I'm sorry this chapter took so long. The holidays got really, really busy for me, and I was kinda sick last week so I couldn't work on the story. But, better late than never, right? Anyway, this chapter will have a bonding moment between Ana and Bucky that will really affect the story for the next few chapters. There will also be some more action soon, and very likely more of Thor, Tony, and Nat.Chapter 8

Ana's POV

Bucky had my left hand in his right as he led me through the hallways. My grip must have felt like a python wrapped around his hand. He led me out through the lobby, never once letting go.

"Do you want to go home?" He asked when we reached the street.

"No. Not really."

"Are you okay to go out right now?" Bucky knew I didn't like crowd that much, and I knew he would still be a mama bear because of my concussion, but right now, I really wanted to go somewhere to clear my head. "Yeah, I'm fine." I told him.

"Alright, " he said, giving me his signature grin, "follow me then."

We left the facility, which is next to the United Nations Building, kind of. There is a building next to the UN, but it's mostly offices and conference rooms (medical is there too). Most of the actual Shield agents either live on the helicarrier, or in the East River. Yes, I said in it. SHIELD's new interrogation rooms, weapons vaults, and R&D offices are located in a secret facility completely submerged in the East River. It's where the avengers most often report to because flying up to the helicarrier every time you need to turn in paperwork is extremely annoying.

Bucky led me to the subway station, where we boarded a train.

"So, where do you want to go?" Bucky asked.

"I don't know."

"We'll go anywhere you want: The Park, the library, that bakery in Greenwich Village you like so much?"

"How about Books and Brew?" I suggested. It was this little coffee shop/rare book store that I adored. I've only taken Bucky there once before, because it's usually where I go to be alone.

"Absolutely." he replied.

After we arrived at the bookstore, Bucky and I ordered coffee, (two double shot lattes with no foam) and sat in a small booth by the window. The shop itself wasn't very big. There was a curved wooden staircase leading to a loft above the rest of the store, which harbored several cases of books, mostly the classics and some of the rarer titles. The thick scent of coffee and aged paper combined into a perfect aroma that could never be found in any other place on earth. I quietly sipped my coffee, while tugging on the sleeve of my grey jacket.

"I should have made you get decaf." I heard Bucky mumble.

"I think you should quit acting like you're my mom, I'm not like Steve. He told me you were super overprotective back then."

"Well, you're about the same size he was."

"But I'm a lot tougher."

"I'll give you that, but you're just as reckless sometimes."

"I am not." I pouted.

"Says the girl with the split lip and the concussion." Bucky retorted.

I glared at him.

Bucky sighed, "Look, doll, I know you're strong enough to hold your own, but as your best friend, I reserve the right to worry about you. Especially today… what happened back there at headquarters?"

I tugged harder on my sleeve. "I don't know, it's just… I know what Hydra is capable of, and I don't want them hurting anyone else."

"I know that, doll, but I'm talking about what happened when Anderson recognized you. What did he mean?"

My jaw tightened at the mention of Anderson, "I was assigned a mission that was not carried out, because I left."

"Ana, I hate to ask, but… do you know who we should be looking for?"

I grit my teeth, "Yes." I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking, which would give away the fear I was trying so hard to hide.

"Have you known this whole time?" Bucky asked incredulously.

"I had my suspicions." I admitted, looking over my shoulder, "It's just… I don't want to talk about it." I said.

"But this has to do with a mission. You can't keep things like this to yourself." Bucky said seriously.

"I can't just give you information like this right out in the open!" I gestured to the room around us, "If I did I could get a lot of people hurt."

"You keep saying that, but I don't know who you're afraid for. You're so worried about other people getting hurt that you don't think about yourself," I saw his gaze move to my wrists, "I know I've never asked you about this before, but what happened to you when you worked for Hydra?"

I nearly panicked. It had been so long since I had told anyone, Natasha specifically. She had coaxed me to tell her about some of the dark parts of my history. She in turn had told me some things about the Red Room and told me I wasn't alone.

"I can't tell you, Bucky. You'll never see me the same way again."

Bucky's eyes softened with understanding, "I know you probably feel guilty, but I would never judge you for whatever you did there. I don't see why you won't tell me about this? Or tell me why you cut? I'm your best friend Ana, and you still keep so much from me!"

"It's not about what I did, it's about what I didn't do! And I never wanted you to find out that I cut at all, let alone why! But you and Steve just couldn't leave me alone!" I exclaimed, feeling my throat get tight, meaning I might start to cry. Bucky tried to take my hand but I jerked it away. I took some deep breaths, in an attempt to calm myself. I knew Bucky was only trying to help me, and he was being completely sincere when he said he wouldn't judge me, but I wasn't ready to tell him about my life before we met.

"Can we talk about something else now?" I asked.

"Umm, Sure," Bucky said awkwardly, "Steve says Wanda and Scott are coming back to the tower to stay for a while. Tony's insisting we have a party because Thor's here too."

"That's nice." I said. Truthfully, I would be happy to see Wanda. We were very close, being the youngest two on the team. She was often at the compound, to train with Sharon or Agent Hill, and sometimes she visited Asgard to practice her magic in a place where she could be safe and receive proper instruction. She was normally only in the tower for a few weeks at a time. Scott technically lived with the avengers, but he always made so many trips to visit his daughter that he wasn't often there.

Bucky and I strained to make casual discussion as we finished our coffees, but neither of us really had words to say anymore.

