Previously on Spoils of War: Hiei and Mîra discuss Ryuji's role within the fortress and Mîra tells Hiei about her meeting with demon leadership in Gondora. She also mentions that she is working with Mukuro to assist Hiei and Simran in the investigation. Hiei awkwardly tells Mîra that he broke off his relationship with the water demoness.
Chapter 45: Midnight Revelations
Hiei could not sleep. His restlessness resulting in sleepless nights wasn't anything new, but it had been a long time since he had significant trouble sleeping. In the long years of Mîra's absence, he eventually found a way to stoically block all his thoughts and enter a dark, deep sleep. If he did dream during those nights, he certainly didn't remember. But now, his mind refused his previously honed techniques and would not shut out a jumble of images, from Mîra's haughty smirk, to Yukina's soft smile, and his nephew's sharp hazel eyes.
Unable to endure another night of tossing and turning, Hiei made his way down to the kitchens. Emiko, the head chef, did not like him tampering in her territory and the last time he grabbed a midnight snack she scolded him furiously for disorganizing the freezer. He didn't really care, but it was annoying to sit through her long-winded speech. Regardless, there wasn't anything that was going to bar him from having some sweet snow tonight.
As he neared the kitchens, he realized someone was already in there. Was it Sakura? He caught her once or twice stealing cookies, but it wasn't a common occurrence. Masking his youki and quietly walking up to the door, he cracked it open and peered inside.
Mîra was frowning down at a tray of whatever she was baking, muttering to herself as she took a bite of what seemed to be a cookie. Her face twisted in disgust and she threw the rest of the cookie down onto the tray. She was dressed simply in a white night gown and her hair was pulled back into a single braid. Hiei shifted his view and noticed Dimitri sitting next to her, the dragon's thin purple tail swishing back and forth in anticipation. As she picked up the tray, he noticed that her hands were oddly discolored, a mixture of her usual pale flesh and pink hues. Frowning, Hiei pushed the door open and entered the kitchen just as Mîra proceeded to dump the tray's contents into Dimitri's open jaw.
"Oh!" Mîra exclaimed seeing him. "What are you doing here?" she blurted, her eyes wide. Hiei didn't respond but instead watched Dimitri's thin, serpentine tongue lick crumbs off the side of his muzzle.
"Can't sleep," Hiei grunted in reply.
Mîra sighed and set the tray back down on the counter. "Me neither." She gestured to the baking items scattered across the counter and added, "I thought baking cookies might be nice distraction and it seems simple enough, but I can't get it right." Hiei noted the mess of sugar, flour, and other ingredients all over the counter. Emiko was going to throw an absolute fit…
Hiei watched her pick up the bowl with the rest of the dough and scrape it into the trash. Wait…Hiei frowned at her. "Since when do you cook?"
"I can't find anything else that's enough of a distraction to keep my mind from wandering and Sakura was talking about baking yesterday in aikido so…" she trailed off and shrugged. "Tonight is an exception, I suppose."
She was tired, Hiei noted. Her actions and her words were relaxed but careless, as though she didn't care about who was standing in front of her. He didn't know why she wanted to be distracted, and he didn't like the idea of her being so unsettled. He always remembered her piercing focus and care with which she held herself, and that she was an indomitable force, an unmovable object of will and pride.
Hiei stepped up next to her and grabbed the floating recipe book, which was quietly hovering over the messy counter, right out of the air. She looked down at him sharply but he ignored her gaze. After glancing over the page, he snapped the book shut and tossed it aside. The book slid on the counter through the mess of flour and sugar and slammed against the kitchen wall with a sharp bang.
"What are you-" Mîra began to exclaim, but he cut her off.
"Get the large dry measure and get me the flour, woman," he demanded, adding a touch of annoyance to his voice.
Mîra crossed her arms and stared down at him. "What exactly do you think you're doing?" Ah, there she was. Her combative tone only made him want to push back and engage in their dance of pulling and pushing. While Mîra had been extremely flirtatious during his visit, not that he minded, it wasn't the same as their conversational fights. He relished getting the chance to spar with her will again.
He smirked up at her and stated, "What you can't."
She scowled at him; Mîra could do anything, or so she believed. If he knew her as well as he thought he did, she did not like the rude acknowledgment of her poor culinary skills.
