FOOLS RUSH IN:
Summary: Emma Swan has been married since she was five years old. Under the old oak tree, she wed Killian Jones, her neighbor. Then, he moved away, but made one final promise, that one day he would marry her for real. See what happens when he returns to make good on his promise.
Fools Rush in Chapter Five
Rating M for Mature
A/N: Thanks to CSBB for once again organizing an amazing event. I've been missing Captain Swan for the past year, and having this has helped so much! Thanks to Lana ( high-seas-swan) and Kaitlyn ( Spartanguard) for their beta help. Go check out Lana's story when you get a moment as well – it's amazing! Thanks to Rachel ( Ladyciaramiggles) for the art she has provided. Also, thanks to Kris ( sambethe) for the cover art for the story and for beta help! All of you have made this story what it is! Enjoy Chapter Five, things are starting to move along and I can't wait for everyone to read what I have in store! I know you won't be disappointed. Thanks for all the amazing reviews and likes.
Emma was never late for anything. Ever. It had been drilled in her mind since she was a little girl. If you arrived early to an event, you were on time. If you arrived on time, you were actually late, and if you arrived late, it was like you never showed up at all.
However, Emma was sure she was "late" in her own time. Normally, she would arrive somewhere around 45 minutes early. But in all her excitement and nerves, she arrived at Granny's thirty minutes before six PM. It actually threw her for a loop. She felt off a bit. She was pretty sure it was also the nerves.
Granny's calmed her a bit; when she walked in, she was engulfed in the familiar smells and sounds of the diner. She took a deep breath and walked back to the booth that had been hers since she was a few months old.
Her mother and Alice used to come to Granny's every week. More like a few times a week, actually. They always sat in the back of the diner, in the very last booth. It was close to the jukebox and bathrooms, which was needed with such young kids that they totted along. Granny even had a pack and play that the moms used to put the kids in.
So, since she was young, Granny's diner and that back booth felt like home. It was one of the main reasons she had chosen it when Killian wanted to meet. Granny's made her feel comfortable. It made her feel safe.
"Hey Emma, grilled cheese and onion rings coming right up," Ruby said to her as she passed by.
"Actually Ruby, hold off," Emma said in a somewhat meek voice.
Ruby stopped in her tracks. She turned to stare down one of her best friends. She put the pot of coffee she had been carrying down on the counter and walked back over to Emma.
Ruby had been friends with Emma since the first grade. In fact, Ruby was the first friend Emma made after Killian left. It took a while for Ruby to break through the walls Emma had built up, but when she did, she was fiercely loyal and supportive. Turns out, Emma and Ruby had more in common than they knew. Ruby's mother had felt like she wasn't a good mother and couldn't handle her pretty rebellious daughter, so she came to Storybrooke to live with her granny. So Ruby felt like she had been given up on, in a similar way to what Emma sometimes felt towards her birth parents. Her friendship with Ruby was different than her friendship with Mary Margaret and David. Ruby was the wild child. She had spent their college years roaming the country and partying. Ruby was never afraid to say just what she was thinking and she definitely wasn't afraid to go after what she wanted. When Emma needed someone to whip her into shape or give her the truth in a way that wasn't sugar-coated, she went to Ruby. When she needed someone to lift her up or when she needed a more peaceful explanation, she went to Mary Margaret.
"What's wrong?" Ruby asked leaning over the table.
Emma had sat down with her back to the entrance. She didn't want to see the exact moment when Killian walked in. Her heart couldn't take it.
"I'm just meeting someone," she said simply.
"What do you mean you are meeting someone? Emma Swan, are you on a date? Oh my god, you are on a date, why didn't you tell me? Spill!" Ruby's spitfire personality was coming out in her rapid-fire questions. To most people, it would be intimidating or a bit obnoxious, but Emma was used to it.
"Ruby, calm down," Emma began, "I am meeting Killian."
Ruby's eyes grew wide at the recognition of the name. Out of all of her friends, Ruby really saw how hurt Emma was when Killian stopped writing. She saw it first-hand.
"What?" Emma could see the shock in her friend's face as well as hear it in her voice.
