Chapter 25 Crossorads

Hiei never thought he would like children. Children were obnoxious beings that whined, complained, threw fits, and were covered in mucus or dirt for most of their lives. Case and point, Ryuji. Hiei liked him when he was three. Not so much at six. Example: when Yusuke had to wash him off with a hose because he was covered in mud and Keiko would not let him in the house. This was after, of course, Ryuji has not only given Hiei a gigantic mud-hug but also used him as a shield from the water.

There were more pleasant moments to the child however. Ryuji always seemed to want to impress Hiei with his "moves" which Yusuke always got a laugh out of. There was a small charm to it, watching his stubby hands punch the air and pretending he didn't see Ryuji stumble from losing his balance after kicking it in the air. Additionally, actually being able to converse with the small boy made things easier as well. While he found that he could tolerate and interact with children better than he thought, Hiei couldn't help but adore infants.

Infants were new to the world, untouched and untainted. Everything was different, every touch every sound was a new experience. There was lots of slobber involved but, to Hiei, their genuine curiosity created a simplistic charm that was unrivaled than any other being he had ever met. There was a rather peaceful sensation that took hold of him as he grasped his nephew's small and malleable torso with his rough, strong hands.

"Hiei, you're pretty good with Isao," Yusuke commented, lounging in the recliner in Kuwabara's living room.

"Tch, of course I am," he responded gruffly. It was his sister's son after all.

"Time has flow by… I remember when Ryuji was waddling around with Keiko chasing after him," Kurama mused humorously, glancing over a magazine.

"You're telling me. I can't believe how big Ryuji is getting! Keiko and I are talking about having another kid," Yusuke announced proudly.

"Eh? Way to go Urameshi!" Kuwabara congratulated. Kurama also offered congratulations while Hiei nodded at his friend, resuming his attention back to Isao. The one year old waved his arms around and said something incoherently. Hiei didn't respond but wrapped his arm around the baby's torso, allowing his free hand to be played with by the baby's fingers. He enjoyed the feel of his nephews fingers exploring the callouses in his hand. The baby's skin was smooth but fragile, Hiei felt he could easily tear the flesh on accident but to his amazement the skin never tore.

"Tou-san!" Ryuji stomped into the living room, with a scowl only his mother could have given him covering his visage. "Tou-san, I'm bored!"

"Go help your Kaa-san in the kitchen," Yusuke suggested.

"I don't want to! I don't like cooking!" The boy whined.

Just then there Mîra's voice rang out loudly from the kitchen. "Hey, you know what Keiko I can take Ryuji and keep him out of your hair!" Hiei's mate suddenly appeared finishing the wine in her glass, walking hurriedly out of the kitchen. Without even glancing at any of the men she set the glass down on the coffee table and grabbed Ryuji's hand.

"Come on you, trasthael. Let's go outside," she said fluidly.

"Ba-chan! Can we practice my energy?" the little boy asked excitedly as they quickly exited to the back yard. Keiko then appeared in the living room.

"Mîra! You aren't finished cutting those vegetables! Ugh, I don't know why I bother!" Keiko yelled frustrated, throwing her hands up. The four of the men exchanged an amused look and Hiei smirked slightly at seeing his mate ditching her cooking duties.

Once a month, everyone tried to get together and the women cooked a large dinner for everyone to enjoy. Hiei found the time to be pleasant, though he wouldn't admit it out loud. It was nice to meet with his old friends as they all seemingly went their separate paths. Hiei was getting ready for the next tournament, Yusuke was helping run the restaurant while visiting the Makai every now and then to release the fighter in him, Kurama was pursuing a PhD, and Kuwabara was working hard to support his family in addition to honing his skills as a spiritualist. Their lives barley intersected and it was only with the four of them coming together that they saw each other anymore. Hiei understood this to be the way life went, but usually people stayed out of his life for good. He was glad to have people to come back to, not to mention a wife to come home to.

Kuwabara took his son as Isao began to fuss and Hiei glanced outside at his wife. She wasn't wearing anything special, just jeans, a purple jacket and her hair down, but he thought she was gorgeous. Gorgeous looking, gorgeous to be around, gorgeous everything. And she was his. That was how he knew going to the human realm once a month was therapeutic to Mîra. He felt that she was getting restless in the quiet fortress and going to the human world always helped. For some reason she loved it there, there was something about the human world that fascinated her. Hiei didn't understand it but as long as she was happy, it didn't matter if he did or not.

