An A/U Extra: Hymn

I brace myself as I hesitantly turn the door knob to my apartment. The door creeps open and I swallow the urge to rip the walls apart and cleanse them to their original state. I step inside the threshold and a golden retriever bounds towards me. I do not flinch as the abomination makes a sudden halt at my feet. I stare at its muzzle, its eyes bright and tongue hanging out as it pants quickly from the sprint.

I adjust the bag cradled in my arm, kick the door shut, and promptly walk past the dog. I try to ignore the garish desecration of my apartment but it cannot help but scream at me in pain. The golden monstrosity eagerly jumps around me as I walk. I notice my predator hissing from her perch on the shelf at the oblivious beast below. Somewhere inside of me, I know this is a terrible idea.

Everywhere I look there are red bows tied around anything possible and green garland is strung across any flat surface. Holly is decoratively placed on all the doors and over the molding of entryways out of Koku's reach and on top of my bookshelves. On an end table are small glass figurines representing some sort of religious scene that I don't care to know. Even worse is the tree in my small living room.

The tree is short but plump and it was chosen specifically by a scrutinizing eye that most certainly did not belong to me. As a result, pine needles are undoubtedly scattered about underneath the scarlet tree skirt and on top and under the few brightly wrapped boxes under the tree. Multi colored lights and popcorn and cranberry strands suffocate the tree as they wind around the branches. Then there are the ornaments. A cacophony of colors, sizes, and shapes all reflecting and glittering blindingly across the living room.

Christmas puked all over my apartment.

Then, I hear it. The soft hum in tune with the instrumental carol playing on the iHome. Her back is to me but she knows I am here. Regardless, she is engrossed in her gingerbread cookies.

The fact that she's cooking and enjoying it is a definite sign of distress.

I slam the bag of dog food on the table. She swirls around, her pure blond hair bouncing as she turns. She greets me with a large grin.

"Excellent! Dimitri! Dinner time!"

The golden retriever bounds to her and impatiently wags his tail back and forth as she opens the bag. I make no motion to help. I don't like Dimitri. Instead, I notice how she is still in the same red sweater, jeans, and high heeled black boots she wore to Yukina's from dinner earlier. I also notice the plate of baked cookies behind her.

I move towards the doomed gingerbread men and say, "Take off your boots woman before you trek dirt all over the place."

"You Japanese and your rules about shoes. You don't even have tatami and your kitchen is cleaner than I found it anyway."

Hmm… the head, legs or arms? The gingerbread man stares at me with blank white eyes and an open mouth. Head it is.

"Not after your creature finishes spraying water and bits of dog food everywhere," I say. I bite off the head. The cookie is fresh and soft, delicious. I do have to say, even though she detests cooking above all else, when she does cook she makes sure it's right. Cooking is one of the few times her overachieving nature is not annoying.

She rolls her crystal blue eyes at me and her head follows a similar motion. "I'll clean it up, don't worry. You act as though I haven't made a mess of your place before."

"Cleaning up alcohol remnants and," I pause to gesture to my poor apartment, "this are two completely different things."

"Oh come on, Hiei, your place needs some liveliness to it. Your apartment is so bland." She smiles at me as she takes her mug off the counter. "It's as though no one lives here."

Leg one? Gone. Leg two? Destroyed. "I don't."

"Right the whole bounty hunter cowboy thing. You're the Lone Ranger wandering from town to town in search of the baddies. I forgot that you have a lease and cat, because that's not homey at all." She takes a sip from her mug as I glare at her.

She walks towards me and picks up the plate of gingerbread men. I frown at her as she spins away and the saunter of her hips distracts me momentarily from the fact that my gingerbread men are gone.

She sets the plate and her mug on the table and says, "Just remember, Hiei. I brought these gingerbread men into existence." She picks one up and takes a bite. "And I can take them away from your sadistic torture."

I smirk and go into the cabinets and pull out a mug. I fill it with the homemade hot chocolate on the stove, pour in some spiced rum, and swirl it to mix it together. I then go over to the trashcan and step on the lever. The top flips open.

"Sadistic torture? Tell that to your first batch."

I enjoy her fuming face. The amount of irritation she feels over her failure is quite amusing. She storms past me, grabs the baking sheet off of the counter, and sets it on the table. Still smirking I sit walk to the table and sit down. She brings the the icing and candy she is using to decorate the cookies and continues her work. I pick up my next victim and relish in his demise.

