Let this be our prayer
Chapter 5
What if those things you called nightmares, were the key to answering all your questions?
Several days had passed since Levi had now discovered the name of the young man he dreams about.
Now, you might think he would be looking for him, but, that wasn't what he was doing. Hell, he doesn't even know if the kid really does exist. This could just be his dreams playing tricks on him.
Until he himself he was completely sure Eren was indeed a real person, he wouldn't do much at the moment.
Besides, he had other matters he needed to attend to. Such as disciplining his brother.
The raven had gotten a call from Farlan's school, saying that he needed to come and pick up his brother. Why? Because the moron got into another fight with Flagon. Over what? He was about to find out.
Levi was calmly driving them home, which made the blonde practically die of fear. When his older brother was silent, especially after getting upset with someone, you better run.
"U-Um, bro-"He was cut off when the older began talking.
"We'll talk about it when we get home, Farlan." His voice had a hint of finality in it.
"A-Alright."
As soon as they arrived home, the blonde tried to make a run for his room. And that would have worked, if Levi didn't have fast reflexes.
"Sit down."
Farlan slowly sat down on the couch, his older brother sitting down beside him.
"What was the fight about?"
The blonde remained quiet.
"Farlan. I want an explanation now." Levi crossed his arms over his chest.
"He was bad mouthing you, alright."
"What?"
Farlan's hands, which were on his lap, clenched into fists, "He was badmouthing you. Flagon kept saying that the only reason you let me live with you is because you pity me. The truth is that mom and dad used you as an excuse to get me out of the house. The bastard says that you never cared about me. I'm only around with you so much is because no one wants me around."
The blonde was always deeply hurt when people made assumptions like that. They didn't know that he missed his brother while he was away at university, that he and Mikasa had trouble communicating without Levi around, his parents felt a bit lost when Farlan barely smiled when the raven was gone.
Yet, when Levi came back, Farlan smiled at lot more, laughing and enjoying time with his family again. The raven was more than happy to accept his younger brother, Far as he playfully called him when they were younger, saw this as an opportunity to get closer to him.
Levi wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulders, pulling him close, surprising the blonde, making him look up at his older brother, "You brat. What have I told you about listening to the shit people tell you? They say all that shit because they're envious of you in some manner. They're more than likely jealous because I care about you a shit ton. Not many siblings have close bonds like we do. Ignore all that shit people say, they don't know what goes on as soon as you walk out of that school. You know what really goes on, and they can only make up stories about shit they want to know."
Farlan wrapped his arms around his brother, "Thanks, Lee."
The raven kissed the top of his younger brother's head, "Yeah. You know I always have your back."
"Lee?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you, big bro."
"Love you too, little shit."
"How's Farlan?"
"He's at home. I just left some chores for him to do."
Levi sat in his office the next day, Erwin across from him, telling him what had gone down with his younger brother the previous day.
The blonde sighed, "I keep telling Flagon to leave your brother alone. I don't know why he keeps picking on him."
Why does Erwin know that kid? Well, that's very simple. They're half-brothers. The blonde's parents were divorced, and a few years later, his mother remarried and thus, Flagon was born.
"I'd try telling that kid to leave my brother alone, before I decide to go and kick his ass. I don't give a flying fuck if there's an age different between us, I will kick his ass."
Erwin shivered in fear at the threat. He knew Levi would go through with it.
Back in high school, his father had been at his lowest, this was years after the divorce, but he got very depressed when he heard his ex-wife was so happy with her second husband.
Levi had seen how his friend was treated, the blonde's father making him feel like shit. Yes, he made the threat that he would beat the shit out of his father if he so much as laid a hand on Erwin.
Low and behold, when the blonde came to school with a bruise on his cheek, Erwin's father saw multiple.
Needless to say, the raven was like a hawk, keeping a close eye on him after it happened. The blonde's father was very frightened of him, so much so, he actually made an effort to try and get better. To which it succeeded.
"So tell that shitty brother of yours I will go through with it if he keeps messing with Farlan." The raven kept typing away on his computer.
Erwin nodded, "Will do. But, I have something I wish to discuss with you. It's an important matter and it cannot wait."
For some reason, hearing the blonde talk like that, felt eerily familiar somehow. Levi just couldn't put his finger on it.
"What big ass eyebrows?"
