Chapter 21 Jar of Hearts
"What the hell?" Mîra spat furiously.
Hiei didn't respond. Needless to say, when he arrived in his quarters, his wife was less than pleased. He could care less at the moment however. He was having anger issues of his own for multiple reasons and now that Thalion wasn't around, he was trying to sort them out.
Thalion was an open threat, one that he needed to deal with. Hiei felt that first, he needed to deal with his anger towards Mîra. Except it wasn't really anger, Hiei wanted to say it was anger rooted in something else. Something that made his blood curl or tear his heart apart at the thought of Mîra with Thalion. The emotion was probably jealousy but this was a degree he had never experienced before.
Mîra was pacing in front of her vanity, her fists clenched in tightly. Hiei just stared at her, waiting to see if she would confess everything. She stopped walking for a moment and breathed deeply, as though she was trying to calm herself down. "Hiei listen, I'm sorry about that fight. I can't believe he used the prison on you. It's an awful, terrible, and dark magic," she said slowly.
Mîra walked over to him and took his hands in hers, looking down into his frustrated eyes. "I was so happy to see you pushed through it and came back. I was worried you would die in there. Whatever you saw, it's not real. The magic plays on the fears of your heart. You can't believe it, I've seen people fall apart because of it," She said as gently as her suppressed fury would allow her.
Was she trying to comfort him? How dare she, after she stood up for that man? After she stared at him and blushed when he spoke!
"I'm not so sure," he snapped. He thought of the vision of Mîra and Thalion. He turned to her and she looked confused. He yanked his hand out of her grasp, walked over to her vanity, and picked up the box.
"Tell me what is between you and that elf," he said quietly.
Her pretty eyes grew wide then her face hardened. "There is nothing to tell."
In a flash, Hiei pinned her against the wall. She winced, her legs crunched underneath her. She moved her head, struggling against his arm pressed against her neck.
"What are you doing?" she gasped, staring at him wide eyed.
"I am not in the mood to be played, and you have been playing me," he snarled.
"I haven't been! I have been loyal and faithful to you since we were wed!" she objected. He ignored the hurt look in her face and he pressed harder against her.
"Tell me," he growled. She looked terribly upset but Hiei wasn't about to let it go. He had to know, no more bullshit. She closed her eyes as whispered,
"What happens if I don't?"
Hiei stayed silent. He didn't want to answer her, afraid he would say something that he wouldn't be able to take back.
"I belong to no one, Hiei. I refuse to answer your questions and you can't make me," Mîra said determinedly. She swallowed hard, staring defiantly at him. She was right. He couldn't make her. She was his but- no, that wasn't right. Mîra wasn't his, he had not properly claimed her. If he claimed her as his mate, then Thalion couldn't have her. He could get rid of the elf after, without needing the history lesson. Hearing how much she had loved him before she met Hiei would hurt him more anyway.
But that was if he claimed her, if he wanted to throw her down and take her. Then it would be as though the past months hadn't ever happened. Him raping her, because that's what it would be, would ruin their relationship for forever. Not only that, but he would never treat a woman that way. His friends would be disappointed, his sister truly ashamed, and Mukuro… Mukuro was a rape victim herself. Claiming Mîra when she was unwilling would be a betrayal to his wife and to one of his best friends. Hiei wasn't that man and he never wanted to be.
He released the arm against her neck and she collapsed to the ground, heaving. Hiei went and picked up the box and then walked over to her. He knelt down and held the box out to her.
Quietly, he spoke. "Open the fucking box, Vesse. Now."
His wife stared at him for a moment and swallowed. "Laden," she whispered hoarsely.
Hiei felt the magic lift and he stood and walked over to her vanity. He opened the box and stared at the contents. He pulled out a letter from her Grandfather, he checked, a dried flower, a pair of antique looking sapphire and diamond earrings, a gold hair piece embedded with small rubies, and- there it was. The portrait.
He picked it up and examined it. Thalion's handsome face with his structure jawline and stunning black eyes stared at him. Scowling, Hiei turned it over to read the writing.
'Melda, I hope you keep this token with you as you ride out in honor. I eagerly wait your glorious return and I promise then, we shall be wed.'
Enraged, the portrait burst into flames.
"What are you doing? Leave my things alone!" Mîra cried, rushing towards him. He, however, was faster. He snatched the hair piece and the earrings and was at the window.
"Hiei, put those down. Don't throw them out the window, you're being unreasonable!" She yelled. Hiei glared at her and then he looked down at his hand. Was he? Was he acting over the top, consumed by what could only be jealousy? He looked over at her and she was staring down at the ashes on the floor before she looked up exacerbated at him.