"So, Hiei, are you thinking about having kids anytime soon? It's been three years and you two seem pretty close," Yusuke said. For once the detective didn't have a wolfish grin or a mischievous look on his face. He was actually curious.

"We haven't talked about it," Hiei said offhandedly.

"He didn't ask if you two had talked about it. He asked if you were thinking about it," Kurama said. Hiei shot a glare at his redheaded friend who was staring at him seriously. Kurama wanted to know too… Hiei turned his gaze to his wife, bent over and talking to Ryuji. Children… he had thought about becoming a father, it was hard not to when one of his best friends had a child and now that he was an uncle. He had thought that he would be terrible with children but he had always been good at handling Ryuji, the boy's idolization of him helped though, and he enjoyed his time with Isao as well. But these children he only visited, he wasn't with them all the time. How did he know that he would be a good father?

More appropriately, how did he know when the right time for children was? Would she just end up pregnant and not have a choice or should he talk about her with it first? And if he did, when? How did he know that he was ready for… a family? The words always sounded comforting and warm and gushy, but something so far away. To know that the ability to have a family, if he chose, was so close it was unnerving. He never thought… Then again, he never imagined he was capable to fall so far and so deeply for a woman.

"I don't know," he said quietly.

"I know what you mean. I hope I'm doing good enough for Ryuji, I don't even think my old man knows I exist," Yusuke said quietly. The room was quiet and the diluted laughter from the kitchen filled the silence.

"Ryuji is gonna be great because you care about him," Kuwabara said softly but steadily. "Same thing with you," Kuwabara said, shooting a glance at Hiei before returning to feeding his son.

"Yusuke!" Keiko called brightly. "Dinner's ready!" Instantly the somber mood dissipated as Yusuke and Kuwabara stood eagerly. Hiei tried to set the conversation and the thoughts swirling in his head aside as he called his wife and Ryuji over for dinner.

Hiei tried to concentrate on anything other than the thought of his wife having children while he ate but it was impossible now that the thought was in his mind. He couldn't stop stealing glances at her, wondering if their offspring would inherit her pretty eyes or her bright smile. Even during his delicious dessert, homemade for the group from his incredible mate, he remained distracted. However, his mate wasn't an idiot. Finally she turned to him as he stared at her.

"Herven, caretye elwe mai?" Mîra asked him quietly as Yukina and Keiko took away the dessert bowls.

"Im mai," he replied. She stared at him steadily for a moment before turning to look at something Boton said. Yusuke and Kuwabara burst into laughter and Mîra should have too but she looked distracted by something else. Instead she smiled a sickly sweet smile, well sickly to him. He could pick out her fake smile anywhere. Something was bothering her too. Hiei decided they had stayed for as long as they needed to.

"Mîra, eteleht léne," he said quietly. She cast a glance downward at him for a moment before standing up. They left quickly, but Hiei did not say anything as they headed back to Genkai's. Hiei figured whatever Mîra was thinking about she wasn't ready to discuss either but eventually, they would talk. Hiei didn't change right away when they got to their room. He watched her instead, seeing the long look in her face as she sighed, taking off her sweater slowly but mindlessly, and pulling out her pajama top from her bag after she paused for a moment. She moved to take off her bra when she noticed his gaze.

"What is it, Herven?"

"Something is troubling you," Hiei said, pulling off his cloak.

She turned her gaze away from him. "I don't want to talk about it." She unhooked her bra and he watched her, admiring her naked chest as she continued, "What is distracting you? Other than me being shirtless."

Hiei glared at her as she laughed, pulling the long sleeved top over her head and began to wriggle out of her jeans. "I don't want to talk about it," he snapped. "And you don't need that," he scowled, staring pointedly at her pajama pants.

She grinned at him as she slipped on the cotton pants. "Actually I do. My legs are longer and can't be covered by your amazing warmth so now, during winter, they get cold if I don't wear pants."

Hiei finished stripping and sat down, frowning at his wife. "You don't need clothes to keep you warm. Come here," he commanded.

"Let me get my hair brush," his mate responded, rolling her eyes at him. Mîra rummaged through their things until she found the brush and handed it to him. She brushed her hair back behind her shoulders and Hiei placed the brush at the top of her head and began to lightly bring the brush down. He wasn't really sure if he ever offered to brush her hair, it usually just happened. Hiei liked brushing her hair though, it was a simple task that was also fairly intimate. When it came to him and his mate, he took no shame in any of his actions. This was their moment; no one else could judge him or take it from him. Additionally, he was convinced Mîra meditated when he brushed her hair. She called it deep thinking because she wasn't a meditating type of woman which was true, she could never sit still for long.