"Yeah, well, I would have told you earlier, but I know you've been busy," Emma started. Ruby not only ran one of the hottest night clubs in the area, she helped run her grandmother's diner. On top of it all, she was going to school for her business degree, plus she kept up a relationship with one of the deputies in town, Graham, whom she met during her party years. She brought the Irishman back to town with her and they've been attached at the hip ever since. They may not be in a relationship like Mary Margaret and David; but what the two of them had worked for them.
"Whatever, you suck, get on with the story," she replied.
It relaxed Emma a bit to listen to Ruby. She knew the woman would never be truly mad at her, and her sarcasm made Emma smile.
"Well, he messaged me earlier in the week; he's moved back to town and wants to get together, to catch up is what he said," Emma smiled nervously.
"And you said yes?" Ruby asked.
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. I thought maybe I needed to get closure. I needed to see if that friendship was real or just something I made up in my head," she explained.
"You lasted longer than I would have. If I was you, I would have called him years ago and demanded answers. You're right though—you do need closure and you deserve to get some answers," Ruby added, reaching to take Emma's trembling hand in hers.
"I just don't know, Rubes, what if things are so different? What if he hates me?" Emma questioned, finally getting to the root of her fears.
The bell on the door jingled and Emma felt Ruby squeeze her hands.
Emma took in a deep breath, her shoulders tensing beneath her leather jacket that she had left on. Her armor was up. She didn't turn at all, not willing to face the door. She was almost positive the person who just walked through the door was Killian.
"Damn," she heard Ruby curse under her breath. "You got this Emma, you've waited years for this, so don't worry. You got this," she continued.
She gave Emma's hand another squeeze before letting go.
"By the way, he looks damn good," Ruby smiled as she turned to walk away.
Thanks a fucking lot Ruby, that didn't make me any less nervous she thought to herself. In fact, it really made her anxious. His looks were the least of her worry. She was still so concerned about what Killian might say to her, how their conversation might go, and what this all might lead to. The constant fear of the unknown is what was detrimental for her.
Emma could hear the rise and fall of what sounded like dress shoes. It was like time stood still, while at the same time moved at the speed of light. It was disorienting how her nerves were picking up. With each stomp of the shoe, with each click on the floor, her heart beat faster and faster. Her breathing, though, stayed deep. It was almost as if she was holding her breath in anticipation.
In those few moments, she was feeling every single emotion known to man. She was feeling regret, and not just about the meeting, but about every single feeling she had ever had towards Killian Jones. She was feeling excitement and a bit of restlessness over the man walking towards her, she couldn't wait to see him again after all these years. Yet, there was a feeling of dread as well, over all the questions that surrounded the meeting. She knew if they had kept in better touch, the meeting wouldn't have set her off the way it did.
All too soon, yet after what felt like a century, Killian Jones was standing right next to her.
"Hello, love; long time, no see," he said. His voice was unexpected. His accent was still there, but a bit heavier than when he was a kid. Of course, his voice was lower than when he was five, but there was a familiar tone behind it.
She was almost sure her jaw dropped when she really took in the man in front of her. His hair was a bit shaggy, probably not within regulation, but framed his face perfectly. It made him look just a bit moody, yet drop dead sexy. His bright blue eyes were more vibrant than ever. They tore into her more than she ever expected them to. Even though they were intense, there was something more behind them. Emma couldn't put her finger on it—was it pain? Was it fear? She wasn't sure. It didn't really matter because the rest of his face pulled her away.
He had a slight scruff. There was a little bit of red trickled throughout the beard that accented his jaw and mouth perfectly. She wanted to reach out and touch it, to feel the prickle of each hair as her hands rolled along his cheeks. She could see that his jaw was chiseled beneath the hair and she was stunned at how good he looked. He had definitely grown into his body and face; his ears didn't look too big, compared to what they were like as a kid.
"Holy shit," she breathed.
"It's good to see you, too," he laughed, an intoxicating and exciting sound.
She could do nothing but just keep staring at him. It was surreal to have him standing right in front of her like no time had passed at all. She was staring at someone who was just as much of a stranger as any other person on the street, but at the same time, it felt right. The instant her eyes met his, it felt like the worlds aligned and were made right.