BUCKY'S POV

After Ana and I had finished our coffee, we took the subway back to the tower. The ride was quiet, and a bit awkward. There was a sort of tension I'd never felt with Ana before. I knew I shouldn't have pushed her to answer questions about her past, and I had regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth. But I worry about Ana. I want her to stop hurting herself, but I also want her to be happy. I want to look into her eyes without a dark, wild, abyss of fear staring back at me. I wanted to see her smile more, and hear her cheerful, genuine laugh more often. When we arrived at the tower, the team was gathered on the main floor again for a reunion dinner. Wanda and Ana were preoccupied with catching up. Every one else was working on clearing dishes or getting ice cream out of the freezer, while I watched Ana from the kitchen island. The way she was talking with Wanda in that moment, she was smiling, but her eyes were sunken in and dull, and she cradled her arms against her stomach. The past two days had really caught up with her. I tried to give Ana her privacy while she talked, but my eyes kept slipping in her direction. I was finally cut off by Sam.

"You alright?" he asked, glancing between Ana and me.

"'M fine." I snapped, not wanting Sam or any other avenger who didn't already know what was going on prying into mine or Ana's business.

"Did you two have a fight?"

"Not exactly." I mumbled.

"I don't mean to pry or anything, but I've noticed both of you seem off tonight." he said, crossing his arms.

"It's been a long day."

"Listen, man, whatever's going on between you two, just be careful. I think you and I both know she's probably going through a lot right now, maybe something more difficult than you or I could understand."

"Yeah," I admitted, "She sure is, but I didn't make it better."

Sam nodded like he understood. "So it's your fault?"

"Yes, I said something stupid and now she's upset." I said, pouring myself a drink.

"Are you going to apologize?" Sam asked.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me at all right now." I said, looking at my now empty glass.

Sam looked at me with sympathy, "You know, I think she actually wants to talk to you more than you know. Go apologize, and don't make excuses. Girls don't like that."

Ana spent the rest of the night laughing and talking with everyone else. If she felt any pain from her concussion, she didn't show it. As everyone left the main floor, I followed to her apartment. "What are you doing?" she asked me.

"I know you're mad at me right now, but I'm still supposed to watch you so you don't slip into a coma while you sleep, remember?"

Sasha huffed, "Fine. But you get the couch."

I rolled my eyes, I would have had to take the couch anyway, as she didn't have a guest bedroom. I watched Ana stumble into her apartment, she swayed slightly, leaning against the doorpost for a moment.

"Do you need more tylenol?" I asked.

"No." she snapped as she trudged to her couch. I felt so awful, seeing her injured, and upset, and it was entirely my fault. I sighed as I sat on the couch next to her. I knew Sam was right, a sincere and honest apology was the only thing worth trying at this point.

"Ana, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, all of it. It was wrong of me to ask about your past. I know I didn't respect your privacy either by asking about your self-harm. I'm really sorry."

Ana's POV

Bucky was giving me the puppy dog eyes again. I couldn't stay mad at him anyway; I knew he was only trying to help me earlier. I sighed, and moved closer to me on the couch, "It's okay." I mumbled, "I just don't understand why you get so worried about me." Bucky put his arms around me, and I leaned against his shoulder.

"Ana, you should know by now I care very much about you. I can't think of one person on our team who doesn't. You'd have to be crazy to not want to be friends with a girl like you... honestly, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. We can't- I can't lose you." Bucky looked at me, my wrists, to be exact. His eyes were glassy, and his jaw clenched, like he was trying to fight off tears. His words jabbed at my heart like daggers. Had I really hurt the team this much? Was Bucky Barnes crying for me? I held his gaze with my own, fighting my own tears. Bucky took a deep breath and continued.

"I know Steve was hard on you that first day, and I've tried to give you space, but Ana, I have to know- Do you want to stop?"

"I honestly don't know," I admitted, "I don't want to hurt you or the team, but I don't know how to stop. This is something I've struggled with for a long time, and even if I wanted to stop the urges will always be there. I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away."

"I understand." He said, and I knew he did. He'd had his own recovery, and though I only witnessed a small part of it, I still saw what it was like.

"I know you don't like to talk about it, and I respect that, but I think if you told someone why you cut…" He whispered, he didn't like to say the word, "It might help."

I tugged on my sleeves, I wasn't sure I could tell him. I wasn't sure I could stop at all. It felt like he read my mind, because he almost immediately said, "Please, doll, I know you're brave enough and strong enough to do it." I thought for a moment longer, then I looked directly into his eyes and said,

"I can't promise I'll never ever do it again, at least not right now, but… I promise I'll try." I rested against his shoulder, listening to the comforting sound of his rhythmic heartbeat as my lack of sleep for the previous days caught up to me all at once. I was close to letting sleep take me, so close I almost thought it was a dream, when I felt him kiss my forehead and whisper,

"Thank you, doll. I love you."

Wow, I take two months to update, and all I post is a filler chapter. I wanted to add more and really show more of Ana's background, but I guess that will have to wait one more chapter. Again, I am so sorry about how long it tool me to post this. I wish I could say when the next chapter will be up, but unfortunately, my grades were not good at all last quarter and I really need to focus this quarter. However, my work schedule will be less crazy now that the holidays are over, so hopefully I will have more time to work on this story. I also want to thank everyone who has left kudos and comments; you really encourage me to write more and they really make my day better :)

Random Author Note: Books and Brew is not a real cafe (that I am aware of), however, I based it off of a real coffee shop/bookstore in Manhattan called Housing Works. It looked like a really cool place, and it has books, so of course Ana would love it!