"Now, that's no way to speak to your former commander, corporal."
Well, fuck him twelve ways to Sunday.
Levi's eyes widened, "What did you just say?" He almost didn't believe what he had just heard.
"You heard me captain." There was a familiar glint in the blonde's blue eyes. Something that hadn't diminished in the last two thousand years.
"Mother fucker. Since when?" Levi turned in his chair to completely face the other male.
"About three months ago."
"And you fucking tell me now?"
"I wanted to know more. Besides, I thought you would think I'm crazy."
Levi think of him as crazy? The blonde bastard. He wouldn't think he's crazy. If anything, it would have been a fucking relief to know that he wasn't alone in having these dreams.
"You know me, Erwin. I wouldn't have thought that. You were the first person who I told in full detail what my dreams were about. I would have believed you in a heartbeat."
"And you wouldn't think I was lying?"
"You're not the type to when it's something so serious like that. Especially something so sensitive like that." It was sensitive because the raven had gone through so much because of the dreams.
The blonde chuckled softly, "Very true."
"What have your dreams been about?" Levi's were nothing but death when he was a child. Obviously, now they were something completely different.
Erwin got comfortable in his seat, knowing this would take a while, "Well, in the beginning they were rather simple. I kept dreaming about when we would gather in the conference room and discuss about the expedition we were planning, recent information gathered about titans, squad formations, the government beating down our necks, and talking about ways to get the walls back."
These were all things that the raven had dreams about previously as he grew older. He knew all about the Survey Corps, their goals about wanting to eliminate the titans, the Garrison whom helped out with protecting the walls and alerting the Recon Corps if there were too many titans, and needed assistance in taking them out.
And of course, the government dogs, the Military police. They were constantly beating down the Survey Corps neck. Wanting to know all the information they gathered, their strategy plans, squad's formations, everything. Literally nothing was kept a secret with those bastards.
But there was one thing Levi was curious about.
"Do you happen to remember the name Eren Yeager?"
The room was completely silent as both men stared at each other. There felt like there was this heavy feeling in the room when Levi mentioned that name.
"Humanity's last hope."
Of course. The fucker did remember.
"Do you remember how he died?" Levi did. The death scene haunted him for years.
"I recall memories about squad leaders telling me Humanity's last hope passed away. I believe he was bleeding from a large wound in his stomach."
The raven nodded, a tight feeling in his chest, "That's right. I held him as he took his last breaths."
"I remember them telling me you were very broken up about it after he passed away."
"Of course I was. The brat meant a lot to me."
Erwin stared at his friend for a moment, "You think he might be alive?"
Levi sighed, shrugging his now tense shoulders, "I don't know. I want to believe that he is, but I can't be certain. Erwin, the kid could be older than us, our same age, young like Farlan, or have been barely born. I think about this in my spare time. What if Eren is alive? Does he remember anything? Did he go through hell like I did with these dreams growing up? Is he going through them now like you? Eyebrows, I know this is different coming from someone like me, but I'm fucking scared to know the answer."
"Levi, I understand that you're afraid. You have a right to be. What if there was some chance that Eren is indeed alive, but doesn't have his memories. As you said, there could be many different scenarios going on, and we're not sure. Until we're certain, we can only assume that he is alive. Have you tried looking for him?" Erwin was quite curious if Levi did begin his search. If the raven knew about Eren, he should have started looking already.
"Surprisingly no. Because I was so afraid of Eren not being born or even real, I didn't look for him."
The blonde felt as though he should change the topic of conversation. Seeing Levi so tense, didn't quite sit with him. "I remembered other things."
"Like what?" Levi took off his blazer and rolled up his sleeves.
"Other squad leaders and squad members."
The raven raised a brow, "Like who?"
"Hanji, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Rico, Mike, and Nile." There were others, but Erwin felt like the raven wouldn't believe him with who he knew about was in the military in their past life.
"Shit, them too?"
"Yes. They were all known as squad leaders, and some even in a squad you used to run."
Levi didn't have any knowledge on those people being in the military. For some reason, there were too many holes in his memory. He's now wondering why there's so much missing. "I had no idea they were also in that life as well."
Erwin nodded, "Hanji was a squad leader, Rico a squad leader in the Garrison, Mike a squad leader in the Recon Corps, Nile was in the military police, Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld were all your squad members. You were the captain of the special operations squad."
