I groaned, clambering out of the window. That wasn't fun.
Being unable to ascertain exactly what had knocked me out, the vast reserves of ice cream and sugar held within this van were off-limits. The ice lollies, meanwhile, were all in sealed packets, which gave me a source of sugar I could get at right now. I'd dropped an orange one out of the window, which I was currently following out, and left a random amount of money on the counter instead. (Counting would be easy. Being bothered was hard.)
In the time I'd spent going from thoroughly zonked to somewhat awake, I'd heard an awful lot of screeching metal. Looking outside as I semi-flopped to the floor confirmed to me what I'd suspected- the Question's car had now become a handy restraining device for our somewhat untrained supervillain we had here today. The guy was currently thoroughly unconscious, drooling, and healing a rather severe case of concave abdomen. And I'm glad I didn't see it before he started healing...
The faceless hero himself was staring at the downed man, trying to... I dunno, figure out how the guy linked to people who fold socks and the French revolution. Conspiracy theorist stuff.
Superman was helping with the apartment- the fire had been put out by him and the fire brigade a little while ago, but that didn't mean he couldn't go around sticking black-and-yellow tape on anything unsafe or whatever he was doing. He'd usually be off by now, but he'd been waiting for me- or, at least, for me to talk to the Question- and my prioritisation of ice lollies had presumably put him at ease in regards to my physical health.
I took the wrapper off, stuffing it in my pocket as I did. "I heard you two talking," I said. "Trying to figure out his origins or something?"
The Question... err, remained a faceless person who generally lacked such describable things as facial expressions. "Not even a thank you for our assistance?" he asked.
My brows knitted in irritation. "We are having a conversation!" I said. "My plan was to thank you afterwards!" Was it just me, or did people not understand the concept of finishing things and then thanking people?
...Well, from how I kept on managing to do it, it was probably just me. "Of course," he replied questioningly.
I started eating, somewhat mollified by the words, even if the delivery was sarcastic as hell.
"So," he said, leading me over. "Now you have a moment to examine him properly, the question is... do you recognise who this is?"
I gave the unconscious supervillain a hard stare, taking in as many details as I could... Nope. "Not as far as I remember," I replied with a shrug, turning away.
He gave me another that's-probably-supposed-to-be-a-Look.
I frowned, increasingly feeling how my father must feel whenever he talked to people about... things that annoyed him, I guess. "What?"
"As far as you remember," he repeated dubiously.
I nodded, one eyebrow quirked.
He turned to face the LexCorp Headquarters building, staring up at its towering figure in the distance. "By all indications, your father has a photographic memory," he said. "And I sincerely doubt he would make your genes any less effective than his own."
I rolled my eyes. "Really?" I said. "Photographic memory is an urban legend."
"Until four months ago, when it was scientifically verified in a paper by the University of Fawcett City." The Question turned to look at me. Or in my general direction, at least. "No doubt in order to boost the legitimacy of human geniuses in the face of alien competition. I suspect- for a variety of reasons- that the only reason you lack a photographic memory is because you don't expect one."
I raised a finger and opened my mouth to retort. Then I stopped. "Excuse me for a second. I need to try and remember a few things."
If this works...
I took a breath. "Companionship plus understanding, plus assurance, plus joy, plus altruism divided by respect which is divided by commendation and in turn divided by sympathy and then multiplied by innocence, dignity, success and acceptance where y equals n- where y equals despair and n equals caution, love equals truth, death equals rebirth, and self equals light side."
The Question tilted his head.
After glancing back briefly to confirm that I hadn't accidentally a mass mind control, I continued regardless of his confusion. "Loneliness plus alienation, plus fear, plus despair, plus self-worth divided by mockery which is divided by condemnation and in turn divided by misunderstanding, multiplied by guilt, shame, failure and judgment- when n equals y where y equals hope and n equals folly, love equals lies, life equals death and self equals dark side."
"And the question is, what's that supposed to mean?" asked the Question.
"Wait a second, one more," I said, with growing anxiety. "Three times two, open brackets- nine Y Z- close brackets, four A... Ah shit."
"I'm assuming it's bad if you're breaking your perfect public image," the faceless man drawled.
"...There are- there's very good reasons people can forget things," I said. "I'd recommend you forget what I just said, Mr Question, because I preferred thinking I'd forgotten them as well."And by Question I mean Vic Sage but Superman can hear us and I'd rather not draw attention to things that I couldn't arrive at, theoretically, by pure calculation.
"Why?" he challenged- sternly, not menacingly. "Why do you think we're better off not knowing?"
"Because," I explained, "giving me the equations is something like giving Schindler the plans for a nuclear weapon. He's not gonna use it- he doesn't even have the knowledge to use it without a whole lot of work he doesn't need to do. But if someone tells Hitler..."
"Godwin's Law?" the Question asked flatly. "Is that really necessary?"
"I'm a lot less of a saint than Schindler," I told him, finally giving up my ominous stare into the distance. He was a lot better at it than I was anyway. "And the relationship between Hitler and who I'm thinking of is an exponential one."
