Prologue
My name is Riley Coleman. I was born in the great state of Texas in the United States. I have spent a lot of my life trying to find a place where I could be accepted. When I was young I was adopted by my parents and I love them, I just don't feel like I belonged in the family. I was always the odd one out, the one who wasn't like the rest of them. My Mother and Father were both hard working individuals, who both worked for the government. My entire family is white, while I am over here, not white. I am from China, and I was adopted from there. I guess my not feeling like I belong started when I noticed I would get weird looks when I went out with my family.
The biggest thing was when I once got separated from my Father at a waterpark and someone helped me find him. I walked around with the stranger's hand when I saw my father, who was white, unlike me. The stranger was reluctant to let me go, thinking maybe I was pointing to the wrong person. Eventually I went to my Father, and I asked why people were so surprised he was my Father. He sat me down and told me I was adopted. I guess I knew before that, but this was the turning point for me. I asked what happened to my biological parents and my Father responded with no one ever knew them. I came to my own conclusions, I wasn't wanted by them.
From then on it was ingrained in my mind that I was replaceable, and that I would never fit in. I guess that is what led me to try and be like the people I surrounded myself with. Instead of developing my own personality, I clung to my one friend and hung on and became the friend they wanted. My friends name was Z, and he was a guy who like to be rough and tumble, so I became a tomboy. That has stuck for a long while, as I grew older we grew apart, and I started to investigate my interests. I learned that I loved strategy games like Magic the Gathering, Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh. And chess, especially chess. But as time went on I was scoffed at for playing these "childish" games, so I quit them, even though I loved to play them.
When I got to middle school, I made friends with a girl from the popular crowd, and I realized if I wanted to be accepted I would have to be more like them. So, I started doing what they did, I started to dress like them and talk with them. I became somebody I was not, and I didn't even realize it. But as this was going on, I started to feel even more down, I would never fit in anywhere. It eventually got bad enough that one could call it depression because of self- deprecating thoughts, I also started to get angry for unreasonable reasons and fear I would get left behind. I learned these were called anger issues and abandonment issues when I started getting access to the internet.
I eventually thought that maybe if I looked like some of the people who seemed like they were accepted then I would be accepted like them. They were skinny, and tall, while I was a bit chubby and short for a 11-year-old. So, I quit eating. I went from 3 meals a day to two, skipping breakfast, down to one, lunch which I had with my "friends". Eventually I just quit eating all together, I only ate when somebody said something, which was almost never. And that reinforced that nobody cared or accepted me. I pushed myself to excel in my studies because I thought that would make people like me better, and it did. People would talk to me about the homework or about class, but I realized they were just using me and didn't actually care. But any type of acknowledgement meant the world to me, so I continued to excel. I was in geometry in the 7th grade and I could have gone up a couple grades, but Mother didn't want me to make my elder brother feel bad, so I stayed where I was. But the feeling of depression persisted, and it seemed like nothing could make the dark cloud lift.
As life went on, the book series Twilight became popular again, and I read them because that was what everyone else was doing. I thought the book was underdeveloped, but I kept that to myself. The characters were not very developed, and they could have expanded on some parts, and I thought the important things were glossed over. The story was about an abusive, controlling guy with a girl who was oblivious to the abuse. As life went on, it was time for 8th grade graduation, and we went to an arcade. I was having fun, but as we all know, kids can be cruel. I was made fun of for being adopted and not fitting in, and that struck a nerve, a nerve that should not have been poked at, for it had already been overworked. I ended up at home, crying and thinking "why am I even here?". I went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror, and what I saw sacred me. I was a shell of my former self. I was thin as a stick and my eyes were dull, whereas I used to be a healthy weight and my eyes full of life. I couldn't believe nobody noticed, but that was my life. I was in a trance, and I went to my desk. I took out a sheet of paper and began to write.
Dear Father, Mother and Jai (brother),
I am sorry for which one of you who finds this. I feel like it would be a while though before you found this. I haven't been eating, and I have been so sad lately. I just can't cope with life right now. I have become a shell of my former self, and I don't know how this has happened. We have drifted apart as we have all grown, and I regret that. But I just wanted to say thank you for wanting me. Thank you for being there for me, even if you didn't know that. I love you all. Do not be sad about my death, just remember me. Remember the good things about me. Remember the way I used to smile remember the way my laugh sounded and the way my eyes sparkled with joy. Remember I love you, and that this isn't your fault.
Love,
Riley
After I wrote that, I put it in an envelope and address it to my family. I then go and research the nearest bridge that had a long drop. I ended up finding the Lewisville Lake Toll bridge. The drop looked far down enough to get the job done, the only problem was that I didn't have means of transportation, the walking time was 4 hours. I ended up ubering to a hotel near it. I got there and waited until midnight maybe. I walked to the bridge and just sat on the ledge, hoping nobody saw me. Oh well, not like anyone would notice, or care even. I eventually feel my resolve breaking, and I let myself fall.
I'm falling
I'm falling to a bliss
I'm falling towards my end
I'm falling…
Without a regret
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I wake up in a hospital thinking I failed in endeavor to end myself. I look around and see an unfamiliar man sleeping next to the hospital bed. I don't know what to do, so I just sat there, observing. Everything looks old, and I don't know why. The machines I hooked up to were annoying though. So, I did the obvious thing and took the wire thing out of me and took the clip off my finger off. The heart monitor went off… whoops.
The man next to my bed jumped up, looking around, worried. He saw me and relaxed, but I didn't know why. Before I could question where I was and where my family was, a team of nurses and doctors came into the room. They looked relieved that I was still breathing. A lot of them left, and only a man with peculiarly golden eyes remained. I couldn't help but compare him to the physical description of Carlisle Cullen from the twilight books, with the golden eyes and all.
He smiles at me says "Hello Isabella. I am Carlisle Cullen, how are you doing?"
Yup, a new story. I know I haven't updated my other ones, but writers block is a thing, so to get my creative juices flowing I wrote something new. Tell me if you like it or not, and this is going to be a slow burn polyamorous relationship between Bella, Leah and Rosalie. And they are all probably going to be OOC because I didn't like how they were portrayed in the books.
If I am honest, the main character is kind of based off me, so you get a better look at how I think.
Thanks for reading, I hope you like it. If you do, then tell me you do please.
-Klutzy Stone Heart