Hiei heard his mate sigh and he wondered what she was thinking about. He was thinking about children. He was trying hard not to but it was painfully and curiously unavoidable. Was he ready for that step? It had only been three years… but Hiei felt he was changed. More responsible, more aware, more…gentle. Not weak or without his pride but gentle as though the rough edges that comprised him were smoothed over.

"Herven, it's interesting how things turn out don't they? Thinking of how we began and where we are now is very surreal."

Hiei didn't respond but listened like he usually did. He wasn't much of a thinker and he didn't see the point. The past is the past, the present is the present, and the future is the future. Sure, one affects the other but he found dwelling on the past didn't resolve anything. Now that he had his sister and his mate, he wanted for nothing and didn't look back.

When he finished brushing she leaned back into his arms, and he rested his head on her shoulder. Her body felt soft and small in his embrace and he liked that. He liked the way she made him feel, strong and capable. Of course, Mîra never let him see her as anything less but when she was his embrace she was just his wife. Not a warrior queen, not an elf, just his wife. And all he wanted to be was just her husband. His relationship with her was just that simple, that was all he needed to be for her and she needed to be for him. Simple.

"Okay," he heard her sigh. "I am ready to talk."

Mîra pulled away from him and stood up. She promptly pulled off her pajama top and he was definitely paying attention now. She turned her body so he was staring at her profile and looked at him, frowning.

"Hiei, I need you to answer me honestly. Do I look fat?"

Hiei blinked. That was not what he thought of when she took off her shirt…

"Hiei, look at my belly," She said. Right, her belly… was this a trick question? Asking him to look deliberately away from her chest while she was topless wasn't some sort of test, was it? Her belly didn't look fat… he might not know what she was looking for but he could definitely take advantage of it.

"I can't tell with your pants on," he said as nonchalantly as he could. His mate scowled and instantly bent over and pulled off her pants, revealing the black and pink lacy panties she was wearing. Now if he could trick her into taking those off…

"Herven, I'm being serious! Do I look fat or not!" She frowned and poked at her abdomen.

"Why?" he asked cautiously. Now he was concerned. Mîra usually didn't ask him about her weight, he didn't even know if she cared at all. Now that he was really looking she seemed to have a little pudge but she wasn't going outside as much because of the temperature. Her face scrunched as she frowned.

"Mîra, come here," he said, lying on the futon and beckoning her to join him under the covers. She sighed, exasperated and snuggled up next to him. Hiei waited patiently for her to speak.

"Boton… Boton thought I was pregnant."

Pregnant? As in a little tiny demon/elf child growing inside her? His little, tiny, definitely powerful and soon to be an adorable demon/elf child? His child? He was going to be a father? A father… Kami, he was-

"Hiei! Hiei, snap out if it! I'm not pregnant!"

Mîra's sharp voice brought him back to reality. She was staring at him intently and when he focused on her she relaxed and rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't look at me like that. You were complaining all last week about how you wanted me but couldn't because I was going through my monthly cycle."

Right. Mîra bled last week. Which meant that there was no way she could be pregnant. Strangely, Hiei felt slightly disappointed. His mate lied down on her back and stared up at the ceiling.

"Anyway, Boton hadn't seen me in a while and she's an idiot sometimes so she thought my pudge was from me being pregnant. Apparently I had it last month too," she sighed.

Hiei could tell that she wanted to hear from him. He didn't know what to say, if he wanted to comment on the pregnancy or her supposed fat. He felt it was best to stick with what he knew already.

"You don't go outside as much in the winter, so you might have gained a little weight. I never noticed."

Instead of being relieved at the source of her minimal stomach growth, Mîra glared at him. "I am so putting my clothes back on," she said as she sat up.

"No," Hiei growled. He pushed her back down and adjusted himself so he was partially on top of her, preventing her to go anywhere without a real struggle.

"You just said I was lazy and fat, so no, I'm not in the mood," she snapped.

"You are overreacting."

"I am not!"

What was that term that Kurama… "Drama Queen," Hiei grunted.

His mate eyed him steadily. "Damn right I am," she snorted. "I am every kind of Queen. Demon, elf, drama, powerful, beautiful. You name it and it's me."

