Bucky's POV
Ana, Steve, and I went out to a little old fashioned diner in brooklyn. It was one of the few vintage diners left in the area, the atmosphere was what had us in love with the place, as it reminded Steve and I of better days in the past when he was nothing more than skin and bones trying to prove himself in a fight in every alley and parking lot in Brooklyn. We chose a booth in corner nearest to the jukebox that played dated songs compared to Ana's playlist of Fall Out boy and All Time Low. Despite the music it was quiet, which was a gift after a while of living the life of an Avenger. Quiet time was harder to come by than you'd think. I watched Ana slowly nibble on an order of french fries, she was barely eating and I couldn't help but be concerned. She exchanged small glances with Steve as if they were having some sort of telepathic conversation and soon I couldn't handle the silence that on any other day, would have been peaceful. Glancing between the two of them, I tried to pick up some small fragments of what they could be discussing. From the slightly disappointed look on Steve's face I could only guess that she told him about her relapses. It was a difficult thing to accept for Steve, hell, even I couldn't quite grasp the concept of self harm. I could only imagine the past horrors that would drive her to do it. The light buzz of Ana's phone on the table caught her attention breaking the tense eye contact. "Natasha wants me to go for a run with her." she mumbled behind the sleeve of the oversized sweatshirt that she likely stole from my closet. "I don't think you should go." Steve said tightly, shifting in his seat.
"Running is different from sparring; and beside's, the cut is healing." She was clearly not comfortable with the constant shadow Steve was casting on her.
"That's not what I was referring to." the muscles in his jaw visibly clenched in irritation
"I'll be fine." she said matching Steve's frustration.
"Just promise to be careful." I said finally trying to break their tension. I knew Ana needed some space and her daily workouts served as a time for her to think. Steve didn't see it this way however and looked very upset at her insistence to go running. "I will." she promised with a quick hug, "See you later."
"I can't believe you're okay with this." Steve snapped after Ana left.
"Why not? keeping her from living isn't going to help anything."
"She shouldn't be running in the condition she's in!"
"I don't think cuts are affected by running, Steve. And I think it will help her clear her head."
"Bucky, how can you let her go running when she has been up all night puking?"
"What?" My eyes narrowed looking at the withered tabletop before slamming a fist down. The sudden noise caused a few other customers near our table to jump and stare. I looked down and realized my cybernetic hand had left a dent. I hadn't meant to, but sometimes, my metal arm just reacts on it's own, because it's connected to my brain. Steve looked at my still clenched fist. "She didn't tell you?"
"No." I huffed, "She did tell me that she cut while I was gone, though."
Steve sighed, shaking his head at himself, "I knew I should have watched her more carefully."
"It's not your fault, Steve." I reassured him, "What are we gonna do with this girl?" I mumbled down at the table.
"I've been thinking about that myself." Steve sighed sitting back.
We both stared out the window for a long time. I was worried about Ana. More worried than I'd ever been about another person. Probably more than when I thought I was leaving Steve alone in Brooklyn. Ana was my best friend. When she first joined the team, I was still in and out of recovery and her presence alone seemed to calm the storm that raged on in my mind. She had been quiet in the beginning, I thought she would never talk. I remember finding her shyness so adorable. However, I soon learned that even though she appeared so timid, that did not mean she couldn't hold her own. It was during our first sparring session, she managed to land an impressive blow right under my chin that had me seeing stars before knocking me off my feet in ten seconds. It wasn't just her hidden fighting skills that he admired about her. Ana loved to read. I could watch her read all day. Her hair falls around her face, and the more interested she is in the book, the worse her posture gets. I was thinking about this when Steve got my attention. He was looking at his phone with an expression I couldn't read. "What is it?" There was no masking the worry that filled my voice . "We need to get home." he said quickly, "I'll explain on the way."
…
Ana's POV
After Natasha and I were done running, we went back to the tower. I collapsed onto the plush, leather couch, breathing heavily, with sweat glistening on my face. "You want some water?" Natasha asked. I groaned to match my muscles screaming in pain. "I'll take that as a yes. This is what you get for missing three days of training."
"It's not my fault." I said defensively. I can actually run for a long time before I get tired, but Natasha can go forever. Today, I made her stop at twelve miles.
The whirring of the elevator caught my attention. It stopped on our floor and Tony stepped out, typing furiously away on his phone. When his eyes landed on me, he made a face of disgust, "Can you not sweat all over my couch? It's expensive."
"Can you be quiet? I'm dying here and I need to think of some really good last words." I snapped back as Natasha set a water bottle on the coffee table. She smirked as she settled into her own spot on the couch with her post-run smoothie. I think she likes watching me argue with Tony. He and I are actually very good friends, and I spend a lot of my time in his workshop. The holograms are great for designing new tech and rifles, and for playing games when I'm bored.
"Really? Three days of ditching training has you this out of shape?" Tony playfully poked my ribs in just the wrong spot. It hurt. I winced from the sharp sting, but tried hide it with a smile. I thought he never noticed, but this time, he looked at me with a curious expression. "Something wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. I shook my head, "I'm fine." Tony looked at me again, his brown eyes tearing into me, searching for answers.
