Let this be our prayer
Chapter 8
When you experience a scene, one that seems so real, you tend to question, was it real or not?
Eren was still very much convinced that he had that conversation with Armin, and that the blonde actually did say everything they spoke about.
But Armin kept telling him they never talked about anything like that, and that he dropped off somewhere in between the movie after too much sugar no doubt.
The brunet eventually let it go when his friend was so hell-bent that nothing happened and was borderline annoyed.
Eren currently found himself at his laptop, spinning slowly on his swivel chair, looking up at the ceiling and thinking.
He had been thinking about this for a while now, but when he had the dream that Captain Levi said if they were reincarnated, he would find him.
So, would it be okay if Eren starts looking for him too?
I mean, look at it this way.
They were lovers in another life, and his former commanding officer had made this promise to him, and Eren knew he was a man of his word.
He was with Jean now, happy, wanting to find a completely different man he wasn't sure whom actually existed, but happy nonetheless.
So, would there be anything wrong with him wanting to look up the raven?
As far as he was concerned, nothing was wrong about it at all.
"So you're going to look for someone, you're not even sure is real?"
Since Eren knew himself well enough, he knew he would want to someone else's thoughts on it.
Armin would think of him as crazy, Jean would tease him about being in love with a fictional character again, and the rest of his friends would use this as blackmail.
So, he went for the next best thing; Isabel.
"Is that weird?"
"Eren, let's list everything wrong here, shall we?"
On second thought, maybe he should have kept everything to himself.
"You don't even know if this guy is real or not, you have a boyfriend, if you do happen to find said person, they might be completely different from what you expect, and did I say you have a boyfriend? Because you do, and may I remind you he is very jealous and possessive of you."
While Isabel might not sometimes agree with how possessive Jean could get sometimes, he often did it because he cared of Eren's safety.
"Then I won't tell, Jean."
"Eren."
"Look, let's say I did find this guy. But I would never meet up with him in a private area, it would be in a public area, and I would never give away my address to him, you think I have a death wish?"
It was one thing meeting up with the guy and having him stalk you are two completely different things.
The red head stared at her cousin, "I can tell there's nothing I can say to make you change your mind, huh?"
"Not at all."
"Just be careful, okay?"
"Promise."
Looking for Levi was definitely proving to be a challenge.
Eren had come across so many men with that name, but had yet to come up with an exact match with who he was looking for.
The brunet had been trying his absolute best to make sure no one knew what he was looking for.
He simply told Jean he was getting things for his parents done along with writing. The young man gave him the time and space he needed.
Eren just let Armin know he was really busy writing and not to disturb him. The blonde wished him good luck in his writing.
He relayed the same message to his friends about his writing and they also told him good luck and to keep up with the good ideas.
As you would imagine, Eren being the little shit that he is, paid very little attention to his writing and actually set out to do the very thing his cousin pretty much disapproved of, even if she said something otherwise.
The brunet cradled his head in his hands, thinking about every single last detail that would help him in his search.
Turns out, when you search up someone with the personality traits of; undercut, steel grey eyes, grumpy face with an equally grumpy attitude, short but could kick your ass, and a resting bitch face you get up to thousands of matches.
Yes, some of them did look like genuinely nice guys whose friends looked like they simply tampered with their account, and others...well, they could easily make Eren jail bait should he ever have the misfortune of going to prison.
If he did; delete his internet history.
Anyway, not the point here.
What the point here is, what could possibly narrow down his options?
Thinking of this more broadly was quickly getting him nowhere, and that's exactly what he wanted to avoid.
Now, he should stop and pause for several moments.
Eren leaned back in his chair, a slight squeak caused from the movement, and thought back to the things he knew for sure the captain liked.
Okay; tea, cleaning, training, seeing new trainees wet themselves, and killing titans.
Three of those are actually only possible in a human in the modern world.
So, with more time thrown into his research, he thought that he would go around town and visit all the tea shops, from family friendly to extravagant. Because who knows, maybe captain could actually be a wealthy person in this life, and Eren did not want to exclude the idea of him being in the upper class in society, nor the lower class.
Writing down all the directions of the shops in his phone, the brunet grabbed a jacket, made sure he had his wallet, keys, and set off to his first location.
If there was one thing that Eren could credit the captain for, it was that the man had the patience of a god to look through all those tea bags and pick out a favorite and not fall asleep with the soothing music this shop had been playing the entire time that he was here.
That's not to say that its a bad thing, it was just messing with his focusing a bit. Not to mention the wonderful array of aromas that was going through the small shop.