Vain. Did she mention vain? But that was his mate and quite honestly her vanity fed her pride and Hiei found her pride to be one of her attractive qualities.

He stared down at Mîra who was looking past him, her thoughts elsewhere. She began to twirl strand of his hair around her finger absentmindedly.

"You forgot one," he said quietly.

She stared at him steadily for a moment, before her pink lips pulled into a small smile and her eyes glinted with amusement. "Yes, I am your Queen too."

"Damn right," he grunted and she laughed. The musical tones resonated in his ears and he looked down at his mate softly. He was glad she wasn't mad at him anymore, as far as he could tell anyway. As her laughter died and a spark in her eyes ignited the fire within her, he wanted to focus on how he was going to illicit pleasure from her tonight. Instead, all he could think about was if their little Hiei's and Mîra's would have lavender or red eyes. Kami he needed to get this off his chest or he was going to go insane from thinking about children.

He closed his eyes as he felt her cold nose against his neck, her lips trailing kisses hungrily. Hiei wanted to indulge her, but he didn't want her to take that awful smelling brown tonic after. Mîra had never mentioned it to him and he had never asked but he knew it was some form of contraceptive. Would it be so bad if this time she didn't drink it?

"Mîra I-" he started to say but was cut off by her lips pressing against his. Hiei's mind went blank and all he could think about was how her panties needed to come off of her wide and strong childbearing hips… Hiei was on his back now and he pushed past his carnal desires, which was no easy feat, and gently separated her lips from his.

"I want to talk," he said quickly, before she could bewitch him again.

Mîra stared at him dumbfounded. "I, your incredibly powerful and sexy wife, am naked, on top of you, and you want to talk? Seriously?"

"No," he blurted out. Wait- "Yes, I do but-" Words failed him and she raised an eyebrow at him. "Damn it," he growled and looked away from her.

"Herven," he heard his wife say. He felt her lips press gently against the skin over his heart and then she came into view, placing her lips on his sweetly for a moment. "Let's talk tomorrow. It won't do any good now to bring up something serious. For now, let's not think about anything but you and I and how wonderful it feels to be with each other. When we get home we can talk tomorrow, I promise."

Hiei stared up at his Vesse for a moment before closing his eyes and reconnecting his hungry mouth with hers. She was right, it could wait. Mîra would not take the tonic until they arrived back at the fortress and he could talk about it then. He made a point to tell himself that he would not let her take the tonic until they had talked, just before he lost track of the world around him except for the incredible woman who was intertwined so wondrously with him.

0~*~0

Hiei could not stop staring at Mîra. He had stared at her the entire run back to the rendezvous point with Shana and when they returned home, he didn't let her out of sight. He couldn't get over how such an amazing woman was going to bear him his children. He hadn't mentioned the tonic to her throughout the day, but every time he tried he failed to come up with the proper words. He didn't know why he was so nervous to ask her to stop taking the tonic but after thinking about it, it made sense. Hiei was asking her officially to have his children and though they had talked about it as a vaguely it was nerve wracking to think that he, of all demons, would be asking for parenthood.

His wife peered at him from over the top of her book, her lavender eyes shooting him a curious look and her eyebrows raised.

"What is it?"

Hiei frowned slightly at his wife. "Nothing," he said quickly. Then thinking he added, "We're in the library, there isn't anything else worth paying attention too." As proud of the witty comment as he was, he needed to get a grip and just say what he wanted to say. When did he ever let a fear like this get a hold of him before?

"While I am flattered by the compliment, and I would like to point out that I am worth paying attention to all the time, you look like you're going to burst into flame if you don't say what you are thinking." Mîra placed her bookmark, closed the book, and set it in her lap before turning to him. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap and though she was expecting him to say something, her visage was patient.

He was previously comfortable slouching against the armrest of the couch, his knees in the air in his toes tucked in between the seat cushions. The position was comfortable for doing the only things he did in the library; engaging in a common activity with his wife via sitting next to her and enjoying her presence while he slept or just watched her read. Her facial expressions were interesting as she reacted to the words on the page and he enjoyed studying them. But his relaxing position now seemed uncomfortable, his toes were too warm, his back hurt, and his legs felt strained and yearned to be stretched out.

"Herven, is everything okay?" His mate asked.

