Uses of a hyperadvanced anachronistic smartphone apparently include watching television.
I know, right? Amazing. Like something you'd see out of a sci-fi story.
I jumped another roof and snorted to myself. The far future of the twenty-tens is certainly amazing, I snarked to myself. Maybe I can uplift these primitives to the point of using streaming services, too.
According to my hyper-advanced technology that even Batman would be jealous of, Parasite was busy doing… well, whatever he felt like doing, on the other side of town. I clicked off of the news, continuing my rooftop run- with knowledge of his location to improve my stealth route, I was making good progress towards STAR Labs.
As you might expect from a place doing potentially-dangerous science of the potentially-mad variety, it wasn't especially near the skyscrapers. It was on the tip of a little peninsula-slash-islet, depending on if you considered the thin thread of rock connecting it to the road and land beyond to be enough for classifying as a connection. I could see it from here, hopping along above and between the buildings of the shorefront.
The last few hundred metres of buildings I covered quickly enough- the similar heights of the buildings made roof-running easy, not to mention the fact that I'd just given myself super-powers. Now I'd had time to not spontaneously mutate into a kryptonian abomination, I felt almost… giddy.
No, scratch that, I did feel giddy. Saying otherwise was a blatant miscommunication of the feeling of having superpowers. Maybe if I wanted to pick up some fine china or something, I'd change my mind, but right now? Being able to leap a distance further than I was tall (not all that impressive, given my height, but still) made me feel like I could punch Superman in the face and get away with it.
I hopped down a building, kicking off one wall to-
-miss and dive face-first into the wall opposite, bonking comically off and ending up landing butt-first on a (fortunately closed) trash… giant cuboidal bin thing. A garbage bin, I think they're called. "Ow," I said, rubbing my tailbone as I stood up and hopped down the bin rather more successfully than the building. "Batman makes it look too easy."
Well, I thought, at least I've had my assigned post-powers kick to the ego.
I got up, and checked my phone's assigned route, reorienting myself. That alley, I noted, and headed through at a light jog.
I slipped through between the buildings. There wasn't anybody around, as far as I could tell- the bridge was too small to be a major route, and it was closed due to the Parasite chemical spill just to compound that fact.
(Compound. Snerk. No chemistry puns intended.)
So these outskirts didn't have many cars, and a deranged supervillain flying around was not precisely helpful for making people want to go out and do some seaside shopping or whatever they did around here. It was, however, helpful for getting around on foot, since I wouldn't be seen by…
...It's helpful if you're a feared masked vigilante in Gotham, I thought, with a mental facepalm. And not if you're an adorable small child in Metropolis daylight that isn't wanted by the cops whatsoever.
Eeyup, that confirmed it- I'd spent far too long with Batman and Robin. Some good old-fashioned… newfangled, I suppose…? Whatever it was, a bit of Metropolis super-vigilantism would do me good.
I picked up speed as I entered the open- I wanted to cover the bridges quickly. I had no clue if or when Parasite would get back, and I had no interest in being spotted by him if he came back for a quick pick-me-up...
It turned out to be an unfounded concern. I reached the front gates- or rather, the lack thereof, considering they'd been rammed into oblivion by a car during the original theft that started this whole mess- with a feeling of palpable relief, despite the news confirming I'd never been at risk in the first place. I was halfway past the security station, going through the unblocked entrance to the facility, when I heard a startled noise beside me.
Oh, right, I thought. There's guards here, and a mop of… I paused for a moment- I still hadn't quite decided if my hair was blonde or ginger, and I was no closer to finding an answer than I had been three weeks ago. ...whatever colour my hair is just walked past. It probably would have been funnier if I'd been wearing the new version's top hat, because top hats, but I had to suppress my giggles at the thought of it nevertheless.
(Yes, I did replace that headband with a top hat to become the most blatant ripoff known to mankind. Sue me.)
I turned back to actually get permission to go in. "Hello there!" I said. "It's Framework, I was helping out with the whole Parasite thing. I was wondering if I could go and see if there's any more clues or something inside?"
The guard- a white-haired man with a big, bushy moustache- looked at me incredulously.
"...Oh, what the heck," he said, shrugging. "You got the credit on the news- that's good enough for me. Sure…" I beamed at him as he rummaged below his desk for a second. "...Here's the sign-in form and a name tag. I suppose you'd be a consultant."
"Thank you!" I replied, with the overearnest voice expected of any small child thanking literally anybody.
"It's no problem, little lady," he replied. "Just make sure you sign in at the front desk, y'hear?"
"Of course! I will!" I replied, trotting off to the entrance.
The lady at the front desk was equally bemused, but Metropolis as a whole seemed to have just said 'Screw it, we're Gotham but with all the edginess thrown into space by our city's new favourite superhero' immediately after a flying man in underwear beat the crap out of a super mega ducky.
...It sounded ridiculous now I said it out loud. Of course, it had been equally ridiculous at the time, but…
Actually there was no way around saying it was ridiculous and I wasn't quite sure why I was attempting to do so.
Such inane nonsense had to be put on hold, though, when a man with square glasses and short, tidy brown hair walked in. I recognised him on sight, and smiled, standing up.
"Framework?" he questioned, adjusting his glasses to account for his raised eyebrows. I got the impression he wasn't the sort to smile much- but I was reminded of the lines from that old Roald Dahl book about how some people didn't need to smile to look happy.
He seemed more the sort to smile with his eyebrows, though. They were very expressive eyebrows, I had to admit, the sort that you could imagine doing little mexican waves if he put some effort into it.