We fall into a silence and I help put a button on here or there. She begins to hum again lightly. The dog settles himself in the living room around the tree and Koku hops into my lap. I scratch her under her chin and she purrs soothingly. Soon this batch is done and I have more men to eat. She gets up and begins to wash off the cookie sheet and put her decorating ingredients away.

I eat another cookie and finish my drink before standing and heading over to the kitchen to get a refill. I stop, however, when I notice that she is staring blankly at the bag of candy in her hand. The atmosphere becomes heavy as her eyes begin to water. She briskly turns and walks past me, before I can see the tears spill.

"I'm going to change," she calls roughly. The door to my bedroom slams shut.

I see Dimitri wander up and disappear. I frown and follow him. Sensing his mistress's distress, he is is laying down in front of the door waiting.

I go back into the kitchen and refill my mug. Koku jumps on top of the counter and meows as I continue to clean the dishes. As soon as I put the baking sheet away, she reappears in her long sleeved pajama top and pants. She gives me a grim smile and says, "Thanks." She then returns to the table. I look at the hot chocolate in my mug. This is not going to be strong enough.

I pull two shot glasses from the cabinets and bring them and the rum over to the table. I pour the shots and offer one to her.

"I look this bad?" She asks. I say nothing but continue to hold the glass. She stares at me and the emotions in her eyes are mixed. A part of me wishes that I could tell her to forget about him, that he was a lying cheating asshole who didn't deserve her. However, even if I am that sort of man, she cannot just forget. She truly loved him and the ass didn't just break her heart, he tore it to shreds. I don't know what to say to address that so for now, my goal is to distract her as much as possible.

The shot leaves my hands and she swiftly knocks it back. I take mine and she stares at her empty glass. "I didn't bake with him. I mean, I don't ever bake." Her voice is soft and her visage distant. "This year I wanted to do something different. Something that wouldn't remind me of him but I did all the decorating I usually do. That's the part I love the most."

"His loss," I say. I take off a gingerbread man's head and she chuckles.

"Yes, it is," She says half heartedly. "I am over him, I am , but he's been in my life for so long that not having him in my life is just… so different. Better but different. At least at Christmas he was always attentive… until we moved here. How long has it been? Four years?" She sighs and shakes her head, lost in thought.

I frown at her, remembering something. "Weren't you supposed to be in Ireland for Christmas?"

"Yes, until I was invited to the Emperor's celebration. As a part the embassy I have to go. I'll be visiting my family in January." Her eyes glaze over and I know how much she wishes she were home right now. I'm sure her brother and Granddad are better comfort than I am.

She pours herself another shot and takes it swiftly. She coughs and makes a face before forcing a wide smile on her face.

"Now it's time to decorate the tree!" She exclaims. She stands and walks to the living room.

Decorate the tree? "It's finished," I call to her.

"Nope!" She says. She grins at me. "The tree needs the final touches!" I begrudgingly tell myself not to walk into the living room and entertain her ridiculous notion to add more to the tree considering it is consumed in decorations. I grab another cookie and watch her as she pulls out a small tupperware. She pulls out a large bundle and lays it gently on the couch. I decide this is a good time to change and I quickly enter my room before she can object. I change into my usual sweats and t-shirt.

When I reemerge, her attention is on me; her hands are on her hips with a small pout her face. I stare at her and then blatantly walk right back to the table and sit down. She marches over to me and I expect a speech of some kind, but instead she snatches the plate of gingerbread men away from me yet again.

"Damnit, woman. I don't need anymore decorations!" I scowl at her.

"I know but it needs a personal touch! Just come over here!" She says, almost exasperated. "Do you want more cookies or not?"

Damn my sweet tooth. I walk over to the living room and plop down on the couch. I ignore the triumphant expression on her face as she hands me a box. I open the box absentmindedly and discover I am holding a glittery, white, snowflake.

"For the tattoo on your arm. I have two more for the others," she says softly. I glance down at the snowflake on my arm, partially showing through the white fabric covering it. The ornament is obviously not a replica, it is missing the name inscribed on my arm, but it still looks similar. I hold the ornament in the air and it sways back and forth, shining when the light hits is correctly. I am reminded of an old, fond memory of my sister and I from many winters ago. The tree needs something personal, she said?

