Chapter 9:
"I can't promise I'll never ever do it again, at least not right now, but… I promise I'll try." Ana promised as she leaned against Bucky's shoulder. Her breathing slowly evened out as she fell asleep. He thought she looked peaceful. He was proud of her decision, and could only hope that in keeping her promise she could look so peaceful all the time. He gently kissed her forehead.
"Thank you, doll. I love you." He whispered. He watched her sleep for a few more minutes, before his own eyes began to feel heavy, and he dozed off himself.
Bucky was awoken hours later by the sound of the door opening. His eyes shot open, and were met with streaks of golden sunlight just starting to peek through the skyline. It was morning. Whoever had come in the door, was clearly not an burglar, as someone with malicious intent probably wouldn't be taking their shoes off when they came in. Finally able to relax, he turned his head around to identify the intruder, being mindful not to wake Ana in doing so.
He was greeted by Steve's too-happy-for-how-early-it-is smile. "We brought you breakfast!" He chirped. "We? Who's we?" Bucky grumbled. His question was answered a moment later when Sam, Natasha, and Scott rounded the corner to Ana's living room.
"What are you all doing here?" Bucky asked, his voice still hoarse from sleep.
"See?" Scott said, "I told you people don't like it when you just barge into their apartment without so much as a knock!"
Scott's exclamation earned a stir from Ana, but thankfully for Bucky, she didn't wake up. Finally realizing the position he was in, Bucky's cheeks flushed pink. "It was nice of you to bring us food… but, I think Ana might want a bit more sleep."
"Nonsense, Barnes, she's almost always up by now." Natasha said, striding towards the staircase, expecting Ana to be in her bedroom. As soon as she passed the couch, a smirk grew on her lips.
"Well, didn't you two have fun last night?"
Hearing the comment, Sam rushed to the living room to see what had invoked such a statement. When he saw the sight before him, he too had a grin plastered on his face.
Steve, being completely ignorant, abandoned the boxes of food on the counter to investigate the situation.
"What is going on in her- oh. I see."
"Yo, Scott, come look at this." Sam whisper shouted. He didn't want Ana to wake up either. HE was hoping to get pictures.
"No thanks." Scott said from the kitchen, "I don't need to know. I think I'll wait until I'm invited in there. Like a gentleman." he said, grabbing a donut from the box of assorted pastries.
All through the ordeal Bucky was blushing like a teenager being interrogated about his crush. To be honest that's exactly how he felt.
There he was with his cheeks burning while Ana, still in blissful sleep, lay quietly in his lap. Steve was trying so hard to suppress his own smile, as Bucky tried to stammer out an explanation.
"We were just talking… " He whisper-shouted, still not wanting to wake Ana, "It was late… and we got carried away."
"I'll say you did." Sam retorted.
"Not like that!" Bucky exclaimed. The shout roused Ana from from her slumber. She sat up and stretched, before rubbing her eyes. Her hair was loose and wild, so she combed it out with her fingers. Then she noticed everyone staring at her. At first she didn't know why, but when she looked down and saw last night's clothes still on, realization struck her.
"Oh… uh… hi." she said awkwardly.
"We brought pastries from the European bakery." Nat said.
"Thanks." Ana said, standing up from the couch, "I'm really not that hungry, though. I think I'm going to go… change. Then I'll go and... shoot something."
A few moments later, Ana was dressed in her training gear, taking off full speed in the direction of the SHIELD training centers.
Ana drove all the way into the SHIELD bunker. She parked quickly, and made her way to the shooting range. The other agents didn't dare make any eye contact with her. Sher burst through the doors, and noticed no one else was there. Good. She wanted to be alone right now.
Ana had had her .22 strapped to her thigh. She covered her ears with the noise cancelling headphones, and whisked it from its holster. She skillfully loaded the magazine, and clipped it into place. She fired in quick successions at the target until there was no more ammunition, at which point, she would reload and continue. The focus on her target was the only way to keep her mind from wandering to what Bucky had said last night. Whether he had meant it, or said it at all? To either question she had no answer. What she did remember for sure, was her promise to Bucky. She would try to heal, which is what brought her here. She would do no damage to herself today, she decided. She would take her anger out on the practice targets. And it worked, for a short time. Each pull of the trigger followed by the sharp "BANG" of the discharge helped pull her away from her frustrations. She shot with both hands, then her left, then her right. Every single bullet reached its mark.
