The first half of this chapter went MIA right before I finished the second half. And I accidently saved it that way. I was So upset. Anyway. This chapter is teetering on the line between T and M. Language, suggestive comments, etc. No explicit content/lemony stuff. Yet.
Hiro Mashima wrote Fairy Tail. We all know this. Why do I have to keep repeating it?
XxXxXxXxX
Living with Evergreen was delightful. At least the two days Lucy had experienced so far had been. Evergreen was fun. She didn't shop as violently as Erza, and she knew how to keep a secret when gossiping, unlike a certain barmaid.
She had discovered during last night's movie and pizza night with the team that both Ever and Bix were intense cuddlers. Once she got over Bickslow's complete disregard for her personal space she shrugged and just enjoyed soaking up the love. Laxus and Freed had smirked at them from their own chairs. The former more than the later. Apparently they had fallen asleep, because she had woken up in the middle of the night pinned under a pile of blankets and limbs with no rune mage or dragon slayer in sight. She thought about it for a minute, decided why not, and fell back asleep.
Now there was sunlight glowing through her eyelids. The smallest of wiggles revealed a still sleeping Ever and cold emptiness where Bix had been. Her bladder forced her from her safe, warm spot and the smell of eggs drew her to the kitchen after that. She stood and blinked at the sight before her for a long moment before speaking.
"Bix, where is your shirt?"
"In the washer with the rest of my cloths. It should be ready to put in the dryer soon." *wash wash, dry soon.
"Why are you cooking breakfast naked?"
"Because it's breakfast time. Good morning by the way." *morning, morning, rise and shine. "And I'm not naked. I'm wearing sweats and an apron." And what an apron it was. The loads of green sparkles said it was Evergreen's, and the ruffles and ribbons said it was intended to be decorative instead of utilitarian.
Gray and Natsu were halfway to completely naked eighty percent of the time, but Bickslow was... more... Well he was more sexy for one. He was older, broader, and his shoulders were delicious. For a minute she considered his no strings attached offer, but that wasn't her thing and Bickslow wasn't her type romantically. She would just have to adjust to his personal and cultural quirks.
"So whatchya got cookin good lookin?" He flashed a grin at her over his shoulder as she headed for the fridge.
"Omelets. We've got ham, onions, mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, chedder, and mozzarella. What's your pleasure, Cosplayer?" *food, food, eggs, load it up. She was all but climbing in the fridge on her orange juice hunt when she answered.
"Usually just a couple of my own fingers dancing, but I'll take ham and chedder this morning." She pulled the orange juice out and reached for glasses. "Orange juice, Bix?" She heard Evergreen shuffle into the room and poured her usual morning glass. "Morning, Ever." There was an inhuman mumble from Evergreen and silence from Bickslow. Looking at him with a raised eyebrow she found him gaping at her slackjawed with his spatula poised above the skillet. "What?"
"Did you just make a sex joke?" *no way, impossible, sure did.
"Does it count as sex if only one person is involved?" She placed Evergreen's orange juice on the table and the fairy mage pulled it close and cradled it like it was her precious firstborn infant. Evergreen really didn't do mornings.
"Only if it's a joke." *only a joke, so sad, no way.
"Then yes. Got a problem with that?" Bickslow shrugged and turned back to his cooking.
"Never thought I'd hear the day is all." *never, blew our minds, craziness. "Yes on the juice."
"Are we expecting the other two this morning? I know they are coffee drinkers, so I can start a pot if they will be here to drink it." She set Bickslow's juice just out of range of his elbow.
"Laxus said something last night about a mission, so they will go by the guild before coming here. Should be here soon though." *mission, yay, fun. Lucy prepped the coffee pot and turned it on.
"So can you actually cook, or are these going to be omelets in name only?" The one he just plated for himself looked like an omelet at least.
"I will have you know I am an excellent chef. We can all cook and when we are on missions we take turns being responsible for the food. You will to, so I hope you can handle it." *handle it, woman up woman, feed the monster.
"Other than Laxus eating like a dragon are there any other odd dietary habits or preferences I need to be aware of?" Lucy had lots of practice feeding people and none of the people on her old team ate like normal humans. How Erza could support her muscles on just cake she had no clue.
"Umm... Laxus drinks beer like water, Freed ties his cravat to tight to actually enjoy the taste of what he eats, and Ever has this thing for green food." *beer rain, eat the nutrition label nerd, eww.
"Green food is good for you." Came the mostly human mumble from Ever.
"Green food is for rabbits." How Laxus and Freed got into the house without her hearing Lucy didn't know.
"Morning, Boss! *morning boss, wazzup, Cosplayer has coffee.
"Morning. What's for breakfast, Bix?"
"Omelets. We've got ham, onions, mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, chedder, and mozzarella. Double ham, onions and both cheeses, right boss?" *right, of course, ham it up. Laxus just grunted in agreement. "You got today's mission?" * mission, horray. Laxus didn't answer. Freed did.
"Indeed. In light of the recent change in team membership Laxus thought it would be wise to take a smaller mission that would allow us to pay Miss Lucy's rent before we went on a longer, more dangerous S-class job."
"This isn't just about my rent, right?"
"Negative. Though that was the origional thought that prompted the decision. However the risk of injury occuring is exponentially higher if we take a demanding mission without us acclimating to your magic and you to ours."
"Makes sense. So what kind of mission are we taking?"
"Retrieval of a theorhettically cursed artifact." Because there was no way that would take a turn toward disastrous. Lucy decided that since they had already taken the mission she wouldn't say anything.
"How would you like your coffee boys?"
