AN: Alright, I have a feeling this chapter will be hard for me to figure out and I'm just trying to let myself take it as I write it and figure out where I want it to go so hang with me! I liked writing Davis and Sonny moments in so I'm going to continue that storyline… I hope the show does too! I loved last week when Sonny went out with Clay. Also, Mandy and Jason fighting is super interesting to me. Ray has got to keep an eye on him! The season is going in a super cool direction. Anyway, I'm going to get to writing the actual story and stop obsessing over last week's episode butttt, hopefully I can get this chapter up before the next episode which looks super good!
Mandy stood and watched Jason walk down the hall, his hand shoved deep into his pockets, and out one of the side doors of the base hospital. She turned to the waiting room and looked around. After everyone had gone to get food, they mostly had either come back to continue to wait, gone back to the barracks to get other clothes and a shower, or were doing paperwork elsewhere. It seemed as though Lisa, Brock, Clay, and Ray were all still in the hospital while Eric and Kairos went to get clothes and sleep in actual beds for a few hours. It was good that Eric rest, he certainly needed it after running around trying to get everyone squared away the past two days. The guy was up to his eyeballs in bureaucratic red tape. Mandy knew that Blackburn as perfectly capable of sorting through it all himself but usually his guys weren't barely hanging on in a hospital as he was trying to do it. She knew Lisa would not be leaving anytime soon as she continued to wait for any sort of update on Sonny. She practically left up anytime a doctor or nurse on Sonny's case was in view. And she knew Ray felt obligated to stay. After all of his head butting with Jason and the death of Alana she had noticed his calculated steps. He was more and more aware of every impact his actions and even more his reactions had. Clay was certainly in no shape to leave and hell, neither was Brock.
Lisa was filling out her post operation reports, it was standard procedure for a usual op. This time though, with the injury and the surprise change of EXFIL location there was extra paperwork. She had been able to avoid it at first but after a little pushing from Ray to just do something to keep her mind away from Sonny she got to work on it. She had been trying to stay away from Sonny's room. It wasn't good for her to sit and watch nurses come and go, watch them talk to each other as quietly as possible and then come over to tell her the same thing over and over, "He's still sedated but he's hanging in there."
The paperwork was much less painful then having to watch that. It was nearly noon at this point. Mandy looked to Ray next. He was also filling out his paperwork from the operation. Eric had been on the phone for hours trying to figure out all of the logistics, who was in trouble, what they were in trouble for, what governments were mad at him. It was all bull in Mandy's eyes. Brock was resting, his eyes closed but far from sleeping. He couldn't do much else. He was ordered by the doctor to not do his paperwork or any reports on the computers from his concussion. That was only thing keeping him from it all. Not a bad excuse actually. Then Mandy's eyes landed on Clay who was staring into Trent's room. He was still picking at the salad he had and rolling around the apple he had picked up. As soon as Mandy looked at him, he snapped his eyes up to her. He placed his salad on the table and stepped away from the group. Mandy crossed her arms over her chest, shifting back and forth from heel to heel.
"Why did Jason just look pissed as hell when he came out of there? Trent's ok right?" Clay's voice came out weak at first. It was the way it sounded after long operations and sleepless nights. He needed a glass of water and maybe half a bottle of Scotch.
"He just needs to get away for a bit. Can you stay with Trent? Stick around till someone else comes to hang with him? I can go check on Jason." Mandy didn't want to leave Trent alone, but she certainly couldn't leave Jason to his own devices right now. Not after Trent just dropped a bomb like wanting to leave the team. The same team Jason hand-picked. The team that Jason considered his family. Jason was blaming himself for enough already, he didn't need the dissolution of his team on his shoulders as well.
"Yeah, of course." Clay's response was immediate, no hesitation in his voice. Mandy looked him up and down though and then hesitated herself. Clay had reached out to the wall for support, leaning into it. He had a shake to his voice, bags under his eyes, He certainly didn't look good himself.
"You need a break later. Eric may be gone and Jason and every other sane person to tell you to sit the hell down before you fall down but I'm still here. Go, sit, drink water. I'll be back and take over and then you're going to shower and sleep. Actual, real sleep in the barracks." Her voice held an edge, but she had reached out and grabbed Clay's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "And by the way, if you haven't heard it already. You did really good out there in the field Spencer. That couldn't have been easy." Clay didn't respond at first, just swallowed thickly at the compliment.