When Ana finally did tire of shooting, she removed the magazine clip, pulled the slide towards herself once more, this time turning the gun upside down to be sure there was no bullet in the ejection port. Something her brother had always taught her to do. She smiled to herself, and somehow this brought her back to her childhood
"Now remember, keep one hand under the grip to stabilize your aim."
"Like this?" Ana asked, cupping her right hand under her shooting hand.
"Exactly, now look straight down the barrel and line up the target, and when you're ready, pull the trigger."
Ana grit her teeth, and inhaled slowly. Following all of her brother's instructions. She stood with her feet shoulder width apart. Taking a deep breath she pulled the slide towards her in one swift smooth motion. Exhaling, she extended her arms fully, cast her eyes straight down the barrel and pulled the trigger. Before she even registered it, there was a loud noise. It surprised her, but she didn't let it scare her. She inhaled and lined up again, exhaled and pulled the trigger. She repeated this again, and again, and again, until she heard the telltale click.
She pointed the gun at the ground, like she had been told almost a hundred times, and turned to face her brother.
"How did I do?" she questioned, tugging on the hem of her T-shirt. Emerald eyes wide and eager.
Identical green eyes sparkled back at her. He was beaming.
"You're a natural!" he exclaimed, "Look at that." Ana turned and saw her target. At least half of the holes were in the middle. Ana set the gun down gently, before running to hug her brother.
"Thank you for teaching me! I love you so much."
"You're welcome shortstack." The tall boy said, wrapping his tanned arms around his much smaller sister, "I love you too."
Ana realized the reason she was probably so distressed about the previous night, is because her brother was undoubtedly the last person she'd ever said "I love you" to.
…
After Ana left, an awkward silence fell over the room. Sam had started to feel a bit guilty for teasing. Steve remained in the living room, ultimately perplexed but still amused by the entire situation. Natasha was the one to finally speak out.
"Alright. You two out." She instructed, pointing at the door, "I'm gonna talk to Barnes."
Steve and Sam left the room, too scared to argue, and Natasha seated herself on the couch.
"Alright, James, spill it." She ordered.
Bucky sighed at her use of his given name. She wasn't going to let it go.
"Last night… " He started, trailing off.
Natasha raised and eyebrow and waved her hand in a circle, signalling for him to continue.
Bucky sighed again, then continued, "You know I was supposed to stay with her because of the concussion?"
Natasha nodded.
"Well, we had an argument yesterday and last night we were talking about it and she just fell asleep. But last night I told her I... loved her." he confessed, putting his head in his hands.
"Did you mean it?" Natasha asked seriously.
"Of course! But I don't know why I just said it like that."
"What did she say?" Nat inquired.
"She didn't say anything, she was asleep. I don't even know if she heard me."
Natasha swiftly smacked the back of his head. Bucky reached his arm back to rub the point of impact. "OW!" What was that for?"
"James Buchanan Barnes, you've been crushing on this girl since the day you met her. You finally get the courage to tell her and she's asleep?" Natasha scolded sternly.
Bucky, still massaging his scalp, replied with, "I know. I'm an idiot."
"You need to tell her again." Natasha said.
…
When Ana arrived back at Stark Tower, she debated returning to her apartment. As much as she wanted to just sit in her room with a book and a huge cup of tea, she didn't want to run into Bucky. She stood in the motionless elevator, contemplating her other options. She wouldn't go to the main floor, as there was still a high chance of seeing Bucky. She decided to go to the one place Bucky all but refused to enter. The lab. As she approached, she realized she wasn't the only one with the idea. Through the glass panes that served as walls, she could see Tony, Bruce, and Thor hunched over a computer display. She sighed as she swiped her hand over the padlock. The glass doors swung open and allowed her inside.
The three men spun around to see who'd entered. Seeing me, Tony all but jumped out of his chair.
"Stasia! Thank god you're here. We need you to enlighten us."
"On what?" she said, shrugging out of her army jacket.