"Come here," he said, reaching his hand out to her.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood up in expectancy. She was sure he was going to give her hand shake as she reached it out to place it in his.
There was a slight shockwave that went through her as her hand touched his for the first time over twenty years. The connection that sparked between them melted away all of her fears. All of a sudden, the clasp of their hands and his muscles pulling her up and out of the booth abated all those emotions that were pumping through her veins only moments before.
She couldn't remember what she was worried about in the first place as Killian steadied her and pulled her in for a hug.
Normally, Emma wasn't a hugger. She preferred her own personal space and really didn't allow people to just come in it. Only real friends were allowed to pop that bubble. In any other instance, Emma would have recoiled from the person in question; but as Killian's arms wrapped around her back and hips, she felt herself relax into him. It was like they were transported back in time to when they would stand under that oak tree.
She hadn't felt that good in a very long time. No one had calmed her down as quickly as he had done by simply pulling her into a hug. It felt so natural and right.
He was taller than she thought. His pictures didn't do his height justice. He wasn't super tall, but taller than she expected. Maybe it was because she was still in a way picturing the young boy she once knew, maybe it was because it was something she hadn't even thought of before, either way, she fit under his chin perfectly. She also began to think that she knew she would fit perfectly next to him when she wore heels, which wasn't often, but it was nice to know.
They probably spent longer than needed wrapped in the embrace, but they had so many years and hugs to make up for.
"Emma," she heard him sigh. There was something in his voice that ached when he said her name, almost like it was in pain from not actually saying it in such a long time.
She didn't respond, didn't want to break the little bubble that they were in. Sure, she felt better now that he was actually here in front of her. And yes, he did calm her, but she still didn't want to get down to the nitty gritty of things. Somehow, all the pain and suffering that she had dealt with for years before, which was a symptom of his leaving, disappeared. She was no longer mad, no longer upset, no longer in need of anything from him. She was just happy he was here, standing there, holding her. She just wanted to stay wrapped in his arms, where the past and present collided perfectly.
His hands were softly moving along her back, consoling her a bit. It was like he instinctively knew that she needed him to help her through all of this. She couldn't tell if he was a nervous as her or if he was just playing it off cool.
"Alright Em, you gonna order now or not?" she heard a voice from nearby. Of course Ruby was going to interrupt their moment. She knew though, if Ruby hadn't stepped in, in her own Ruby way, they would have stayed entangled. It was time they entered the real world and really get to see each other.
"Ummm, right," she said, pulling away from Killian and returning to her seat. She immediately missed the pressure of him, and wanted the trailing of his fingers on her back to continue.
He sat down directly across from her.
"The usual, Ruby," she whispered.
"I'll get the same," Killian replied as well, a slight grin on his face.
Emma stared at him. Confusion laced her face, and he laughed slightly at it.
"Do you even know what you are getting?" she asked, a little bit annoyed with the cockiness and laughter that he was depicting.
"I'm pretty sure I just ordered a grilled cheese, with the bread burnt just a bit, with an extra side of onion rings and a hot chocolate with a sprinkling of cinnamon," he said with conviction.
She was stunned. Stunned that he remembered the things he did. She wondered what else he could remember about their childhood. Emma had been ordering the same thing since she was five. Most people's palates would have changed over the years, changing their favorite food or order at a restaurant, but not Emma.
"You did," she smiled at him, her annoyance melting away a bit.
Awkward silence fell around the table though after her statement. Neither one of them were sure what to say or how to start things. It was very weird. They knew each other, or at least knew some things, so they didn't need to go through the initial getting-to-know-you stage of first dates. Was it even a first date? Emma thought. Yet, they hadn't seen each other in so long that maybe they did need to do that. That was why there was such a bizarre and weird pause in their conversation.
To her, it was strange that she would feel so comfortable hugging the man who sat across from her, but at the same time feel so odd talking to him.
"So," he began just as she started to speak. "This is awkward."
She had only gotten out the word "I" before he finished.
"Yeah, it is," she said instead of what she was going to say.
"Listen, Emma, I just wanted to say," he tried to start before she cut him off. She knew what was coming and truthfully, she wasn't sure if she was ready to hear it.