No, he wasn't okay. His toes shouldn't be warmer than normal. He couldn't remember the last time he ever noticed being too hot or cold. His back was perfectly fine, he always sat that way, and his legs got plenty of stretching an exercise. So no, he was a nervous wreck. Kami, this had better be worth it…

"Hiei, has something happened?" Mîra asked gently, placing a hand on his knee.

Hiei stared at his wife. "Don't take it," he said sternly. She frowned at him. Damnit, why couldn't he say it straightforward? Now she wasn't going to know what he was talking about, like every other serious conversation they had.

"Don't take what?" she asked slowly.

Hiei took a deep breath. "That brown tonic. You don't need to take it anymore. I… I don't want you to take it anymore."

She stared at him quietly for moment. "Hiei, I don't think you understand-"

"I do," he said strongly, cutting her off. He sat up and stared at her, suddenly finding the words he didn't have before. "You and I, Vesse. That is all I need."

"Hiei-" She tried to interrupt but he ignored her and kept talking, unlocking the words inside him.

"I don't know anything about them but I am good with Ryuji and Isao will be the Kurama has a child I know I'll be there for him too." He stared at his wife fiercely, trying to convince her worried eyes. "I can do this. I want to," he added softly.

Mîra sighed and cupped his cheek in her palm, giving him those sad eyes. Those sad fucking eyes. He knew he shouldn't have said anything, she was going to say no and he was going to have laid everything out on the table for her only to have her walk away.

"Hiei, I know. I know you will be a great father and it makes me happy to know that you are ready for children. But… I don't think we are ready."

"That's bullshit," he snapped pushing her hand away.

Mîra didn't look hurt or offended and instead stared at him somberly. "Herven, I'm not ready for children. All this time we've been together is a little more than the normal amount of time you should have spent courting me."

"Courting? You think everything I've done for you and with you is equivalent to courting you?" Hiei spat angrily. "You think I would just give that to anyone?" He said gesturing to her hand.

She sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the blue hiruseki on her finger glinting in the rays of the setting sun.

"No, Hiei, I don't. I am still touched that you even thought to give me something so precious, but that isn't the point."

"I don't understand why there is a point! How can you tell me that these past years you haven't really considered us to be in a marriage?" He growled furiously. Did she not value him at all? Was she just using him to pass time?

"If you would just shut your mouth and calm your temper you might learn something," Mîra snapped. "Do you know how Kuwabara and Yukina met? He was rescuing her, a knight rescuing a maiden from distress. Keiko and Yusuke are childhood friends and for Ancestors sakes, Kurama and Boton were friends before engaging in a relationship!"

"What the hell does this have to do with anything?" Hiei interjected.

"Tell me, how did we meet?" She snarled.

Hiei stared at her, surprised by her question. They met… in anger. In blood. In war. When he first saw her, he had noticed that she was beautiful but deadly and he expected her to try and kill him. Just as she expected him to try and kill her. Thinking about that day, the rage that flowed within him and the desire to end her life and to smear her blood into the ground and relish in the sight of it, made him feel sick. He turned away, unable to look at her.

"We started backwards, as far backwards as possible. Don't you see it? Why this isn't a good time?" He heard her say gently. Her voice sounded melodic to him, the tones well placed and constructed but for some reason, they weren't convincing.

He glanced at her and said, "I am past that now." With conviction he repeated, "I'm past that and I know you are too."

His mate frowned at him. "Fine. I am past the initial feelings of resentment and loathing and I now care for you, Hiei. But that still doesn't mean we are ready." She sighed, "Or that I am ready. Hiei, I am from a different world than this. I was not supposed to be wed until closer to 200 years of age and the minute we have children, they will become my sole responsibility. I am not ready to give myself up yet. Please try to understand my position at least."

Hiei studied her as she talked, how she pointedly avoided his gaze and rubbed her temples with her thumb and middle finger. She was gazing off to the side, lost in thought. Hiei believed her about not being ready, but only to a certain extent. The more he thought about her words, the more it sounded like an excuse.

"Tell me the truth," he said quietly. Her eyes slid onto him slowly and he braced himself for her words.

"Hiei, do you love Ryuji?"

"What?" he asked, taken aback.

"Do you love Ryuji? Do you love Isao?"

"What does this have to do with anything?" he snapped.

"Everything," she said quietly. "Do you love me?"

Hiei stared at her. Where was this coming from? Why was she asking him this, she had never asked him before… Was she feeling insecure? What reason would she have to feel that way? He had spent every day with her, for work and leisure not to mention Mukuro hadn't been by in a while. So what was causing her to prompt such useless questions?