Sure, I was defenseless against Darkseid. But thanks to someone, if he ever figured it out- which, by rule of drama, was inevitable-
Then I needed to amp up my game. And if what I suspected- no, what I remembered- of Kryptonian physiology was true... The best way to do that was to get together the samples I needed and start playing 'amp it up' literally.
People say Kryptonians are perfect.
'People' aren't a quite frankly ready-to-hyperventilate little girl with whole lot of brain power and a deadline for being able to punch out the personification of evil.
Which was when I realised I had to clamp down on that hyperventilation before the Man of Steel heard me.
As if on cue, I felt a gust of air behind me. "I heard your heart racing," said Superman. "Everything okay down here?"
For a moment I was flabbergasted. Did he not... And then a bit of that anxiety faded as I realised that Superman hadn't heard our conversation after all. He'd been helping in the fires and post-fire cleanup- he'd been listening for injured people, not conversation. And if someone couldn't speak for some reason- maybe they were trapped under rubble and couldn't breathe, maybe they were mute or in shock, something like that- then listening for a particularly frantic heartbeat would be a great way to find people in danger.
"I'm fine," I said a little too urgently.
"The shock's getting to her," said the Question.
I flushed the images of Apokolips from my mind. "I'm fine," I repeated. "I can still help with the investigation, just- can you go over what you've found so far, Question? Please?"
He looked at me, concerned (probably, considering no face)- then nodded. "Of course," he agreed in what was probably supposed to be a comforting tone of voice. "The aggressor," he said, turning to the villain, "seems to be one Kyle Volkner- the security specialist and electrical engineer hired by Luthor to guard his museum."
"That would make sense," said Superman, cupping his chin in thought. "When I was fighting him, he wasn't skilled- just persistent. And that's as good an explanation as any for how he was able to ignite all these fires in the first place."
"He didn't just have fire breath or something?" I clarified.
"Acid spit," the Question informed me. "He specifically aimed them to cause electrical fires when shooting at the building- not something a man could do without the prerequisite knowledge, at least... not tothis degree of effectiveness. It's why they set up the temporary quarantine."
"...We're in a quarantine?" That... actually makes sense now I think about it. "..That explains why my father isn't here... Or the reporters."
Superman nodded. "The biological tests are almost done, from what I can hear," he told us. "Not much time to talk."
"Then we need to finish talking quickly. And the most important question we're able to ask here, would be-" The Question turned to me. "What, precisely, happened to him?"
I could answer that with my eyes closed. "Luthor did," I informed them. "With a modification from my own formula I've been working on." Kneeling down- and then promptly standing up again when I realised I was the right height already- I started pointing out features. "Resistance to drying out his own tissues- tardigrade. Teeth and mandibles- shark and lobster. The ability to take in that DNA in the first place- rotifer. But my formula doesn't work like this."
I took out my phone. Let's upload visual files... version fourteen through seventeen... and there we go. I lifted up the images of the rats and showed it to them.
"My formula doesn't cause mutations, even if I do only test it on unconscious subjects. But it's the same base." I pointed at the skeletal features of the rats, then at Vital's own skeletal appearance. "Mister Volkner here seems to have withstood the process by actively taking in water to stabilise himself- and by having a formula that features other DNA much more strongly, at the cost of his sensibilities."
"The formula drove him mad." Superman's face darkened.
"Yes. We've got the original DNA amplified- a shark-like blood frenzy, maybe damage from an arthropod nervous system taking over the original vertebrate one- but there's also extra. African clawed frog," I said, gesturing to the claws that had burst from inside the flesh of his fingers. "Fulmar bird, modified with hyena or vulture DNA, to produce acidic projectiles. Axolotl, for the regenerative abilities. That's, what-" I counted it up in my head. "-eight different DNA donors? And that's only what's visible- one of them's only there because I know it's there. There could be even more."
"Must be terrible, being like that," the Question said, looking down at Vital with pity. "So... why do you think he did this to him? A few illegally-obtained files of mine suggest Volkner volunteered for the process- why would Luthor betray him?"
"His security system failed," I said. "And Luthor couldn't stand letting him go unpunished. Either that, or..."
I realised something.
"...It wasn't intentional."
"You've changed your mind?" asked Superman. "Why? What makes you think that?"
"The only result so far from my experiments is a painful death... or it would be," I amended, "if not for the whole sedatives thing I use. Luthor expected it to kill him, or he expected it to work as intended- to keep him alive and healthy. Because hetold Mister Volkner it wasmine."
"As much of an egomaniac as my investigations suggest Luthor is," the Question continued on from my initial statement, "he wouldn't willingly put his daughter in danger. So he tried to make a super-soldier out of her research. And the question is... why the sudden urgency?"
"I'm guessing you know the answer," said Superman.
The Question looked at me. I shrugged, and he audibly sighed... for some reason. "Because," he explained, "It would prove to Lena that her formula worked. And he needs it soon, because in a week's time... He needs to get a present for the girl who has everything."
At my confused look, he continued.
"It's your birthday," he said flatly.
For a moment, I stared blankly... Then, slowly, I introduced my palm to my face. I groaned, and realised, flicking back through my memories to experiment twelve, when Mercy had told me about the social event-
"That's what I was forgetting!" I said.