"You don't have to say anything," she interrupted, the confidence behind her voice wavering.
"Yes love, I do. I am so sorry. Truly. I am sorry I stopped writing. I am so sorry I ghosted. I never wanted to harm you in any way, yet I did. I broke the trust we had and ruined our friendship, all because of my inability to get past what happened to me. It was wrong of me," his voice trembled a bit with his confession.
"You don't have to apologize," she tried to say, but he waved her off.
"I do, though. You were my best friend, Emma. You were my anchor and rock for so long, and I just threw it all away because I was a scared little boy who didn't know how to process my feelings," he declared.
She was at a loss of what to say. She could see the pain and sadness behind his eyes, and they pulled her into him. It was like she was actually feeling exactly what he was feeling, all because of the way his eyes dug into her soul.
"I'm not sure you know, but ma died about a year after we left to go back to Ireland," he started again.
"Killian, stop, you don't need to say anything else, I get it," but he wouldn't let her continue.
"Emma, please, you deserve an explanation, you deserve to hear just what happened and why," he began, a look of pleading crossing his face.
She really didn't want to have him explain what happened. Especially not when she saw the heartache swirling in the blues of his irises. She didn't want him to have to relive all those devastating memories. She didn't care anymore. But the imploring look he was giving her softened her stance. And, she knew when she looked back on this time; she would want to know exactly what happened. She didn't want to be lying in bed that night, away from his presence, and be pissed at herself for not finding out why.
"Alright," she conceded.
"When we left Storybrooke, I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen. I never recovered from leaving home when my ma told me she had cancer, then I hadn't recovered from that news when my dad said he was leaving for good, nothing got better, then ma died. I was so depressed and alone," he accounted and Emma's heart fell into her stomach. The sadness in his voice was crushing and instinctively she reached out to hold his hand.
"I stopped writing because I didn't want to have to tell you. I didn't want to be the person to tell you about ma. I know you loved her and I couldn't be the person to break it to you. Also, I had lost everything. First, with the move, I lost you, I lost our friendship, and I was broken. Then ma got sick, and I could see her slipping away, nothing I could do to stop it. Then dad left, which in the end was a blessing, but still something that left me broken. Finally, I lost my brother. Sure, he was still there, but he was no longer just my brother—he was my mother and father now, too, so our relationship changed. I hadn't been able to recover from all of those issues, and I didn't think I could stand to lose one more thing. And something told me that I would eventually lose you, too, so I spared myself. I know you didn't deserve that, and for that I'm truly sorry," he finished.
Emma could feel the broken child in Killian, the small boy who never recovered from the trauma he'd been dealt at such an early age.
"I'm sorry, too, you know," her voice steadily said, admitting something she didn't think she would. "I didn't know your mom died until I was sixteen. My mom and dad were making a slide show for my party and came across a photo of me and you that your mom took. My mom didn't actually say what happened, but I understood enough. It wasn't long after that when I found you on MySpace. I should have reached out sooner."
She knew that he wasn't the only one to blame in their friendship's rollercoaster ride. She didn't try, just as much as he stopped writing.
"No, love, you shouldn't be sorry. You did nothing wrong, I should have reached out to you as well," and Emma couldn't help but smile a bit at his willingness to fall on the sword and take all the blame.
"How about this," she offered, "we are both sorry and we both promise to not let it happen again."
She watched him as her words settled in his mind. She watched as a large smile crossed his face, a brightness returning to his eyes.
"You mean you forgive me for my ungentlemanly like behavior and extreme misguidance?" He asked.
"Of course; you're my best friend, after all," she smiled back at him.
"Aye, and you have always been mine. Even when we weren't speaking, you were always my best friend, Swan."
"Alright then," she agreed, and just in time, too, as their order had appeared along with Ruby carrying them.
"Two grilled cheeses, onion rings and hot chocolates. Enjoy your meal, children," she said with a hint of sarcasm. It was something she had done for years with Emma. She always made fun of her for getting something that should have been on the kid's menus, but Emma didn't care. What she had was comfort food, and was perfect for her reunion.
"Thanks, Ruby," she called after her friend, who just waved a hand in acknowledgement.
"So, Swan, tell me, what has your life been like?" Killian restarted the conversation.