Fuck unreasonable, and fuck jealousy. In one swift motion the jewelry in his hands flew out of his hands and into the gardens below.
He turned back to his wife who was staring at window shocked. She took a step forward and paused before rushing to the window. She stared, horrified, down at the gardens, a hand covering her mouth.
"You are mine. I am not going to let that elf take you. You are bound to me. Don't forget that," he said coldly.
That would teach her to side with the wrong man. He turned sharply to walk away when he began to feel lightheaded.
"Those earrings… they were my Grandmothers!" she cried angrily at him.
What? Hiei tried to turn and face her but he lost his balance and darkness overcame him.
When Hiei awoke it was midday. He sat up, trying to recall what had happened right before he passed out.
"Hiei-sama?"
Hiei turned to see Claudia. She was putting away laundry in the drawers. Her large, blue eyes were looking at him sadly. There was some rustling in the bathroom and Hiei turned to see Maria poke her head out. She smiled at him softly.
"I'm happy to see you finally awake, Hiei-sama."
He sighed and closed his eyes, his hand on his face. He must have passed out from using Koku more than he was used to. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep for but he felt exhausted.
"Hiei-sama, do you feel well?" Maria asked gently.
"We need you in top form," Claudia said gently. She gently pushed him back down and they tucked the covers over him.
Hiei looked up at his two dog demons. It had been a long time since he had studied them. The twins were identical, with their deep blue eyes and dark blue hair, though he thought Maria's hair and fur was just a little bit lighter. Maria liked her single braid to lay over her left side, and Claudia her right. Fuzzy, small dog ears were on their heads and he noticed they always twitched when they heard something new. Maybe that's how they knew so much. Dog demons were supposed to have a better sense of hearing. They wore simple navy dresses with aprons over, covering their bushy, long tails. Though there wasn't much to make them distinct from the other servants, he knew everyone in the fortress respected them.
Hiei thought of the vision he saw of them and he wondered, when was the last time they had some time to themselves? Since Mukuro set them free from the slaver, they had been working tirelessly for him. When he became king, he never asked them if they wanted to go, he had expected them to. He looked over at Claudia's hands, he could still see the burn mark even though he had tried to keep it from scarring.
That was the day that Mukuro had more or less told him how she felt about him. He was in his room, angry at himself and confused about what to do or say when the twins came in. Claudia was holding a tray with hot tea on it and in his anger, he startled her. She had stepped backwards and tripped, causing the tea to fall on her arm. He tried to get her arm in cold water as soon as possible and he looked after the wound personally but he felt horrible. His maids were only trying to comfort him and he had hurt them.
"Hiei-sama?"
He turned at the twin's voices, calling him at the same time. They were smiling at him, their eyes shining at him.
"Hiei-sama, you beat yourself up too much," Maria said, shaking her head.
"Don't worry, everything is going to be fine," Claudia added soothingly.
"Why?" he asked. He didn't usually ask his maids anything, they always seemed to know the right thing to say.
They looked at each other for a moment and then looked down at him simultaneously. "Because we know you," Maria said.
"And so we know you will fix things because you have a good soul," Claudia finished.
Hiei looked at them surprised, as they bent over and lightly kissed either side of his cheek. He felt comforted by their words and actions, they were always sincere with him. He didn't know about the good soul bit but at least they liked him. The vision from the fight was wrong. Hiei felt as though a small piece of himself had been restored and it made him feel a little better.
"Get rested now," Maria said gently.
"We need our King in top form!" Claudia said brightly.
Hiei closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep. When he awoke again, he felt better rested. He noticed where the sun was and figured it to be around early evening. Had he slept through another entire day? There was no sign of Mîra or anyone else in the room. He got out of the bed and quickly got dressed. He needed food first and foremost. Beyond that… where was his wife? Hiei felt a presence in the room and turned around to see Shana popping out of the shadows.
"Hiei-sama? Hiei-sama!" The small demon cried and jumped up towards him. Bewildered, he caught the small demon and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
"Hiei-sama, I'm so happy to see you awake! You've been out for the past few days, Mîra-hime says it's because you over extended yourself when you fought. Then Maria and Claudia didn't come get me when you woke up yesterday!" She whined. She brought her head up from his shoulder and faced him, a small pout on her face. Shana was worried? Of course she would be, he was her caretaker. He wouldn't go as far to say a father figure, but he had taken it upon himself to look after the small demon even if she was his assistant.
"I've been out for days? Where is Mîra?" He asked frowning.
Shana bit her lip inwardly and looked down. "Um, Hiei-sama, you should get something to eat-"
"What is going on?" Hiei growled.