"I'll sleep when Trent can keep his damn eyes open and Sonny isn't fighting with everything he's got in him just to get his next breath in. Then I'll take a damn shower, then I'll go sleep. Till then, nothing else matters." Mandy wanted to argue, she wanted to shake him and remind him that him sticking around and running himself ragged helps no one. He can be a hell of a lot more helpful after a shower and a few hours of good sleep, but she knew at this point of exhaustion there was no appealing to logic. She would simply have to cross that bridge when she was able to find Jason and get him calmed down.
With one last look at Davis, who looked utterly lost, Mandy made her way down the corridor and out the same door that Jason went out. She hopped he hadn't gone far, it's not like he really could or that he would. She had a feeling he would stick close just out of his own need to be available to his men.
She was right. She found him slumped against the wall around back. She took in is sight. The way his flannel shirt hung off one of his shoulders, the white t-shirt underneath it wrinkled from sitting in chairs. His jeans hanging off his hips, his face pale and drawn in from lack of sleep, the creases in his forehead more prominent from the contrast of bruising and stitches. She noticed the way he clutched his closed fist into his flannel, blood dripping onto the ground. Damn it, Jason.
Mandy crept forward, as if she was approaching a scared animal. "Jace, what happened?" Her voice was soft, her professionalism long gone. As he turned to face her, she could see the tear tracks down his cheeks, the heavy breathing of him trying to hold it together. Regain some sort of composure and control.
"Jace?" She tried again as he stared down at his bruised and bloody first. She gently took hold of it and shimmied out of her jacket, wrapping it around the hand to stop the bleeding.
"I just, uh, I was angry and ended up punching, the, uh wall. Stupid." Mandy nodded as he continued to stare at his hand, now holding the bunched-up jacket against it.
"Jason, I think you just need to wait and talk to Trent. Maybe it's nothing, he's heavily drugged right now." Before Mandy could finish though, Jason let out a sob and sank down against the wall, his boots digging into the dirt as his shirt rode up his back, the bricks scratching him on the way down. The pain was welcome though, in some strange way it kept him grounded as he began to cry.
"I think I made a mistake. I think, I think Ray was right. I think you were right. I think I did this. Mandy, I think this is on me. Alana died, she died, and I had to leave my guys. I left them and then Adam dies. Clay gets, gets shot. The kid was nearly losing it out there. Ray told me, he was, a, a mess. I wasn't there. Then I, I come back, first op back and, and we should have been fine. We would have been fine. I just, I saw that kid. He was a kid Mandy. I saw the kid and I didn't think anything of it. He couldn't have been older than 10. That's a rookie mistake. A mistake that could kill Sonny. It damn near killed everyone else. I should have shot. I should have looked for the shot. I could have gotten him before he even threw the grenade. A shit grenade. It's on me. Now, Trent wants to leave. He should. They all should. I don't deserve this team anymore. I ruined them. This is on me Mandy. This is on me."
Mandy stood in front of him, one hand on her forehead, the other on her hip as she tried to keep up with Jason's words. They came so fast, through sobs and tears that she could hardly decipher what he was saying.
"Jason, slow down, just slow down. What do you mean you saw the kid?" This was the first Mandy was hearing of this information. She knelt down now, her body coming to sit in front of Jason's drawn knees. She didn't think of the dirt that was slowly staining her dress pants, and she certainly didn't think about the fact that she wanted nothing more than to change into jeans and get out of said dress pants. She only focused on Jason's labored breathing and lost eyes.
"I was scanning the hillside and I saw a kid. I didn't think he looked armed. He wasn't fighting age. I just, I could tell he was grabbing at something but all I could think of was he was Mikey's age. A child. A child doesn't even understand war or death or killing. I should have shot. I should have killed him. If I had shot him, we wouldn't be here. We would be home and Sonny would be fine. We'd all be fine." Jason tried to look at her but couldn't manage it, "I shouldn't have come back to the team. I've only been making everything worse. Everyone I'm involved with, everyone I love, I make them worse." Jason had stopped crying; his voice now was just defeated.