"Jumping right in there, are we?" she responded.
"I have a lot to catch up on," he winked as he took a bite of a greasy onion ring.
"That you do, Jones," she agreed, "well, where to start?"
"Anywhere; tell me what you would tell a date," he suggested.
Emma felt shivers go down her spine as she almost choked on a piece of grilled cheese as the words he said resonated. She had been thinking this was a date, but to hear him say it—for him to even think about it—was shocking. She also knew that while she thought it was a date, it wasn't a real date-date; there would be no passionate kiss in a doorway at the end of the night, no awkward conversations about if there would be a second date. No, this date was going to be just a one-time thing.
"Well, that's gonna be a bit hard for me," she began, making Killian cock an eyebrow at her statement. "It's been quite a while since I've been on a date."
"Me too, actually," he confessed. "So how about just start from when I left."
The last part of his statement still had a twinge of guilt and remorse to it. She wondered how long they would both still some regret over their past.
"Well, like I told you in one letter, that's when I met Ruby over there," she began, gesturing towards her friend who now looking at her bending over to pick up a napkin off the floor, had to agree with Granny that sometimes she could tone down her wardrobe.
"Nothing much really happened until high school. Nothing much ever really happens here, you know. Mom and Dad put me in dance for a while, and that was a waste of time, I still don't have rhythm. They put me in softball after that, and that kept me pretty busy. I joined the varsity softball team freshman year."
"No boyfriend?" he asked, trying to be nonchalant about it.
"There was one guy, Neal, but it wasn't really a relationship. At least not in his eyes. We dated my junior and senior year, but yeah. It didn't go anywhere. But it did make for a funny story in college," she recounted.
"Tell me," he almost demanded, a slice of grilled cheese close to his mouth waiting to be devoured.
"Well, I caught him cheating on me with my physiology lab partner, in my car, in the school parking lot. I literally leaned in through the window, said he better clean it up, punched him in the nose, and walked back into school. It was during lunch, too, so lots of people saw. I remember a few people coming up to me and telling me how badass I was," she recalled.
He laughed at her story, never losing the interaction with her. He was listening so intently to her life and story.
"Sounds like a douche to me; I'm glad you hit him," he said.
"You should be; it was your mom's car, actually."
"I knew that bug looked familiar," he admitted.
"Yeah, I guess when you all moved, your mom asked my parents to look after the house and the cars. Maybe she was hoping to come back eventually. However, about three months later, the house was up for sale, but the car moved to our driveway. For my sixteenth birthday, they gifted the bug to me. I've had him ever since; Fezzik even went with me to college," she chattered.
"Fezzik?" he inquired.
"You know my love for The Princess Bride. Plus, your mom loved the movie, too. She always said Fezzik was her favorite character. He was strong and sturdy, dependable, but lovable and kind all at the same time - just what any girl should look for in a guy, my mom told me is what she used to say. So I thought it fitting," she smiled at the memory.
"It's a fitting name then. So, how far did Fezzik travel then?" he questioned.
"All the way to Virginia. I received a softball scholarship from them, so it was a no brainer." She continued, "It was there that I met Mary Margaret. I met her in orientation; she was actually one of the only people to talk to me that day. Next thing I knew, I had a new roommate and a new best friend. She even followed me here to Storybrooke when we graduated."
"I'm glad you found someone," he said, not saying much, which told Emma he wanted her to continue on.
"Well, I started off thinking that I would go into social work—you know, help kids who are in the system; but thankfully that didn't happen. I happened to take a class with Mary Margaret during what is called Spring Term; a three-week intensive class. It was a practicum in education. We were placed in schools and told to sink or swim. I was so nervous, thinking I had made a huge, huge mistake, but by the end of the day, I knew I had found what I was always meant to do."
He was staring at her so intently. His eyes never left her. He was enthralled. He had even stopped eating to just listen to her. She was surprised by the act. No one had ever watched her, listened to her, the way he was doing right now. She had been on a few dates in college, and not one of the guys were ever as interested in what she was saying. Killian's eyes played his emotions during each sentence she spun.
