Authors Note:
Sorry for the month and a half long gap. It's now the holidays, so hopefully I can avoid such long gaps in content. My next chapter will probably be a Christmas special, which will make absolutely no sense chronologically since Halloween was on Wednesday but... Christmas. In any case, thank you for your patience.
MC's perspective.
"HEY SAYORI!? Monika and I are here, so please, don't shoot!"
"Don't shoot?"
"Long story, but suffice to say I am not operating off my original liver. I try to be careful around her house now."
We head upstairs, and move into Sayori's room. We spot her amidst a mountain of candy wrappers, clearly delirious.
"Blar san enslave the donuts hehe"
"Jesus Christ, how much sugar did Sayori eat last night?"
"Actually this is pretty normal for her the day after Halloween."
"Her irises are in the shape of Nyan cat!"
"Yeah, and last year she slit open some arteries after horribly misinterpreting the rules at an art competition. You get used to this sort of stuff really quickly man. Don't let her near this much sugar, she goes mad."
"What the hell is going on in that noggin of hers?"
Sayori's Perspective
I find myself surrounded by an odd amalgamation of colourful candies, and a military strategy room.
"Mr Gummy Bear, they leave us no choice. Launch the (Hershey's) Kiss-iles."
Assorted candies look back at me in horror.
"S-Sayori, you know what happened last time we-"
"Do you think I'd ask you to do this if we had any other choice? Well, I'm sorry to inform you that life ain't all sunshine and rainbows around here."
"This is a world literally made out of candy. Our weather service just spends the entire time cheering. There hasn't been anything other than that for seventy years."
"It's an expression, okay? Geez. They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom! Put in the codes."
A gingerbread man grabs me and holds me tight.
"P-Please Sayori… I've only known you for a few days, but those days have been a magical time of happiness and love. I've never felt this way about someone before… I can't lose you, not now! We can always escape to the Sahara Dessert!"
"Occupied by the peppermint troops."
"Uh, well, what about Moro-cco?"
"Terrible pun, and no, that was caramelised a long time ago."
"Th-There's always-"
"Stop it man! Please… I've tried."
Tears start to fall down my face. The gingerbread man likewise loses composure, and starts bawling into my shoulder.
"I'w nevew fowget you!"
"You're a good man, Gingey."
"... I shtiw don't wike that pet name."
"I'm sacrificing my life, so I think I can call you Gingey, Gingey."
"That'sh faiw, I shuppose."
And so, as my life came to a close, I reminisce over the wonderful times we've had, the wonderful sugar highs, and the… I forget the other bit.
"Look after our little Timmy for me..."
"Wait what?", a gumdrop exclaimed. "You already have kids? You've only known each other for a couple days! That's definitely not how reproduction works."
"Okay, I really don't want to spend the last few moments of my life discussing how human-biscuit mating works, but the term "put a bun in the oven" is pretty literal in timing terms for that sort of relationship."
"This got weird. A random candy themed tangent should not go like this. This should've been cute and silly, but instead this is weird and kind of disturbing."
"Yeah. Yeah it is weird and kind of disturbing. Thanks for reminding me of that on my deathbed, when I just wanted to be with my loved ones, you piece of shit-"
[BOOM]
MC's Perspective
Suddenly, Sayori sat upright.
"GINGEY!"
"... What?"
"Gingey, Gingey, oh how I miss you Gingey. And Timmy! Oh God it hurts! Actually wait that might be my intestines because of the candy. No… No that's heartache. Heartache in the stomach region."
"Sayori, ground control to Major Tom? You in there space cadet?"
"Hold on Timmy, we can be a family again, but to do so mummy's gonna have to have sex with a biscuit."
Monika apparently decides that even by sugar high Sayori standards a line has finally been crossed, and teleports us back to the school.
"So uh… Monika, was that beyond the line for normal sugar high Sayori?"
"I want to bleach my brain. She was this crazy, usually, but that's just… ew. She doesn't bring up sex usually. Let alone sex with a biscuit. I can only assume you're being a bad influence for her."
"Sorry, are you accusing me of encouraging her to have sex with a biscuit?"
"Yes, yes I am. In any case, we still need to bring Sayori to school."
"... No."
"Yes, I'm glad you know."
"The one without the 'k' or 'w'."
"... Gnome?"
"As in the opposite of yes. Why the hell would I help you after you accuse me of something like that?"
"There's a word that's the opposite of yes? What for?"
Monika seems… genuinely confused. Has she actually somehow not encountered the word "no" before?
Oh… Oh of course. Sentient beings capable of disobeying her will… didn't exist until I showed up.
"Okay, I'm going to have to talk to you about the importance of that word, literally not knowing the meaning of the word no sounds really suspect. That sounds kinda rapey."