He did feel somewhat bad for constantly turning down the helpful clerks that noticed his constant roaming, but he was here to see if the captain gave this place any sense of thought.
As one would imagine, after three hours, two purchased tea bags and many apologizes later, the young man left the shop and crossed it off his list.
Well, better not lose hope now, he still had several other locations to scope out.
Eren groaned loudly as he plopped down onto his living room couch, painfully looking at the variety of teas he bought, and didn't need, staring right back at him from the coffee table.
Ultimately, his attempts at the tea shops were a complete fail.
He spent so much time in each of them, all of the clerks were being wary of him and eyed him as if he was there to steal something, which he swears that he did not.
Who knew that a man with those interests would be so hard to find? Oh that's right, he didn't take into account he was the only person who liked that stuff.
Yes, he had thought that perhaps that Levi didn't really exist, and was simply the inspiration at the moment which led to his character to being created.
But when he thought something along the lines of that, he felt like he wasn't seeing the bigger picture. He felt like he was lying to himself in some way that he wasn't really understanding.
Still, how would he feel this way without really knowing if the other existed?
Maybe he was just tired. With everything that he had been thinking about and feeling, he might have tired himself out more than he originally thought.
The brunet made himself more comfy on his couch and slowly drifted off.
"Yeager."
Said young man turned at the sound of his name, looking to his left he saw his captain approaching him, "Yes sir? Is there something that I can help you with?"
"Explaining to me why the hell you're out so late would be a start." The raven stood beside his subordinate, crossing his arms and leaning forward on the wooden railing.
Eren was quiet for a moment, "It's nothing you need to trouble yourself with, captain." It really was. He just went into another spiel about how life would have went if things didn't go so horribly wrong years before.
"If it keeps you distracted enough you mess up during training it is a concern. We need you focused, Yeager."
He could easily agree with him on that. The brunet did mess up a bit during training which caused his squad members to worry about him.
"Today is the day my mother died." He didn't even realize he began speaking. "It's always tough to keep living on without her, but today, it just feels even worse. The last time that I saw my mother was right before she got eaten by that titan, and she looked so happy that very morning, only for me to ruin it for being a brat."
The captain kept his silence, letting the young man continue speaking.
"I know its pointless to even think about it considering I saw her die, but I sometimes wonder how life would have been like if she were still alive. Maybe I wouldn't have entered the military as early as did me, Mikasa and Armin did. I know that mom didn't like the idea of me joining the survey corps, and she might have still tried to convince me of doing so. Maybe dad would have come back if he knew that we were all together."
Eren began gently tapping his left boot again the wood, "If mom did somehow convince me not to join, what would I have done with my life? She would probably tell me to become a doctor like dad, he would have taught me everything that he knows. Hell, maybe if I didn't like it I would have joined later on. Whose squad would I have ended up in? Perhaps not yours since there was nothing special about me to being with until my powers were found out." He rubbed the back of his head, sighing. "I'm sorry for rambling captain, this probably is really pointless to you."
"Not at all."
That caught him off guard, "What makes you say that, sir?"
Narrowed eyes focused on him, "Each member feels this way at some point, or every day much like yourself. There's nothing to be ashamed of or to think it's all pointless." Levi turned his attention back to the empty training grounds, crickets chirping in the back, "We're only human of course. We think this way because its a grieving process we'll perhaps never get over. That's a way of coping, and if that's what helps you get through each day, then who am I to judge you? Even thought I may be your captain, I'm in no position on how to tell you how to feel."
"You don't think I'm weak for this?"
"No. You're actually a strong person for admitting this to your commanding officer. I've seen cadets cry their eyes out and avoid talking who've caused greater damage to themselves by doing so. Give yourself some credit, Yeager."
"Thanks, captain."
"Sure brat."
"Eren."
The young man looked up from the book Armin lent to him, "Yes sir?" He had been sitting in the library for the last several hours after Hanji and commander Erwin granted him permission to be in there.
"I've been looking for you." The captain came to stand beside him. "I finished my paperwork some time ago and I thought you were still stopping by." His hand came up to stroke the brunet's hair.
"Ah, sorry. I got caught up in this book Armin gave me." He marked his page and showed the raven the cover.
"History of Shinganshina? Why would coconut give you that?"
"He got it from squad leader Hanji. She went into town a few days ago and thought Armin would enjoy this. He let me read it after he was done, he said it was really good. I might let Mikasa take a look at it too."
The captain had a faint smile on his face, if this is what made Eren just a little happier everyday, then he would gladly get all the books about his hometown that he could find for him.
Eren got up and rearranged everything back to the way it was supposed to be before they both left the library.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" The two were walking side by side, the book still in the others hand.