"Wow Emma, that is amazing," he added, but again, the words felt more like an encouragement for her to keep talking. It was weird and foreign for her to talk this much, but something inside of her wanted to make sure Killian knew everything. She wanted it to be like she had never lost her best friend, like he had been by her side through it all.
"Every day that I have been in a classroom since then has been amazing. You know how people say to find a job that makes you feel like you're not really working; well, that is what teaching is for me. I never feel like I'm actually working when I'm in my classroom."
"Well, love, you seem to have everything together. I'm not going to lie, I've looked at your Facebook quite a lot, and you always seemed so happy; but to hear you talk about your life, the more I see you here, the more I know you really are happy. So maybe what happened in the past was meant to happen, all so that you could have this wonderful life," he concluded, a tone hinting that it was something he truly believed. She had to believe it as well.
Maybe it was like the butterfly effect. If Killian had never left; then Emma's life would have been a thousand perfect different.
"Alright then, Jones, you know all about what my life has been like," she said in between bites of the food she hadn't quite gotten around to eating, "so, tell me about yours."
"I have to admit that mine may be a little more dramatic and less wonderful than yours, love," he lamented.
"I would still love to hear about it," she almost begged.
"Alright, settle in then, Swan, you're in for a bumpy ride," he teased and began his tale.
"So I'll spare you the really horrid details of the year before my ma passed. But, the not so bright highlights are: my dad was a drunken asshole who said he wished he had never had us or been with ma and left her right as she was beginning chemo. Ma died and things went from bad to what I thought was worse. Liam was almost old enough to take over custody of me, but there was two months left till his eighteenth birthday, so they sent me to live with my dad's aunt, Cruella," he blanched.
"Wait, I'm sorry, Cruella is her name?" Emma tried to hold back the laughter in her voice.
"Actually yes, I don't know why or how, but that was the woman's name. Truly," he said with a smile to his voice, clearly understanding the humor behind his words. "But, at the time, I didn't find the name very funny. She was a ghastly old woman, who looked like she was going to blow a lung at any moment. She smelled of urine and smoke, smoked a good three packs a day, and had a very strange obsession with her dogs. But, at least I had a house and a room. And, unlike some of the other kids I've known who've ended up in the same situation; she didn't beat me or abuse me. She was just indifferent to my presence.
"That sounds horrible, though," Emma agreed.
"It was, but it was only for a short time. Liam graduated and turned eighteen, so he legally adopted me and moved me back home. We lived in the same apartment ma had moved us into. Liam gave up his dreams to take care of me. He got a job working at a construction group nearby, that actually paid a decent wage, but I could tell he was angry about the whole situation. I mean, I can't imagine, losing your family then being told you were your brother's only hope and hero. I don't think I could ever pay him back for the things he has done for me, ya know? What do you get for someone that gave up their dreams to just take care of you?" he wondered.
Emma couldn't do anything by shrug her shoulders. It was the same feeling she felt towards the Swans at times. How could she ever pay them back for taking her into their home at such a young age and raising her as if she was truly their flesh and blood child, bringing her up to be the person she was today? They were burdened with all of her bills, spent thousands of dollars over the years. She never could truly give them back what they gave to her. It was one of the reasons she wanted to foster and adopt - because it was the only thing she could think of.
"Liam took care of me for the next 11 years. He went to every school function, was at every soccer game, and made every parent/teacher conference. He wanted to make sure that I had a normal childhood, since the first couple of years weren't so normal. When I graduated high school, Liam decided to return to the States. He had kept in touch with his girlfriend here, and he found a great job running a construction company; that he took the opportunity. Since, as he so lovingly and sarcastically put it, he didn't have his younger brother sucking his teet anymore."
Emma snorted into her hot chocolate at the saying. It had been just as long since she had seen or talked to Liam, but she remembered him fondly. He wasn't the traditional big brother - he really protected Killian and didn't make fun of him, in the way most older brothers did. His joking was always clear as day and was always loving; Killian always hated being called the little brother, he prefered younger, but Liam always called him little. She could see him now, joking around with Killian and saying exactly that.
Killian composed himself, as he had joined in on the laughter that Emma was possessing and began his story once again.