"Mîra-hime is with… him. He didn't leave and I tried to convince her to make him leave but she wouldn't hear me. She hasn't visited you either," Shana said quietly.
Hiei stormed out of the room enraged. How dare he take advantage of the fact he was unconscious in his own roof! What the hell happened to the guards… the guards listened to Mîra, of course. She would have overridden his order because they respected her now. Damnit!
She was already angry at him for throwing her earrings out the window in addition to the wedge already between them and with Hiei passing out, that damn elf had all the opportunity he needed to swoop in and charm her.
"Shit!" Hiei spat aloud as he rounded a corner and shoved the door to the gardens open. They were around here somewhere, he could feel it. He masked his youki and quietly searched the area. He found them near the gazebo Mîra had recently refurbished before winter settled in. She was wearing her blue and gold dress with hardly any earrings in her ears. Her hair was pulled up atop her head, exposing her slender neck and her attractive bosom. Her hands were clasped in her lap and she was looking at Thalion who was sitting snugly next to her. His arm draped around her shoulders and he was eyeing her cockily.
"Melda, you can't be serious about staying with him. Look at these gardens, they're pathetic. If this shows how much of brutes these demons are, I don't know what does. They have no appreciation for art, music, or literature and you love those things. Remember the Yuletide Play? Will there be a Yuletide Play for you here?" He asked gently, but convincingly.
Mîra sighed. "I know, I know. They are completely uncivilized and have no appreciation for culture but maybe someone needs to show them. Besides, I am officially wed to Hiei. I can't just leave or go through the separation. I would lose my potential to rule as Queen."
"Melda, I'm telling you. Come back and marry me. That will secure your position as Queen. No one will be able to contest our power," Thalion pleaded, the elvish words rolling off his tongue like poison.
Marry him? Hiei scowled, that bastard! He didn't respect her at all! Mîra wanted the throne to herself, her husband should take the back seat. The only reason Hiei wasn't was because she married into his land, not the other way around. If he was from her world and decided to marry her, there was no way he would undermine her like that. Mîra's ambition, her attraction to power was what made her who she was and made her the woman Hiei had come to care for. This asshole was trying to take advantage of her for his personal gain.
"Melda, does he even satisfy you? I know that you have quite the appetite," he said suggestively, lightly kissing the nape of her neck. Mîra stiffened and flushed.
"No, I- we- we have not lain together." Hiei frowned, she was obviously embarrassed. But Hiei wasn't worried about her words, he was more concerned that Thalion was still kissing her neck. She pulled away and stared at the male elf. That's right, she wasn't into him. Mîra belonged to Hiei, there was no way she was going to fall for his idiotic words. She was smarter than that and she couldn't respond to Thalion. Hiei was better than him, couldn't she see through his lies?
Thalion leaned forward and it took all of Hiei's willpower not to lash out at the elf as he kissed his wife. Mîra would push him away, she had to. She was his, they were bound together. She had to push him away, she had too. Hiei kept repeating that to himself as he closed his eyes, pretending for a moment that she hadn't placed one hand on Thalion's chest and the other on his neck. That she wasn't still intertwined with him, touching, caressing, and kissing someone else. When he opened his eyes again, she was.
Hiei had always figured he would be the angry, overprotective, jealous type. But standing in front of his wife who was cheating on him, he felt as though he was rooted in place, sound suddenly yanked out of his vocal chords rendering him mute. He couldn't look away, it was too terrible to watch but so terrible that he couldn't look away and ignore what was happening. Was everything they had been through nothing to her? Was he truly only the barbarian who was holding her hostage? They had only known each other for a little less than a year. She had been with Thalion for possibly more… but Hiei had held her. He had kissed her. He had yearned for her in a way that he had never felt before. And it all meant nothing? Of course it did. What was he thinking, that he would get to live happily ever after with a woman he went to war against? What a fool he had been.
Mîra broke the kiss and rose quietly, walking towards the steps of the gazebo. Hiei thought she looked confused, and a little guilty, but who knew? He certainly didn't know her anymore.
"Melda, don't worry about the ingrate. Just come back with me, tonight. Everything can go back to the way it used to be," Thalion said soothingly.
Hiei didn't want to see this. He didn't know what to do or say. A part of him wanted to rip out Thalion's throat and throw Mîra back in the dungeons, since she didn't seem to think highly of him. in the end he knew that, at least for Mîra, he wouldn't do anything because he cared for her too much. Damn emotions, this was why he didn't like to deal with them to begin with. Thalion, he would find some way to punish the elf but not at this moment. He needed to regain himself, put the walls back up over the shattered feeling inside of him. Then he would be ready.
A hollow peal of laughter rang out and Hiei turned back towards his wife.