"It's not like you to miss training" he stated.
"Yeah, I just haven't been feeling well lately." I lied, taking a sip from my water bottle.
"Steve said you were at SHIELD." Natasha interjected.
Tony eyed me suspiciously, "Are you hiding something from us, Stasia?"
Now I was starting to panic. My whole secret was falling apart!
"Why would you ask that, Tony?" I said defensively, sitting up and crossing my arms.
"Because, we're friends, and friends don't hide things from each other." he said, poking my ribs again, causing me to wince in pain again. "Obviously only one of your excuses is true. So which one is it?" Tony said, copying my gesture.
"Why do you want to know?" I snapped. I'm not a good liar, but that answer probably wasn't any less suspicious, but I was starting to get irritated with Tony.
"Whatever your reason was, it's fine. You don't have to hide anything from us." Natasha said calmly, trying to extinguish the argument. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
"I'm not hiding anything!" I was furious now; and scared. I didn't want to tell anyone else what had been going on. I couldn't have my supervising officer thinking I was weak, or my mentor thinking I was unstable. A this point, I'll be lucky if Steve ever lets me back on the field again. Not knowing what else to do, I jumped up and stormed out of the room.
3rd person POV
Tony watched the elevator doors shut after Anastasia left. "JARVIS, where is she going?" he demanded.
"I believe she will go to her apartment." he said. "When she gets there, lock the door. Don't let her leave. This is a Code Blue."
"Tony, what are you doing?" Natasha asked, trying to keep her voice steady. She knew Tony almost always had good intentions but did not always have a good execution of those intentions.
"I'm going to talk to her." he said, pressing the elevator button.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? She seems upset. Mostly with you." Natasha pointed out.
"You're not going to tell me you haven't noticed there's something off with lately, are you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Tony."
"You must be a lousy Supervising Officer, then."
Natasha glared at him for a second, then her expression changed, and she sighed, "I noticed she's been distant." she admitted.
"Me too. And I think I know what's bugging her. I hope I'm wrong, but it's not likely." Tony said as he stepped into the elevator. Natasha saw fear in his eyes, and also concern, something Tony Stark does not often express openly. Now she knew whatever he was talking about, he was serious. She began to worry.
"so, what is it?" she asked.
"Really? You don't know?" Tony scoffed. It wasn't meant to be condescending, but it sure seemed that way.
Natasha rolled her eyes, "Well, we can't all be geniuses. So, what is wrong with her?"
"The same problems I had when we met, remember?" Tony said as the doors closed.
Natasha sat thinking alone for a moment. No. NO. Absolutely not. There was no way Ana was like that. Natasha didn't want to believe it, but the proof was all there. As she thought more and more about Ana's behavior, she knew Tony was right. She became angry at herself for not figuring it out sooner, or not paying enough attention. She was scared for Ana's wellbeing. With shaky hands, she whipped out her phone to text Steve.
Bucky POV
"Why are we in such a hurry to get home?" I asked as Steve got us a cab. Normally we'd take the subway, but taxis are usually faster, especially when you tip well.
"See for yourself." Steve said giving me his phone.
I scrolled through a recent conversation with Nat.
Nat: I'm worried about Anastasia. Is she Okay?
Steve: Did she tell you something?
Nat: Tell me what? Tony knows something is up. He is going to talk to her.
Nat: Steve, is she okay?
I felt my blood boil. I wasn't fond of Stark in the beginning. We're friends now, but this made me angry at him. He had no right to pry into Ana's personal business.
"I bet he had JARVIS spy on Ana." I told Steve.
"Bucky, you know even Tony wouldn't abuse power like that."
"Wouldn't he? I swear if he's hurt her in any way… " I growled.
"Let's not panic. We don't even know what he knows yet. All we know is that we may have a lot to clear up with Natasha." Steve said, calm as ever.
I rolled my eyes, looking out the window to watch the city go by. I passed the time thinking of how badly I would hurt Stark if he upset Ana.
Ana POV
I was in my apartment, trying to recover from my conversation with Tony and Nat when I heard a knock. "Who is it JARVIS?"
"Captain Rogers miss."
I rushed to open the door, but it wasn't Steve on the other side. Needless to say I was disappointed, also infuriated, that Tony would use his AI to lie to me. Tony blocked the door before I could slam it in his face. "Miss me, Stasia?" he asked. "No." I snapped.
"Can I come in? I want to apologize."
"I don't think you do, but why not?"
Tony gave me a smirk as he walked in. I tried to brush him off by going to the kitchen. It might have seemed a little rude but I was pretty upset. I started cutting up strawberries. While Tony made himself at home, sitting on a barstool with his chin in his hand.
"Do you mind?" Tony asked, pointing to one of my strawberries, "I'm not allowed to have these in my flat." I rolled my eyes and shrugged. He snatched a bright red berry, bringing it to his lips.
"I am sorry." he said.