I rise slowly and she gives me a hook, smiling. I walk up to the tree and gently place it on a branch closer to the top. I take a step back and I feel satisfied knowing that the snowflake can be seen easily. I don't quite understand, but the ornament adds something to the tree that was not there before. I turn to her and she is holding a few more boxes for me.

She sits on the couch, munching on arms and legs, watching me as I hang up the ornaments. A Chinese dragon for the old Yakuza tattoo on my back. A western dragon for the twisting tattoo on my arm. A cherry blossom for my country. A cat for Koku. An ice cream cone for me. Like the snowflake, all of these make the tree seem different. I cannot figure it out but I sit down anyway.

"Happy?" I grunt.

She grins, knowing that I do not mind it as much as I let on. "Yes." Now it is her turn to add to the tree.

She moves more slowly than I do and I can see the struggle within her. I know she usually does not do this alone. She unwraps a silver four leaf clover and stares at it for a moment. The back of her hand rubs each eye gently and she turns to the tree.

The music playing softly in the background fills the silence as she looks for a place to hang the ornament. For a moment she disappears but I hear her voice from behind the tree.

'We're walking in the air

We're floating in the moonlight sky

The people far below are sleeping as we fly'

She reappears from behind the tree and carefully steps around the presents. She begins to open another ornament but I close my eyes and bask in her voice.

"We're holding very tight

I'm riding in the midnight blue

I'm finding I can fly, so high above with you"

Her voice is not high pitched, rather it lies in the middle allowing her to sing husky lower tones and add a fullness to higher ones. The quality is round and deep, reminding me of melted dark chocolate. Sweet, bitter, and rich all at the same time. I have long since relished in every note to leave her lips since the night she held me as I shook desperately. She never said a word of comfort as she held me, my demons screaming as they were starved out. Instead, she merely sang.

Every tone draws me in and every song is my hymn. I cannot fathom for either to disappear.

This is why Christmas has invaded my living space.

Ordinarily, I would say that the woman before me wedged her way in as she always does.

I know she wouldn't have even asked. The damn woman would have just walked right in with decorations and all claiming my apartment is a bore and desperately needs something on the walls so it at least looks like someone lives here. I would protest but she would counter and I, in the end would lose the battle.

Do not mistake me. I do not let the woman walk all over me and I am not some love struck idiot that allows her to do anything. In fact, if I am love struck with her at all than I am more than an idiot. I am a down right fool. There are battles I win. There are battles she wins. The constant push and pull between she and I is what caught my interest in her from the night I met her at the bar. She and I met in doses after, a run in at a cafe, meeting the usual group at the pub. Somehow, we gravitated towards each other. Every time I resisted she insisted. Every time she rejected, I demanded. The way we are, even I do not fully understand.

What I do understand is that today is not our usual friendly tug of war. I did not protest when the holiday I abhor consumed the one place that was a safe zone. I did not protest when she brought the monstrosity with her and then demanded I buy food for it.

How can I when this is her first Christmas as a divorcee?

'We're walking in the air

We're dancing in the midnight sky

And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly'

I open my eyes and she is cradling the wrapped bundle in her arms. I glance at the tree and I notice a dog ornament and an ornament resembling the ring on her right hand, the one with the crown and hands holding a heart. There is another with Santa reading and a small marionette toy soldier.

I hear the crackling of tissue paper and turn to watch her as she unwraps the contents. An angel, with a round, plum face and rosy cheeks, covered in gold and white linens is peacefully staring up at her. She however, looks the opposite. Her lips are tugged into a frown and her eyes are glazed over, lost.

I don't know what to say to her so I don't. Instead, I take the angel from her gently. The glaze in her eyes disappear as she stares at me surprised. I turn away from her and stare at the tree. I scowl at it, curse my height, and grab a chair from the kitchen.

"Hiei, what are you doing?" she asks.

I ignore her as I drag the chair up to the tree. I step up quickly and carefully place the angel on top of the tree. I cross my arms and stare down at her.

"A little more to the left," she says. Her voice sounds a little rough but I do not pry. I adjust the tree topper and hop down. As I move the chair back to the table, she walks past me, pulling out a loaf of bread and some milk. I study her as she pours a glass and sets the loaf and glass on the table.

