Extra: Blame it on the Alcohol

Hiei was completely drunk. Other than the Club Incident where Hiei was severely tipsy, this was a rare occurrence. As rare as Kuwabara saying something intelligent. As rare as the damn fox not being able to figure out everyone's problems and not acting as the groups' psychologist. As rare as Yusuke saying something cheeky to Keiko that didn't result in a slap across the face. As rare as Boton actually shutting the hell up.

When his wife, whose pride ran as deep as his if not deeper, regularly went out drinking with her best friend Shizuru it sort of made sense. Sort of.

The night had started innocently enough, the gang getting together at Genkai's for some relaxing. He should have seen the warning signs when Mîra, Shizuru, and Boton went out and came back with purchases in brown bags. But he didn't. This resulted in drinking games after dinner. Hiei was not participating. At least, he wasn't until his wife intervened.

"Oh don't worry about Hiei. He just can't hold his liquor like Kuwabara can."

That was all it took for Hiei to get involved in a game of Fuck Christmas. Not like Fuck Christmas was bad game to play considering he got to say Fuck and screw over Kuwabara, Yusuke, or Kurama. That is, until they began to gang up on him. Needless to say, Hiei was buzzed pretty quickly and should have known that he needed to stop. This was mainly due to the fact that he was talking way more than he should have been.

He vaguely remembered talking about sweet snow and how Kuwabaka, which is what he called the red head for the rest of the night, did not appreciate the fine art that went into creating such a delicious treat. He talked about how Kurama really needed to just marry his damn books already since every time he dropped by he always had to wait for the damn fox to finish the section before he would talk. Then he talked about how Yusuke was a pussy for not being able to stand up to Keiko's slaps, which then prompted a conversation about whipped men.

Of course, that was when things got worse. That and the tequila shots that Mîra had said he wasn't able to handle.

Yusuke said how whipped Hiei was, that he had only joined in drinking because his wife wanted him too. Naturally Hiei deflected this by taking a shot of his own volition. Hiei then moved to Kurama, stating how he endlessly listened to the incessant ramblings of the ferry girl only because she put out. Kurama then smoothly responded, after Hiei avoided Boton's oar, that Hiei was jealous because Mîra hadn't put out for him. This resulted in Hiei trying to kill Kurama which ended up with him having a daisy through his shoulder. This earned hysterical and uncharitable laughter from the women of the men who were throwing insults at each other.

Yusuke then said how Kuwabara would do anything Yukina asked him to do, even if it meant jumping off a bridge. Of course, the oaf being absolutely wasted thought Yukina had actually said to jump off a bridge and ran off to do just that. Then they, Yusuke, Kurama, Mîra, Boton, Shizuru, and himself, went to go stop him.

Hiei remembered vaguely releasing Koku because a police officer began to question him which Mîra stopped by knocking the officer out. Boton actually had to go and do her job utterly inebriated, Kurama began to make flowers grow that didn't exist in the human world, and Yusuke laughed his ass off while Shizuru knocked her brother out, preventing him from jumping.

Hiei was pretty sure Koku had taken them back even though he was sure the dragon wanted to throw off Yusuke for claiming he was riding a pony and not a terrifying, scaly, serpent like dragon.

Then there was Ring of Fire. This was where things got fuzzy. Hiei lost every time because he couldn't remember the rules. But that wasn't bad, oh no. It was those damn 10's where they held up 5 fingers and said what they haven't done. And if you had done it, then you had to put a finger down. Naturally, Hiei put his finger down for almost everything, he wasn't about to be bested by anyone else. Of course this included things ranging from skiing to road head, which he had no clue what either activities were. Of course, when Yusuke said, "Never have I ever had a sister who didn't know who I was and I knew who she was but was too chicken to say anything," the game ended with Hiei lunging himself at the halfling.

Fortunately, Yukina was not in the room and Kuwabaka was too drunk to notice.

Unfortunately, that was when the fist fight started and beyond that Hiei didn't remember much.

According to Keiko, who had not gotten totally drunk, Hiei slugged Yusuke which started a fist fight. When Kuwabara tried to pull them apart, Hiei elbowed him in the gut, adding him to the equation. Then Yusuke accidentally kicked Kurama in the face which got Kurama involved. Apparently Mîra, feeling left out of the brawl, tore them apart and threw them all outside.

Then, feeing proud of herself, she doused them all in water because apparently it was funny.

All Hiei knew was that he woke up in the ground without his cloak, completely soaked, with a ranging headache, an aching shoulder, and was now sneezing uncontrollably. He remembered dragging himself to his room only to find his wife wearing his cloak and lacy red panties that, when he wasn't on the verge of throwing up, would have had him at his knees. Instead he passed out.

When he woke up again, it was to a slap on his cheek from his wife. Apparently he had passed out with his hand fondling said panties. He then yelled, as much as he could yell with the concrete pounding in his head, that she made him sick and took his cloak. She said she would beat him up if it wasn't for the bruises he was already spouting from the fist fight he didn't remember. He then countered that he never told her take his cloak and that it wasn't his fault she chose to wear lingerie and make him take all those shots, making his decision making less than stellar.

She blamed it on idiocy, a lack of self-confidence, and lack of social skills that allowed him to succumb to peer pressure and that this should be a lesson for him in the future to stick up for himself and stand his ground if he didn't want to be stripped of his clothing and be hit for touching what he shouldn't be.

He blamed it on his wife for being the craziest woman he could have been forced with in his entire life. After promptly being thrown through the sliding door and into the ground, he decided it was safer to just blame the alcohol. Much safer.