"Back the way they were? Marry me and become King?" She laughed coldly and Hiei stared at Mîra shocked. Her eyes were collected but he could see the smoldering fires beneath them, her visage stony. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I guarantee it will not happen thrice," she snarled.
What? She was… angry? What was going on? Hiei stood there now rooted in place from shock as Thalion began to sing. He didn't know the words but a swirling of white light enveloped him. He walked towards Mîra but she took a step back, her eyes wild with rage.
"No I can't take one more step towards you, Because all that's waiting is regret. And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore, You lost the love I loved the most. I learned to live half alive, And now you want me one more time…"
Mîrvana's voice was low as the melody left her lips, the bright light of the magic swirling at her feet. Thalion sang louder with a sweeping baritone voice but the woman's voice only rang louder.
"And who do you think you are, Running around leaving scars, Collecting your jar of hearts, And tearing love apart? You're going to catch a cold, From the ice inside your soul. So don't come back for me, Who do you think you are?"
Hiei stared as Thalion tried to reason with her. "Aranel, don't fight me. We need you back home, I need you back home. There is no one like you Aranel, please come back with me. Don't deny your birthright!" But Mîra ignored him and sang on, the white glow around her slowly spreading up her body and spread out as around the garden. Hiei froze when the power hit him and he felt Koku begin to stir.
"I hear you're asking all around, If I am anywhere to be found. But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms! I learned to live half alive, And now you want me one more time,"
"And who do you think you are, Running around leaving scars, Collecting your jar of hearts, And tearing love apart? You're going to catch a cold, From the ice inside your soul. So don't come back for me, Who do you think you are?"
Hiei felt Koku whine inside of him, giving sympathy to the elfin woman. He didn't know what Thalion had done to her to make her so angry but he could now see the hurt within her eyes beneath the rage. Sorrow. The root of so much anger and hatred, he knew that. He also knew sorrow was harder to deal with than pure rage. Thalion was lucky she hadn't ripped his head off. He could see their songs clashing as her light continued to spread around the gardens, giving the dead plants and eerie glow. Thalion tried to push his power against hers but her voice pushed it back.
"And it took so long just to feel alright, Remember how to put back the light in my eyes. I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed, Cause you broke all your promises. And now your back, You don't get to get me back!"
Hiei clenched his fists as he watched a tear roll down her cheek, the struggle to keep her rage and sorrow controlled was evident. Not that it matter much. The elf bastard was on his knees, his light diminishing. He extended his hands to her and cried, "Aranel! My Lady please!"
Suddenly, the white light around her began to turn grey and then black. Inside of himself, he felt Koku extending her power out, as though it was a stream of blood coming out of his arm and into her body. What was she doing?
"And who do you think you are, Running around leaving scars, Collecting your jar of hearts, And tearing love apart? You're going to catch a cold, From the ice inside your soul. Don't come back for me, Don't come back at all!" she roared. The dark aura had completely covered her and Mîra's eyes had changed from a lavender to a glowing red. Hiei swallowed, what the hell was this ability? Was this the same thing she had done the time she called upon Fealóce?
Mîra thrust out a hand that seemed claw like to Hiei and grabbed Thalion's throat. "Who do you think you are? I will tell you who you will be. You will be the man who is marked, who all will laugh at and say 'He was chained by one who cannot chain.'"
Thalion's eyes widened and pure fear shook him. "No, Aranel, not that. You can't do that, you will kill me trying."
"Oh? Then I'm sure a servant girl or two or three will shed a tear. But I will not," she said gleefully. Hiei suppressed a shudder. Mîrvana began to hiss in a language Hiei could only assume was dragon tongue and Thalion screamed. Then there was a blinding flash of light and he heard Mîrvana let out a bloodcurdling scream that, with the power infused in her voice, brought him to his knees and shook the land.
When he regained his vision, the light was gone and Mîrvana was standing silently staring off into the distance. The light around her was gone and her appearance was normal again. Thalion was nowhere to be seen. Had she killed him, smite him on the spot without leaving a trace? Was that even possible?
"Shana," she commanded. Instantly the shadow demon appeared, bowing deeply.
"Make sure he gets back through the portal within the hour. Take as many guards as you need. If he resists, kill him."
"Yes My Lady. You would not like the pleasure yourself, should it come down to that?"
"He is not worthy to be executed by my blade. Now leave," she responded curtly and Shana vanished.
Hiei stood where he was. He was sure that by this point she knew he was standing there for some time. The woman had emitted so much energy and was in an unstable emotional state so he didn't say anything to avoid tripping her off. At least, that's what he told himself the reason was for his inability to form words. The piercing ache inside of him was too distracting for words.