Seriously, why didn't he know all this?
"I can tell by all that scowling you didn't know that."
The raven shook his head, "No. I had no idea about all that."
"Levi. I know of two other people who were also in the Recon Corps. You won't like the answer." He was very reluctant to let out those names. The names of two people out of the four that mattered most to Levi.
He didn't like the tone of voice that the blonde took on. Something told him to not listen and the other half said it was important. "Who are they?"
"Farlan and Mikasa."
The raven's mind went black after that.
When Levi woke up next, he was in his bedroom at home.
The raven glanced over at his clock, seeing that it was six in the afternoon.
Just what had happened after Erwin admitted Farlan and Mikasa were in that hellish past life? And why was he here?
"I see you're awake now."
Levi turned his head to the door, seeing his younger brother, sister, mother and father there.
Kuchel went over to her oldest son, sat down beside him, and leaned down, kissing his forehead, "You had us all worried, Lee." He saw there were dry tears on her cheeks.
With some help from his mother and father, he was able to sit up, leaning against his headboard, "What happened?" There were some fuzzy memories, but he couldn't properly remember.
His father, Kenny, pat his son's shoulder, "You passed out in the office, Lee. Erwin said he was talking to you about something important and suddenly you blacked out."
Something important. Indeed it was. He turned his gaze towards his two worried siblings. It looked as if Farlan was closer to tears than Mikasa was.
His parents moved from their spots, letting the two siblings go and embrace their brother.
Levi was gently stroking their hair with both his hands, a silent way of letting them know that he was all fine, that there was nothing to worry about.
Not on their part anyway.
His parents and sister decided on staying the night in his house, using the guest rooms that were available.
Farlan on the other hand, was sleeping beside his brother.
Levi glanced down at his brother, seeing as his shoulders were now relaxed, just like his expression. Gone was the look of fear.
The raven wanted to do absolutely everything he could to make sure he didn't see that look in his family's eyes again.
Eventually, Levi's eyes drifted shut.
"Brat, how many fucking times do I have to wake you up like this?"
The captain watched as the brunet's eyes slowly opened. Levi scowled down at his subordinate.
"Get up. We have things we need accomplished today. And before you ask, we're not having you shift today. After your refusal at shifting the other day, Hanji and I thought it would be good to collect yourself mentally before attempting this again. Now get dressed. Meet me in the kitchen when you're finished." The captain then turned around and took his leave.
"Now, I want you to help assist me in making today's meals. I want you to carefully, and I do mean carefully, peel all the vegetables. I'll take care of the rest. I'll set aside the vegetables I need for the meal. You peel them by the time I need them all, understood?"
The captain was in a simple white shirt and black pants, white gloves on his hands, he sure as hell didn't want to touch the raw meat they had, and an apron tied around his waist to avoid dirtying his clothing.
Eren nodded, "Of course, sir." He watched as the raven grabbed the vegetables needed and began carefully peeling them.
Levi was busy getting all the pots and pans set out, making sure he double checked all the ingredients.
"Sir?"
"Hmm?" The captain had a small paper in his hands, checking off each ingredient as he went.
"Where are the others?"
"They went out training with shit for brains. Apparently, they can't handle it when I'm in charge. So, I left that moron to go out and train all those brats." He began pouring water into the pot.
Eren nodded as he went back to the task at hand.
Much later in the day, the others had been sent off to bed. Eren remained in the kitchen with the corporal, both nursing a lukewarm cup of tea.
"What was it you wanted to discuss, sir?"
"I wanted to talk with you about the reason why you seem so rigid around everyone." The raven had been paying attention to the young man the entire time, and throughout most of the day, he avoided his comrades like the plague.
Levi could tell that the brunet was trying to come up with his answer. The captain would make him regret it if he tried to lie to him.
"Sir, if I'm to be completely honest, I'm not quite familiar with absolutely everyone."
This caught the captain's interest, "What the hell do you mean you're not familiar with everyone?" How the hell could Eren not remember everyone he graduated with?
"Well, sir, I'm not sure how to explain it."
"Then try. Now."
Levi saw as the boy contemplated his next words.
The brunet took a deep breath, "Captain. As I've said before, I'm not Eren Yeager. I am a university student who is trying to earn a degree in writing. I'm not the same confident solider that you know, hell, I never was. I don't know a lot about Eren Yeager besides what the books have been telling me. But I am not him, sir. You have to understand that."
