Authors Note:
I'd like to thank you all for reading. The story continues, but first, a word from our sponsors;

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I blink, suddenly returning to the scene. I must've spaced out, and started dreaming about an advertisement for some d̷̛͙̀̓̍̈́̉̈͌̉͒͜e̵̦͗̿̏́̍̌͊̽͂͝ͅͅl̴̠̼̮̠̟̙̱͖̬͚̯͑̂́͌̎̋̾̅̈́̊͝i̶̡̜̩̫͓̺̜̤̥͚̇͐̓̂̉̉͗͜͝g̶͎͒̂͌͐̈́́̓͌̉̈́̀̃̎h̶̡̧̪̣̞̙̩̠͉͛̔́̏̌͘t̸͎͗̇̌͋̌̍͐̆͋̾̚͠f̴̧̯̩̳͉͕̰̞͓͉̉̎͑͆̈́͑̇͘̚̚͜͜͠ų̸̨̮͚̘͉̍l̴̨̢̹̰̹̖̝͐͆̿̒̓̈̽͋̓̀̎̇͌͝͝ͅ ̴̛̤͉̞̜̫͉̲͉̰̀̈́̓̂̚ṗ̴͖̞̫͍̊̉͗͒̈́̓̉̎͘͠ȑ̴̛͍̯͔̬̩͔̬̪̀͋͑͆́͛̍o̶̝̊͐̅͌̽͆͛͘͘̚d̵͇͎̜̀̀̽̈́̉̔͆̈́͌̅̂͗̓̚͝ų̵̞̝͎͍̮̱͍͈̤̞̭̈́͂̇̓͑́̀͘͜ͅc̶̢̝̹͙͔͓̗̤͙͘ͅt̵̛̬̭̹̳͙̞̙̑͋̇̊̎̏ ̶̜̪͚̼̝͙̟̥̪̗̠͙̭̔̆̌̍͐ţ̴̺̠̳͚̍͐̈́̅̓͠h̵̖̟̺͎͔̬̙̣̮̟̤̾̌͋̀a̵̫̘̠͔̽t̴͉̜͍̹̂͗̓̂̆̾͗̈́̕͝͠ ̵̧̡̢̯̱̹̠̝͇̦̋̈́̐̔͝y̵̢̧̧̥̯̥̘͖̣̗͔̦̅̽̀͒͜͝ͅͅò̴̰̮̟͇͖̭̲͖͕̱͖̆ͅu̶̩͋͛͊͘͝͝ ̶̜̹̬̼̐̓̑̃̂͛̒͋̈́͆͂̈́́̚͜͠s̷̨̢̤̱̮̪̞̳̺̤̅̏̓͘h̶̡̳̼͍̰͉͍̰̫͓̦͌̿̂̋́̊̀́̀̀̚o̵̢͔͓̥͎͉̺̻͕͊͛͊͑͌͜ư̴̝̌̀͌̉̄͛̊͆͂͆̏̅̚͠l̸̢̟̘̟̬̜̹̣̼͚̖͔̓̈́̽͒̃́́̋̑͒͝ͅd̵͔̺̠͚̰̳̦͍̠̙́͒̓́̋̔̐̿ ̸̙͖̟̊̽̈̾̔̓͒̑͗͝͝b̴̗̤̈́́̑̎̑̋̀͛̃͑͝͝ư̸̡̢̨̮͉̲͉͔̫̘̱͎̯̇̆̆̑̀̋̀̒́̒̈́̕͘ͅͅy̵̡̨̧͕̩̳͈̜̤͎͊͒̊̎

… Why did I think that? Eh, whatever.

Monika is up at the stage. Since her one and only poem was used by Natsuki as a tissue, she instead used a speech she'd written back in debate club.

Upon completion, she looked around.

"S-So? What do you think?"

"Monika, you were given the topic of tangerines and managed to write a speech about warcrimes committed by the Chinese government. Just.. Just how?"

"Tangerines are citrus fruit, so are mandarins, Chinese have Mandarin as a language, bam, linked."
Natsuki exclaimed "Excuse me what the fuck?", while donning the pose of the associated Fallout meme.

"First off, how the hell are you bending your arms that way in real life? Secondly, you try making a speech about bloody tangerines. What kind of speech topic is that!?"

"Fair point. That has nothing to do with the topic, but it's a good speech and your inflection is incredible."

"Ahaha, you're too kind Natsuki!"

As the rest of us are busy affirming Natsuki's point, Yuri quietly walks to the podium.

"A-Ahem. Th-This is the… the… This poem is called 'Afterimage of a Crimson Eye'."

After stuttering out a few lines, she begins to get absorbed in the poem, and she becomes animated, expressive, and confident.

"Bravo Yuri, really came out of your shell there!" Monika exclaims.

"Wait what? O-Oh… I did it… I was unaware of that."

"... Alright then! That's kinda weird, but hey, worked for you."

"Thanks Monika… Well, whoever is next, I-I'm sorry but I'm afraid I need to use the restroom."

Sayori suddenly chimed in. "Don't worry Yuri, I can wait for you!"