"Tony thinks he's located a Hydra base here in New York we never knew about." Bruce explained, "He wants to know if you can help identify it."
"You know I wasn't really in with the hydra crowd, right? They told me what job they wanted done and I did it."
"Can you please just try Stasia?" Tony begged.
Ana rolled her eyes, and zoomed in on the holographic screen. Her eyes widened in horror. Is that Sweden?"
"Yes, Stockholm, specifically." Tony said, "We were trying to find any messages about swords, valkyries, or Norse myths in general. This is the only place where the messages are so frequent. We decrypted the firewall, to find out what other messages were being sent, and well, we were able to obtain two words."
"Hail Hydra." She read, "Any idea where the messages are being sent to?"
"Nowhere in the city, that's certain. It must be going overseas."
"We've asked SHIELD to try and track the signal, but that could take some time." Bruce said, "Do you have any clue where it's going?"
Ana shook her head. It was an honest answer. She never did know much about the location of Hydra bases. She was only a weapon for them.
"Ana, if you know anything that could help us, please tell. People could be in grave danger if the threat is this close." Thor spoke in a calm even tone.
Ana sighed. She had been hoping it wouldn't come to this.
"The piece Anderson has, I think I stole it." she confessed
"Where exactly did you return it?" Bruce asked.
"I met a contact who took it from me, gave me my payment, and left. That's all I know."
Tony rubbed his temples, "Would Barnes be able to help us with this? He may know a little more about what they're trying to do."
Ana shifted uncomfortably. Tony picked up on it instantly.
"What's the matter Stasia? You and Barnes having issues?"
"I think we've got bigger problems on our hands right now, Tony." Ana snapped.
"That's very true," Bruce agreed, "So could you ask Bucky to come look at these decryptions? Unless that's a problem?"
Ana rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'll get Bucky. Because I'm a professional." she declared with a pointed look in Tony's direction as she sauntered out.
…
Ana stormed up the stairs to the roof, where Jarvis had told her Bucky was. She was not ready to face Bucky but told herself feelings would just have to wait. She felt the crisp fall air bite at her cheeks. Bucky had his hair tied back, and stood staring out at the horizon, his gaze unbreaking. The late afternoon sun began to turn the sky to warm shades of pink and orange. It was a spectacular view, no doubt, but not one Ana particularly wanted to see at this moment. While she was trying to do her job and at the same time try to process the thoughts tumbling around in her mind. Bucky turned around, and smiled at Ana.
Ana related the issues Tony had mentioned, while Bucky listened intently. He had tried to forget Hydra completely, until Natasha convinced him some of the memories he had could be valuable in defeating them. Unfortunately, he didn't know much about the link to Asgardian artifacts.
"I only know they're up to no good. But didn't you say you helped them get that piece?"
Ana sighed, "I did," she confessed, "but I didn't know what it was."
"I understand, but it sounds like we need more information."
"What did Natasha get out of Anderson after I left the interview?" she asked.
"I don't know, she hasn't told me yet." Bucky answered.
"I'll call Steve and ask him to call a strategy meeting." Ana announced as she started to get up. Bucky decided he couldn't go another day without telling her what he wanted her to know. He grabbed her hand.
"Ana wait, I want to talk to you. I didn't get the chance to say what I wanted to this morning… I just want you to know, that… " Bucky took a deep breath, his hands were shaking. Not the normal demeanor of a skilled assassin. He tried so hard to say what he wanted to say, but he didn't know how Ana would react. Here they were in the middle of a Hydra mess with all of Ana's walls crumbling; could he really tell her now? She'd never given any intention of wanting a relationship. She might only see him as a friend. All this doubt and worry trapped the words in Bucky's throat, while Ana stared expectantly.
"Do you remember when we met?" Bucky asked.
His mind wandered, as did hers, to a cell on the SHIELD helicarrier.