"You know how I feel about you and I care for the boys deeply. They are my kin. I don't need an overused word to arbitrarily define my emotions," he said carefully. He didn't want to offend her, but he didn't want to come off as uncaring either.

"Hiei, when the word is used correctly, its meaning holds so much overwhelming joy that it makes all the difference in the world. I am asking you to tell me that you love me. Tell me that you love your nephews and use the words to define what you feel for us because that's the word you are supposed to use."

Hiei crossed his arms. "I don't understand why you want me to use a word you know I loathe when I obviously care for you in a way that I have with no other."

"Fine, forget about me. But children need to be told that they are loved. They only understand what is in front of them plainly, not subtleties. If you don't tell them that you love them, they won't know. You have to be able to tell your nephews that you love them before I'll consider your request."

Hiei narrowed his eyes at her. Consider his request? What the hell?

"Tell me," he said more coldly than he intended, "do you love me?"

Mîra eyed him steadily for a moment, her visage blank. Then she turned away from him slightly and picked up her book. "My mother always taught me that the man must always reveal his feelings and intent first."

She then opened the book, took out her bookmark, and proceeded to ignore him. Conversation over.

Hiei stormed out, enraged. Unable to think he darted out into the woods and lashed at tree after tree with his sword. Mîra had told him that she wanted children at one point but not now. She also hinted that she wasn't truly revealing how she felt about him. Did she not take their relationship seriously? He took her very seriously, how could she not do the same? Yes, their relationship had been forged in war and rage but he felt that it had been sealed with something completely different. Something… pure. And real. Hiei knew he wasn't making up her feelings for him, she was often the one who randomly woke him up in the middle of the night for pleasure.

But pleasure didn't mean anything. After all, she had slept with Thalion and she wasn't even allowed to marry him. Their relationship was a ticking bomb, one that would explode before or during her impending marriage. Was Hiei's relationship with her the same?

Feeling less angry and more disheartened, Hiei dragged himself to his bedroom. He had come to care for this woman more than… anything. He didn't need to be King, he didn't need to have the fortress, he didn't need the money or servants, he didn't even need to be Mukuro's right hand. All he needed, all he wanted was his family. Yusuke, Kurama, his sister, his nephews… even them he didn't need as much as he needed her, wanted her. The way he yearned for her laughter, her understanding and her ferocity scared him a little but he couldn't deny how he felt. He had known this desire and felt it for some time now and to know that she didn't feel the same…

Hiei stopped outside the doors to his bedroom and subconsciously reached for his sisters hiruseki stone. He felt the small round ball against his palm, next to the rectangular prism also pressing into him. The stones and the loyalty with them calmed him. Yusuke had told him once that he was pretty sure Keiko knew she was in love with him long before he even recognized his feelings for her. Maybe this was a similar case. It's not that her feelings for him weren't there, they would just come with time. Or maybe he was full of shit.

The light was on underneath the door way and he could feel her presence from behind the door. He had never stopped to think about it, the way that he knew she was there, but he could feel her strange ethereal power surrounding her. He always associated it with the color white, maybe because of her hair, but that wasn't what made the energy signal hers. The energy was… gentle but powerful. That was something that always fascinated Hiei, the way she was able to flip a switch from being sweet and feminine to hard blooded and cold.

He leaned against the door, not quite ready to open it yet. What did she see, what did she feel as she eyed the door, knowing he was leaning against it? How did his youki register to her? Did Koku change it at all? Did she find that aspect of him fascinating as well? Hiei frowned slightly. It had been a long time since he had questioned himself and her in such a manner. Things had been solid and happy for so long… maybe he was wrong to throw in the wrench. But if he never asked, never mentioned it to her it would been a constant annoyance in the back of his mind.

Not expecting a warm welcome or a cold shoulder either, he turned the knob and went into the room. He noticed his wife's gaze flicker onto him as he walked in the room and shut the door behind him but she then returned to her knitting. Hiei quickly got ready for bed and killed all the lights except for the one on the nightstand next to her.

In the candlelight, he thought the flickering flame lit her face well, giving her profile a soft glow. He could never think she was anything but beautiful and in the candlelight she serenely looked down at her work, her fingers not missing a beat.