Mîrvana turned her head to him slowly, her visage blank. Her eyes were distant and cold, as though he wasn't standing there at all. Hiei stared back. He didn't know what he looked like and he didn't care to know. Finally, she turned away from him and began to walk back to the fortress. Hiei watched her slowly walk away and he let out the breath he realized he had been holding.
What now? Hiei stared at the empty space where her back used to be, trying to sort through his emotions, but every time he thought about her the sinking feeling inside of him fell further and further. He stayed there, realizing that he wasn't supposed to have a mate, he wasn't good enough for a mate and that he should have expected this from the beginning. How could he hope to compare to the glamor and prestige of the men she was accustomed to courting? Simple, he couldn't. He decided he wouldn't banish her or throw her in the dungeons, but he didn't want to interact with her. Kami, he didn't think he could handle seeing her.
Hiei felt a tugging on his hand and he looked down to see Koku, her glowing red eyes staring up at him blankly but there was a worried frown on her lips. She tugged harder and yanked him to the ground. The shock of hitting the ground snapped him back to reality. The sun was set and he was alone in the gardens. Was the image of Koku a vision? That wasn't important right now, Hiei thought as he stood. He added it to his never ending list of questions and stared up at the fortress. He should at least check in with Maria and Claudia, no doubt they were worried. He would figure out what to do from there.
Hiei walked slowly through the gardens and into the castle, slowly steeling himself he wasn't going to make the same emotional mistakes again. He rounded a corner to the main corridor and stopped. Mîra's figure was hunched over, her arms grasping at the wall as she tried to support herself. He heard her breathing heavily and she gasped in air as she tried to straighten herself out. He watched her pathetic figure as she raised her back, her neck still bent forward, and took a step forward. Her foot gave way under her and she collapsed to the ground.
She made no noise, the only sound he could hear coming from her was her labored breathing. Using all that energy must have been taxing on her, even more so if this was the first time she had ever "defeated" Thalion. Hiei calmly and quietly walked around her and stopped in front of her. She raised her head to him slowly and stared at him quietly.
Hiei once heard that eyes were the window to the soul. In her eyes, he had seen Mîrvana the Warrior and Mîrvana the Queen, and he had also seen Mîra the sister, friend and wife. Now, for the first time he wasn't seeing her, he was seeing a woman. She didn't need a name or a title, she was simply a woman. A woman who had made mistakes in her life. A woman who was full of anguish, sorrow, and regret. A woman who was hurting terribly. A woman who was hurting for herself, and as she looked away ashamed, a woman who was hurting for him.
He watched her struggle to stand again but her body would not allow it and he watched her sink to the ground again.
"Go away," he heard her whisper hoarsely. He didn't move.
"I said go away!" she said more forcefully, but he stood where he was.
After Hiei had been caught and tried by the Rekai for stealing the Artifacts of Darkness he had run into Kurama who had been sentenced before him. He didn't want anything to do with the traitorous bastard, at least that was what he had thought. Kurama didn't apologize nor did he try to explain himself, instead he asked Hiei if he was okay. Hiei had snapped at him, what the hell did he care? Kurama ignored him and told him he should still come by and visit if he needed to. Hiei naturally responded that he didn't need anyone or anyone's help for that matter. But the damn fox, with his all- knowing emerald eyes had simply smiled and him and said,
"You should know, Hiei, it is a lot easier to get back up when someone is offering a hand."
At first he ignored the words, partially because he didn't know what the hell the fox was talking about, but he soon realized being alone in a world that was foreign to him was miserable. Not only that but he would have to help the idiot human soon with Kurama. Finally, he went back to the fox's window, figuring that it would be easier to get along with the fox in whatever situation they got yanked into. After that, things became a lot easier. Without even realizing it, he was given trust readily and he was slowly giving it back. He hadn't realized the extent of the camaraderie until Mukuro had called upon him and he had to decide where his loyalty would lie. Choosing Yusuke was the easiest decision he had ever made in his life.
Now, staring down at the struggling woman who kept telling him to go away, he didn't move. He didn't move because he knew that as soon as he left she was going to try and crawl because that was all she could do. Utterly humiliated and ashamed by her actions, she didn't want him to see her anymore broken than she already was.
Hiei bent over and picked her up. His body ached and the tear in his heart widened as he clutched her to his chest. He took a moment to close his eyes and block out his emotions. He swore to take care of this woman, to provide for her and make her life as comfortable as possible. He would honor that promise, no matter how much he broke.
Hiei walked slowly down the corridors to their room. He thought she would be heavy to carry but the only heaviness he felt was from the steps that he took, the weight growing as he moved forward. Her slim frame was light and Hiei felt he was carrying a child. Maybe she felt like a child right now, scared, alone, confused. That was how he felt.