Seeing the measuring cup, he reached around her and pulled the flour towards him. He scooped out the right measurements and added them to the mixing bowl, ignoring her completely. When he reached for the sugar, her hand grabbed his wrist. "I can handle this," she said coolly.
Hiei glanced over at the trashcan. "What attempt was that? 3, 4?" he taunted. Her scowl deepened and she snapped her hand away from his. He paused for a moment staring up at her before offering her the measuring cup.
She snatched it from him and said in an annoyed huff, "You took the recipe away. How am I supposed to know-"
"Half," he instructed before cutting her off. She blinked at him in surprise before sourly measuring the sugar. Hiei expertly handled the smaller measurements and made sure they had enough chocolate chips left to complete the recipe. Seeing there wasn't enough left, he handed two eggs to Mîra and jumped up onto the counter, opening a higher cabinet where he knew the sweet morsels were kept.
"You know this recipe from memory?" She asked. It seemed her irritation had given way to curiosity and, for now, their small game ended.
He grabbed the chocolate and hopped off the counter. "Sakura and I used to do it once a week, when she was younger." He felt a slight twinge of guilt. He was sure she would still do it, if he wasn't gone so much. He remembered when she begged him to do it the first week, and then again the next week. Then there was a third and it became a tradition as the rest of their odd family expected the treats. He did it begrudgingly at first, but then he began to cherish the time as a way to connect with Sakura. He generally wasn't good with children and the practice allowed him to get to know her without the awkwardness he typically felt around children.
They continued working in silence, adding the final ingredients. Hiei began to mix the batter when Mîra spoke. "When Leif was a child, six or seven perhaps, I remember he came to me begging for me to stitch him a piece of clothing. Well," she eyed him," you know how I feel about stitching, knitting, or anything of the sort. But he begged and complained about how all the other children had things with their names and house sigils on them, so I finally caved. It was abysmal handiwork but he didn't care." There was a distant, but warm smile in her eyes. When she turned the gentle gaze towards him, he felt himself flush and hastily brought his attention back to adding the chocolate chips into the batter.
Neither of them spoke as his mixed the rest of the ingredients, but he didn't think anything needed to be said. Instead, he was left to his thoughts. At first, the thought of her child with another man filled him with rage and hurt, but the longer he sat on the information, the more it settled with him. Once he acknowledged the fact without hostility, more questions arose. Why only one child for such a long marriage? Why did Leif look nothing like her? Did she have any other lovers after Sig?
Cautiously he glanced up at her. Mîra was staring intently at the bowl, no doubt learning from his actions, but then she began to prep the tray and the oven, making sure the temperature was still set.
He stared at her before he said, "Tell me about him."
She glanced at him in surprise. "Leif?"
"And... Sigmundr," he said slowly.
She stared at him for a long moment. "Are… you sure?" she asked hesitantly. He supposed she had reason to be, considering his reaction the last time she brought them up.
Hiei looked away at her, focusing his gaze on the bowl in front of him. "He was part of your life for a long time." He paused and forced himself to look at her. "Were you happy?"
She gave him a sad, gut-wrenching smile. "For a long time, yes." She waited until he was done stirring and began to set little balls of dough on the tray. He let her do that part alone since he did most of the work already. She began her story as she worked.
"My father didn't have good relations with the human clans, and eventually, my council decided that it was best for me to marry a human. Typically, we do this in dire situations and any children born of the union aren't allowed to rule, but instead receive their human inheritance. It's not common, but it has been done before." She sighed before continuing, "Sigmundr was the second son of Ulfric, the northern human king who lived in the mountains. He was absolutely enamored with me and welcomed the union. It took me a few years to fully accept him in return. Even then I…" She trailed off and her eyes grew distant for a moment. "I learned to love him but it wasn't the same. Regardless, we enjoyed many years of relative peace and happiness. "
Mîra smiled to herself as she placed the last bit of dough on the tray. Hiei prepped a second tray and slid it over to her. She set the full tray aside and started filling the new tray. "He was really funny and sweet. He used to make the court come to their knees in laughter and the children loved to play with him. Despite being the most powerful human magician of the time, he wasn't allowed to be involved in certain elfin affairs because he was human. He didn't like that but he made the most of his time as well as he could by connecting with the people." She paused again, but this time a mischievous grin appeared on her face. "Once, after a particularly taxing meeting, I messenger came to me saying Sig requested my presence immediately. Well I followed the messenger right out of the palace and to the town's tavern. When I entered, he was laughing and singing old dwarven drinking songs, his arms around several elves swaying together with the music. I'll never forget the merry look on his face."
