV
There is a moonroof on the jet and I dunno when it got installed, but it's there. A. Moon. Roof. That the fellas are standing on. Nonchalant as two peas in a pod. Junk flapping in the wind. Asses tighter than a clam wit lockjaw. Good Gawd! I'm so busy gawking that I didn't even notice Ro walk up on me.
"I believe that you are liking what you are seeing, correct? Dump the lizard and you could have all that Cajun all the time."
I snap out of my trance.
"Lizard? What lizard?"
Storm just smiles and shrugs, taking out her phone to snap a picture. Where the hell did she get a phone from?
"Blackmail."
De dares were a combo of sexy and petty. Petty when Roguey made moi suck my t'umb for de rest of de game and Stormie was made ta say, "ya heard me" after every statement. Sexy when Rogue had ta twerk on moi.
Mon Dieu, ma cherie got sum serious twerking power!
In any case, let moi type out part of our game pour vous to understand de full extent of how deep de game got.
-Actual Game-
So Storm sat t'ere naked, chilling while moi et claws were only in our boxers. T'is Cajun still had his t'umb in his mouth cause Remy LeBeau don't lose no dares! Meanwhile, ma chere was sitting there, fully dressed, feeling safe.
Not for long.
"Rogue, truth or dare?"
"Um, dare."
"Oh you fucked up on that one Roguey."
"Quiet Wolverine. Rogue, I dare you to fly alongside the jet."
My eyebrow goes up. T'at was whack.
"Ok, no problem."
"Naked."
Now my ot'er eyebrow joins de first. T'at's a dare! My red eyes turn ta Rogue in anticipation. Oooooohh, I was bout ta see her fly naaaaakeeeeeeeeddd!
Of course she fought it, but in de end, she lost. She had already said no problem, soooooo…
I was just waiting on t'em tittays ta come out.
Et t'ey did. Et je regard. Watched from de window like a garçon who seeing porn for de first time. Rogue flew naked beside de jet. Rogue flew naked beside de jet!
Let t'at soak in. – insert drool face ici-
Non, vous cannot become an xmen now.
This job don't pay shit anyway.
Ya heard me?
Storm vous traitor! Vous reading ma journal aussi?!
Yes. Did you think my husband would keep such juicy material from his wife? Besides, you need to step your game up and go get it on with that Mississippi gal now. Like before I strike your ass with lightning.
Well. Shit.
In any case, I took trut' and I got hit wit, how often do you masturbate, question.
"Well. Shit. Everyday."
Everybody was lookin at moi all odd like I was just a nasty Cajun. I mean, I can't get de real t'ing like t'is freak couple over ici, so pourquoi pas?
Don't hate me cause you ain't me Gumbo.
Je déteste vous cause vous, vous.
Oh, here's anot'er highlight of de game. Stormie and de adamantium freak are perrrrrvvvvvsss.
"Wolverine, truth or dare suga?"
"Double dare. Let's quit these weak ass-"
"Pretend ta have sex wit Storm afta accidentally callin Jean frum tha jet phone."
Mon Dieu, ma Cherie uh freak too! Gambit dunno what kinda sick ideas she got in t'at beautiful head of hers, but it all come out tres sexy!
Love moi sexy!
Asshat.
T'em duex got right to it too. De weat'er goddess pulled lui homme up ta de comm system et dialed Jean. As soon as de red head answered, t'ey got to it.
T'umb still in mout', t'is Cajun watched wit wide eyes as de couple started moanin and groanin. Wolverine even spanked his Cherie. In front of moi. Er…us. Forgot Roguey was t'ere.
Meanwhile Jean yelling 'hello, hello', like an idiote while trynna figure life out.
What happened next almost gave moi uh heart attack.
Storm bent over, rubbed her ass 'ginst her husband and spoke de sexiest French t'is Cajun ever heard. T'en he choked her. T'en elle screamed as if she came.
Rogue had t'is look of pure shock on her face.
Remy really dunno what happened next, cause he passed out. Cold.
Whew, too much pour moi ta handle. Moi brain shut down, oxygen got shut off, all t'at shit malfunctioned.
Merde.
-End Game-
You missed the whole afterparty Gumbo. We had drinks, bubbles, watergun fights and music. Plus a twerk contest.
…Quel?!
-BRB gotta check moi sources-
Remy just confirmed wit Rogue t'at vous uh liar. Jerk.
So let's get ta de mission, non?
We finally got ta Germany; Winzeldorf actually. Seems as if de new mutant de professuer found was hiding t'ere. Landing in a clearing away from de village, we set out in pairs, fully dressed of course ta find de homme. Cutting all de boring searching part out, we found de homme in a dark barn, hanging upside down. Just chillin. Uh angry mob lookin for him, et he in a barn chillin. Go figure.
Stormie always been de diplomatic one, so she de one t'at coaxed him down since we didn't have a telepat' on our team t'at day.
Or tornado'd him down, whatev'r… Point is, elle got him down.
Kurt Wagner was his name, but he prefer Nightcrawler. Name suits em. He look just like a blue devil. Kinda reminds moi of Mystique. Hmm, gotta check inta t'at later.
So anyway, said mob was lookin ta kill him cause he ate kids or sumt'ing like t'at, while lookin pour lui frère. Just as we convinced him ta come wit us, all hell broke loose.
De mob broke de do down.
A fight ensued.
Some blonde femme slapped moi like t'at would stop moi.
Remy hate blondes.
Nightcrawler touched Rogue by mistake – I didn't like it- and elle screamed as she absorbed his memories and powers.
Awl shit.
I ran ov'r ta be ma cherie's savior et she punched moi, t'en tossed moi cross de room.
De nerve of her! Tossin Gambit like a bag of half eaten Flaming' Hot Cheetos!
Cause of my hair, vous get it?
In any case, ooohhh, t'is Cajun had de worst attitude on de way home! Just wanted ta punch somebody.
As soon as we got back, de lizardwas t'ere ta confront moi.
"Remy you ass! You painted me green!"
Gave de homme a swift punch ta de t'roat t'at laid him out.
Ma chere poofed right over him since she still had Nightcrawler's powers.
All I wanted was a bon nuit dormee, yet right when we got ta de do, de Professeur showed up in t'at damn yellow hovercraft.
"What's this I hear of you having…sexual relations…on the Blackbird?"
"Well you see Chuck…"
And just like t'at, Rogue grabbed us and poof'd us up ta our rooms, leaving de blue homme behind.
Saved again…
Ah merde, later journal, Beau just made a massive mess of his damn litter box. Oh, et I t'ink I hear de lizard outside ma window…
Don't forget our basketball game at 3pm Gumbo. Bring beer. Lots of it.
-Sexy Cajun gonna pour cat litter on vous head evil smirk-
-RL
A/N: *'Love Me Sexy' by Jackie Moon is a song from the movie Semi-Pro. Will Ferrell sings it and is hilarious.