When he reached the room he set her on the bed and Maria and Claudia, who always appeared out of thin air when he needed them, changed her and tucked her into bed. They left quickly and Hiei stared at her before starting towards the window.
"Don't leave, it's cold outside." Her quiet voice stopped him.
"I am fine in the cold," he responded and reached to open the window when her words stopped him.
"Don't be stubborn, you'll get sick. Come here, where it is warm."
Hiei stared at her dumbfounded. Even when she was completely ashamed and weak she was still able to command him around, her pride intact. He stared at her longingly, touched by her pride and pained by it. His body was not his own as he wordlessly he stripped and slipped in the bed, the covers halfway on him. He stared at the ceiling not fully understanding why he had gotten in the bed in the first place and he felt the covers shift around him. He looked over to see her propped up on her side, her visage determined. He let her slowly pull the sheets over him.
"If you get sick I will too, idiot," she said softly. She collapsed, pulling out the support from her arm and closed her eyes, presumably not able to muster the strength to turn away from him. Hiei stared back up at the ceiling, not feeling any warmer or his body any less ill, and at some point slipped into a dreamless sleep.
00000
Hiei was not surprised that Mîra slept through the day, and he was grateful for it. The time allowed him to deal with the pain of the previous day's events but eventually he was distracted by the distressed villagers in his territory. According to a few eye witnesses, there was a large ball of white energy that shot through the forest for miles and miles. By the time the energy dissipated, the source was nowhere to be found and it had traveled over the boundary of his territory and into land that was ruled by an A-class water demon. As a result, he had spent the entire day and a good portion of the evening checking damages to villages and quelling the villagers fears. That, of course, said nothing for the explosion of mail that had arrived.
Hiei was surprised by the wide spread response. Powerful youki running rampant wasn't anything new. Then again, it wasn't youki that had caused the commotion. The villagers and local demon had felt elfin magic, and they were right to be scared. Judging from the never ending missives, many other demons had felt it as well.
Hiei decided it was best send Shana out to all the major demon strongholds and reassure everyone that things were fine, there were no casualties and that it would not happen again. He spent the next two days distracted by work while Mîrvana was confined to the bed by Maria and Claudia. The third day, however, he was not able to avoid her any longer. She had actually managed to get up before him and he found her in his office reading through unopened mail and following his model by sorting them by region.
She looked beautiful in her simple blue dress, her hair in a braid. Tch, when did she not look beautiful? He stared at her and had a sudden vision of Thalion there with her. He scowled and mentally shook himself. Thalion was gone, she got rid of him herself. There was no use in dwelling on that. Hiei knew that he was angry and hurt that she had even considered going back to that bastard, even if she chose to stay in the end.
Then again, the only reason she had fallen more easily into Thalion's sway was because Hiei had pissed her off. He couldn't entirely blame her, could he? With a sinking feeling he realized that this entire predicament could have been avoid if hadn't been so hot-headed.
Mîrvana paid him no attention as he continued to gather himself. Hiei inhaled and exhaled deeply. He had to face her at some point, right? He would apologize for his actions and get back to work. She would be angry with him and maybe wouldn't really ever speak with him again, not that he expected her to apologize but he would do his part. He knew he owed her that much, at least.
He stared at her figure, noting she still looked tired and had probably forced herself out of bed before she was ready, judging by the way she kept rubbing her forehead. That didn't mean that she would lash out at him or even acknowledge him… Kami, help him. He was so nervous and Hiei didn't like being nervous. Nervousness allowed for error, errors allowed for death. He could do this, he was a powerful demon that made people quake in their boots, he was… Kami, a pep talk? Seriously? He was being ridiculous!
"It wasn't my fault," he blurted out. Wait, that didn't sound right…
She froze and turned her head to him slowly. "Excuse me?" She asked, offended.
"Shit, that wasn't…" Hiei struggled with the right words. She frowned and stared at him impatiently.
"Listen, I have a lot of work to do so come back when your brain starts functioning properly," she snapped and looked back down at the letter in front of her. He took a step towards her and her eyes darted away back to the letter in front of her. Hiei sat down in the chair in front of the desk and frowned at her.
"This is my work."
"No it's mine. Now leave me be." Her eyes didn't move from the letter as she spoke. She set it down in a pile from Yomi's territory and picked up another sealed missive.
"I will find your Grandmother's earrings and I won't bother you again," Hiei said quietly. Her fingers paused in the middle of breaking the seal. He breathed deeply, hoping that would satisfy her. her watched her lips press tightly together and Hiei drove out the image of Thalion kissing those lips out of his mind. The elf was gone. He was hurt that she didn't push him away but he was gone. He would have to deal with the consequences of driving her away. Hiei stood and turned to leave.
