This is my first update for 2014. I have not much else to say, other than how grateful I am that NerdyNightStocker is reviewing this. I enjoyed reading every one of her reviews. THANKS NERDYNIGHTSTOCKER :D! Well anyway, have fun!
My Big Fat Creepy Roommate
This Boot is Made for Kidnapping
Owen ran all the way home to his apartment and jumped on his bed to cry his eyes dry. He felt very stupid for believing that Justin could ever love him. After screaming and crying for seven hours straight, Owen decided he was going to do it. And so he grabbed a sharp razor blade. But before he could use it, the big lovable oaf heard heavy footsteps until the door to his bedroom was slammed open.
Jo stood at the doorway in her frilly pink pyjamas. Her eyes were bloodshot.
"OWEN! I can't sleep with all yer cribbing and crying! Shut the fuck up!" Jo shouted. "God, why did I pick the apartment underneath yours?!" she muttered.
"JUSTINNN CHEATED ON ME?!" Owen sobbed. "T-T-Trenttttt and I f-found h-him, and h-h-HE WAS HAVING A THREESOME WITH CHEFFFFFF AND CHEFFFFFF'S DADDDDDDD! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He grabbed Jo and pulled her into a tight bear hug. Before Jo could stop him, Owen used her pyjama top as a tissue.
"Ew, gross!" Jo cringed.
"I DUN WANNA LIB ON DIH PWANEH ANYBOH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" sobbed Owen.
"Okay, I am not going to comment on you adding extra letters to people's names just so they'd have nine letters, or that you just got your snot on my PJs," Jo gritted her teeth, "but seriously?! Knowing Chef, Justin probably did not ask for any of this!"
"Well, Justin did look uncomfortable," Owen admitted. He dried his eyes. "He… CHEFFFFFF IS HURTING MY JUSTYYYYY-POOOOOOOO! I GOTTA GO SAVE HIM!" And so Owen ran out of the apartment to go look for Justin.
"Idiot," Jo scoffed. "Hopefully Chef kills that fat ass for getting snot on my rare Here Comes Honey Boo Boo pyjamas!"
Meanwhile, Chef was outside the derelict mansion, putting things into the boot. Among those things were a human and the subject of Owen and Chef's dirty fantasies for years on end.
"What is going on?" Justin asked.
"We're moving," said Chef's dad.
"Where are we moving to?" Justin asked.
"To another location," Chef's dad replied.
"No shit," Justin rolled his eyes. He turned to Chef and asked:
"I'm going to ask "where are we going?" and your answer cannot be "to another location"," said Justin. "So where are we going?"
"I keep tellin' ya, we're going to another location," Chef rolled his eyes, putting more stuff into the boot.
"Can you be any more specific?" Justin rolled his eyes for the second time.
"I'm afraid I can't," Chef sternly replied. "You can't know where we're going. Only I can."
"But why?" Justin protested.
"Have ya ever kidnapped people before?!" Chef glared. "Why cha think I can't tell ya?!"
"Hey son? What are ya gonna do about the mansion?" Chef's dad asked Chef.
Chef shrugged. "Ah, I don't really give a shit about the mansion anymore. It'll probably collapse within a few weeks anyway."
"But you promised me I could die there!" Chef's dad whined.
"Tell ya what," said Chef, "when I decide to kill ya in the most brutal way possible, I'll take ya back there to do that." And with that, Chef slammed down the lid of the boot.
Trent was inside his kitchen washing the dishes nine times. He washed nine dishes at once as well. Trent was happy because he just watched the ninth episode of the ninth season of Family Guy, South Park, the Simpsons, Friends, Two and a Half Men, Roseanne, How I Met Your Mother, American Dad and Degrassi: The Next Generation. Trent even watched each episode nine times.
*Knock*
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
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"Trenttttt!"
Trent went up to the door and answered it. "Yeah Owennnnnn?" he asked.