He sounded more detached than she had ever heard him before. She usually expected him to sound this way when there was tragedy in the teams or in the field. It wasn't uncommon for the guys to speak in this detached manner, as if none of it mattered anyway, as if it didn't affect them at all. It usually made it easier to handle. This was something else entirely. She had never heard Jason sound like this. Mandy looked to her right, over the fences, past the wall, into the broken city before her. Torn apart by war for years. A conflict so deeply rooted and so far gone there was no repairing it.
"Jason, look at me." She waited, "Look. At. Me." Finally, he pulled his gaze up to hers. "Have you seen the overwatch footage? The drone footage?" Jason shook his head. "Jason, from where you were there was no way you could have seen what he was grabbing at. You could not tell he was grabbing a gun or a grenade or a knife or a teddy bear. You're right, he was a child. He killed himself for a cause that he probably didn't understand. He killed himself, the men who converted him killed him. Not you and not anyone else."
Jason looked like he wanted to say something else, but Mandy put her hand up, "No, listen to me. I stared at that footage for hours upon hours last night and the day before. I analyzed every damn detail of it. You couldn't see. You may have seen a kid, but you saw nothing more than that. If you killed him and it wasn't a grenade that would have broken you too. It would break anyone. War is complicated and boots on the ground is complicated. You had limited information, we all did. It's an impossible choice to make and you made the best one you could. You thinking about your children doesn't make you any better or any worse of a soldier. You may operate slightly different than you did before Alana died but I wouldn't say it makes you worse off. You did nothing wrong Jason. What the hell is wrong with you talking that you're leaving the team again?"
"Mandy, I can't stay. Not if me staying causes everyone to want to leave." She shook her head furiously, standing back up to her feet. "To hell with that. Trent doesn't want to leave because of you, he never said that. Get your head out of your ass and talk to him. When you left the first time it gutted the team. It killed Eric to know one of his best operators, the guy he could always depend on was gone. Lisa had to adjust to Adam, Ray was trying to figure out how to operate again without the guidance of the man he always looks to, has always protected without fail. Trent was put in positions he'd never been put in before, having to call the time of death on Adam, declare him dead while they had to push on. Brock wasn't himself. No one was operating the same. Don't get me started on Clay. You think he would have been such a mess with Adam if you had been there? No, he needed you. They need you and you need them." Mandy paused, pushing her hair out of her face as she stared at the broken tier one operator in front of her. "I need you Jason. You lead the team I want working all my ops. Your family needs you, this version of you. They need BRAVO 1. This is not him." Jason's head came up at that. He was nodding now as he pushed himself back to his shaky feet, as he reached out to Mandy, pulled her close for the second time in 24 hours and as she held on to him as tightly as she could manage. "I know that it's been a hard 4 months for you. I can't even imagine. Jason don't leave. You know that's not the solution to this problem."
"Shit. I just can't lose anyone else. I can't lose anyone else." He broke down, finally let the emotions of the past several months come down around him.
Mandy tightened her grip on his arms, practically holding him up, and whispered in his ear, "Jace, don't let that fear of losing anyone else cause you to lose everyone you love without a single bullet." With that the dam broke. Jason Hayes, BRAVO 1, tier one operator, team leader, father, son, husband, widow, all the labels disappeared, and he was just a man, standing in the chilled middle eastern air, clinging to a friend like a lifeline.
Mandy wasn't sure how much time passed or how long they stood with Jason losing his shit before he fell back into the dirt again, how long they stayed like that on the ground, or how long it was until he finally pulled the jacket off of his swollen hand and muttered to her that he needed to go clean his hand. Mandy stayed on the ground even after Jason stood up and walked back inside. No, Jason Hayes would not be leaving BRAVO. He may think that's what his team needs but, in his heart,, he knows that would be the most detrimental thing he could do to them. You don't leave your brothers. It's their most absolute rule, his most absolute rule.
Ray sat in the uncomfortable chair that had become his second home, his refuge in the darkness that was the past two days. He had finished his reports long ago and now smiled lightly at Lisa's sleeping figure. She had finally passed out from exhaustion. Now though, he had nothing to do besides sit and reread his operation report and think.