"I mean I did destroy the universe and trap you in a classroom in a void for all eternity multiple times. My sounding "kinda rapey" is really pretty much a foregone conclusion."
"Well that's... a sad perspective to have."
"But not an unfair one. In any case, I guess I'll… see if I can drag Sayori to school by myself. Dear God, please tell me she hasn't found the Arnotts yet..."
"... Fine, I'll help you. But only for Sayori's sake."
"Nice tsundere act. Really channelling Natsuki there with your supposed indifference for my happiness. But you forgot to call me a baka. So points will be deducted. All in all, 7.8/10, too much water."
"God, how do I already regret this so much?"
"Ah, you big ol' flirt."
"I am not, nor have I ever been, attempting to flirt with you."
"Yeah, the thing is, males didn't actually exist until you showed up this Monday. So far as I'm concerned, anything you do is flirting."
"That seems sexist."
"Oh no, it's fine. As I said earlier, I was in a relationship for three months with Yuri because I changed Sayori's favourite food."
"I still don't see the link there. How does that fix anything for the script?"
"You and me both brother. Anyway, the point is, I also view everything women do as flirting. Since I want to engage in relationships with both genders, I choose to basically view everything anyone does as flirting. So there's no double standard here, hence, not sexist."
"Uh..."
"Equality, Makoto!"
"This does not help my perception that you're being kind of rapey."
"... Equality!"
"Monika no this is not better. This just means instead of acting really inappropriately towards one half of the population, you're acting really inappropriately towards both halves."
"EQUALITY BITCH!"
"Yeah, okay, I definitely can't leave you alone with sugar high Sayori. There is at least a 30% chance you would take advantage of her."
"I can't believe you think so little of me! You think there's a 70% chance I'd fail to make the most of the situation?"
I really don't know how to respond to that, so I just sigh and go back into Sayori's room. She seems to have passed out.
"Well I guess that kind of makes things easier. Monika, can you code in a stretcher for us?"
"Sure!"
Suddenly a large wooden slab with chains and a wheel on it pops in.
"Who you wanna torture?"
"Wh-What?"
"Well, this is a rack. A piece of medieval torturing equipment designed to stretch people. Hence, a stretcher!"
"Monika, now is not the time for puns, please just summon in an actual stretcher."
"Gosh, even you're not in the mood for puns? I guess I should be taking this seriously after all. Very well."
We place the (surprisingly heavy) Sayori on the stretcher, and start the laborious process of taking it to school.
"Oh, and since we won't want to be late, we'd best set time back. For the rest of the universe, that is. Don't want Sayori to go back to how she was earlier, and we need to keep our time processes constant in order to actually carry Sayori."
For this reason, I went down Dōro Street about 20 minutes earlier than I usually would.
Which just so happens to be pretty much exactly when Natsuki walks down that street.
And also just about exactly when the people who I recall bullied Natsuki on Tuesday, Itsuo and Nakiro, walk down that street.
"Hey Natsuki, such a pity you couldn't get your little boyfriend to join you today."
Itsuo chuckled. "Now now Nakiro, let's be fair here. 'Little boyfriend' is inaccurate. He sure as hell ain't the little one."
"Heh, got me there I suppose. But c'mon little girl, tell us; why couldn't the swoonin' buffoon be here for you?"
As tears started to well in her eyes, Natsuki stuttered out "W-We're just friends..."
Nakiro quickly butted in; "With benefits, yes, we're aware. Or actually is that the problem? Maybe you just weren't good enough? Perhaps he decided you weren't worth his time. I mean, I can hardly blame him if so, his chest is probably bigger than yours. Or, is it not functional down there? Not the real deal? I heard whatsername, the popular one with green eyes… I heard her make a trap joke about you at some stage. Is that it?"
"N-No! And Monika would never make a joke like that, she's not a regressive asswipe like you are."
Monika, who like me is watching this unfold with rising fury, looks down in shame upon hearing this.
"You sure feel passionately about Monika. You two should get a room, honestly. Perhaps unlike lover boy she'll be fine with whatever mutilation has gone on down there. She's always been inclusive, even for freaks like you."
Alright, this has gone on for far too long. Time they pay the price.
"Why hello there Nakiro, Itsuo! Fancy seeing you here!"
Fear quickly appears in Itsuo's eyes. Alright, let's go for him first.
"Itsuo, you managed to employ a short joke. What an impressive comedic feat! Only someone of a truly immense intellect could come up with such a novel idea. Although actually… that's all you came up with. I mean, I can at least respect the variety and length of your friends insults, but you just kind of cowered in the corner and let her do the insulting for you. But on the bright side… you showed you understood the difference between short and tall. And I say this with all honesty; for you, that is actually an impressive feat."
