It was around May when I last updated this. It's November now. And what have I done for this story between then and now? Nothing. Absolutely bloody nothing! What to say, what to say… sorry, I guess? I have no excuses other than laziness. I'll try not to let that happen again, but you can be guaranteed that I'm not going to make any promises.
My Big Fat Creepy Roommate
Missing Justin Syndrome
True to Trent's word, he and Owen arrived at the mansion exactly nine minutes and nine seconds after Trent said so. Trent ran up to the front door and knocked on it.
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
"Cheffffff, Cheffffff's daddddddd and Justinnnn!"
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
"Cheffffff, Cheffffff's daddddddd and Justinnnn!"
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
*Knock*
"Cheffffff, Cheffffff's daddddddd and Justinnnn!"
Trent repeated his routine knocks six more times. No answer came. Just as Trent was about to repeat the knocking, the door began to crumble to pieces. Trent and Owen wandered inside. Only for the floor to crumble under Owen's feet and for the two lunatics to fall through the floor, into the basement below. They got up off the three corpses they killed when they fell on. Those were the bodies of three men; all wearing bondage clothing and tried to the support beam that broke under Owen's weight. Trent grabbed a hacksaw and cut each body into thirds so that there'd be nine body parts. Anyway, Trent and Owen entered the furnace room where they were shocked to find that Chef, his dad and Justin were not there. They walked out of the room and back in again. They repeated this seven more times. Nope. Still no sign of Chef, his dad or Justin!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Owen.
"NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!" wailed Trent.
Next, Owen and Trent repeated themselves eight times.
Chef's dad sat on the couch masturbating when Chef stormed into the trailer. He was pissed. He ran up to his father, picked him up and bit him on the hip as hard as he could.
"YEOWCH!" Chef's dad yelped. "What'd ya do that for?!" he demanded.
"Justin escaped!" Chef snarled. He calmed down. He plopped onto the couch with his father sitting in his lap. "He was a good kid. A sexy one at that," Chef sighed.
Chef's dad pat his son on the head. "Tell me about it. You remind me of the day when you lost your pet paedophile when you were 23," he chuckled. "Well, he died because you bit his head clean off for one reason or another, but that's beside the point."
"We'll find him somehow," Chef shrugged. "I know him from Total Drama. He's a lazy shit. He shouldn't have gone too far. But for now, I want you to pleasure me."
Trent and Owen were panicking. They searched each and every floor, room, staircase, corner, hole in the wall, torture chamber and secret passageway in the house nine times. But not a trace of Chef, his dad or Justin in sight. They were looking around in the attic for clues, but there were none. Trent was getting frustrated. So he jumped on the floor. Prompting the whole house to rumble. This scared the shit out of Owen and Trent. But Trent knew he had to repeat in order to please the Ninth God, so he jumped eight more times. The seventh time he jumped, it was like an earthquake. The mansion began to fall apart and collapse into its foundations, killing five more men who were previously in a similar predicament to that of the three men who were killed from earlier. Trent only managed to jump on the floor one more time before there was no more floor to fall onto. For some reason, Trent and Owen were completely unharmed, but Trent was still shattered emotionally from not being able to jump on the floor in the attic nine times.
"This is just great!" Trent scowled. "The Ninth God will be super pissed."
"Why don't you just burn the whole mansion to the ground?" Owen suggested. "Wouldn't that please the Ninth God?"
"It's already destroyed," Trent pointed out. "But otherwise, that is a brilliant idea. Because there are nine letters in brilliant," he smugly added.
"But would burning the debris not count?" Owen asked.
Trent cracked a smile nine times. "Y'know what Owennnnnn? You're right!" he beamed. "You're right! You're right! You're right! You're right! You're right! You're right! You're right! You're right!" He dug into the ruins and fished out a barrel of oil – enough to cover the whole ruins of what was once the mansion nine times – and a box of nine matches. Trent poured oil all over the house nine times and lit all of the matches before throwing them into the pile. Incinerating the last two men who were stuck in the house to death. It's best if Trent and Owen don't find this out.
Justin sat quietly in his secret hideout that he just found. Just before Chef pulled into the trailer park, Justin woke up from his state of unconsciousness and subtly crawled out of the boot when Chef was carrying his dad into the trailer. Naturally, being Justin however, the former model needed a place to rest. In his mind, crawling and trying not to get caught was such hard work. It had to be done, but still, Justin felt like throwing in the towel the whole time. But at least he was making progress so far.
"It won't be long now," Justin snickered to himself, frantically rubbing his hands like crazy; generating enough heat for him to sweat. "I'll be out of here! I'll be in America soon enough! Then I can hitch a ride back to Hawaii and finally be out of this crapsack world for good!" The snicker expanded into a full blown cackle. "I'LL BE FREE! HAHAHA! HA-HA-HAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA-HA-HAHAHA!"
"Is that you, Justin?" asked a strangely familiar voice. Justin looked up to find Chef's cross face looming above him, staring the model down. That was when Justin realised that he was hiding behind Chef and Chef's dad's couch, of all places! Guess this is what happens when you don't watch where you're crawling.
"Aw, goddamn it!" Justin pouted. He knew when he was beaten.
Again!
Looks like Justin is fair shit at escaping. Maybe even as bad at it as Owen and Trent are at finding him.
Anyway, sorry for the long hiatus. It was unnecessarily long. Though not as long as the hiatuses of some of my other stories, which I'm going to rectify as well.
Until next time!