From his seat he could see only part of Clay in Trent's room. With a small yell, Ray stood, trying to get a better look at where the noise came from. He saw Trent was still unconscious, the pain meds keeping him out most of the morning. He saw Clay's hands close into tight fists in his sleep, turning onto his side.
"I WON'T LET GO." Clay's voice didn't sound his own as he yelled out in fear and pain through his sleep. Ray shoved out of his chair and entered Trent's room. Clay was trashing in his sleep, his chair confining him to tossing back and forth.
"Clay, hey wake up." Ray tried keeping his distance, calling to him. "Come on Clay wake up." Clay only continued to mutter cries of "I won't let go," and "stop, please. Just hang on." Mantras of a broken man. Ray stepped closer, reaching out his good hand to try to shake Clay awake. He worried he'd get his ass knocked on the ground by Clay but the first shake only seemed to cause him to yell out more in distress. Brock was in the room now too. He'd come up beside Ray as he shook Clay again.
"Spencer, hey wake up bro. You're good man, just wake up. Come on." Ray gently slapped his face and Spencer shot forward. He gasped for air as he rose to his feet, stumbling as he snapped his eyes from face to face. Brock grabbed his shoulders, Ray holding his bad arm across his chest after being jostled.
"Hey! You're good Clay. We're in the hospital. On base." Clay sucked in a big breath as he nodded at Brock's words. Ray noticed Trent was awake again, he looked around from each of the guys, trying to figure out the situation. A nurse had appeared in the door way.
"Excuse me, is everything alright?" Her voice was hesitant, as if she knew she was invading on the personal touch of trauma aftermath. Clay turned away from her in a rather small attempt to shield his ragged breath, wide eyes, and teary eyes.
"Yes, everything is alright, sorry for the noise." Ray told the nurse and then quickly peered out into the waiting room to the other questioning eyes, giving them a nod. Ray wasn't sure where Jason and Mandy were, but Kairos had returned to the waiting room. He looked much more rested at this point. Brock still had a hand on Clay as he pressed a hand against his chest. It seared in pain with each heavy breath he brought into his panicked lungs. Trent looked nervously from Ray to Brock then to Clay. His face was pale, his legs shaky, his head down as if he couldn't bear to bring it up. Ray stepped forward, "You good?" It was a loaded question.
Clay waited a beat, "Is Sonny awake? Is there a, an update on him?" Ray hesitated at the question, unsure of where he was going with it. "Uh, no. There hasn't been an update in a bit." Ray took the glass of water Brock offered to him and passed it along to Clay, "maybe you should sit for a bit." It was a gentle suggestion. Clay only shook his head. "I'm going to get an update on Sonny." Clay took a few sips of the water, his breathing regaining normalcy. He pushed off from the wall he was leaning against and squeezed Trent's calf gently. "How ya feeling?" He acted as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't just suffered a horrible dream.
"I could ask you the same question." Trent, even in his slightly medicated and injured state, was on edge at the current state of Clay. "You disrupt your stitches?" He could never quite put down his medical cloak and just be taken care of, no, no, no, Trent would never stop being the medic. "Nah, I'm good. It was, just, a uh, just a dream. I'm alright. Thank you though." His tone was convincing but the shake in his hand as he ran it through his hair told a different story.
Ray let him go though, he wasn't sure he should, and he wasn't sure it was the best call to make but after everything he guessed the kid needed to be alone for a few minutes to gather himself. He deserved that much.
Eric rose from his bed in the barracks, he felt considerable better than when he had laid down to sleep about 3 hours ago. As he entered the bathroom, he found Jason who was rubbing sleep from his eye and wincing as hot water poured over his bloodied hand. Jason's head snapped up to meet Eric's questioning gaze.
"What'd you do?" Eric turned the steaming water off and pulled Jason's hand up to his face.
"Just had some thinking to do." Jason's voice was barely above a whisper. "Thinking huh? Kind of seems like you weren't thinking." Eric released his hand and opened a cupboard, pulling out a small first aid kit. Jason only stared at his hand.
"Hayes, when was the last time you slept?" Jason only continued to stare. "I just slept. I slept for a, an hour or so." Eric grabbed his hand again, looking at the bruising that was starting to take over his hand. He gently cleaned the cuts and wrapped it in silence.