Where a small girl with dark green eyes, and a long tangle of brown tresses sat with her knees pulled firmly to her chest. Natasha had been the first to enter and question her. She answered every question in the same straightforward, honest manner, like following orders. When she heard a question she didn't like or refused to answer, she would give a small shake of her head and stare at the floor. When no one was present, she hardly moved for fear, shame, and regret. Bucky could see it all in her eyes when she stared through the glass. Everything he had suffered was now present in this young girl. She knew she was being watched and he guessed it wasn't her first time being caught. The team talked for hours about what to do. After all, according to what they found, she was as skilled a marksman as him or Nat, and just as agile. Her first reaction when she woke up was to punch everyone in sight. Clint came out of that fight with a black eye. The next person to talk to her was Steve. He went in with a much gentler approach, and Bucky guessed he got more out of her because they talked again. Finally, Steve told him to go in, and try and find out if she'd be an ally or enemy. He would be able to determine whether the girl had honest intentions or was only a Hydra pawn.
Bucky entered the stone cold room and she shifted.
He sat across from her, and spoke softly so as not to startle her.
"I'm Bucky." He said, "What is your name?"
When she looked up, he could see the tears pooling in her red-rimmed eyes he hadn't noticed from the other room. He also hadn't noticed just how sharp and expressive they were until they locked on his own. He could hear the cracking of her voice as she whispered, "Anastasia."
"Nice to meet you." Bucky replied with a smile. The girl-Anastasia- didn't seem impressed. So Bucky tried something else.
"What are you hiding in your jacket?"
The girl's eyes widened. Neither Steve or Nat had noticed but Bucky had been watching her for hours, and noted whenever someone left the room she would put her hand inside her jacket as though checking to make sure an object was still in place. Anastasia stared directly ahead at the wall, but her eyes darted back and forth. Whatever she was hiding, it was important to her.
"I wouldn't take it from you. Unless it was a weapon. I'm just curious."
The girl glared at him. She slowly pulled a very tattered book from the inside of her jacket. She placed it on the table in front of her: a dog-eared copy of Around the World in 80 Days.
Bucky outstretched his flash hand, making eye contact with the girl to be sure it was alright to touch the book. She made no protest, so he gently flipped through the pages, expecting a coded message, mission log, or clue of some kind. What he found was aged pages bent and torn in some areas, but otherwise still as printed.
"It's a good book." Bucky declared, "Do you agree?"
The girl nodded.
"Listen, I know you don't trust me, but I want to help you."
"You a shrink?" Anastasia asked.
"No. Hydra hurt me too, but I've recovered now, mostly. I'm helping people, making up for what I did under their control. I could help you too, if you want it?"
The girl sighed, and nodded. She didn't have much of a choice. Accept this stranger's offer, or undoubtedly go to prison. At least this way there was some chance of escape.
Bucky smiled, "Wait here." he said.
Anastasia gestured to the dark windowless walls around her, silently asking "Where would I go?"
Bucky returned quickly with Steve who offered his proposal for her to train and join SHIELD. She accepted, and was moved to Stark tower.
Bucky remembered Ana's first few days at the tower with fondness. She stayed close to Bucky or secluded in her room for the first few weeks. Slowly, however, she began to allow Steve closer, and they became somewhat of a trio, then she let Nat and Clint train her in proper SHIELD protocol, and it wasn't long after that she made herself a regular presence in the workshop with Tony, then she was going out for coffee with Wanda almost every week, and friendships with the rest of the avengers followed soon after. They were a family; a large, odd, and chaotic family. But none were as close to her as Bucky was. No one could ever hope to make Ana smile as bright as when he was around. They were each other's confidants, companions, and allies. Ana also remembered her first few days. How she'd felt so scared, how hard it was to open up to anyone. She feared she'd lose everything all over again. But she also felt safe, for the first time in a long time. Like she finally had a place to call home again. She had tried to stop cutting then, but obviously that didn't stick. She was still glad she had made a friend out of the arrangement though.
They both pondered through their own thoughts for a few moments.
Neither of them new what to say next, but Bucky couldn't help but smile at Ana. He looked directly into her eyes and could still see the same girl he met several years ago, when he searched her soul for any sign of hope. Now he searched her eyes for any proof she returned his affections. They stood a long time like this, and when she smiled back at him, he was certain.
AN: this chapter may have a few mistakes, I recently got a new laptop and it has a hypersensitive keyboard/trackpad. Anyway,thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next few will go even further into Ana's past as she and Bucky try to figure out their relationship.