He sounded sincere, but I wasn't sure. I tried raising an eyebrow at him the way Nat does. It must have worked a little because I could see him shift nervously before continuing, "I shouldn't have accused you of lying, or brought up the subject of you hiding anything in front of Nat." He sighed deeply, "But listen, honey, I know you are hiding something, and if you don't want to tell me… "
"I don't." I snapped, cutting him off. My breathing was getting shallow, and my heart was pounding.
"Can I guess?" Tony asked. It was a rhetorical question, apparently, because he didn't give me a chance to say anything before he leaned towards me like he was studying me. "You've been distant for the past few days… " he said.
"The flu, remember?"
"Ana, don't lie to me. I've noticed things since you first moved in. Your shyness; the way you can't make eye contact with anyone. I know you lie about your life before Hydra. You tug on your sleeves whenever you lie. At first I didn't understand what you could have to hide, but then I started to notice more. Your fingernails are nonexistent, and you always wore long sleeves at first, even to this day I've never seen your shoulders. It all adds up now." I glared at him, daring him to finish his statement. To my dismay, he got up so he was standing face to face with me, so he could continue, "You express pain whenever someone touches you in certain places, primarily your ribs and shoulders. You pull on your sleeves when you think no one's looking. You're self destructive, am I right?"
Tony looked at me, waiting for me to admit he was right.
"I think you've been watching too much Sherlock." I quipped, I tried to turn and leave, but Tony grabbed me, by my shoulder, causing me to hiss in pain. Because I had cut there only yesterday, the cut reopened and blood started to show through my shirt. Tony watched the red stain grow intently. I had proved him right. "Are you happy now?!" I shouted at Tony. "Yes! I'm a cutter! I hurt myself and I know it's sick and disgusting and I do it anyway!" I screamed. Then it got worse. Memories started flooding back to me. Things I hadn't thought about in a long time, things I only wished I could forget. I started sobbing uncontrollably, tears blurred my vision and I started to zone out, like I didn't know where I was. I could feel my heart pounding and I was shaking like a leaf. I grabbed onto the counter to keep my balance and tried to focus on where I was and getting oxygen. In between my own ragged breaths I heard Tony whisper, "you're not-"
"Not what?" I asked, snapping my head up. Tony was standing in front of me now, even though I hadn't noticed he moved.
Tony put his hands on my shoulders gently, not wanting to hurt me.
"You're not crazy." he said, "You may not be completely normal, but who is? You're strong and beautiful and I know you'll make it through this."
"How do you know?" I asked him, looking into his eyes. They hadn't left mine for a second, as they wanted me to know they were truthful.
"Because you have me, and Steve, and Bucky, and everyone else in this tower. We're going to help whether you want it or not."
I sighed, letting myself sink to the floor out of exhaustion. I brought my knees to my chest and rested my forehead against them. To my surprise, Tony joined me on the floor. He sat in silence for a minute, which was about a minute longer than he'd ever gone without talking in his lifetime. Then he pointed to my shoulder.
Show me." Tony said.
"Why? You already know."
"Just do it." I pulled my shirt down so my shoulder was exposed. Tony opened a first-aid kit I hadn't noticed was there. He must have grabbed it in the middle of my freakout. I felt him wipe the blood away, and stick something to my shoulder. I saw a bright red, white, and blue Captain America band-aid covering my cut. That definitely didn't come from the first-aid kit. It seemed weird he would put it on me, as I wasn't really bleeding anymore, and it didn't cover much anyway.
"You keep Captain America band-aids in your pocket?" I questioned.
"Yes." Tony said as though I was the weird one for questioning it.
"They make everything better." Tony explained to me, "When I was a kid they didn't really have cool band-aids like this. So I make it a point to have interesting ones now."
Tony was actually being pretty understanding about this whole cutting thing. I was a little awestruck at his ability to be so casual about it. He must have noticed the confusion on my face, because he said, "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this… support thing. I know you'd probably much rather talk to Steve or Bucky about this."
"No, Tony. I love it." I smiled, pointing at my band-aid, "And you're handling this a lot better than Steve did."
"What did he say?" Tony inquired.
"He didn't really say much. He yelled… a lot." I whispered, starting to chew on my pinky nail.
"And Bucky?"
"Better, but I still don't know if he gets it. They really just want to know why? And I can't really explain that." I said, playing with my sleeves. I hadn't really planned on sitting here talking about this with Tony, but he was surprisingly easy to talk to, even about self harm.
"Well, honey, you've had it tough for someone so young, I understand that it must be painful for you, but I don't think that's all of why you do this."
"Oh yeah? Well what's your theory, Freud?"
"Based on your nail-biting habit, and the fact that you won't ever go to one of my parties, and the little episode you had a few minutes ago, I'd say you might have an anxiety problem."
I pressed my forehead to my knees. "I guess so."
"It's not as bad as you think." Tony said reassuringly, "You'll get through it."
I smiled, and hugged him. "Thank you, Tony. You really aren't a jerk all the time."
"Wow, kid, I'm honored."
We laughed, and he helped me off of the kitchen floor. I wiped my tears away and went to clean up the abandoned strawberries I'd left on the counter. That's when we heard the door slam open followed by an angry shout. I jumped in surprise when I heard Bucky's voice.
"Stark!"