"It looks like you could use some more sleep. I'm ordering you to sleep for another 2 hours Hayes." Jason pulled his hand away quickly, "I have to talk to Trent." Eric grabbed at his hand again, not wanting him to ruin the wrap job.
"Whatever it is, it can wait." Eric's voice sounded more like it did during operations, calm and steady yet commanding.
"It can't. I'll sleep, I just need to talk to him. I'll sleep." Eric hesitated to respond but before he could come up with more convincing words to urge him back into his cage to his bed Jason continued, "Blackburn it's about his future on the team. I-"Eric didn't have to hesitate this time.
"Go. Talk to him and then sleep, I don't care what the hell comes up after. You're sleeping." Jason nodded and pressed the end of the wrap over his knuckle before nodding to Eric.
"Jason, don't let him do anything stupid." Jason nodded, "Of course, sir." Blackburn put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath in. All he wanted right now was to be back stateside.
After Clay's dream Ray and Brock had pulled up chairs next to Trent's bed. Trent looked much better now. He had more color in his face and although his movements were still slow and pained, his stats were much more stable. The doctors were pleased Trent's fever had dropped and was only mild now from infection. The antibiotics were working.
"Where's Jason?" Trent finally managed to breach the question. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Clay said he left here looking pissed as hell with Mandy earlier. He's probably calming down." Brock replied.
Trent shook his head, "That was my fault." Both men raised their eyebrows at that.
"How exactly is it your fault? You mean you're what pissed Jason off?" Ray sat up and offered Trent another sip of water before Trent explained.
"I just, he wants me off the team. I know that. I understand. I just figured with everything that had happened to him the past months I should leave before he's forced to ask me to go." Ray was seething in his seat. Brock was clearly upset too.
"Speak of the devil." Brock muttered as Jason idled up to Trent's doorway.
"Could I have a few minutes with Trent?" Ray stood up at his voice, his bedside chair squealing across the tile.
"What the hell is the matter with you? You want him off BRAVO? What the hell happened to the loyal as hell Jason Hayes? What? You lose your wife and now that's all it takes to break you? You lose Adam and you suddenly can't hold it together? Do we mean nothing to you anymore? I thought you of all people would never crack but you know what Jason you don't deserve this team anymore!" Ray was in Jason's face, screaming the words with such anger Brock wasn't sure he'd be able to stop Ray if he got any angrier. Jason was pushing him back. Trent was sitting up in his bed, confined by wires and IV's.
"You don't know shit Ray! Trent's the one that wants to leave! I would never ask him to leave! I hand picked him my damn self for this team! Second to you! What the hell do you mean I broke? You broke! You're the damn broken one! You lose one kid in combat and you feel this obligation to hide it from your team leader! Not my damn fault you busted your shoulder and couldn't handle the guilt that came with it. You lost my trust that's on you not me!" Jason could have kept going, could have kept screaming, could have continued to lose his shit. Ray could have continued too. Neither one of them had even raised a fist at the other, they were too concerned with shouting hatred at the other. Lisa had shoved herself inside the room, helping to separate them with Brock.
"Enough! Christ, ENOUGH! Both of you shut the hell up!" Brock's voice boomed over the shouts of both men. There was only the deafening beep of Trent's monitors that continued to cut through the silence and the huffing of Ray and Jason.
Trent spoke up suddenly, his voice weak from the exhausting act of sitting up, "I need to talk to Jason." He didn't stutter or stumble. He tried as hard as he could to keep his voice strong through the sentence. Lisa had made her way over to his bedside, helping him lay back in bed as he winced at the movements. She put the morphine button in his hand, ready to help him press it but Trent shook his head, his hair matted to his face.
"I'm good. I'm ok. Thanks, Davis." She smiled at him and pushed his hair out of his face before she turned to Ray and Brock.
"Go." It was a command, not an option. They filed out of the room as Jason paced back and forth Trent's room.
"Jace, stop." Jason just continued to pace and run a hand through his hair. "Jason, stop man. Sit down. I'm not leaving." Jason did as he was instructed. Normally, Trent trying to order him would have annoyed him but at this point he had nothing left to fight with.