Itsuo clenched his jaw in anger, but seemingly resigned himself to not knowing how to respond pretty quickly.
"Oh, and Nakiro, you seem oddly obsessed with the contents of Natsuki's pants here. I mean, unlike you, I personally try to avoid bigotry towards LGBT+ groups, so I won't judge if you are left salivating at the thought of another girls privates. It is however very rude to do so without Natsuki's consent, you perv."
"H-hey, I'm not gay!"
"If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck… Also, with regards to the friends with benefits line, that one was pretty clever, credit where credit's due. Although speaking of credits, dues, and benefits, tell me, how many of each can be found in your parents finances?"
"Wh-What?"
"Bills due, credit cards maxed out, benefits programs that your parents seemingly always seem to be relying on… I mean, considering how pretentious you seem to be, I can't imagine you're voluntarily still using a ratty old backpack, or that your shirt is ripped of your own choice. Your parents can't afford better, and deep down you know you won't be able to afford better either."
Oh boy, her expression tells me I've hit a nerve here.
"You lack skills that will gain you decent employment, just like your parents did. You know that you'll have to explain to your kids someday why they don't get the toys the other kids get. You know that you'll have to explain to them why they're having Mac n Cheese for the fourth day in a row. Why the other kids don't have to work on the holidays. And you know you'll watch your kids be sicker, more violent, and less well educated than the other kids. And worst of all, you know that those children likely face the same fate. You have my deepest and sincerest condolences. I would not wish that future on anybody."
Itsuo, Monika, Natsuki, and Sayori (who appears to be somewhat more alert now) are all staring at me, slack jawed.
Nakiro is trembling, tears streaming down her face.
"I… I fucking hate you, you bastard!" she sobbed. "You think you know me? Y-You know nothing about me, you Sherlock Holmes wannabe prick!"
She then stormed off.
I may have gone too far with her this time. That may have cut too close to home
Itsuo backed off slowly. "I-I'll leave you guys alone, o-okay? Just, please, don't pull that sort of stunt on me, that was scary."
Monika and Sayori exchange a knowing glance and then nod at each other.
Monika walks off on her own towards the school. She then looks back at Sayori.
"Uh, Sayori?"
"Yeah?"
"The nod was supposed to convey that we should go on ahead and leave Natsuki and Makoto alone."
"Oh, okay, my bad."
"Alright, now that that's been cleared up."
Monika walked ahead on her own towards the school. Again. She then looks back at Sayori. Again.
"Oh for the love of God… Sayori, walk with me to school."
"Sure! Just waiting for Natsuki and Makoto-"
"FUCK IT I'M TELEPORTING HER! I'M DONE WITH THIS SHIT. WHY DID I THINK MAKING HER STUPID WAS A GOOD IDEA?"
"Wait, teleporting? Making me stupid? What are you talking abou-"
Monika and Sayori both vanished off, presumably having teleported to school.
Natsuki awkwardly fidgets around for a second.
"H-Hey dummy. I… I may need to think of a new nickname for you, all things considered."
"Oh, shall I be upgraded from dummy to nincompoop? I've always dreamed of this day!"
"Heh… Well you'll be dreaming for a while longer yet. You did a good job I guess, but I mean I would've been fine anyway… you just beat me to it, I-"
Out of nowhere she slaps herself as hard as she can.
"No! No, I won't let myself ruin this."
"Natsuki, what the hell was that?"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been such an ass to you, and all you've ever done is try to help me. You're a great person, and I won't let myself deny that anymore. I'm not going to be some stupid tsundere trope. I… I have something to tell you."
What
The
This was unexpected. Have I finally done some proper damage to the script? Because this seems like a major deviation from what should be happening… which is nothing of significance.
"Natsuki… what is it?"
"I… I'd like to confieeiiei- confidently state my superiority; no dammit."
"I would like to state that I am in lo- lots of pain from that slap GOD WHAT IS THIS."
"I'd like to confess that there is a convention about fessing up and ahhhhhhhh why is this so difficult!?"
"I..."
"I'd like to confess that I love you. Your constant caring and support for me… what it means to me is unreal. Where others, even Monika, saw me being tormented and shrugged it off, you saw someone who needed a friend to support them. You saw something inside me that even I couldn't see. Something that I had given up on."
"You saw happiness. You saw happiness waiting to bloom, if only someone would finally care enough to let it happen. I thought that happiness was gone… And you bringing it back to me, day by day, in so many ways, big and small… You can't possibly know what that means to me. It's cheesy, and it terrifies me to be so open with you on this… but... I love you."
"Do you accept my confession?"