"Yeah. It was nice to have some time away for myself."
"If you really enjoy it that much, you have my permission to go into the library everyday if you like." Seeing that light in the younger's eyes did things to him.
Eren beamed at that, "Really? Thank you so much captain."
Over the passed several months, the two had formed a relationship.
Some might say it was to tame the loneliness that they both felt, and in some sense, it was right. However, it was also because they held mutual affection for the other.
The captain saw a loving person in the otherwise feared titan shifter.
Eren looked passed that tough exterior and learned to love the man who was awkward in expressing himself when it came to affection for another person.
Through that time together, they'd learned much about the other.
Levi obviously knew that Eren was originally from Shinganshina, and the captain himself was surprisingly from Trost.
They had aspirations that someday when they won, they agreed to visit each others home that weren't apart of some mission. Rather, on their own free will to show each other what they remembered.
Eren felt something warm against his palm, he looked down and saw the captain lightly threading their fingers together.
He gently pulled their fingers closer, making them clasp hands just a little more.
It's crazy to think that the man who he once idolized as a child, respected very much as a subordinate, and feared at one point, had come to love him back.
His mother did tell him as a child, that hard work did bring great things.
The young man then noticed he was being led into the captain's quarters. "Levi?"
"You look tired. All that reading looks like it drained you."
Well, he was right in that. He had eaten dinner in the library, Petra was kind enough to bring him some so he didn't sleep hungry for the night.
Levi took the book from his hands and placed it on his nightstand, "Go and change in the restroom. There are some clothes for you in my dresser." He then sat down on his bed and began taking off his boots.
The young man nodded, went to the dresser and found his spare clothes that he kept in case he and Levi decided to spend the night together.
When he came back out and dressed, his captain was already under the covers, staring up at the ceiling.
Making sure the door and windows were locked for the night, he finally laid down on the bed and felt himself being pulled towards his partner.
"Goodnight, Levi."
"Sleep well, Eren. Ah, and love?"
"Hmm?"
"Hurry up and find me again."
Eren woke up with a slight start, the light from the living room making his shield his eyes until they adjusted again.
He slowly sat up after a few minutes.
"What a weird dream again..." He muttered to himself.
Those dreams, no matter how short, always felt so real. The conversations, touches, everything felt so real and normal.
Getting his phone out of his pocket, he looked at the time, only to cringe slightly. Damn, he had been asleep for nearly five hours.
He sighed, since it was 11 o'clock he might as well kiss his sleep schedule goodbye for the night.
Reluctantly pushing himself up from his warm place on the couch, get made his way upstairs for a shower, and maybe think about what he'll do for the rest of the night.
In the process of getting all the shampoo out of his hair, he stopped.
During one of his dreams, he remembered talking about a girl named Mikasa and the fact that he seemed rather close to her. Just..who was she?
He didn't know a Mikasa in real life, at least not that he can seem to remember. And if he had at some point, she certainly didn't seem like the kind of person he wanted to be around at the time.
Eren isn't quite sure what made him suddenly think of this. Was it because she shared the same name as the captain? Or they somehow shared an uncanny resemblance.
The brunet could recall some facial features about her, black hair, narrow silver eyes, pale complexion, overprotective, strong, and quiet. He might not have seen her much in his dreams, but he saw enough to be able to remember that.
If she was a real person, maybe she could serve as a connection for him and the captain.
Eren let out a small laugh; here he goes overthinking everything again. That's what he gets for going too in depth on his dreams.
Turning off the water, he stepped out and got dressed.
Well, he might as well spend the night playing games.
Yawning into the palm of his hand, Eren made his way through his campus and hoped that he could wake up in time for class. Armin and Jean would both have his head if they found out he was sleeping in class again.
Turns out he really couldn't fall asleep after his nap on the couch.
If anything, he should have at least stopped playing games, maybe then his eyes wouldn't be hurting so much right now.
Going into his usual seat, he pulled out his materials, uncapped his cold water, took a long drink, and hoped what he read on the internet about water waking you up more than coffee held up to be true.
Several minutes went by, and the professor stood up.
"Everyone, we have a new student joining us today. She is a transfer student from Trost." She turned to her right and motioned for the person outside to enter.
Eren felt his breath completely halt.
The girl nodded towards everyone in the room, "Hello, my name is Mikasa Ackerman. It's nice to meet you."
...Maybe his dreams were fucking with him after all.
End of chapter 8.
Yeah, I honestly didn't think this shit would take me more than a year. Really, I could blame work, college, writers block and all that jazz. I could.