"Why did you think I was going to ask you to leave Trent?" Jason's eyes could have bored holes in Trent's head with how hard he was looking at him.
"I nearly killed Sonny. I should never have stepped away. I should never have left you and Clay with him. He lost so much blood and he may never wake up. That's on me. I let Clay get so bad he practically collapsed. I should have looked at Brock's head sooner. Do you realize he could have had a brain bleed that entire operation? Not to mention I never even looked you over. I'm supposed to confirm BRAVO 1s health before everyone else. I made so many damned mistakes." Jason's face looked pained for the man lying in the bed before him. Jason grabbed Trent's hand as Trent took a breath, trying to not get lost in the flashbacks to hauling Sonny to the mineshaft, hearing Jason yell for him as he started bleeding again, trying to keep him breathing on the chopper. It was too much.
"Trent, there is no medic I would rather have on my team. You had to step away. You probably would have collapsed before you even got on the chopper if you hadn't rested for a minute. Then none of us would probably have made it. You had to do the best you could in that situation. We all made mistakes. We can't have this career and think of all the what if's. I don't want to hear that shit anymore. You can't put my health above everyone else's. I know that's what the intention is, and I understand why they want you to but you and I both know that would not fly with me. Especially not when Clay and Sonny are pinned down, bleeding out." Trent nodded.
"I just feel like I failed. I think I finally failed." Jason stood, "You have never once broken your promise to me. Not to this team either. You have not failed. No matter what happens with Sonny. You were slowly bleeding all damned day and you didn't say a word, not a word. All I can ask of my team medic is to do his best to get everyone back home safely each mission. No one can expect that to happen every time, but you do your god damned best. You are selfless and the only medic I want to roll with. Now, are you good to roll with me?" Jason held out a hand to Trent who locked hands with Jason.
"Yeah, I'll always roll with you Jace." The shake seemed to confirm it all in an unspoken understanding between them both. This misunderstanding caused by the chaos and sleepy confessions was settled. Trent would not be leaving BRAVO any time soon.
"Are you and Ray going to be alright? It got a little tense in here for a sec. Thought I might have to stitch someone up from my hospital bed." Jason chuckled and started to think of how he wanted to respond. He was still pissed as hell at Ray and he knew Ray would be pissed at him. Even if he told him it was all a misunderstanding. They both had said things in the heat of the argument that they couldn't take back. Deep down Jason knew they were all things that they needed to hash out still but now wasn't the time. Jason was far too tired and irritable at the moment. Instead he told Trent, "Yeah, we'll be alright."
After everything settled down a bit, Ray was talked down by Brock, Jason told Eric all was good with Trent, and Mandy returned from getting some much-needed rest everyone gathered in Trent's room after the doctor requested, they meet together. Jason was on edge by this request, he wasn't sure what toe expect. He figured this could be really good news or he figured the doctor could be telling them all to prepare their goodbyes.
"Well, I have some positive news for Sonny Quinn." Ray looked over at Lisa who was standing, her leg shaking nervously, by the doorway.
"Let's hear it doc." Eric's voice was strong and cut through the tension the same way it did during operations.
"We are lifting his sedation and moving him down to this level of the hospital, out of ICU. His sedation will be completely lifted after an hour and then It's up to his body to recover and wake up. This could take an hour or two or this could take a couple days. We believe at this point that he will be able to fight off the rest of the infection. His fever has been holding at 102 instead of 103 and 104 degrees which is much better. For a while we were not sure he'd be able to break the fever down a bit with the extensive blood loss he had. However, now we are much more confident he'll pull through."
Lisa's leg continued to shake nervously as Ray put a hand on her shoulder. "That's great news. Uh, and for his leg? Is he going to have full mobility back?" Ray asked the question that had been hanging in the room.
"We won't know that until we can get him up and walking. He'll have extensive physical therapy for it and need time but, he does have a good amount of blood flow to it at the moment and we believe we repaired the artery." They all nodded, Mandy watching Jason's reactions, checking in yet again.