"Trenttttt!" Owen gasped. "I just found out that Justinnnn has never asked to be molested by Cheffffff or Cheffffff's daddddddd! This is all happening without his consent! Justinnnn looked like he didn't want any of it!"
"Say no more!" Trenttttt gasped. "I'm just relieved Justinnnn has turned out to not be a nine-hater. Let's go back to the Evil Derelict Mansion of Fifteen Letters and rescue him!"
Chef pulled into the parking garage bellow Total Drama Towers. He stepped out of the car and opened up the boot.
"Okay, so shaddup and listen," Chef hissed. "If either of you two make any noise that draws any attention I will kill someone. GOT IT?!"
Chef's dad and Justin nodded in unison. Chef's dad pretended to look frightened. Justin also looked frightened, only he wasn't pretending.
"Good," Chef glared. "Now I'll be off to get something. I won't be back for another five minutes. Remember what I said." Chef slammed down the lid until it clicked, once again confining Justin and Chef's dad to the boot.
After a minute of silence, Justin spoke. "I think he's gone. He won't hear us scream. But other people might," he suggested.
"You'd better not scream," Chef's dad warned Justin.
"And if I do?" Justin sneered.
"I will bite you," Chef's dad threatened.
Justin thought long and hard on Chef's dad's threat.
Outside the boot, Owen and Trent were walking along the parking garage in search of a car to hotwire and steal, when they heard a noise coming from the boot of one of the cars.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPP!" wailed a familiar voice.
Owen's ears pricked up. "Uh-oh, is that Justinnnn?" Owen asked Trent.
Trent went up to the car where they heard noise come from. He pressed his ear against the boot of the car.
"YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCHH!" screeched the same voice.
"Nope," said Trent, "it can't be. That car is the eight parking spot from the left. Let's check the car on the ninth parking spot." And so Trent picked the lock on the boot to find nothing inside.
"Drat, drat, drat, drat, drat, drat, drat, drat, drat," Trent sighed. "Let's check the car in the ninth space from the right. If Justin isn't in there, we'll just have to see if he's still in the area where the combined sewer led to."
Back in the boot, Justin was rubbing his left shoulder where he was bitten.
"Couldn't you have at least been gentler?!" Justin sobbed. "Your bite marks have made me uglier!"
"Well tough!" Chef's dad scoffed. "I told you to keep your goddamn mouth shut!"
Justin stifled a tear. "Ya know, you don't have to be so mean to me," he sobbed.
"I have to." Chef's dad glared. "Otherwise we'd get caught thanks to you. You're lucky whoever are out there are complete retards otherwise we'd be fucked."
"Actually, I'd be rescued from you and your mentally fucked up son," Justin glared.
Chef's dad punched Justin in the eye. "Well I like him that way, so don't you dare badmouth him like that opposite me! Is that clear?!"
Justin was horrified. "Y-y-yes," he stammered.
"Good," Chef's dad glared. "And let's say you were 'rescued'. You'd end up suffering from Owen what Chef would be doing to you. Plus Trent would be cramming that number nine bullshit down your throat," he added.
"How did you know about them?" Justin demanded.
"Chef has bitched to me about everyone on the show," Chef's dad explained.
"Oh," said Justin. "I still can't decide which is worse," he admitted.
"Well just stick with this," said Chef's dad. "Not like you'd have a choice anyway."
Back outside the boot, Owen and Trent hopped into the night car from the right after failing to find Justin. Trent stomped on the pedal and speeded out of the parking garage towards the manhole he and Owen came across earlier. They left before Chef retuned to the parking garage. He opened the boot, loaded more stuff in, closed the boot, got into the car and drove off towards a different route.
Well… I guess this chapter wasn't as inappropriate as the previous chapter for a T-rated fic, am I right? Anyway, for my New Year's Resolution, I'm going to update my fics as much as I can, and I'm going to write until I have written over 600,000 words and 150 stories since I joined the site. I hope I can achieve that.
Happy New Year!