A look of guilt crosses Yuri's face, and she mutters not to wait, as she leaves.

"Well that was weird! So in any case, time to read my poem, 'My Meadow'! Ehehe..."

"Each time that I look at my meadow, I see
A happy realm, for Sayori.
I frolic, happy as a flower,
Delighting in its magical power.
I very much enjoy my meadow
Made of very radiant metal!"

"... Sayori what kind of meadow is made out of metal?"

"It's not a meadow, it's a meadow."

"Wh-What? You just said it's not a meadow and then immediately followed that by calling it a meadow!"

"What are you on about? It's my precious meadow. I won it in a competition!"

"... Are you talking about medals?"

"Yeah, meadows!"

"... Okay Sayori, don't use that poem, you can't pronounce the word medal, but aside from that, you did a great job! Your voice was beautiful for that piece! You brought out the best in it!"

"Ehehe, you're making me blush Makoto!"

Monika dragged me aside.

"Hey now, what with your sleepover and calling her voice beautiful, I just want to be sure we're on the same page here pal."

"Sorry what now?"

"Let me be more clear. It's a nice childhood friend ya got there… It'd be a shame if anything were to… happen to her."

"Are you part of the Mafia?"

"Wha- No Makoto I mean you better damn well keep it in your pants or I'll be making a Sayori themed yo-yo, or a "Sa-yoyo-ri", as I prefer to call it."

"Oh. I see. I swear I've only innocent intentions."

"Makoto, this is rated T. Have you seen some of the stuff that gets away with a T rating? I saw one that made innuendos out of cupcakes. Oh and we shan't forget those dozen or so ones with explicit scenes, which seem to mostly centre around describing the texture of one of the doki's left nipple for 6 paragraphs. Who the hell thinks that's T content? I don't even know why you'd want something like that. Whatever the case, this one's been pretty tame thus far, mild sexual jokes at most, and I don't want you to ruin it."

"... Right then."

"So we're understood then? No putting any cinnamon buns in her oven, capiche?"

"I'm torn between deep, deep admiration of that pun, and mild disgust. Don't worry about it Monika, I won't do anything of the kind."

She made it sound a lot like she thinks we're in a fanfic. I… really hope she's wrong.

"Ahaha, that's the spirit! Well Natsuki, guess it's your turn!"

"I… I hab a cowd."

"... A cold that vanished until this precise moment."

"Yes."

"One that only now developed an impact on your speaking mannerisms."

"... Yes."

"What sort of cold would do that?"

"... I think itsh pwobabwy the Bubonic plague."

"A runny nose and poor throat are not consequences of the Bubonic Plague. Also I'm pretty sure I read that there's only something like half a dozen cases in the United States a year. I'm sure the numbers are even lower here."

"... Ebola?"

"... No Natsuki, you do not have Ebola."

"Polio?"

"Okay, you know what Natsuki, fine, I give up. I don't have much time to spend here, and I don't intend to waste it on this."

Sayori's head suddenly snapped up.

"Oh? Is there something you must be off to soon?"

"Well I have more piano lessons in 15 minutes, duties with the student board 10 minutes after that ends, and then two hours for studying."

Jesus. I don't study for tests, and I've never learnt an instrument, or tried to join a student leadership team. That schedule is insane.

"That is a bloody busy schedule Monika!"

"Eh, this actually isn't all that bad for me. I've been keeping up my workload like this since I was 8."

"Wait... Monika, how did you have time for all this while still having a childhood?"

"I uh… I didn't really do much for entertainment as a kid. I almost never watched TV, for example."

"Wow, that's… kinda sad. Do you remember anything you watched as a kid?"

"I think I recall one song… F is for Finding new ways to kill you, U is for Uranium poisoning, N is for Natsuki being fed to the dogs, now it's time to hang Sayori!"

Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri are all staring at her. They're speechless.

"... I get the sense those aren't the proper lyrics."

"Geez, a Spongebob song didn't include psychopathic lines relating to two of your friends from real life? What deductive reasoning led you to that conclusion? You should work with ruddy Scotland Yard, they could use someone with your incredible logical thinking."

Natsuki finally came to her senses. "Monika, what the Hell was that?"

"Aurora Borealis-"

"No Monika there's no way you have time for memes on top of that schedule. Seriously, what the heck?"

"Ehehe… Maybe it was a fellatio slope?"

"Goddammit Sayori. Freudian slip. And who taught you that word… don't use it Sayori, it makes you sound less innocent and your innocence is heartwarming. Also Christ, did someone hit you in the head recently?"

"NOPE AHAHA NO ONE HAS CAUSED SAYORI TO BE STUPID RECENTLY CERTAINLY NOT NOPE. And no, it's not a Freudian slip Natsuki. That would indicate that I actually want to feed you to dogs and have Sayori hung drawn and quartered, which is not the case. I think I'm just tired and started saying garbage."

"... Alright, I guess. Buying that story beats believing one of my closest friends is a psychopath who would like to use me as dogfood."

"Well with that tangent out of the way… Can you guys quickly give me your contact details? Both phone numbers and… do you guys all have Discord?"