Corporal Levi sat quietly in front of the young man, apparently Eren was not really expecting him to remain so quiet.
"U-Um, sir?"
"Say, Eren, do you believe in reincarnation?" The captain sipped his tea in the peculiar manner of his. Watching as his subordinate hesitated to answer for a moment.
Eren cleared his throat, "I've heard of the topic being talked about countless times within stories or supposed claims, but I myself don't really have a firm belief in it." The brunet picked up his tea, taking a drink from the lukewarm beverage.
"Everyone has a past life, brat. Whether we know it or not. At one point, we were someone different. I'm a person who believes it does exist." He suddenly got up, quickly getting his gear on.
The captain turned to his subordinate, "Come with me. Be sure not to make a lot of noise." He opened the door and walked outside.
Eren got up and went after his captain. "What are we doing out here, sir?" They were on their makeshift training grounds.
"We're here because I want to continue the conversation here. The others would interfere if we kept talking in the kitchen. I don't need Ackerman interrupting us again." Levi was casually cleaning one of his blades, making Eren feel on edge.
"A-Alright. What was it you wanted to say about reincarnation?" The brunet was eyeing the blade his captain was cleaning.
"As I said, everyone has a past life, and people can eventually come back in another time era. You know, Eren, I want to be reincarnated into another time."
"You do, sir?"
"Of course, brat. I want to be born into a time where we don't have to fight for our lives, taking down creatures, and being treated like criminals. I want a clean slate."
Eren slowly nodded, taking in the man's words, "I'm sure everyone here wants to live a normal life. We all want something simple."
"Say, Eren. I want you to do something for me." Levi put the cloth away, staring at the brunet.
"Y-Yes, sir?"
"I want you to bite the junction between your index finger and thumb on your left hand."
"May I ask why?" He did begin to feel like he should immediately follow the order. Not because it was coming from his superior, but it was more like an instinct.
"Just do it for me, Eren." The raven watched his charge carefully.
The brunet lifted up his hand to his mouth, gently biting down.
"You'll have to do it harder than that." He took several steps closer, making Eren visibly nervous.
Eren kept biting down harder until he tasted the metallic taste of his own blood. The young man's hand was covered in bite marks, little bits of blood around his mouth.
"S-Sir, I can't." His head began to feel light.
The captain walked up the brunet, taking his face in his hands, shocking his charge with pulling him down for a kiss.
Levi pulled back, "If you cannot do it purely on order, do it for me, Eren."
Eren's green eyes widened.
"If you cannot shift purely because of an order, do it for me. We know you shift when you have a goal in mind. Do this to make me…happy, Eren."
The raven kept his hold gently on the brunet's face, "Eren, if you are truly reincarnated like you constantly say you are, then know this. In this life, the next, and all the others, you are mine. You are my lover. I'm the only one that can ever satisfy you. Anyone else, male or female, will never be able to make you happy like I can. You'll only ever be mine. You're mine and mine alone. I will find you Eren, and I will have you back in my arms again. Know that." The captain had a determined glint in his gunmetal eyes.
The brunet felt his cheeks get hot, feeling his body slump down. He rather enjoyed the feeling of his captain's arms around him.
Levi watched as the brunet passed out in his arms again.
He meant was he said. He wanted the brunet for himself all over again, no one could ever have him.
Eren gave off the impression that he was with someone else in his other life, and he would make that other person pay for taking what was his.
"You're mine, Eren. No one else can have you. My arms are the only place where you rightfully belong. You have my heart, you always have and always will. I am not complete without you. I feel like I'm empty, searching for a purpose. I've lived for the love of my life, and that's you, Eren. I promise, no swear, to you that I will find you, and I will make you mine again."
Levi brought Eren's left hand to his lips, kissing his ring finger, "The only thing that can go here is the ring I'll present to you when I propose to you. Remember this well, Eren. No one can ever have you but me."
The raven leaned down and pressed his lips to the ones of his love.
This, this was real bliss.
Levi's eyes slowly drifted open, still seeing his brother sleeping beside him, and the sun barely shining.
He lifted up the covers and briefly glanced down, seeing the tent in his pajamas. Was it worth the erection?
Probably.
End of chapter 5.