"I was attracted to him like a moth to a flame."
Hiei stopped at the sound of her quiet voice. She had set the letter down and was clasping her hands tightly together, her elbows propped up on the table. He sat down and her eyes were distant as she spoke.
"We grew up together, since he was an Angulóce Nyello. He was always the strongest, no matter what any of us did. The only one that seemed able to come close to defeating him was Rodyn, and that was because he never really tried. I could never beat him. I hated him for it when I was younger. As I got older however, I realized how charming he could be and I found his unimaginable power awing. Before I knew it we were stealing away with each other at night.
"He was from an up and coming line of nobles that didn't necessarily agree with my father on many issues which was why we weren't allowed to marry but that was a part of the fun. Before I knew it, I was enthralled. Whenever he walked into a room I only saw him. His words melted me like butter, his kisses were like water on a hot summer day. I was spellbound and he knew it." Her voice became bitter and she sighed. Hiei thought she needed more sleep, he didn't like seeing her so tired and beat up.
"But then I started to notice things. The servants whispering, the disapproving looks from afar, and the fact that Thalion only wanted to meet me at certain times. I realized that I had never, not once had I met him spontaneously or at a time that I had designated. He was the one that was always in charge. Then I started listening to the gossip and I- I didn't want to believe it. I was stupid and naïve." She wiped her eyes and sniffled, it was evident she was still hurt.
"They would say, Thalion met with the woman behind the store house. Thalion met with this maid in the kitchen, Thalion met this woman and that woman. And the poor Princess doesn't realize a thing. How pathetic." She paused to breathe and regain control of her visage, trying to prevent the tears that were forming in her eyes from spilling over.
"I confronted him and naturally he denied it but I stupidly believed him. I still heard the whispers, I still heard the gossip and got those stares but I ignored them. Looking back I was in denial. Until I finally caught him." Her voice sounded haunted now, and Hiei wanted to rip out the elf's throat. Mîra didn't deserve that from anyone.
"It was the most agonizing, heartbreaking moment I have ever had in my life. Not just that he was cheating on me, but that everyone else had seen it but me. That's what made it that much worse. The fact that in the end, I was wrong and everyone else was right." She was looking at Hiei and he could see the agony and regret in her eyes. She looked away from him and was silent for a moment.
"I tried to break it off with him but I somehow always came back. We fell into a cycle of fighting and making up. My brother was concerned, he didn't want me associated to a man who constantly cheated on me and he said it was taking a visible toll on me. I don't doubt it but I didn't see it. I wanted to make it work and I tried desperately to. This had been going on for a year when the war came up. He wanted to marry me before I left but I refused. I wasn't ready to be married, to be tied down to a man who constantly went behind my back. I knew that even though I couldn't get rid of him. In the end I really didn't have the strength to resist him."
"And then," she sighed and a small smile graced her exhausted features. "I met you."
Hiei looked up at her surprised and she sighed, staring at him tenderly. "I was glad you didn't have any mistresses and that you were true to your word. A part of me still missed him but it wasn't as difficult to let him go as I thought it would be. You were curt and rude but you looked out for me and I was the only one. Just me. Only me. I respected you for that, even when I still disliked you, even when I was angry with you I knew you weren't going to run off to some other woman." Her voice started to break as she began to cry. "I trusted you." She was unable to continue as she briefly turned away, hiding her face.
Hiei felt terrible. She had trusted him to keep her safe, happy, and to actually be her husband damnit! He was supposed to drive out the threat to their relationship and he had failed. An apology wasn't going to repair the damaged trust he had broken. He was a fool. Maybe in the end, they weren't destined to be together. He was just filling in the blanks with what seemed convenient.
"I tried too hard to resist. Melda, he called me. Melda this, melda that," she snarled.
"What does that mean?" Hiei interrupted quietly.
She eyes him and sighed. "Beloved. It was his nickname for me. When he said it here it sounded like poison," she spat. "I tried so hard to be angry but he drove a wedge between us and played me back into his hand. I didn't realize it until it was too late." She leaned forward and reached out to him but she then retracted her hand. "I was a fool for not seeing through him. I should have known better," she turned away from him, more tears flowing down her cheeks, ashamed. Hiei stared at her in shock. When she said she trusted him, that wasn't saying he hurt her and broke their bond. She was apologizing for doing what she trusted him to never do.
Hiei was hurting for her, hurting for himself. Their marriage was so fucked up he didn't know where to go from here. An image of Kurama sitting with the two of them popped into his head. He shouldn't have found the idea of counseling funny, but he did. It was the funniest idea he had thought of in a long time. Was that the point that he was at? Their relationship had fallen so far now that it was considered dark comedy?