"College was amazing for me. I went to Uni in Dublin, taking classes in engineering and history. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do at the time, and those classes attracted me. During my senior year, I took an engineering class that was all about ships and boats, and it hit me. The Navy would be perfect for me - plus it would allow me to travel, something that had always interested me. So, after graduation, I applied to the Navy and their Officer's school," he recounted.
"Was it hard?" Emma asked.
"In a way, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Turns out having a drunk for a dad prepares you for getting screamed at and called names. I also knew that it wasn't forever, and soon I would be traveling around and doing something that meant something. My first station was in California. Immediately, I was sent on deployment. I got to travel the South Pacific and it was amazing."
"Really? What was your favorite destination?" she probed.
"It's hard to say. You know, I've been in for around seven years and been to so many places. I really enjoyed Germany; I was there for a month doing training and auditing. I also really enjoyed Thailand - it was the first place our ship stopped during my first deployment. But, I would have to say that India was my favorite place. It was the first time the US had stopped a ship there in years, and we were met with such warm welcome, plus the food was amazing," he added, with a light air in his voice.
"I'm jealous; I never got to travel anywhere, other than a Spring Break trip with Mary Margaret to Mexico during our junior year," she added.
"Well, then you've been somewhere I haven't," he smiled.
From there, their conversation flourished. The anxiety and apprehension that could be felt at the start of the meal had completely vanished. The air surrounding them was now free and lighthearted.
They spent the next almost two hours talking about anything and everything. They talked about Liam and Mary Margaret, they talked about their favorite memories over the past twenty-some years. They talked about Emma's classes and Killian's duties at his command. Time passed so quickly, and she knew the night was about to come to an end. She had wished they had done lunch instead of dinner so she could have more time just talking to him.
"So love, is there anything else that we should discuss?" he asked.
"There is one other thing," she spoke, knowing she had to tell him something else before they could move forward with whatever friendship they were going to have.
"And what is that?" he wondered.
"Ummm…." she wasn't quite sure how to get out the words. But, he told her to treat this like it was a first date, and it was definitely something that one should speak about on a first date.
"You know you can tell me anything, right, Swan?" he reached across and grabbed her hand. He skirted his fingers across the back of her hand, sending the hairs on her arm and neck upright.
"I also have a son," she blew out in a rapid fire of words. She watched as Killian's face went from understanding and caring to bewildered and confused.
"Oh my God," he responded in a state of shock. Emma could sense that it wasn't so much of a state of horrified shock, but more of disbelief. Emma did recall that Killian mentioned he had been watching her Facebook. Emma never posted about Henry there. She knew that it could jeopardize the adoption; but at the same time, what Henry and she had was special and she didn't need what were essentially strangers weighing in on her personal life. So of course, he would come as a shock to him.
"Yeah," she added, unsure of what to really say to his response.
"When did you have him?" he questioned, finally looking up to Emma. She thought she saw a twinge of sadness behind his eyes. The blue that she noted before was no longer as bright and energetic.
"I didn't actually," she returned, "Actually; Henry isn't even my son yet."
A look of sheer and utter confusion crossed his face.
"Let me start over again. About two years ago, I was volunteering at a local group home—the one I would have been sent to, actually. I met a young boy named Henry there. He had been bounced around the system since he was abandoned at a fire station. He isn't a bad kid, very inquisitive and bright, always searching for an answer, and has a huge imagination - so I couldn't understand why he hadn't been taken in somewhere yet. Over the course of a few weeks, I applied to become a foster mom. The second I was approved, I took Henry in. I'm currently trying to officially adopt him."
"Emma, I'm not really sure what to say," he started, but only pausing for a second. "I think it's absolutely incredible that you are opening your home and heart to this young lad. You were always a caring and loving person; it just makes sense that you would do this."
"You seem relieved almost," she pondered, almost redacting her words as soon as she stated them.
"Relieved isn't really the word, Swan, but more or less it's what I feel. I was worried there for a minute," he admitted.
"Really?" she questioned.
"Well, yeah; I was a bit worried that maybe there was a special man in your life," he confessed.
"Why would that worry you?" she asked, with a look of questioning. Yet, at the same time, Emma had a spark lit. Did Killian really just admit to being a bit jealous that someone else may have been in her life, in an intimate way?