Trent began to ask question after question with doctor terms no one could keep up with, but the doc answered every one he could. He didn't get annoyed and he never seemed upset with the barrage of questioning from Trent. Even hooked to an IV, laying in a hospital bed, Trent would be checking on their health. He'd been doing it practically all damned day, asking them about this stitch and that scan. He'd never give it a rest except when he was asleep. The doctor finished up his chat by explaining that we would be able to sit with Trent in about 10 minutes after he was moved down to this level of the hospital and he would be in the room next to Trent's. Trent was pleased with this plan, it allowed him to at least feel like he was still caring for the team. Jason liked this plan too, with all the guys together in one place finally, he could keep an eye on all of them and finally start to get everything calmed down.
Ray still was fuming over his argument with Jason earlier. He considered the guy to be a mentor and a friend. He was the one he went to when he found out Naima was pregnant and was panicking over how to react, how to feel. He remembered how terrified he was of messing the kid up, but Jason was there, a presence that never left. He remembered Jason telling him, "You can read all the damned parenting books on the market, you can learn how to bake the best brownies, and you can find the best birthing classes, and you can make sure you know everything there is to know about sleep schedules and preschools and all the other mess of stuff that comes with parenting. Ray, all it comes down to though, the only important part is being there. Being present, truly present when you are there. You have to be a shoulder for them to cry on and you have to be tough when they can't be. You have to save them from themselves and let them make mistakes at the same time. You have to give yourself grace when you screw up too. You just have to be there for them, no matter what. No matter how much they screw up just be a set of arms for them to come home to. Always."
Ray still tried to parent by those words. Be a set of arms for them to come home to. Always. It was what Ray tried to remember, would repeat over and over in his head when he felt like he was doing nothing right as a parent. Still, as he looked across the room to Jason, not really paying attention to the doctor, all he could feel was anger. How could Jason say that the shoulder was his fault? I mean Ray knew it was, he knew he made a mistake, but Jason should have let that go by now. Jason was his best friend. They had been through so much together yet, as he looked at him now he looked like a complete stranger. He needed to get the hell over it. Now, he couldn't get that kid out of his head. Jason was right, that was on his hands. Jason knew that Ray would never forgive himself and the last thing he needed was to have it brought up right now. Ray stared daggers as Jace stared at the doctor intently.
After the doctor left, Eric found his way over to Jason.
"You need to go sleep, Hayes. I don't care if it's only for an hour. Go to the barracks and get true rest." Jason started to shake his head, "No, Sonny's coming down now. I need to stay." Eric was not giving up.
"Sonny won't be waking up for at least an hour. They haven't started lifting his sedation. Go and sleep now. That's an order. Everyone else has gone and slept but you." Jason crossed his arms over his chest, clearly not giving in either.
"I slept earlier. You saw me there. Eric, don't force me to leave my guys." Trent, who had been silent up until this point but obviously trying to listen in on the conversation, spoke up. "Jason don't be an idiot. I'll call you if something changes. Hell, I'll call you when the doc says he's lifting sedation. Eric is right. You need to sleep. Don't stress me out by collapsing from exhaustion." Trent tried a small smile as he sat up in the hospital bed, much better than when he had tried earlier.
"I'll call you Jason. I will." Eric nodded at him positively, trying to still get him to go and rest. Even if it was just for a little while it would still be better. Jason's body practically screamed exhaustion. There were dark circles around his eyes, his cuts looked angry, his hand still wrapped, he was leaning against any nearby wall he could find. Eric hadn't seen him without a cup of coffee in his hand since they had arrived at the hospital. It was like an accessory at this point. An unhealthy attachment to his body. The caffeine lead to a shake in his hands though. A tell-tale sign that the caffeine was simply not enough anymore. The guy probably hadn't gotten more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep at a time in 4 days. Finally, with a look of annoyance, Jason pushed off from the wall and nodded to Trent.
"For you ya son of a bitch." That managed to get a chuckle out of both Eric and Trent as Jason came and shook Trent's hand, leaning in close. "You call me when you hear Sonny is down here. I mean it. I'll have you running hill drills for months if I find out otherwise. You keep resting up, I need my medic at his best. I love ya brother." Jason clasped his hand and then released him, "Love ya too Jace."
Jason silently made his escape to the barracks. He would never admit it, but once he was out of the hospital, he was actually excited to sleep for a little. He figured he could sleep for an hour and then take a very quick shower before heading back to the hospital. If he could just get a little rest, then maybe he'd be able to manage talking to Ray. He felt bad about the exchange of words between the two of them. To be honest, he knew that if they both hadn't been beaten up already, they probably would have thrown hands with how angry they both had gotten. He had never talked to Ray like that and Ray had never said those types of things to Jason. He knew it needed to be fixed but, not now.
Mandy noticed Lisa had already found a seat outside of Sonny's new room and had no intention of moving. She pulled up one next to her. Mandy had known Lisa a long time, she had worked with her for nearly 3 years and had run into her from working different ops long before that. She had never seen her get as close to a team as she had with BRAVO though. She had seen her go from tentatively preparing their gear to giving them advice on their lives. Mandy wasn't an idiot though. She knew how close she was getting with Sonny Quinn. After Danny died last year, she wasn't sure what to expect from Davis. I mean, she knew she was tough as hell and she didn't expect her to fall apart. Still, it was a tough set of circumstances. She and Danny were just reconnecting, it was someone she was very close with, and she lost him. It was after that though that she started getting closer with Sonny.
"How ya holding up Davis?" Mandy eyed her. "I'm alright." Her voice said otherwise.
Mandy thought back to about a month after Davis lost Danny. She remembered how Davis was just returning to work. Someone from another team, maybe ECHO team had offered their condolences and the wall that she had been so delicately building over the last month came crashing down. She walked out in the middle of a debrief and it was Sonny that went after her. She remembered Eric giving her about 10 minutes before subtly asking Mandy to go make sure she was alright. It had taken a few minutes to figure out where shew was, but she found her in the cages, Sonny's cage to be exact. She was on the floor, half of her body shielded from Mandy's view by Sonny's Texas flag on the opposite wall that he so proudly displayed. She had obviously been sobbing, consoled as Sonny rocked her slowly back and forth. Sonny spotted her and shook his head in silence. He had her. Mandy walked back into the debrief and reported to Eric that she was fine. Sonny would be back when he could. She could fill them both in later.
Now, Mandy didn't know how to comfort her. She was not the comforting type and she had been forced to do far too much of that crap throughout the past 3 days. So now, all she could manage was simply grabbing Lisa's hand and reminding her only once, "He'll pull through. He always does. He's too damn stubborn."
The doctor came around the corner then, just behind him a nursing team pushed Sonny into the room on a hospital bed. He had IV's and tubes, a giant oxygen mask over his face. He was dressed in a hospital gown with his leg exposed up to his hip. They could see the ugly stitches, the strange color to it. They didn't notice the way his breaths rattled in his chest, or the way they gurgled out. Each one was strained and slow. There was a sheen of sweat over his face and his hair was matted down along the sides. It was clear he had been sweating, despite the fact that if you looked closely, he seemed to be trembling.
"You can sit with him now. There will be nurses monitoring him closely as we begin to lift his sedation over the next hour. But you can sit with him now." The whole team was moving, pulling in chairs and arranging themselves so they could all fit. Brock opted to stay with Trent, to keep him in the loop and also to keep an eye on the guy. He would be discharged in few hours, contingent on the fact the doctors be able to continue to check on him. He'd at least be able to join the team in Sonny's room. Waiting patiently by his bedside for him to wake up. At least, that was the hope. The fact that he could never wake up still loomed over each of them.
"Um, can he, uh, can he hear us you think?" Lisa spoke up as she gently took his hand, as if she might break him.
"We can't be for sure. It's never a bad thing to know that you're loved though. If you have something to say, there's always good in saying it." The doctor then left, leaving the team to stare at the rise and fall of his chest, stare at his oxygen levels, and patiently watch his temp praying it drop just a degree. Mandy watched Lisa's reaction to the doctor as she slowly shook her head.
She had nothing to say.
AN: Alright! I know that took a while but there it is! I hope you enjoyed and please let me know what ya'll think! I promise next chapter will be more centered around Sonny and so there will definitely be more moments with Sonny and Davis coming up! I wanted to write in some of the tension between Mandy and Jason, so I tried to include that while also sticking true to the friendship that they seem to have. Also, I feel like Trent and Brock are close or should be close to I put that in as well. I hope you enjoy and I am so excited for next week's episode where they are pinned in the church! It should be a good one!