"Listen, I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore but at least let me deal with the consequences of my actions." Her voice was a little more stable and he looked up to see she was trying to regain control over herself. Hiei looked at as she glanced over the full table.
"I received a letter from Yomi saying he would be dropping by and I'm surprised Mukuro hasn't showed up yet." She sighed tiredly and groaned, "Ancestors know I cannot deal with that bitch right now."
Hiei knew the two women detested each other so he let the slur go. She looked utterly overwhelmed and if Mukuro were to arrive at this instant Hiei didn't think she would have it in her to deal with the former King.
"Mîra, go get some rest," Hiei said quietly.
"I can't I have to take care of this. I can't ask you to do this for me," she said shaking her head. She looked determinedly at the letter she had started to open and picked it back up again.
"Mîra. Leave this to me," He said.
"No, I can't let you clean up my mess. This was my fault," she said firmly. Hiei sighed, this woman was too damn prideful. He watched her open the letter and read it. She set it in a pile and picked up another. Hiei reached out without thinking and took her hand. Her hand was cold against his warm touch. She looked up at him surprised and he was shocked that he had reached out to her but he didn't let go. He didn't want to.
Mîra set the letter down and brought her other hand over his. She wasn't looking at him, she was looking down at their hands. She seemed to be thinking. Hiei was tired of thinking.
"Okay," he heard her whisper. "I'll go rest, but don't you dare touch this!" She looked up, her eyes glaring at him. He was surprised to see the look on her face but he was also relieved.
"Hn."
She pouted cutely at him. "Not a word," she said. There was a silence before she let go of his hand and stood, rubbing her eyes. He stood as well and looked up at her. She was clutching her side and he hoped her fatigue wouldn't allow her to fall ill. Wordlessly he walked over to her and picked her up, cradling her in his arms.
"I can walk just fine," Mîra protested but he held onto her thin frame tightly.
"I don't care," he replied, staring ahead as he exited the office. He didn't know if he should be carrying her, touching her, or even talking to her. He did know that were both hurting because of each other, because of themselves. He didn't want to hurt anymore, he was tired of hurting. Hiei was past that stage of his life. More importantly, he didn't want her hurting. He didn't know what the next step was for them, or if they would care for each other the way that they had before but he had promised to take care of her.
Maria and Claudia told him he had a good soul. He thought of Shana, worried for him, and of Mukuro who inquired every now and then about his wife out of concern for him. He thought about his friends in the human world who were all supporting him, Kurama and Yusuke with advice and Kuwabara for helping him escape that prison. He was sure it was Kuwabara and he was grateful, even if the oaf was annoying. He was surrounded by so many people and he knew that Mîra needed them too. He would push past his pain, as he always had done, and he would work hard for her. That was all he could do.
He set her down on their bed gently and he pulled the covers over her and tucked her in. he then opened their window and pulled off the bandana covering his Jagan. In mere minutes he found the earrings but he spent a better part of the day scrubbing them clean, refusing to let anyone else touch them. By the end of the day, they were sparkling clean. Feeling that was enough work for one day, he set them down in the middle of her vanity where he knew she would see them.
He walked over to where she was sleeping and brushed some strands of her hair off of her smooth face. Ignoring the pain in his chest, he turned to leave when he felt her grip his arm. He turned and saw her staring at him longingly. What did she want from him? He then remembered that she was hurting from guilt too. He climbed into the bed next to her and stared down into her lavender eyes. He felt that familiar and welcome intoxicating spell come over him and he leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers. Hiei closed his eyes and he heard her voice.
"Thank you for retrieving my earrings." He felt her hand on his cheek, stroking him a little with her thumb. Hiei drew back a little and stared into her eyes. Her cool hand slid to the back of his neck and gently pushed him down toward her. His lips touched hers lightly and he could taste her sweetness, her scent engulfing him. He pulled back and looked at her apprehensively. He didn't want to screw things up again.
As he stared at her however, Hiei felt something click inside of him and he was suddenly in her embrace again, swirling in a frenzy of desperate kisses, touches, and sighs. Hiei felt himself becoming whole again, as he felt something inside of him for this woman that he had never felt before. He didn't know what to call it or how to describe it other than something… pure. What he was feeling went beyond bewitching and he was drowning in his need for her. He never wanted to leave her arms, her touch. The very thought was agonizing. He hoped that whatever this feeling was, it would be strong enough to help the both of them push through the hurt and the pain and move on.
Translation Notes:
Laden- open
Melda- beloved
Song: "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri