AN: So I'm very glad that ya'll are enjoying this story! Remember when the first AN said it would probs be like 3 chapters hahah, oh how the turntables. Anywho, in the beginning of the story I continued to write Kairos into the story in a very minimal way bc I thought the show was going to continue to develop his character more and more, but they haven't had him in the last couple of episodes so I'm going to stop writing him into the story, don't kill me. This chapter will be posted after the mid-season finale, so I'll put in the end of the AN what I thought about the fall finale! I'm so excited! I have had some requests to re-whump Clay, so I will try to fill those requests! (I love it too) Enjoy guys and keep the reviews coming, I love reading what you have to say!
"What do you mean you might have to amputate?" Jason was yelling on top of all of the other voices, Clay, Eric, Davis. The doctor simply waited, as if giving them the opportunity to get it all out before he even bothered to continue.
"He was just awake and talking!" Davis looked confusedly from Sonny's face, who was unconscious again in the blissful world of pain meds and sedatives, to the doctor who stood before them now reporting that his infection was spreading.
Trent sat silently in the chair that he had sank down in many minutes ago when he had first come in to find Sonny awake. He knew the doctor was right, knew there were no mistakes, no need to run the labs again.
"Listen to the doctor." Blackburn suddenly shouted, quieting everyone down as quickly as they began.
"Thank you. Well, as I was saying, um, Quinn's infection is not slowing down progression in his body. He will just continue to get sicker, his body will become septic and he will die." The air was still.
"However, if we amputate the leg, the infection will no longer be able to spread to the rest of his body as it's currently wanting to. I believe we will need to make the decision by the morning. If the fever has not completely broken by the morning we will need to amputate."
The doctor was clearly finished speaking but no one had any sort of response to this information. It seemed like a slap in the face.
"I don't understand." Clay spoke up from his standing spot in the back. "He was just awake; his fever had gone down a bit. You said he was back on track." This was all true.
"Yes, I know. That's the tricky thing with infections. Sometimes they seem to be getting better before they really begin to set in. His fever needs to break, the antibiotics need to begin to actually kill the infection. We will have no choice otherwise." The doctor paused, "I'm sorry. This may be his only option." Everyone was silent a beat.
"Let's wait and see then. He has until morning. Maybe it'll break. Let's increase his fluids and continue with aggressive antibiotics and try another transfusion." Trent spoke finally, the whole team turning their attention to him as he sat slumped in the chair. He wasn't looking anywhere but the floor. He knew just as much as the doctor that they were getting to the end of the road. It wasn't enough just to get him to the hospital alive. He could still lose his leg, or not wake up again at all. Clay got up quickly and stormed out of the room. He couldn't bear to stay in those four walls any longer. To stare at Sonny knowing that he was to blame for this. If Sonny had just let him take the blast, hadn't tried to be a hero.
Jason ran a hand through his hair but let out the long breath he had been holding. "Ok, if that's what you think is best then that's what we'll do. We'll give him till the morning." Everyone else seemed to be in agreement. Davis stayed quiet, only continued to hold Sonny's hand as she stared at his face. The doctor adjusted some of his medications and then left the team to process the new information.
Ray slipped out of the room after a few minutes, wanting to go find Clay to ensure the kid was alright. He knew he was taking this all so hard. Who wouldn't, even a seasoned soldier would be struggling with the guilt? Ray knew he certainly was. He found Clay in the barracks, he was staring at his computer screen.
"Hey, how's it going six?" Ray's voice seemed to snap Clay out of a daze. "Fine Ray, just fucking fine." Clay slammed the laptop shut, then took a sharp breath in.
"Of course, yeah you seem really fine." Ray stepped into his cage. "What's going on brother?" Ray sat on the cold floor of the cage, not bothered by it at all.
"Nothing, hell it's nothing. Stella just hasn't been answering." Clay stared at the ground.
"Don't you think it's probably better that way with everything that's been going on? I mean, if you tried to figure out your relationship right now that may just add more stress." Clay sighed and fiddled with his laptop.
"You're probably right. Still, doesn't mean I don't want to hear her voice." Ray sat in silence for a while, simply watching Clay. He noticed the sheen of sweat on his forehead, the way he was breathing out of his mouth as if he had been running, one hand gently massaging his side where his stitches were.
"Clay? Spencer, do you feel alright?" Ray's tone was different now, Clay was having a hard time pinpointing in what way though. Ray was always so on top of everything. Maybe that was why his relationship with Naima worked. They were always on such the same page. She knew him so well and he knew her better than she knew herself. Ray just made everything work.
"Clay!" Ray's shout got his attention. "Yeah, sorry, yeah. I'm fine. Sonny is who we should be focusing on." Ray watched him for another moment. He couldn't pull his glance away from the dark circles under his eyes.
"It's not on you brother. It's not. You have to stop holding this blame." Clay's eyes were closed, he was finally asleep. He made no indication that Ray's voice woke him up. Ray leaned back against the wall, letting the wire of the cage in the barracks dig into his back as he rested his eyes himself.
Ray woke up to Clay muttering, a sheen of sweat across his forehead, and his hand resting on his stomach uncomfortably.
"Clay? Wake up man." Ray closed the gap between them and shook Clay awake. His eyes hazy and unfocused as they scanned Ray's face.
"You sure you feel alright man?" Clay took a long time to respond before finally shaking his head.
"Nah, no I don't. My, my stomach hurts. The stitches." Ray nodded, helping him sit up with a gasp of pain. "Yeah, man. Alright, I got ya. Let's get you to the base hospital. Get you checked out." Surprisingly, Clay didn't fight back. Normally he would have at least attempted to say he was fine but this time he simply stood on shaky legs and began walking, with Ray's firm hands helping to support him as he made his way the short distance from the barracks to the hospital.
It was nearly 01:00 and as they arrived outside of Sonny's room, Ray spotted Trent finally sleeping. Jason and Eric were still awake though and both quickly stood and exited the room at the sight of Clay. Clay was panting, leaning against the wall. His lips were swollen, and he scratched at the rash that was developing on his arms.
"Christ, kid what the hell happened?" Jason put a hand on his shoulder, ducking down slightly to make eye contact with Spence.
"Just, uh, don't feel good. I'm ok. Really." Clay ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Can I uh, sit or, or something." Eric quickly pulled up a chair.
"Sit. Here ya go." Eric helped guide him down before going to find the doctor.
"I'm fine." Clay started to mutter, more to himself than anyone else.
Trent awoke to his teammates talking, hushed but alarmed. He could hear Ray and Jason telling Clay to stay awake, asking him if he felt warm, talking about his pulse. He glanced around noticing their absence before turning, with a slight twinge of pain, to spot them in the hallway. He could see Jason and Ray huddled around Clay but couldn't quite see the kid himself. Trent was out of his chair in a second, walking better than he was earlier in the day, out to the hallway.
Trent had to admit, he felt much better than earlier. Now that his stitches weren't pulling as much, and the pain was under control. He felt like a semi functioning human. Besides, once he had his IV's removed and was able to go to the bathroom himself, he felt considerably better. But, who wouldn't?
"What's going on? Is Spenc ok?" Jason and Ray both turned to Trent's voice. "Hey man, we're getting a doc. You should sit down and go back to sleep." Jason tried to reason with him. He knew Trent, although he may feel better, still needed a considerable amount of rest. With one look at Clay's feverish face though, Trent knew he couldn't leave the kid.
"Shit." Trent squatted down so he was even with Clay. "Clay, look at me, hey. It's Trent." Clay's eyes took a moment to fixate on Trent.
"There ya go, can you tell me what doesn't feel good?" Trent placed two fingers on his wrist and began taking his pulse.
"Hm, hot, and, and shaky, itchy. Hard to breath." Trent nodded along as he spoke. The doctor and a nurse arrived and pushed their way to Clay.
"What happened?" The doctor asked. "I think he's throwing a reaction to something. I need his chart. I need to see everything he's been given since he's been brought in." The nurse quickly got up and ran to go get the chart. The doctor pulled up a blood pressure cuff from his trauma bag he had grabbed. It wasn't too unusual in a base hospital to be treating patients right in the damn hallway, even still, a little weird.
The doctor moved to take Clay's blood pressure, but Spencer pulled his arm away. "M fine." The doctor tried again, "M, I'm, fine. S,stop." Only to have Clay pull away even harder than before.
"I got it. Let me try." Trent held his hand out for the blood pressure cuff expectantly and waited till the doctor handed it to him.
"Clay, knock it off. Let me take your pressure man, your vitals. It's important." Clay looked at him for a moment, his fever riddled mind working hard to keep up, and then nodded, even extending his arm to Trent.
"Good Clay, that's good." Jason chimed in from behind Trent. The nurse came back and handed Trent his chart. Trent's eyes scanned the sheets as quickly as he could. They all had seen Clay banged up before. They knew how protective he got of himself. He didn't want help, especially not from strangers and if you throw in a fever to the mix, well good luck to anyone from outside the team.
"Damn it, damn it. He can't have Penicillin. He throws a reaction. That's the rash and the swelling, the fever too." Trent slammed the chart closed, eliciting a flinch from Clay. Eric placed a hand on his knee, grounding him.
"I'm sorry Trent. I'm sorry. I said no morphine. I forgot the, the uh Pen." Clay's words slurred slightly as he spoke.
"Nah kid, it's alright. You did good. You did really good. I was just out of commission, couldn't tell them myself. Clay, I'm gonna put an IV in, flush you with fluids and an antihistamine to counteract the reaction. Give you about 4 hours and you'll feel good as new, alright? That sound good?" Trent smiled, trying to ease his worries. Clay nodded and held his arm out again for Trent to skillfully insert the needle. Clay allowed himself to be led to the room next to Sonny's. Jason, Ray, Eric, and Trent waited until he blissfully asleep again before exiting the room.
"I want a list of every medication he can throw a reaction to before we go on any more missions." Eric's voice was serious as he stared at Trent. "This could've been prevented had I known what to tell the doctors he's allergic to." Jason nodded along with Eric.
"I should have one too. The whole damned team should probably have the list. This can't happen to the kid. How the hell did it even happen?" Jason was obviously mad, at no one in particular, except probably himself for no good reason.
Trent sighed as he reread the chart, "He spiked a minor fever this morning, so they administered penicillin. Don't beat yourself up. The kid reacts to half the damn meds I carry."
"I know it's hard to see him like that. He'll be fine though. I can get the list of allergies and reactions that we know of so far but to be honest, the kid is like a walking grenade. Anytime I treat him I'm basically hoping and prayin he doesn't react to whatever I have to give him." The three men all nodded, Jason, Ray, and Eric hardly able to tear their eyes away from the youngest member of their team.
After several hours went by, the clock nearing 03:00 the medicine finished its course through Clay's body. The rash was fading and with every passing minute he seemed more and more himself. Jason had sat with him for most of the time, trying to let him rest or distract him from the discomfort. He eventually got up from bed, although a little worn down, he was back to normal. One minor success to an otherwise bad night. They all knew that they were getting close to 06:00 when they would have to decide to amputate Sonny's leg. It was his last chance.
That was until Davis shouted for them from Sonny's room. Hell, it seemed as though no one could catch a damn break, Jason thought to himself as he jogged to Sonny's room. As Jason and Eric entered Sonny's room, they could see his distress. Davis was trying to hold him down, her hands pressed onto his shoulders gently. He was pulling his blankets off and sweat was dripping down his face. His hair was matted to his forehead as he panted.
"Christ, it's, it's hotter than Texa, Texas summer." Sonny's IV pulled out of his arm as he successfully got his blankets off of him. Trent quickly moved into action.
"Sonny, stop man. Stop." He moved forward and began touching monitors, putting pressure on his arm that was now bleeding from the IV. Jason and Eric also stepped in grabbing at his arms.
"Sonny, hey, Quinn, take it easy, easy man. Stop." Jason tried his best to stay calm but seeing Sonny this distressed was difficult. He looked to Trent as Sonny rolled onto his side, clutching at his stomach.
"Trent, what's happening?" Ray asked as he grabbed Sonny's legs. Trent continued to watch his stats, adjusting his IV line.
"His fever is breaking. This is good. Feels like hell but it's good. Probably muscles spasms. Just try to calm him, hold him down." Trent helped pull the blankets off of Sonny's bed if for no reason other than to get Sonny to calm down.
"Sonny! Hey! Stop man!" Trent yelled over Sonny's insistent muttering. Trent grabbed Sonny's hand, effectively pulling it away from disrupting his stitches.
"Trent? Trent, it, hell, it's hot." Trent nodded along with him, "I know man, I know. It's your fever breaking. That's good news man. That's the best news we've gotten so far. You're alright, I know it's disorienting, it's just the fever man. I swear. We got ya." Sonny moved around again, rolling more onto his side despite the various bandages and wires on his leg.
"Hey, hey, easy. Listen, I need to go talk to the doctor. Ray, you find him some ice chips. I'll be right back. You keep taking slow easy breaths. Slow, easy breaths." Sonny nodded and rolled his head back towards the right slowly, trying to take in everyone in the room. His eyes landed on Davis for a moment. He panted through the pain for a few moments.
"Davisss," He drew the word out over several s's. "You're, a, sight, for uh, sore eyes." She smiled, a tear sliding out of both eyes. Sonny's half smile lit up the room, "Nah, no tears. Hell, uh was it that bad?" Davis only laughed more at his ignorance of his own condition.
"Just breathe. Shh Sonny Quinn, it's good to see your eyes open again." She ran a hand through his hair, effectively pushing it back and out of his face. He pulled his uninjured leg up towards his stomach.
"Jesus, why, why're my, my muscles so fricken tight?" He gritted his teeth as Lisa continued to run a hand through his hair, her other hand rubbing a small circle on his shoulder. Trent was in the doorway.
"Slow breaths. I'll be back." He turned to Jason, "Keep him talking. Calm and talking." Trent walked, or more accurately, he limped out to get the doctor and nurses.
Jason came to Sonny's side, he was turned slightly away from Davis, breathing tightly as pain ripped through his body.
"Easy man. Follow my breathing. In and out, in and out." Sonny nodded very slightly at Jason's words. Sonny closed his eyes tightly. It felt as though all the muscles in his back were ropes being pulled and stretched despite the fact that they were tight as could be.
Jason looked uneasily between Eric and Ray who both mirrored his slightly awestruck expression. His eyes briefly landed on Clay who was standing motionless in the corner, his crook of his arm still sporting an IV, and his face pale as a sheet. Jason wasn't sure if it was from the allergic reaction, or watching Sonny barely hold it together through the pain. Either way, he couldn't be concerned with it right now.
Trent came back in with several doctors in tow. Jason stepped back, attempting to give them the space he needed to work. With his absence though, Sonny grew agitated. These were strangers to him, not the same people that had been keeping him alive for the past several days. Not the men and women who had tirelessly been pouring over his scans and bloodwork tracking the progress of his infection. No, these were strangers and Sonny wasn't having it. His hand went from curled up in a tight fist in his bed sheet to grasping at Trent, at Davis, hell even Eric. Whoever was close enough to reach towards. The fever had been messing with him, causing nightmares and altering what he had been hearing over the past few days of unconsciousness. He was scared shitless.
Trent, being the best damned medic that he is, came down towards Sonny. He knew how intense the dreams could get during a high infection fever, he knew Sonny could've been hallucinating while he had been in and out of light consciousness. The guy was practically fearless, but he had never met a man who wasn't afraid of his mind. Trent had seen this look before on soldiers, the look of needing someone, anyone, they knew to be with them. He needed a brother.
"You're good man. They gotta get some of your stats and they're going to give you a muscle relaxer. It'll help with the cramping and the spasms. We got you." Sonny's eyes still darted around, "I got you." Trent wasn't sure how much Sonny remembered. He didn't know if he remembered how close he came to meeting his maker. Or if her remembered Clay holding all the tears inside until the hospital, if he remembers feeling his fingers dig through his leg. He hoped to God he didn't remember when he was maxed out on Morphine and Trent had to continue to debride his laceration on his stomach. Or when Clay had to reach for his artery, tighten his grip as Trent screamed at him in the helicopter. He wasn't sure if he would remember the look on Jason's face. The look that let everyone know he was letting Sonny go, he could no longer handle the defeat of losing someone without letting them go. He wished that he could be for sure he wouldn't have nightmares about that mine shaft for years to come.
Sonny nodded his head at Trent, his teeth chattered once. The doctors all did their jobs, pushing meds and then finally addressing the room.
"We need to examine his leg, could we have the room please?" It was the main army doctor that had been treating Sonny. Keeping him alive.
"Th,they can st,stay." Sonny's voice was weak, but his southern drawl was still there. Jason was still standing near Sonny's head and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze, as if to remind him they weren't going anywhere.
The doctor nodded as Sonny's statement and nodded, "Alright Lieutenant Quinn, the team can stay then." He added a smile at the end.
"C,call me Sonny." He rasped out. Davis offered him an ice chip, which embarrassing as it was to be spoon fed by your COMS agent, it was so damn good.
"Ok, Sonny, well I'm going to exam your leg and clean up around the stitches a little bit. Then you can rest a while. In the morning we will probably get some more scans and run more bloodwork to ensure we don't need to amputate. The fever breaking is a great move in the right direction though. We're optimistic." The doctor removed the sheet from Sonny's leg more as he spoke.
Ray watched as Sonny absorbed the words. Amputate. Remove his leg. No more leg. Amputate. No more SEALS. No more walking. No leg. Sonny's eyes moved to the tubing and wires that were attached to his leg. Some were monitoring the pulses in various parts of his leg, others holding his leg together. Everything below the mid part of his thigh was black and blue, it looked dead. A useless appendage. It was shocking and difficult to look at, but it was as if the team couldn't look away.
"My, my leg. The hell happened? Christ, my, my leg." Sonny pulled his head up from his pillows, straining against the weight of his own body.
"My leg." Davis shh'd him, trying to calm him. Trent tried too. He grabbed his hands, trying to keep him from dislodging the tubes and telling him just as much.
"No, don't touch that Son, no." Everyone's tones were hushed, as if Sonny's anguish was a quiet thing, something to whisper about. It was Lisa who cut through the panic though. She was the one who managed to tear his eyes away from the black and dead looking limb on his body, the limb with tubes draining blood, the limb with blood transfusions in and out of it.
"Sonny Quinn look at me," She grabbed him by his chin, guiding his head to look at her, "It's ok. You have to trust your team. We have it. Trust your doc, trust Trent, trust Jason, trust Blackburn, trust them. Trust me. We got you. I got you. The team has you." Her words rushed out of her before she even registered what she was saying. It was probably too much while all the same being not enough. As she waited for a response from Sonny, she realized the whole team was staring at her as she still held Sonny's face. His hands had seized their offensive movements towards his leg. The doctors waited, almost afraid to move towards his leg again.
"I trust you." It was all Sonny had to say for them to all seem to finally take a deep breath. The doctors nodded and Davis released his face from her light grasp and nodded back at him. He stared at her beautiful face while they poked and prodded at his leg.
"Well Sonny, I finally have some good news for you and for your team. At this point I don't think we'll be needing to amputate. I'm not sure how much function you'll be able to regain, but I think at this point we should be celebrating the fact that you're able to keep your leg and your life. For a while we weren't sure if both was an option." The doctor put a grim smile on his face as he recovered Sonny's leg and wrote on his chart.
"So, what's that mean? I might not be able to get back with the guys quickly?" Sonny's voice was stronger now, he wasn't so stumbly over his words, but it was still strained as he spoke.
The doctor put Sonny's chart down on the small table and turned his focus to Sonny. "You might not be back on the team operating at all." The room fell silent.
"What the hell you mean? Never?" Sonny was obviously upset, he couldn't move much with his leg being so immobilized and his lack of strength but that didn't stop him from trying.
"You have to understand Lieutenant Quinn, Sonny, you had field surgery after your femoral artery was punctured by a pipe piece of shrapnel. It was then held with clamps for an hour before blowing clamps, losing an extreme amount of blood, and then being clamped with human fingers for the remainder of the operation. By the time you made it to the hospital it was a miracle we didn't have to amputate right away, let alone that you survived. You should focus on the fact that you get to keep your leg and keep your life. Once you get back home to the states you can worry about getting back to the team. I'm sorry it's not better news, or the news you were hoping for but it's still fantastic news. Your medic and your team did an amazing job keeping you alive." The doctor was cut and dry with his words. He never stopped long enough to give Sonny a chance to interject his anger towards the situation or his questions of what the hell happened. It was clear as day on his face that he was more confused now than before.
"Someone tell me what the hell happened." Now that the doctor was gone the room was still crowded with Eric, Mandy, Davis, Ray, Brock, Trent, Clay, and Jason. There was silence at first before Blackburn cleared his throat.
"Mandy, Davis, let's give them a chance to catch up. We can go get some food for everyone and uh coffee." Mandy nodded before pushing off from the doorway and making her way to Sonny's bed, "Good to see your badass awake." She playfully punched him on the shoulder, as lightly as she could and chuckled as he winked at her.
"Anything for you miss Mandy." Eric came up next and was simple with his words, "We'll talk later." Eric had a lot he wanted to tell him and certainly wanted a little more privacy to do it. Now was not the time. Right now, he needed his brothers.
"Yes sir." Sonny's voice cracked, his exhaustion and pain creeping back into his voice as Lisa stood up from the chair.
"I'll be back ok? I uh, yeah, I'm really glad you're ok Sonny. You had us worried." She hadn't let go of his hand from the time he woke up practically.
"Sorry darlin'" When he spoke to her his growl in his voice intensified, even more so with the sleepiness that laced every word at the moment. She loved it.
With one final look back at Sonny she left the room following Mandy and Eric. She knew that Blackburn was right, they all needed to talk and let Sonny know what exactly happened in that mine shaft. He needed to know at least some of the events that transpired. That didn't mean that she had to like leaving him. She trusted the guys of course. Over all over them she trusted Trent to be monitoring him. It was more of his mental state that she was worried about.
In the hallway Blackburn turned to her, "Davis are you alright? I know you and Sonny are close." Mandy did her best to keep her face neutral, to avoid making it obvious that the past few days have proven to her that she has been denying feelings towards Sonny.
"Yes sir. Of course, I just want the whole team to make a full recovery." Lisa's words didn't sound forced, they were true. She did want that.
"Davis, I just, you should know that Sonny needs you. Your friendship is very important to him and no matter what happens once we get home, he'll need you." Eric's words nearly choked her up.
"Of course, sir." She nodded to him before turning to go to the cafeteria, she has seen Mandy go that direction and needed to be with someone who wasn't her superior and not a male. She had enough of that.
Back in Sonny's hospital room the team sat in silence for a moment. The tension was palpable. Sonny laid there expectantly.
"Man, we should do this after you rest a bit." Ray tried first, trying to level with him that he should get more rest before they start getting into the deep shit. Sonny wouldn't do that, and they all knew it.
Sonny shook his head and glared at Jason, "What happened?" He repeated himself but his voice still sounded weak and strained.
"What do you remember?" Trent spoke up and began to take charge of the conversation. There was a pause before Sonny responded, he closed his eyes a beat before staring at the ceiling tiles for a second.
"We, we were going to Exfil… that kid he just he just came out of, of nowhere. With a damned grenade. I, I was with, with Clay." Sonny's eyes suddenly snapped to Jason. "Where's Clay? Is he, is he ok? Where's the kid?" There was panic in his voice, anguish and panic. The team was familiar with this tone. It seemed to be the only tone they were capable of holding the past few days with all of this terrifying drama.
Clay was instantly up and out of his chair, pushing out from his position practically hiding in the corner. He was still pulling his IV pole with him, but he emerged from behind Brock and Ray.
"He's good, easy." Those were the only words Jason muttered as Clay came into view.
"I'm alright man. I'm alright." Spencer took in Sonny with his eyes finally open and his breathing finally at his own accord. "You, you saved my life." Somewhere in Clay's chest he was aching to scream at Sonny. To demand to know why he thought Clay was worth saving. Why would he ever get on top of him like that, cover his body with his own, take the blast. He knew he couldn't right now though. Maybe not ever. He could internalize that, he could hold that inside.
"You don't look ok? What happened?" Sonny was still visibly upset. Trent intervened again, "He threw a reaction to a medication. He's alright, I swear to you Quinn, he's alright. Just keep talking about what you remember. We can fill in the gaps."
Sonny seemed to take a deep breath as if preparing himself for the inevitability of having to put himself back into the memory.
"I, uh, I remember coming around and Clay was, was there. He was yelling in the COMS. I thought, I thought maybe I was dying. I remember Jas and, and Trent all in my face. Kept telling me I had to move. You all uh, um, got me to my feet and we, we made it to the, the shaft. I, I was so cold and, and so tired." Sonny paused and closed his eyes. The memories assaulting his mind. Jason squeezed his hand.
"I, I remember everyone screaming, COMS were crazy, Jason wouldn't, wouldn't stop staring at me. Ray was, was yelling to stay awake. Pain, just, just pain. Trent was, was ripping open my thigh and, and trying to stop the bleeding. All I remember is pain and the yelling of my team."
Trent's hands were bound in tight fist.
Ray looked at the ground, his hands clasped.
Brock turned away from Sonny.
Clay was transfixed on Sonny's face, unable to look away no matter how much he wanted.
Jason just stayed where he was, staring at the tubes sprouting from Sonny's thigh.
"Next thing I know, Trent's screaming that he got the bleeding under control. I, I Jason looked relieved. After that, uh, hm, things get blurry. I think I, I was passing in and out. The bleeding, it, it started again right?" There was a nod from Ray.
"I just remember feeling so cold, I wanted, I wanted to say goodbye to the team. I, I remember Jason screaming at me to, to stay with everyone, not to, to give up. So much yelling. I uh, I lost feeling in my leg and then I started losing feeling in my arms and I, I knew I was going."
A tear fell from Sonny's eye. It was the first time he had cried, even the slightest bit, in a very long time. Probably the first time the team had ever seen him cry.
"After, uh, after that I don't remember anything until the helicopter. Then I just, I just remember Clay." With those words Spencer got up and pushed out of his chair again. His face was pale, and his movements ragged and messy. The body language of a man utterly lost and terrified.
"After a little bit though I just remember Trent giving docs directions and, and stats. Clay was, he was talking. Wouldn't stop. Then the, the hospital. No one would stop, stop touching me. Then I felt this absence. Then there was nothing but pain for a long time."
The room was silent for a while.
"What'd I miss?" Sonny asked after a few moments of catching his breath and letting everything sink in to his teammates.
"Not much." Brock spoke up from his crossed arms in the back.
"Why, why was Clay with us in the chopper. Why was he in the hospital." There was a silence that fell across the room yet again. It was like this cloak of darkness that was approaching. Do they tell Sonny that the kid had to hold his artery for hours? That he felt his pulse fading, that he had so much blood on him by the end of it all that the smell practically assaulted the chopper pilots. How do they tell him the way he ran his hands over his face and through his hair tracking blood everywhere because he no longer cared? How can they even detail the look in Clay's eyes as he would sit for hours thinking about Sonny's sacrifice? How do they explain to him that he had a panic attack for nearly an hour at the thought that the man who saved his life could be dead all because he didn't grab the artery soon enough, or hold hard enough, or Christ held it too hard? How do you say that to a man who nearly died and may never operate in the armed forces ever again. That didn't seem like their place. It seemed like it should be Clay. It should be Clay who explains that he saved Sonny's life. Yet, he scrambled out of the room at the first words about the chopper.
"Trent?" Sonny pressed, "You were there too. Why was Clay there. What happened?" Trent stood and occupied his hands by lifting the edge of Sonny's gown to stare at his stomach laceration. Whether or not he was actually examining the wound of simply trying to buy time to give Sonny an answer, Jason didn't know. All he knew was that Trent needed a break, he needed to sleep, and he needed to eat, and for a few hours the guy deserved to not feel like he was keeping everyone alive. That was a huge weight to carry.
"Trent, I swear, I'll kick your city ass if you don't, don't talk to me." Sonny huffed with as much intimidation as he could but in the end, it came out weak and breathless.
"He held your artery Sonny. He kept you alive. You saved his life and then his only option was to literally feel you drift away. He's been pretty shaken up. He, uh, he feels pretty responsible for, well, for everything. He was in the chopper because he was the only thing keeping you from bleeding out. He was in the trauma bay because he was still keeping you from bleeding out. The screaming was me screaming at him to keep holding. No matter what, do not let go. I said it over and over. I couldn't say it enough. He felt you letting go, he felt your pulse fading. There was nothing he could do to stop it. He was powerless while at the same time the only one of any of us that was able to do anything even remotely helpful. All because you covered his body with your own. It uh, it shook him up mentally."
Sonny brought a shaky hand up to his face. "Well shit. What the hell else did I miss?" Sonny's eyes sagged close for a second, his heart rate elevating for a second.
"Not much man. We were all a little banged up but all in all we're all doing just fine. You don't need to worry about anything besides getting better." Jason was still sitting right next to Sonny, watching him like a hawk. Sonny nodded, the tiredness taking over more and more with each passing moment. He would drift asleep for a few seconds listening to the guys talk and fill him in on trivial details, things that were meant to keep his mind occupied. Finally, Brock noticed the insistent head bobs of Sonny fighting sleep and stood up.
"Alright, you get some rest. We'll all be around, in and out." Everyone followed Brocks' lead, standing and stretching their sore bodies from the plastic chairs. Jason stayed behind.
"I'll stay with him for the few couple hours, you guys go eat and sleep." Jason's own stomach was rumbling, he was starving as the clock ticked closer to noon. He hadn't gotten breakfast. Right now, he hardly could care. One of his men, one of his brothers, had just been told he may never walk again, could never operate again, that one of his teammates had to hold his artery with his own damn hand. He knew his mind would be reeling. It didn't matter how tough and hardened Sonny was. This would wear on anyone's sanity.
So, Jason sat, and he waited, and he watched Sonny sleep for almost an hour. His body stuck in an uncomfortable chair but his mind everywhere else. Eventually, Sonny woke up with a twinge of pain that was just too sharp to groan through in his sleep as he had been before. His eyes came open, weary and confused like they had earlier. The drugs, although they had been weaned off per Sonny's request, were still keeping him a little foggy.
Jason stood up, making himself seen in front of Sonny's eyes.
"You're alright man. You're in the hospital. You good? You with me?" Jason spoke slowly and rubbed a hand up and down his arm, moving skillfully around the IV. He just wanted to keep him grounded.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm with ya." His voice was hoarse as he spoke. Jason grabbed the ice chips spooning a few into his mouth. Jason waited until the ice melted in his voice, Sonny letting out a small sigh.
"How's the pain? You need me to get the doc?" Jason's eyes hovered over Sonny's every uncomfortable attempt reposition himself in some weak attempt that it would lessen the pain. There was a shake of the head though.
"Jace?" Sonny's southern drawl cut through Jason's thoughts, "I uh, do I remember correct that you um I said goodbye. You turned COMS on." Jason took a sharp inhale in. Shit, he was remembering things Jason certainly didn't want to talk about.
"Yeah man, I'm, I just couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye to anyone you wanted to. Eric and Mandy and uh Davis they could all hear. But then the Exfil was arriving and I knew we'd get you out of there. I just I had to try to keep you around." Jason squeezed Sonny's hand, it was something he found himself doing a lot these days.
"Thank you, brother. You're, you're the best damned Commander I've, I've ever served. When I, I was trying to, to hang on, I just kept, I just kept thinking of how you, you were faking it. You, you're not ok. Not, not after everything. I couldn't, couldn't let go. I knew I'd break, break you." Sonny's eyes were closed as he spoke, he pressed his morphine release button with shaky hands. "I, I couldn't be the, the one to break you."
Jason took the time where there weren't eyes on him to furiously scrub at his own. The tiredness and the dryness of the hospital making them tear up.
"You're a tough son of a bitch Sonny. You're one of the toughest operators I've ever worked with. There's a reason after seeing you train just one time, I knew I needed you on the team. You're right man, I wasn't, I wasn't right in the head but with all of this, uh, I've worked some shit out. I'm good. You don't need to worry." Jason helped him with the ice again as Sonny tried desperately to do it himself before failing miserably.
"Me? Worry about you?" Sonny let out a pshhh sound, "Never. Jason Hayes is unbreakable." Sonny drew out his words, the sarcasm dripping with everyone. Normally, Sonny wouldn't make that kind of jab, but the two men were speaking as candidly as they ever did, and sleepiness had a way of making him loose lipped. Sonny had entrusted Jason with his life, had allowed him to convince him to hold on.
Jason chuckled at Sonny's comment, Sonny allowing a small smile to creep across his face. His eyes were still closed lightly as he tried to fight the sleepiness that was creeping into every bone in his body.
"You sleep, man. You've earned it." Jason reminded him.
"You too Jace. Take care of yourself." With that, Jason allowed himself to fall into a light sleep, never leaving Sonny's side, but still allowing his body and mind some rest.
AN: ok so I'm super sorry that this chapter took so long. It took so long for a couple of reasons. The main reason was finals! I actually had most of this chapter written before finals and then finals hit and I completely stopped writing it! Then after finals, I was a total vegetable and didn't write at all or read or do anything requiring brain power lol. Then the holidays came and my family was in town and I didn't have much time to write. Once my family left it took me a few days to get in the groove of things again and finish this up! That being said, once I go back to school I should be able to write more because I'll have more of a definitive schedule so hang with me while I procrastinate all the time lmao. I'm very excited for the new episode of Seal Team tonight! I think that the mid season finale thingy was pretty gooooddd. I wanna see the aftermath of all of that good stuff! OK, I'll stop rambling now but please review and tell me what you think! I expect at least one more chapter of them in the hospital overseas and then I'm going to do a slight time hop and have some aftermath with Sonny as well!