Her eyes grew distant again but this time they were warm. Hiei stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt her memory. It seemed like she was happy with Sig which… was okay. He didn't feel hostility towards the human, and, though the idea of Mîra being with anyone other than him was difficult to acknowledge, he was relieved to know that he made the right decision all those years ago. She became queen and married a good husband who made her happy. That was all Hiei could have hoped for. Except, there was a hanging sadness around her each time he asked her whether or not Sig made her happy, if she was happy. Something went wrong during their relationship, and Hiei had a feeling he was about to find out what.
With both trays finished, she placed them in the oven and set the timer. She washed her hands and walked over to another counter where a black shawl lay, petting Dimitri's head as she walked by. She wrapped the cloth around her and sighed, slowly sitting down on the floor against the cabinets. Hiei sat next to her and he noticed that her hands seemed pale and smooth again, clutching the shawl around her tightly. Suddenly, Hiei remembered her hands and forearms were badly scarred in the Great Fire; she must be covering her scars with magic now that he was here. A twinge of guilt filled him. He remembered rounding the corner only to hear her scream in his ears…
"Sig and I, we weren't always happy. In the beginning, and even middle, things were relatively good but…towards the end it was really difficult." Her soft voice pulled Hiei out of his thoughts. He pulled his attention away from her hands and to her face, a pained expression forming on her visage. He loathed the look.
"You see I…well," Her voice chocked and she inhaled deeply before quietly stating, "I can't have children."
Hiei stared at her, shocked, unable to register what she was saying. She pressed on with her story anyway. "We tried for years but whenever I became pregnant, I always miscarried. Mostly it was in the beginning, only a few months after I realized I was with child. But…three times I gave birth. Three times I birthed children that came out of the womb quiet, still, and blue. Their names are Anar, Isil, and Elen."
He stared at a point on the wall in front of him, unable to look at her for fear of how he would react. Her words sounded hollow and empty, as though she had no more tears left to cry. He had no idea…and his angry words from their first conversation about Sig and Leif came back at him. He was cruel to her, he knew it, and now he realized how much his words had likely affected her. He thought back to when they were together and all those times they argued about children, all those times he pressured her and how much she pushed back. Did she always know?
He felt a cool, light touch on his arm and his gaze snapped up to her. She was giving him a small, sad smile. "It's okay. It happened a long time ago." But the wound still remained, like a poison from an arrow. She seemed to refocus herself on the story, the pain fading from her face and voice.
"By the time I was pregnant with Elen, Sig and I were not on good terms. He was displeased that I was not able to produce an heir and became disillusioned with me and my people. Human-elfin relations were tense after an accident on Durintavar's border and anti-elf sentiments were spreading amongst humans like fire. On top of that, Sig began to listen to the rumors that I was cursed." Her eyes narrowed. "My own people were espousing that rumor for years, calling me the Black Queen," she spat. "Sig ignored it for a long time but at the end… he was all but convinced. When I gave birth to Elen and he saw her dead in the midwife's arms, he left."
She sighed, tired. Hiei realized her hand was still on his arm. Her hand felt cool and her rough callouses felt softened; she probably used some kind of lotion to keep her hands soft. The touch on her arm made him remember how long he spent dreaming of her touch, how long he yearned. Mîra was here, in the flesh, and he spent most of it fighting and arguing with her. He should have just pulled her into his arms and never let go.
Hiei gently placed his other hand over hers, in an attempt to comfort her as well as touch as much of her as he possibly could, trying to ingrain the feeling of her slender, but sturdy hand against his short, stubby one. She made no motion to pull away and they sat there for a long moment in silence.
"Sig went back to his people's home, in the mountains." She said suddenly. "We spent a year and a half apart and I wrote to him, hoping that a little time away would heal the rift between us. Aside from Sig, I only had Rodynar for a true friend. But he didn't write back. I heard nothing until an urgent message arrived." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Sig was deathly ill. I left with Rodynar immediately and arrived in his castle unannounced. I raced to his side and he was surprised to see me. It turns out he had consumption, and because I brought some medical knowledge back from this world, I could have easily cured it if I had known."