"Do you not remember our promise?"
"We made a lot of promises, Killian," she sighed, with a bit of anger in her voice. He had made promises in the past he broke, while there were others that he never could complete.
"I promised that one day I would come home, here to Storybrooke, and marry you for real," he said, with a bit of apprehension in his voice.
"Wait, you mean you want to actually follow through on that?" she said flabbergasted.
"Maybe," he said, leaning down on one hand, resting his chin on it and giving her a slight playful smile and a wink.
She thought about it for a second, trying to see if she could figure out if he was joking or not. She couldn't tell, though; his face held something that said he was serious, but the way he was sitting and the way he talked about it said he was joking as well.
"Swan, look at me," he said, pulling her from her thoughts. She hadn't realized that a few minutes had passed and she had been staring down at her empty plate. There were so many things going through her mind. She had just gotten comfortable with Killian back in her life, finally let go of all the pain she had felt for years over him, the anxiety that had been running rampid in her system was finally subsiding, all to be met with bewilderment when he surprised her with that question. Her brain began to play ping pong around what her answer might be.
She looked into those blazing eyes of his.
"I was kidding, love," he said, but his voice and face were not as animated or excited as before.
She just nodded.
"Well, I think that ended our evening," he concluded.
He looked just as she felt - deflated. They had started the night off awkward, then fell into a wonderful give and take that felt natural and carefree, and now they were ending the night almost as they started.
Killian walked Emma to her bug. They didn't say anything to each other. Silence hung in the air and cast a spell over the night. She did steal some glances at him as he paid the bill at the till, as he opened the door for her as they left, as he walked in time with her. He looked filled with regret.
"Listen, Killian, I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard," she tried to explain.
"It's no big deal," he tried to play it off.
"No, it is. We are just getting to know each other again, and when you brought up, it just wasn't what I was expecting, especially after me telling you about Henry," she sputtered.
"I'm sure you felt the same way I felt when you mentioned Henry," he guessed.
"Probably," she confirmed.
"So, don't worry about it. OK?" he asked.
"OK, so, this is me," she said, pointing to her car as they reached the parking spot.
"It was wonderful seeing you again, Emma; it has been too long," he said, pulling her into a tight hug.
She didn't want to break the hug, so she stood there with Killian wrapped around her smaller frame. She linked her hands behind his back tight, so she wouldn't let go. She took in everything again—the way he felt, the tightness in his biceps as he squeezed, the smell of him.
"Alright, love; I'll see you soon," he said, finally letting go.
"Thanks for dinner, Killian," she responded as she got into her car, rolling down the window to say one final goodbye.
"Be safe, Swan," he said, leaning down to give her hand, which sat on the window, a small squeeze.
He let go, turned to walk back down the street towards where he parked his car, when she had the craziest idea.
"Hey, Killian," she yelled, getting his attention, having him turn back to her with a slightly confused face and arched eyebrow. "If you were serious, I would think about it."
She didn't give him the time to answer, rolling out of her spot and back towards her house, with a smile on her face and a laugh on her tongue.
Even though she was laughing, she knew she was serious.
As she laid down her head to go to bed, she began to wonder about the promise they had made and what the heck she was thinking when she told him she would think about.
Could she really marry Killian Jones just based off of a promise he had made when he was young?
In her mind, she began to make a pros and cons list.
Pros: she knew him—even if it had been years, she knew Killian and knew his heart; she trusted him to take care of her; and she was attracted to him - she had to admit he had grown into his features and a simple hug from him sent shockwaves through her system. Another pro that went through her mind had to do with Henry. Just this week, she was told that without someone sharing the "burden," then she would always be denied the adoption, and here was Killian, giving her the opportunity to finally and officially be Henry's mom.
Cons: they hadn't been in contact in years—what if he isn't really who he seems to be?; she didn't trust him to not leave again; and with Henry now in the picture, she worried that he may get too close to Killian, like she did once, just to have his heart broken. It was also all so quick, and she wasn't really sure if he truly meant it. He said he was joking but what if he was just saying that to make her feel better about her reaction?
She decided to sleep on it, and maybe her dreams would give her the answer.