Hey everyone! Sorry for taking a million years to update, but you know how life is sometimes. I have a longer apology/explanation written at the end of the chapter, but right now I'm sure you just want to know how Bucky and Ana are doing, so read on!

One week and several arguments later, the 'Avenger Family Vacation' as Tony was now calling it, was ready to commence. Finalizing a destination had been a challenge, but nevertheless the trip was happening. Obviously with little time to plan or reserve, Tony had opted to use one of his vacation houses in Hawaii. Ana grumbled to herself as she packed. Swimsuit, shorts, t-shirts… Of course Tony had to go tropical. Ana would have much rather spent a week in a cabin somewhere in the mountains; on the edge of a crystal clear lake, with the smell of pine and campfire smoke to comfort her while she sat on the deck with a cup of coffee and a good book. Or even just jet off to Paris, Rome, or Barcelona to visit art museums and old cathedrals. It may seem cliche, but big, bustling cities had such an appeal to them. It was so easy to blend in and go unnoticed, something Ana had always liked. Not only that, but being as it was cooler in those parts of the world right now, there was no expectation to wear revealing apparel. Ana had usually been able to wear shorter sleeves and shorts or dresses that went to her mid-thigh. The scars on her wrist were often light and faded. Easy to pass off as an accident given her line of work. The raised white lines across her hips and shoulders however, there was no denying. She wasn't going to let that keep her from going on this vacation though, she would just have to avoid the water.

That wasn't the only problem making her stomach churn, though. The day after the press conference, a letter had arrived at the tower addressed to her. A crisp white envelope embossed with swirling silver letters of her brother's and Jenna's initials. She didn't even have to open it to know what it was. An invitation to their wedding. She had been expecting the invitation, but what she hadn't been prepared for, was the second hand-written note, requesting Ana to be one of Jenna's bridesmaids. While Ana knew she should have been honored, she felt extremely inadequate, not to mention confused. She had guessed she'd be lucky to be allowed to attend the ceremony, given the dinner snafu with her parents from a few weeks earlier. In fact, she was so sure the request had gone to the wrong person, she called Logan to ask him. He assured her the proposal was indeed for her.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ana asked.

"Are you saying no? Jenna really wants to get to know you better, but I did tell her your Avenger stuff might make you busy."

"No, it's not that—"

"Do you not like her?"

"It's not that. I think Jenna is amazing, and I'm happy for both of you. I'm just not sure how Mom and Dad will feel about this." Ana lied. Yes, she didn't think her parents wanted her around, but that would never stop her from making her brother happy. What she was really trying to avoid, was any kind of rejection or dislike on Jenna's part. She would now be the person most able to drive a wedge between Ana and her brother, and Ana didn't want that.

"Look, Ana, "Logan replied, "You can't live your whole life scared of mom and dad. You've fought with the Avengers, travelled the world, and some pompous wealthy couple from Westchester is going to control your decision on this?"

"I see your point." Ana mumbled, "I must sound like an idiot."

She could nearly hear his grin through the phone, "So is that a yes?"

"That's an "I'll need to think about it.', but I'll absolutely be at the wedding."

"And I assume you'll be bringing a date?"

Ana sighed, "That would really piss off mom and dad."

"All the more reason to do it."

Ana laughed, "Yes, RSVP both of us then."

Just then Ana heard a knock on her bedroom door. It was Bucky, telling her it was time to leave. She said goodbye to Logan and zipped her suitcase shut.

Travelling with the Avengers, a group of about a dozen people, feels more like a school field trip than a family vacation. Thankfully despite the number of people, Tony's accommodations made it feel anything but crowded. They took private cars to the airport, and boarded the private jet. Ana was somewhat disappointed they couldn't take the quinjet, as it flies about twice as fast, but the Stark jet was probably ten times nicer, judging by interior and luxury. The seats were more like couches, and the plane of course had a TV screen and fully stocked mini fridge. Overall, not a bad way to spend an eleven hour flight to Hawaii.

When everyone was settled, the plane took off with ease. After reaching altitude, everyone was free to unfasten their seatbelts and just chill. Everyone, it seemed, except for Ana. Tony and Pepper snuggled together, Bruce Natasha and Wanda were talking quietly, both Clint and Steve had promptly fallen asleep right after take off, and Scott and Bucky were both consumed in pressing all the buttons they could find. While her friends were enjoying each other's company, Ana only stared blankly out the window, lost in her thoughts. It felt like minutes to her, but she'd actually spent nearly an hour just idly staring out into nothing. Not even noticing the shapes of the passing clouds, not listening to her teammates discussions, or even noting the small snoring sounds as one of them in particular fell asleep. She was so lost in her mind, and her worry, that she didn't even notice the quickened beat of her own heart or the trembling of her hands. All this came back to her in a rush, however, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Being trained in combat, very view people would have been able to see she was startled by the contact, but Bucky saw. He could tell the flinch of her muscle, and see the paleness of her face.

"You alright?" He inquired gently. His face showed so much concern, Ana wasn't sure why. Had she done something wrong?

"I'm fine, why?"

"You look a little sick." He noticed.

"Is my thinking face that bad?" Ana replied with a forced smile. She realized his concern was most likely a result of watching her 'space out' for the last hour, but she didn't want him to have to worry.

'Especially not on a vacation.' she thought to herself.

"You look beautiful as always." Bucky corrected himself. He wore his classic smirk on his face, but the concern was still evident in his voice.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked.