She was pushing herself through the story now, no longer pausing and thinking about the past. "I remember sobbing over his bedside but I don't remember him saying anything to me in particular. It's all jumbled. I remember trying to cast healing magic and trying to get him to drink some potions but he refused. He was dead and he knew it. He coughed up so much blood… and then, this woman walked in and I remember her clear as day. Elanor Svald, an enchantress and from a wealthy and notable human family with a beautiful round face, brown eyes, and luxurious wavy, long brown hair. She was one of the most eligible young women in the human realm and many sought her hand in marriage. I remember she told me that I had no business being with Sig and that she was his now. Well, that didn't sit well with me as you can imagine. I marched over to her and was arguing with her, but I don't know what I was saying. All I remember then is that all of a sudden, a baby started crying."
Hiei's gut dropped. No, her husband cheated on her and bore a bastard son? Hiei himself was a bastard but it was different. How could this happen? How could this happen to her? She didn't deserve this. Mîra always deserved someone who could support her dreams and goals genuinely and who treated her like the Queen she was. He tried but… Mîra's grip on his arm tightened, and his hand curled into a fist.
"Elanor said to me, 'That is my son, born of Sigmundr of the House Fenris, and I gave him what you could not.'" She stopped and then added frankly, "Then I drove my dagger into her heart."
Hiei had no problem acknowledging that he was a killer. In his youth, he cut down anyone who got in his way, as well as those who happened to be in his way. It was not an ideal way of life and he moved away from senseless murder. Unlike him, Mîra was raised like the humans, despite her combat training. He knew there were certain kills she remembered, but overall she distinguished between war and murder because it helped with staying sane; killing someone in cold blood was unheard of for Mîra.
In his silence, she continued talking. "I am not proud of murdering her, and I honestly don't even remember everything. It just… happened. Sig died soon after from his illness. Rodyn got to the room just as he passed."
Just then, the buzzer from the oven went off and he felt Mîra flinch at the sound. She pulled away from his grasp and stood, heading for the oven. Hiei slowly stood, trying to process all the information as she pulled the cookies out of the oven and turned the oven off. He grabbed a spatula and a plate for the cookies.
She sighed again, breaking the silence. He looked over at her and she frowned at him. "I've had a lot of time to think about everything that happened and I've come to terms with Sig, and my actions, but…"
"You don't need to apologize to me," Hiei told her gruffly, crossing his arms and staring down at the cookie tray.
There was a pause before she said with a wry humor, "I suppose not." They fell into a silence again and Hiei played her words over in his head. He felt overwhelmed by everything she just told him. She could not have children, she raised the bastard son of the woman she killed, and she ended up in a war which resulted in exile. In comparison, Hiei's past century and a half seemed like a blessing. That was a fool's thinking, however. If his friendship with Kurama taught him anything, it was that you cannot compare one person's pain and trails to your own.
"When did Leif find out?" Hiei asked. He carefully began to pry the cookies of the tray and place them onto the plate.
"Oh, just before his 18th birthday. We fought terribly and he stormed out in a rage, vowing never to return. I still gave him all of Sig's lands as I planned, and I sent him embroidered gifts each year on his birthday. It wasn't until he was in his forties that we reconciled, in part thanks to his lovely wife," she responded. She took a cookie and broke it in half, the chocolate oozing out the break.
Hiei took one for himself, and he was glad he decided to make his way to the kitchens. He was learning more about Mîra while getting his sweet midnight snack.
"So, what about you? Any girlfriends or lovers I should know about?"
Hiei coughed violently, choking on his cookie before it passed. She laughed at his predicament as he stared at her stunned, confused by her sudden question and the lovely tones of her laughter. Then, as he processed the question, his cheeks flushed.
"None, other than Simran," he said. The humor in her face fell into a somber expression and he added quickly, "I wasn't fully committed. It wasn't fair to her." He finished his cookie in bitter silence.
"I found your journals, the ones in the potions room," she said quietly. "You would never have been able to figure out the portals. I barely managed it with Rodyn and his wife, and it's a miracle I didn't die coming here, especially considering it was the first time we tested the dagger."
