Holy shit, I have not updated this fic in three and a half months! That was even slightly longer than the previous hiatus. What to say, what to say… sorry, I guess? Let's just say that other than the other fics I am working on, the second year in college is no walk in the park. Just deadlines here and there and a few exams to lose sleep over. At least I'm getting through it.

Anyway, here is the long overdue update! Enjoy!

My Big Fat Creepy Roommate

Stack

Trent broke the speed limit on his way to the derelict mansion. Trent ran over nine people along the way; one of them was by accident, while the remaining eight was on purpose. The only reason Trent did that was just so that he would have ran over nine people. Owen sat quietly in the passenger's seat, masturbating to the prospect of having Justin in his arms again. Unfortunately, Trent's poor driving skills alerted the attention of the police. Trent looked into the rear view mirror and counted the number of squad cars following him.

There were nine.

Trent immediately pulled over on the side of the road and stepped out of the car. Owen was confused, but Trent winked at the big lovable oaf nine times in assure him that the numerical cultist new what he was doing.

The squad cars pulled over and the cops poured out of them. "Trent, you are under arrest for murder, hit and run and breaking the speed limit," one of the officers glared as he fetched for his handcuffs. Trent immediately shoved him and the other eight cops into the boot of the car.

"HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! NINE POLICEMEN!" Trent squealed in delight. "Now I can sacrifice nine cops to the Ninth God and then I can prove how worthy I am for the ninth time! That means I can finally be recognised as a profit of the Number Nine!" Trent slammed the boot lid down and called Owen to get out of the car.

"Help me grab those squad cars," Trent commanded. "I need to collect all of them! We're going to sacrifice all nine of them along with the nine policemen to the Ninth God."

"How do we do that?" Owen asked.

"Well the boot is too small to fit all nine of them so we're going to have to squeeze them into the back seat," said Trent.

"But what about Justinnnn?" Owen asked.

"Isn't it obvious?!" Trent explained to Owen. "Cheffffff and his daddddddd are one of the Ten Evil Spirits of the Number Ten! If Justinnnn gets exposed to them for any longer than ten hours, they will have the power to possess poor Justinnnn! If they possess Justinnnn for any longer than ten days, Justinnnn will lose all nine of his existences!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" shrieked Owen. "Even to lose only one of Justinnnn's existences is horrible! Oh the horror!"

"Then we will have to attack Cheffffff and Cheffffff's daddddddd with the nine squad cars, the nine policemen and the Power of the Nine!" Trent urged. "Now c'mon!" he shouted nine times.

"Okay," Owen smiled nine times. And so the two Scott McCord lunatics got to work on their 'ritual'.

Meanwhile, Justin and Chef's dad were crammed in the boot. It was getting very stuffy inside. Suddenly, it began to smell very bad inside there. Justin stuck his nose in the air and cringed.

"Did you just fart?!" Justin scoffed at Chef's dad.

"Yeah," Chef's dad rolled his eyes, "so?"

"That is just disgusting!" Justin gagged. "It reminds me of Owen!"

"Lay off, it's not like you don't fart either," Chef's dad rolled his eyes.

"Excuse me, I'm too beautiful to fart," Justin smirked.

Next, Justin farted.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Justin wailed. "I'M UUUUUUUUUUUGLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Then shut the fuck up before Chef pulls over and beats the shit out of you!" snarled Chef's dad.

"What does it matter anymore?!" sobbed Justin. "I'm so ugly, it wouldn't have made a difference if I was fat!"

"How the fuck could being fat possibly be any worse than having someone bet the shit out of ya?!" Chef's dad demanded to know.

"Because fat people are not beautiful!" Justin wailed.

"Gee, what happened to Justin's fanbase?" Chef's dad rolled his eyes.

"They left me because I became ugly!" Justin continued to sob.

"Or maybe everyone except Owen realised what a shallow, dick-headed scumbag you are!" Chef's dad scowled. "And now other than Owen, the only people who would have sex with you are people like Chef who'd take no for an answer!"

"Why would people care about that?" Justin wiped his nose on his arm. "I mean, all that matters really is looks."

"Only in the shallow minds of retards," Chef's dad glared. "But even they would not want to have anything to do with you unless their name begins with "Owe" and ends with "n". Like I said, only Owen people like Chef would in their right mind shift you. So shut the fuck up already! I'm trying to get some bloody sleep!"

"You don't care about me at all, either!" Justin whimpered. "I knew everyone thought I was ugly!"

"Aw Jesus Christ!" Chef's dad cursed.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Noah and Cody were going for a drive in Noah's car. They were enjoying the sun and their quality time that they were spending together. Plus, Daft Punk was playing on the CD player, Cody and Noah's favourite band of all time.

Suddenly, a shadow loomed above the couple. Noah checked the rear view mirror and immediately registered his cue to get out of the way fast. The bookworm swerved into the side of the road to avoid getting hit by Trent's car, which had nine police squad cars stacked one by one on top of the roof of Trent's automobile. Owen noticed Noah and Cody and waved at them. The way he waved however looked like he was flashing them the Nazi salute. Noah and Cody rolled their eyes because they were both gay and Cody was also Jewish and of German maternal descent. The ten cars disappeared into the horizon.

Noah and Cody rolled their eyes. "We can never have a day where we do not have to see something that would mentally scar us for life, can we?" Noah deadpanned.

"The way things are right now, we'd be lucky to go half a day even," Cody shrugged. "But we're used to it anyway."

Another short chapter. Better than nothing, I suppose.

Not sure when the next chapter will be up, but check out my other recent updates as well. Everyone on the Total Drama Writers' Forum are updating their fics and posting new one-shots in great quantities so they can take back the fandom from the poorly written SYOC and Voters Decide fics. We are bringing the fandom back to what it once was in 2008, 2009 and 2010. Other authors are doing this as well: I'll Cover Angel and Collins, Snakeshark19, TheImpossiblyAwesomeWriter, Wish I was a Pirate and many more! Their fics are just too awesome to pass off!

Until next time!