Ana wanted to tell him, but she didn't know what to tell him. She had been thinking about so much all at once and so little, trying to place her feelings. She couldn't quite tell what her feelings were since the press conference. As strange as it sounds, she sometimes felt as though she didn't even have feelings about it. Then she would think about the wedding. She thought of every single thing that could go wrong, whether she accepted Jenna's offer or not. Those things were all trivial though, and mostly all she could think about was how much she wanted to cut. She had promised herself that she wouldn't do it during the trip. The last time she'd done it was a few days before the press conference. She really wanted to make it two weeks clean. Or did she? She often wondered. What was so bad about her choice? It's her body after all. It's not like it hurt anyone else. She often thought about the promise she'd made to Bucky. How she'd gone and snapped so quickly. It's not that she hadn't tried to resist cutting. She had really thought she could make it, but then this sudden horrible urge seemed to strike out of nowhere. Like it just starts as a small voice that she pushes away, but then suddenly it grows and the world stops turning while she's going a million miles a second. Then it would start to weigh her down and consume her and it became less of an urge and more of a need. She didn't like to think about it, as it only made the temptation worse. Sometimes, she could swear she felt her arms tingling when she thought about it long enough. She felt like her head was buzzing, and her nerves were on fire. Other days (like today) she would get lost in an abyss of dark thoughts and she needed blood just to remember how to breathe. She realized her mind had wandered again, and she pulled herself back. "Nothing." She said, "I was just daydreaming."

Bucky sat next to her, "Ana, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah."

"So what's really on your mind?"

Ana both hated and loved his ability to see right through her. She couldn't lie to anyone, especially not him, so she found herself confessing all her thoughts about the wedding, and the press conference, "It's just kind of stressing me out and making me have some thoughts about… you know… I know I shouldn't think about it, but it's just… sometimes those thoughts sneak up on me."

"I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Ana responded with a half-hearted shrug.

Bucky took her hand in his own, inspecting it carefully, noting the red marks where she'd been gnawing at her nails without knowing. He rubbed his thumb in circles along her palm. He began to intertwine his fingers with hers, but she pulled away. Bucky thought he'd pushed her too far, that all she wanted was to be left alone, until she shifted and slumped against him, grabbing his hand for herself. She studied it, carefully observing each line and curve, tracing her fingers along the lines of his palm. Not long after, she slowly reached out toward his metal hand. He hesitated at first, but begrudgingly let her examine it as she did the first one. He didn't like people touching his metal arm. He had total control of it now and no longer a risk of it going rogue and hurting anyone, but he had little to no feeling and therefore didn't like any contact he didn't control. But if it would help calm Ana's nerves and bring her back to Earth, he wouldn't complain. So he let her hold onto it, patiently watching her experimentally move the metal joints back and forth, mesmerized by the light whirring she could hear. She ran her fingertips along the grooves in the cool metal, lost in her own thoughts again.

"Feeling better?" Bucky asked, pulling Ana out of her daze.

"What? Oh- yes. Thank you. I guess I just needed a distraction."

"Anytime, babe." Bucky replied, "Are you tired? You can go to sleep if you want." Ana nodded a bit and leaned on his shoulder, quickly falling asleep.

Ana was awoken a few hours later by the descent of the plane. She felt someone's fingers combing through her hair. She yawned and stretched her arms above her head.

"Good morning." Bucky whispered.

"Mornin'" Ana mumbled.

Bucky chuckled and tried to kiss her. Ana quickly dodged however. "Not here." She hissed.

"Sorry." Bucky mumbled. He wondered to himself how long Ana planned to hide their relationship. Ana herself how wondered how much longer she'd be able to keep it secret. She wanted to tell the team, but it didn't feel right. Even though the last few days with Bucky had been the best of her life so far, she was still afraid something would go wrong. She didn't know what exactly, but it terrified her all the same.

I want to sincerely apologize for the brevity of this chapter, especially as it has been nearly three whole months since I've updated! I know I said I'd be travelling and that's why my updates would be slow, and that was partially true, I did travel a lot this summer for family reunions and college orientations etc., but there have been other things keeping me from writing and while I don't want to burden you lovely readers with my problems, I do feel I should explain some of the reason for my absence. Firstly, I completely changed my school plans and decided to attend a different college so I've had to make a lot of rearrangements regarding that. Also when I wasn't travelling I was working more hours than I normally would, so even when I was home I didn't have much free time.

But the biggest writing block I've faced is that for the past few months, I've been through a really bad relapse. Truthfully, I think my self-harm is worse than it's ever been, and it's really starting to screw up my life and my relationships. I've been struggling with so much depression, that I find it hard to do anything I used to enjoy. Reading, writing, drawing, and even just going out feel like too much sometimes. I've decided to turn to professional help to get through this because I feel like I just can't do it on my own anymore. However, none of these issues will keep me from finishing this story. I will continue to write, but it's just challenging to get myself motivated lately. But knowing that there are readers out there who want to know what's going to happen next helps me want to write more :)

Again, sorry for the slow update and short chapter (and complaining about my problems). Thank you for reading, and for your patience and understanding. I know this chapter left off on sort of an odd cliffhanger, but I do have a plan! Hopefully I can pull myself together and get the next chapter up before Christmas!

(To the guest who left a review telling me about Avocado cupcakes: I will definitely try to find that cupcake store if I visit California again someday:3)