"You hate needle work," he said. Hiei really wanted to tell her that he wished he could take a picture of her sitting in the bed in the candlelight to preserve the beauty of the moment, but he didn't. That wasn't his style. At least, that was what he was telling himself.

"I wanted to make something," she responded. Her voice was quiet and brief. "Besides, Ada would be disappointed if I didn't keep up with my womanly duties every now and then."

"Like bearing children for your husband?" The cold words flew out of his mouth without a thought or care. As soon as he saw her hands freeze and her visage grow stony, he realized the impact of what he had just said.

"That is true. It is my husband's duty to sew his seed without a thought or care to the consequences of his actions and how I feel about it," she said bitterly.

"You make it sound as though you have no choice," he hissed.

"The choice is the greatest gift you have given me and yet you don't try to understand the decision I made with that choice," she argued back. Her frustrated gaze was on him now.

"Just admit you don't want to bear my children," he snapped.

Her eyes widened and the grew worried. "You honestly think I feel that way? Hiei I want to have your children, just not at this moment."

"Now is as good as any other time."

"No, it's not," she said firmly. Her eyes, however, were sad.

Hiei turned away from her and laid down on his side, his back to her. Well, there it was. Mîra didn't want what he wanted and worse, didn't feel what he felt. He tried not to think about the slow ache building inside of him, trying to ignore the agony of having what he wanted within his grasp and having it slip through his fingers, just as he was tightening his hold. Maybe because he avoided death, life was going to be miserable for him and there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe that was his fate.

He didn't know how long his eyes had been closed for when he sensed the candlelight disappear and he felt her rustling under the covers. He felt her body curl up next to him like she normally did but he shrugged her off. Hiei didn't want to deal with the woman right now. She didn't talk to him and he knew she was still awake, she was breathing too deeply for her to be slumbering.

Hiei didn't feel guilty about pushing her away. Why shouldn't he, after the cold way she had treated him? If Hiei didn't know her, he would say she was detached emotionally from him entirely. He knew better however, he was the detached one and she was the emotional one.

Hiei frowned in irritation. That previous thought was a downright lie. He had been the emotional one that night. He had been the one to put his feelings on the line and she had been the one to tear them apart. Damnit, this was exactly why he hated his emotions. Now where did they go? Did he just give up for the time being? Something didn't sit right with him about that but he didn't want to tear their relationship apart over it either… if they had a relationship. If she considered them to be in a real relationship. The thought of her cold words denying him the truth hurt, as though the thoughts in the back of his mind whispering to him that they wouldn't work were right. The rationale part of his mind was laughing at him while his heart was bleeding. That's it, no more listening to Mîra read poetry aloud anymore, did he seriously just say his heart was bleeding? Kami, how far had this woman turned him upside down? And for what? To only be a play thing until she tired of him a century from now?

"Oh don't just say goodbye, don't just say goodbye. I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding if that'll make it right."

Her voice was barely audible as the tones stumbled out of her mouth. When he happened to catch her singing, her voice had always been rich and strong. These slow lyrics had been wavering, nervous, and sad. Not only that but she never sang to him, only to herself for strength and courage. Here was no different, it was as though Hiei wasn't there at all.

"Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you, Baby. There'll be no clear skies if I lose you, Baby. Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same. If you walk away, everyday it will rain, rain, rai-ai-ai-ain."

Hiei's eyes widened. What was that? That wasn't for her… He felt her shift under the covers again and he turned to glance at her but all he saw was her back. She wasn't happy either, but she cared. She cared if he walked away, she cared about what happened to them together, as a team. He rolled over and came up behind her, enjoying the way his knees locked behind hers and the silky texture of her hair as he brushed it together so he wouldn't lay on it. Hiei slowly slid his arm around her and found her hand. She clasped it lightly. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"You and I."

After a moment she whispered back, "Tye ar Im."

Hiei didn't think that their issues from the night were resolved but he did know that whatever path they took, at least it would be together. He had to believe that, to hold onto it. Before he wouldn't have but now that he was latched he had no choice. Especially with the tournament so close, he needed all of her support and he wanted it. As he finally drifted to sleep his heart held onto their mantra, ignoring the mocking laughter from his rationale. You and I, you and I, you and…

Translation Notes

Trasthael- troublemaker

Herven, caretye elwe mai?- Husband, do you feel well?

Im mai- I am fine.

Mîra, eteleht léne- Mîra, let's leave.

Tye ar Im- You and I

Song: It Will Rain, Bruno Mars