Natsuki, Yuri and I nod. Sayori cocked her head, confused.

"I have a discus. Is that the same thing?"

"No. Makoto can you quickly guide Sayori through the process, and let me know what their username is? The rest of you, put your accounts and phone numbers on this sheet here, I'll set up a server for us."

I'm about to leave Sayori, when Monika calls out.

"Actually hang on a moment there Makoto. Sayori, can you wait for a moment outside?"

Oh God what is it now...

"S-Sure! Be quick though you two, I need your help with that diss lord thing."

"Discord, and we'll be prompt!"

Sayori walks out of the door, and Monika turns to me.

"I've got a card trick to show you!"

"... I thought you were in a rush?"

"Oh, hush. Pick a card, any card."

I pull one out. 7 of diamonds.

"Alright, put it back into the deck anywhere you want."

After doing so, she shuffles them.

She cuts the deck in half, and takes the top card from the bottom half. Five of clubs.

"Is this your club?"

"No."

"I didn't ask if this is your card. I asked if this is your club."

Oh my God…

Did… Did I just get outpunned?

Five… Club… Oh God…

"Ah, seeing some gears turning up there! Thought you'd like that one, you're kind of a glutton for pun-ishment."

"I have never respected you more as a person than I do right now."

"Oho? Is that so? Well if you'd like to see an actual magic trick, I can pull a coin out from behind your ear without even getting near it!"

[Place Nickel . obj X:420 Y:69 Z:2318008]

"And like magic it's OH GOD I MISSED."

"What? Monika what happened to my vision?"

"There's a coin in one of your eyeballs… oh God, okay, we're taking you to the nurse."

"... Why am I not feeling pain?"

"Well, you see, the thing is, to minimize lag there's a twenty second delay between injuries and actually feeling pain. Speaking of which it should be twenty seconds any moment now-"

The next twenty minutes are a blank mess of crippling pain. I become aware of my surrounding again at the nurses' office, with Monika and Sayori waiting and the nurse looking bamboozled.

"Remarkable…" the nurse commented.

"What's remarkable?"

"Somehow, your eye has healed from this, and within just half an hour. This doesn't make any scientific sense whatsoever..."

A faint smile crossed Monika's lips.

"Well thank you nurse, but it seems some friends are waiting on me."

I get up and walk over just in time to get tackled in a bearhug by Sayori.

"MAKOTOTHANKGODYOU'REALRIGHTWHATHAPPENEDHOWDIDYOUGETACOININYOUREYEWASFOULPLAYINVOLVEDDIDMONIKADOTHISI'LLKILLHERFORREVENGEIFYOU'DLIKE-"

"Woah Sayori, slow down. And please don't add cracked ribs to my injuries list, I've been taking up a lot of this nurses time as is."

"Ehehe, sorry," Sayori said, loosening her grip just enough for me to be able to resume breathing, "I was just so worried about you! It's a monacle your eye is fine!"

"I think you mean miracle."

"Monacles are involved with eyes. I'm sticking with my guns here."

"... Fair enough I suppose. In any case, Monika, you'll be late for your piano lesson, so I'd best bid you adieu. Sayori, are you ready to go home?"

"Yep! I still need your help with biscuits though."

"Discord."

"Muskets."

"Discord."

"Koalas."

"Wait what that doesn't even share any sounds with the actual word… You know what, whatever, I'll help you out."

We walk home in silence. Sayori looks to be deep in thought… I wonder what has her so vexed?

"Hey, Makoto, how do the little people in my TV know what show I want to watch?"

… I forgot for a moment that Monika had dumbed her down. Her new "deep in thought" is like this.

"... Sayori, how do you think TV's work?"

"The TV is a big apartment complex for little tiny people."

"What, like Lilliputians?"

"Yeah, like lesbian guppies."

At that point, I figured I was losing at least 3 IQ points a sentence, so I decided to just nod curtly.

"H-Hey Makoto… I was just um… I was wondering if uh… Well... Let's say that one day, Yuri asked to walk home with you… Would you go with her?"

"First off, excellent awkward question. Secondly, no. I have no idea where her home is, and more importantly, then I wouldn't get to walk home with you."

"G-Get to?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"... My head hurts… I feel jamais vous… That's when something you know well seems off."

"How do you know that but not that TV isn't made by little people?"

"I… This is wrong… Why do I feel like the lines we're saying are wrong..."

Sayori then glitched horribly, before everything returned to normal.

"Makoto, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh thank God you're alright. I spaced out and thought something bad had happened to you."

"Hmm… well that's odd. In any case, we're home, remember not to use your eyeball as a wallet, bye!"

That's… one way to end a conversation. Well now that I'm home I should check if Monika's set up the server, do my homework, and… do I smell bacon?

Okay, now my curiosity is piqued. I head into the kitchen and find…

Monika.

Wearing a "Kiss the Chef" apron.

And… not much else.

Oh God. She must think I've been flirting with her, when I'm just being a sarcastic prick. Well, if how she responds to rejection in the game is anything to go by, I'm sure this will end really really well.

Authors Note:
Ravioli, ravioli, do not lewd the Doki Doki.)