She is scurrying about, lighting a large candle in between the bread and the glass of milk, trying to distract herself. I let her. The woman is too damn prideful to let herself be exposed. As she sets another large candle, with damn red bow tied around it, by a window I wonder if this is a good idea.

I hear a loud meow and I look down at my feet. Koku is staring up at me, her yellow glowing eyes boring into me. She meows again and stands, rubbing her body against my legs. I bend over and run my hand along her sleek black fur.

"Okay then, everything is set except for the unlocked doors," She says, walking towards me. A genuine, humorous grin appears on her visage. "Somehow I think unlocking your doors is crossing your line."

"Hn," I grunt.

"Not a word," she responds with her usual eye roll. Then she turns and slowly surveys the room. I watch her as a slow smile creeps up her mouth. She turns to me and my eyes lock with hers.

I have done this before, when we are locked in a heated argument. Her eyes stare down at me coolly and composed while mine blaze back. I have done this before when we share an understanding, a silent acknowledgment of whatever is being addressed. Then, there are moments like these, where my eyes are stuck on hers. I feel frozen, my breathing halts and my mind goes blank. She is bewitching me with some sort of spell that I desperately want to end and loathe to leave.

I cannot take my eyes off her as she moves around the apartment and turns off all the lights. I look up at her as she stands next to me gestures to the living room.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She breathes.

I do not respond. I force myself to pull my eyes away from her and I stare off into the gentle glow of the lights and candles, trying to shove my amorous thoughts aside.

"Well I'm off to bed," she says. I can tell she is exhausted. Her vowels are becoming longer, and her Irish accent is beginning to construe her Japanese. "I'll grab the blankets."

"No," I find myself saying. "Take the bed."

She frowns at me and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "I can't do that. I've imposed enough on you."

I walk past her, go into my room and grab my pillow and a blanket. I walk straight to the couch and lay down.

I hear her sigh heavily. "Good night, Hiei."

"Night," I grunt back.

She turns off the lights and trudges into my bedroom, the golden monster trotting behind her. I readjust myself and Koku hops onto the couch. I decide to lay on my side facing outward and Koku curls up in the crevice of my body.

I stare off into space when I realize I can't fall asleep. The tree is on and the candle is lit in the window. I close my eyes and try to ignore it but the lights are too much. My eyes open again and I stare at the tree. For some reason, it doesn't look ostentatious. The lights from the tree are giving off a soft, gentle glow. I can see the newly placed ornaments in the light and I know that the "personal touch" has changed the way I see the tree or rather, all of this. Why? Did adding the ornaments specific to me make the tree mine and not just existing in my living room?

I don't understand the significance and it's frustrating. I'm Japanese for Kami's sake, we don't celebrate Christmas like the Western world does. Instead of a religious holiday, it's an excuse for couples to be romantic and lovey-dovey. In the Western world, Christmas can be romantic but it's a family holiday. I understand that her family is all the way around the world but I don't understand why she came to me. Why not Shizuru or someone else from the embassy?

My thoughts are interrupted by an odd sound. I pause, listening and I frown. I sit up and walk quietly to my bedroom door, hoping that I'm wrong. Through the door I hear the sniffling and the struggle to keep herself together.

I don't like her crying. Even worse, I don't like her crying over that asshole.

I don't think as I grab my pillow from the couch and quietly enter my room. I can hear her trying to silence herself but she does a poor job of it. I don't move towards her. Instead I walk to my side of the bed, pretending to ignore the fact that the golden monster is on my bed. I pretend nothing is different and I simply get under the covers and lay on my back as I usually do. I say nothing and I make no motion to hold her.

But if she needs me, if she needs a shoulder to cry on or a body to curl up next to in an attempt to not feel alone, I am here.

I glance at her figure thinking back to that terrible time when I wasn't myself anymore. When I felt alone and that no one could understand me. She was there despite hardly knowing me at all. I'm not sure why but the details don't matter anymore. All that matters is that she was there. Sleep finally begins to claim me and I can only hope that when she wakes and sees me in the morning next to her, she will not feel so alone.

"-iei"

I groan and try to swat Koku away. Instead, all I feel is a soft, light substance. Then, I am jolted awake as two strong hands grip my arms tightly.

"Hiei! Wake up!"