Hiei didn't respond. He did not want to think about those days, when he pathetically clung to hope and denial. It was embarrassing and-
His thoughts cut off when he felt the weight of her hand on his shoulder. He looked up into her slender lavender eyes, and he was stuck in her magnetic gaze. "It comforts me to know that you tried, that you wanted to see me again. I thought about coming back here often. I always assumed I would and that we could just…"
Her voice trailed off but her eyes kept him rooted. In the long years of her absence, when the sound of her voice chiding him lightly and her sweet scent in the bedding faded, and the image of her tall frame swinging a sword was hard to remember, her eyes remained bright and clear, as though he had seen them just a few moments before. Drawn in by her irresistible gaze he acted on instinct and closed the gap between them, the chocolate remnants smeared on his lips meeting hers. He could barely acknowledge anything else besides the chocolate taste of her mouth and her tight grip on his shoulder. He realized he would have to break the kiss, if only for a moment, just to breathe. He didn't want to. What if this was all a dream and when he opened his eyes and drunk in air, she would disappear?
Hiei never wanted Mîra to leave again. He took the chance for air and he barely had a moment to breathe before she captured his lips again. She wanted him. He felt it in her grip, the slow, burning hungriness of her mouth, and how she tried to pull herself closer to him. The question was, did she need him? Did he even need her, now, after so long?
"What in Kami-sama's name is-?! HEIKA!"
The bellowing voice split Hiei and Mîra apart faster than that time he caught Ryuji making out with the Urameshi's neighbor's daughter as a teenager. Emiko stood before both of them, her brown face flared with furious red. Hiei stared at her stunned to silence and Mîra was still clearly in shock, so Emiko took it upon herself to fill in the gap.
"My kitchens are NOT a place for fooling around! You have an entire fortress with dozens of rooms for that sort of behavior! Now, I have to sanitize this entire area and-" Emiko's voice fell as her gaze swept on the messy counter. Hiei quickly deducted how well the messy counter was going to be handled by Emiko and made a decision.
In one hand he grabbed the plate with the cookies, with the other hand he grabbed Mîra's wrist and then he ran straight out of the kitchen.
Mîra followed him easily through the halls, and as Emiko's furious yelling fading as they moved farther away, his hand slipped from Mîra's wrist to her hand. He slowed down to a stop once he reached the intersection between the east and west wings of the fortress. He turned to Mîra and found her flush faced with a wide grin.
"I don't remember the last time I ran from anyone like that!" She laughed. He stared up at her, half dazed at their situation and from the chiming sound of her voice.
Grinning, she took another cookie. "I don't know how you managed to keep all the cookies on that plate while running."
"Tch, as if I would let anything sweet go to waste," he retorted. That earned him another wide, beautiful grin. "Come eat them by my fire," he invited boldly. He wanted to share the treat with her, be around her, and hopefully taste more of her. But instead, the corners of her wide grin fell and left him with a small, pitiful smile.
"I'm sorry Hiei, I must retire for the evening," she said formally. Hiei hated it when she spoke formally to him. She reached out to the tray and took two more cookies, tossing one of them to Dimitri. She stared at Hiei for a long moment and he wanted to protest, to tell her how much he missed her and that he wanted to make up for all that lost time, but he was unable to work up the nerve.
Mîra ended the long silence as she exhaled deeply before speaking. "Thank you, for asking about Sig and Leif. I wasn't sure…" she trailed off for a moment before trying again. "All of this happened a long time ago and it's hard to speak about, but it means a lot to me that you asked." Mîra placed her hand on his shoulder, leaned in, and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.
She withdrew and said, "Goodnight, Hiei," before turning and walking away, Dimitri following closely behind her. Once she turned the corner and out of his sight, Hiei slowly made his way to his own quarters. The cookies didn't taste as sweet as they had before. He slipped into Sakura's room, set the platter on her dresser, and slipped back out into the main hallway. Dragging himself to his room, Hiei cursed at himself. Of course she wouldn't do something as lewd as go back to his room after reliving her previous relationship, and he was an idiot for assuming otherwise. But, she did give him a warm departure, right? He still felt the cool imprint of her lips on his cheek and it gave him hope. Maybe all he needed was time. Time to get to know her again, and digest who she became after all her trials and tribulations. He already wasted enough time as it was, and he wasn't able to stay in the fortress much longer due to the pressing investigation. But, at least while he was here, he vowed not to squander a minute of his time with Mîra again.
I struggled for a long time trying to figure out the best way to tell Mîra's story, and I think this worked out well. There are a lot of things I'd like to change in this third saga, but I also want to finish the story so I'm pushing forward. I do have the ending planned and it's become more flushed out as time goes on, but I'm in the middle of my master's thesis so it will likely be a while before my next chapter. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this one, and please leave a review! Thanks to all my favorites, follows, and reviewers-all of you keep me going! 3