Afterword

Parry Partridge.

That night, Parry was visited by three ghosts...
When he woke up on Christmas morning he sold most of his possessions, including his prized collection of walking canes, and gave the money to the poor and starving of Jump City. He also donated a large amount of perry to the homeless shelter and promised the orphanage a third of his pear harvest the following year, because if he didn't the ghosts had threatened to murder him slowly and painfully when they next came to visit.

Mrs. Mod

Instead of the expensive pair of gloves she'd had her eyes on, Mad Mod's mum instead received another jail postcard from her son, along with a CD of him and his fellow prisoners singing Christmas Carols, the proceeds of which went directly to charity. That night she added the postcard to her fast-growing collection of jail souvenirs and, as the criminals warbled Silent Night to the best of their abilities, she wondered for the umpteenth time where she had gone wrong.

Les Trois Poules Françaises

As promised, they had tickets to their next show sent to the Titans, along with a strict dress code. The singers took it as a personal insult when only Starfire turned up – dressed in what looked like a pantomime dame outfit – thus vowing never to return to Jump City again and denied the city the rights to sell their albums. No one was disappointed, apart from Raven who found their warbling was an excellent Beast Boy repellent.

Red X

After fleeing the butcher's, Red X made his way to the modest apartment he called home. After taking off his costume, he took a nice, hot bath with the lavender bath bombs his grandma sent for his birthday a few months ago. Then, after a warm glass of milk and a cookie – again, courtesy of grandma – he took a nap. He woke up in time to see the parade march past his window, just as Dr. Light rolled away inside a dustbin with Mumbo scrambling to stay on top, both wearing ridiculous red hats.

He drew the curtains and went back to bed.

Officer Eyebrows

Officer Eyebrows finally made it home at 9am on Christmas day to find his wife and children waiting to open presents. Instead of going to bed, he poured himself a bit mug of coffee and dutifully took up position in his armchair to watch the gift-giving. There was one under their meagre Christmas tree for him from his wife. He opened it to find an eyebrow manicure kit. It was the best Christmas ever.

The ballet dancers

When Mumbo was arrested and the dancers were finally allowed to leave the theatre, they made their way to Edith Banner's – one of the swans – house to go through her drinks cabinet. They heralded Christmas in downing Jack Daniels and pulling stray feathers from their hair.

Derek Sneed

The episode of Extreme Milking Control Freak had assaulted was a rerun, and had been watched by the real Derek Sneed. Unable to let go of his strained fame, Derek religiously tuned in whenever he was due to appear, even if it was at 2am on Christmas day. However, this particular viewing was a mistake. He couldn't recall an overweight man in a trench coat bursting onto the set and manhandling him. Neither could he remember that group of weird teenagers from Jump City – what were they called, the Avengers? – appearing moments later and giving chase. And he certainly couldn't remember being unceremoniously dumped in a steaming pile of cow dung.

When the intruders disappeared from the television screen, Derek sat and stared. His own face stared back, and they continued to stare into each other's souls. Then they both reached the same decision.

Perhaps it was time for a change of career.

Terry of Terry's Terrific Tower of Trampolines

With the return of his trampolines and van, Terry was overjoyed. Trampolines of that size and volume didn't come cheap, and the city's insurance companies were becoming more and more reluctant to pay for damages inflicted by the super villains plaguing them. Fortunately, none of the merchandise was damaged or missing. Unfortunately, they were covered in scuff marks, dried mud, and what looked like white fur. Terry was a clean man, and the thought of letting dirty stock into his shop was a distressing one, and so he spent the next two days fervently scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming each and every trampoline. By the time he made it home to spend time with his family, his long-suffering wife had gone, leaving divorce papers on his desk. Life was difficult, but Terry knew it wasn't the end.

He'd bounce back.

Slade and Jericho

Jericho never did turn up to his father's for Christmas, to Slade's despair. He did, however, send a card. The front picture was a typical nativity scene; however, the figure of Joseph had been messily scribbled out with a black marker. There was no message inside apart from a letter from his lawyer, requesting Mr. Wilson to please refrain from contacting my client unless explicitly asked to.

Nevertheless, Slade put the card on his mantelpiece and sat down to eat dinner alone. As he chewed turkey and sprouts, he dreamt about next Christmas with rekindled hope.

Sgt. Miller

Due to his many years of service, Sgt. Miller was saved from jail time by his supervisor. He was, however, suspended for a month, forced to perform community service, and then banned from working in the field. Instead, he was put to work solely in the office, writing and processing paperwork.

The Titans

After a long sleep, the Titans recovered enough to open their presents and eat their dinner – although Cyborg complained that it would have been better had he been able to prepare it properly. They even tried Beast Boy's vegan gingerbread men which were surprisingly edible. But the best part?

The best part was Robin postponing training for an entire week.

There we have it. After literal years I have finally got this stupid thing out in its entirety. Now to concentrate on less action-based stories which might actually have higher quality writing! Next up for Teen Titans will probably be a reboot of Jump City High (I'm calling it Jump City High Go! It'll have all the same characters except stripped of all personality and likeability and every chapter will be a concoction of bad jokes and idiotic songs. I think it'll work.)

Merry Christmas!

I mean... Happy New Year!

Or, uhh... You know what, just have a good day. Whoever you are.

Flare, the Frivolous~