"Emil Hamilton," he introduced. Again, there wasn't anything particularly notable about his tone of voice- I couldn't call him pleased, or excited, or anything- but there was a certain general feeling of positivity I could put to his words even if I couldn't point to a reason why.
"It's a pleasure to meet you!" I replied- then had a small feeling of deja-vu from my past life. "...Wait, are you a Professor or a Doctor?"
"Ah- both, but most people call me Professor Hamilton rather than Doctor," he said. (I wanted to call his voice kindly, but again, he seemed to be simultaneously expressive and unexpressive for reasons I couldn't quite explain.)
"It's a pleasure to meet you, then, Professor Hamilton." We shook hands, and I followed him in.
"So, you're an associate of Superman?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "Alas, I can't explain much beyond that- non-interference clauses and whatnot, y'see."
"Hmm," said Hamilton. "And you're an adult of your species?"
"Oh, no," I replied. "We just reach mental maturity before physical maturity- it's pretty much the opposite of your own kind."
He accepted my completely bullshit answer without qualm. We talked as we walked- mostly technobabble, which resulted in me gorging myself on biscuits in his office as he shared a theory on how we could defeat Parasite.
"We both agree that Parasite gains his powers from absorbing the bioelectricity of others," he stated, summing up his previous points. "And we hypothesise it's likely to take similar patterns- that is, if he absorbs the strengths of a creature, he also absorbs their weaknesses."
"Mrph-rmph," I grunted, trying not to get crumbs everywhere as I regretted overstuffing my face.
(This was not an uncommon occurrence.)
"The issue is, we currently have no materials able to harm Superman," he explained. "But absorbing the bioelectricity of an animal of equal size wouldn't provide any material weaknesses that would caused the bioelectricity to be expulsed from him- it would only make other toxins more dangerous."
I gulped. "Which means we can't just have him drain a dog and shoot chocolate darts unless we want him to have severe kidney damage," I summarised.
"Of course," Hamilton agreed. "But we do agree that he's effectively saturated- that is, additional exposure wouldn't harm him."
"Uh-huh," I said, nodding along. I was interested to see where he was going with this.
"In its original form," Emil explained, "we used it as a bonding agent, as you're aware- dissolving a sample in it, then reapplying to another. The unique properties, however, were its electrical properties. Mr Jones uses it to gather bioelectricity to where it's densest- that is, himself, thanks to the alterations to his tissues."
"But I'm guessing there's a reason behind the whole electrical thing," I noted. "Something that would help us?"
"Yes," he replied. "We applied electrical charges to purify it once it had catalysed a particular mixture- a reusable solvent," he explained, "and an extremely effective industrial chemical, all at once." His eyebrows twitched downwards. "It could have revolutionised industry, to be quite honest with you- but unfortunately, I can't allow it to pass any sort of examination now it's created a monster."
I hummed, making a generic noise of sympathy. I'm sure LexCorp wouldn't have those issues, I thought. We need more people like you, friend.
"But if we applied a quantity of it, at greater volumes than that which leached into himself…" he said. "And use those same calculations to determine the precise electrical power needed…"
"...Then we could use those same properties on him, but at a larger scale," I realised. "You couldn't use it to get it out of him... but the bioenergy's got a much weaker grip. With an application of more of the chemical, you could just pull the bioenergy right out! That's genius!"
Emil looked a little bashful at that. "Oh, it's just reapplication of old thoughts," he responded. "But we'd still have to get a sample of the material- a few buckets' worth, perhaps- if we wanted to do that."
"Is there any left over?"
"Hmm… Yes," said Emil. "It's just in…"
He paused.
"Oh," he realised. "They're loading it for destruction."
"...Great," I groaned. "When did they do that?"
Emil checked the time. "Two minutes ago," he said.
"Wait what." I sprang from my seat, taking out my phone. "Where's it headed?" I asked him.
"Yarnall Biological Waste," he told me.
"Great!" I replied, a surge of gladness rushing through me- that wasn't too far away. I started setting the route. "I- have you got a radio or something?"
He headed quickly to a desk. "I made these contactors for Superman," he said, presenting me a small, watch-like apparatus. "This one was too small, and a bit flimsy besides- but you should be able to use it just fine."
"Thanks, Professor!" I replied, grabbing it and throwing it around my wrist, giving it a tight tug. "You get to work on those calculations. I'll try catch that disposal truck for you!"
"Of course," replied Emil, as I hurried out of the door. "Be careful!" he called down the corridor as I ran for the exit.
I was already headed down the road by the time I realised that yes, I had just completely forgotten to get Superman out of the basement he was currently trapped in.
Woop woop. Forgetting to get somebody un-kidnapped because you were busy talking about cool science stuff. Lena Luthor, Superman's Pal of the Year confirmed. Eat that, Olsen.
There was no time for stealth- I ran as fast as I could down the main street, almost stumbling once or twice, but managing to stay on my feet nevertheless. I could make it with time to spare, as long as there weren't any interruptions. C'mon, I thought, c'mon…
I yelped as something impacted beside me, startling me to a stop. It took me a second to realise that an AC unit had just hit the ground beside me, nuts and bolts splashing everywhere and bouncing off my cape.
A familiar purple shape hovered over me. "What do you think you're doing, running around so fast, you little twerp?" demanded Parasite.
Parasite, the guy with a one-hit-KO attack and the speed and strength of Superman.
Well, shit, I thought, and dived to the side as he charged in for an attack.