Damnit, Mira. My eyes groggily open and I am blinded by the shower of her long white hair over me and her blue eyes staring down at me like the sun.

"What, woman?" I grumble, sitting up half way.

"Nollaig Shona Duit! Merry Christmas!"

That's it? I shut my eyes and fall back into bed.

"Oh don't go back to sleep! It's Christmas!" she exclaims. That makes me even more resistant to get out of bed. I feel the covers rip off of me and she bounds off, the golden monstrosity thumping loudly behind her. I hear a meow and I open my eyes to see Koku jumping on the bed. She meows again and I sit up and pull her into my lap for a moment to scratch under her chin. Then begrudgingly I leave my room.

But there is fresh green tea waiting for me in the living room and she is feeding both Dimitri and Koku. Consequently, my predator stalks by me quickly for her breakfast. I sit down on the couch and take a sip of tea, the warm liquid waking me up. She is making herself some coffee so I take a few more sips before going to my closet and pulling out a few wrapped packages. When I return and set them under the tree, she is sitting on the couch.

She claps her hands and pulls Koku into her lap with a bag in front of her. Her paws strike the bag until a small laser is revealed. Excellent, I lost mine. I unwrap it and and torture my cat mercilessly while the woman finds the bone I got for the monster. Then it is my turn and I am trying on a brand new leather jacket. She gasps when she opens her gift, the latest translation of the Tale of Genji with watercolor pictures.

Then it's time to make breakfast. I don't mind cooking considering she'll burn everything, but it allows me to step back. I turn sideways, half keeping an eye on the eggs and the other on her as she plays with the new toy and her monster. She is laughing sweetly and the smile on her face is broad and glowing. She may not have forgotten that ass last night but at least now, this morning, she looks strong and happy. She's still hurt, there's no doubt about that, but she's recovering.

I return to breakfast and she puts on the atrocious music only made tolerable by her voice. Her phone rings brightly and she begins to talk animatedly with her family. I feed my predator and begin to eat breakfast. She hangs up and sort of eats while explaining everything going on in Ireland. I don't particularly care much, they are halfway around the world, but I don't mind listening.

When she finishes, she says, "Alright Dimitri! Time to go outside!"

The damn beast is sitting next to me and his tail thumps unnecessarily into me. When she stands and walks to get ready, he bounds after her. I am so thankful I have a cat. I don't move as they go back and forth, grabbing the leash, her jacket, and her gloves. I hear the door open and then a quick, "Oh!"

"Hiei!" She calls.

"What?" I reply.

"I need a scarf and mine is in the bedroom and I already have my boots on and yours is just out of reach!" She calls.

I pause before downing the last of my tea. This woman… I stomp towards her and yank the scarf off of the hangar holding my jacket up. I walk up to her, without stepping down into the shoe area, and throw the scarf around her neck. I don't realize that I am tying my scarf around her until it's too late. That and the fact that she's standing close. Very close.

Before I can step away, she throws her arms tightly around my neck, drawing me close. Her nose buries into my shoulder and I tentatively wrap my arms around her. I don't remember feeling so tall against her. Normally I look up and she looks down and it doesn't bother me. But right now, in this moment, I am relishing being at almost eye level with her.

"Thank you," she whispers. Her words are soft and tremble slightly as she lets them spill unguarded. I wrap my arms tighter around her and inhale the lavender smell that covers her. Then I feel the press of her cool lips against my cheek. The moment only lasts for the blink of an eye, maybe less, but I can still feel the pressure of her lips against my cheek even after the door closes behind her.

I turn slowly, staring at my destroyed apartment. Or is it? Somehow, the room feels emptier and disquieted even though the music is still playing softly in the background. But the tree still retains the soft, warm glow from the night before. I stare it unblinkingly for some time until I realize one thing:

I am a down right fool.

That's why when she opens the door and asks if I want to join her on a walk, that the air is nice and crisp and there isn't too many people out yet, I grab my new jacket, tie her red scarf around my neck, and join her without a thought. That's why I opened my doors to her for this ridiculous holiday. That's why I put up with her pushing me and pull back on her while enjoying every minute. That's why I don't mind her constant chatter and the ringing sound of her laughter, keeping me with her and out of the old darkness as I hone in on the hymn of her voice.

I guess I'm more religious than I thought.

Part 3 is coming! I promise!

Song: Walking in the Air, Howard Blake