"Laxus preferes obscene amounts of sugar in his coffee." Laxus growled at Freed. "Five if it was cubed. I will have what amounts to two creams." Lucy could not contain her giggle at Freed's not quite smirk. "I will have ham, spinach, tomatoes, and chedder. That is as nutritionally balanced as this meal can get." Bickslow just rolled his eyes. Lucy had a feeling that this was an ongoing argument between the logical rune mage and the seith mage who seemed to base all his decisions on feelings.
"I want the same as Freed except without the stupid tomatoes."
"Tomatoes are a great source of-"
"I don't give a fuck, Freed. I don't wanna eat tomatoes this morning. Especially with spinach." When Freed looked like he was going to argue Lucy cut him off and handed him his coffee.
"Freed, no arguing until after breakfast." She held eye contact as well as maintaining a grip on his coffee cup until his shoulders dropped just a bit and he nodded minutely.
"As you wish, Miss Lucy." There was an odd light in his eyes that Lucy had never seen in a person before, especially when she got bossy. She wasn't sure what to make of it.
"Freed, can we drop the formalities? Laxus isn't even a Mr, so can I just be Lucy."
"I'm afraid you are not 'just' Lucy, and therefore your request would be difficult to accommodate."
"I'm your teammate. At least for the time being. You don't call Ever Miss."
"Evergreen is my sister in all but blood." Right. Because this little group was family. She was an outsider.
"Well, maybe I can work up to that someday."
"I do not forsee our relationship developing in that manner. My seeing you as a sister is... Quite impossible, Miss Lucy." Lucy almost choked on her gasp. What. The. Hell. She was totally imagining his voice dropping to a husky, seductive tone, right? Nope. Three sets of raised eyebrows said it wasn't her imagination.
"Umm... I..." She really needed an out here. Her silent plea for help must have reached the heavens, because she felt a pull on her magic from one if her keys. She sent a thank you to Virgo for her creepy stalker tendencies.
"I have packed your bags for your mission, Princess." Her companions did their best to hide how startled they were by her spirit's sudden arrival. Laxus almost pulled it off. "Due to the weather and the nature of your mission I packed primarily leggings. Punishment, Princess?"
"No, Virgo, I'm not going to punish you. I appreciate your foresight."
"Perhaps your team mate would like to punish me?" Lucy followed Virgo's gaze to see a grinning Bickslow.
"I'm not going to let these team mates hurt you any more than I let my last team hurt you. I'll call you before we head out so you can hold the rest of our luggage if you would like."
"I shall look forward to your call, Princess." Virgo vanished as suddenly as she had come.
"Ya know," Bix had this smile going on that Lucy could only describe as sly. "I don't think she is asking you to... Hurt her... Exactly." *not bad hurt, sexy maid, so fun, let's play.
"Her previous key holder was a psychotic superperv. I'm not going to abuse her like he did."
"I concur with Bickslow, Miss Lucy. If my assesment is correct then the type of interaction your spirit is hoping for is not classified as abuse." Lucy could only stare at first one man, then the other. If Freed was agreeing with Bickslow...
"Guys can we finish eating so we can start this mission before tomorrow gets here? We can psychoanalyze sexual kinks later." Lucy's jaw dropped open as she gapped at Evergreen. Laxus scoffed at her.
"Shit. You should see your face right now, Blondie." She really didn't want to see her face.
XxXxXxXxX
The train ride was quiet and uneventful. Laxus, despite being a dragon slayer, managed his transportation sickness with dignity. His sound pods seemed to help. Lucy was beyond grateful not to be used as a barf pillow.
Freed remained his usual stoic self. There were small smiles, but no subtle, almost undetectable innuendos. Though whether they had existed in the first place was still a topic of debate as far as Lucy was concerned.
Meeting the client was a polite business transaction. Bickslow and Evergreen had bickered all the way to the mayor's door, and then picked up again as soon as the door shut behind them when they left. Now all five of then stood in at the entrance of a rather clearly marked cave.
"Shouldn't this have been harder to find?" *easier this way, hidden maybe, to easy.
"The local lore names this cave the Accursed Cavern. They probably clearly labeled it in order to avoid the inexperienced entering unintentionally."
"Well..." Lucy sighed in resignation. "Let's just hope Freed is right."
"I don't smell anything dangerous."
"Do spiders have a smell? Because I'm pretty sure this cave is crawling with them."
"Spiders aren't dangerous, Ever." *yeah Ever, stupid girl, scaredy fairy.
"Shut up, Bix!"
"Make me Glitter Brain!" *make us, bet you can't, bring it on.
"Don't tempt me, you-"
"Can it, both of you, before I zap you so bad you piss yourselves! I'll take Blondie and Freed and leave you here twitching on the ground to be devoured one ant sized bite at a time!" Bickslow and Evergreen shut up, but Lucy couldn't resist verbally poking at the slayer.
"I think you might be worse off than Juvia, Laxus. Not only are you referring to yourself in the third person with a nickname, but there are two of you in your head." She toyed with her purple hair while he growled at her. "What am I supposed to do while you, yourself, and Freed investigate the cave?"
"You aren't careful I'll leave you for the ants with the two toddlers." Lucy grinned, but held her tongue.
Bix sent his babies in first. They couldn't be physically harmed, so were able to hunt for traps without risk to their lives or even health. Laxus was the first human into the tunnel. He had both sharper senses and faster reflexes. The girls walked behind Bickslow hoping that the two tall men would knock down the spiders before they reached them. They walked for a good ten minutes before they came to the gate.
According to local legends this artifact had been protected by the townspeople for hundreds of years. Hence the mayor having the key to the large stone gate. The town had recently been approached by a collector, and after a vote had agreed to sell the artifact for an extremely large sum. However none of them were willing to enter the cave. That's where the mission request to Fairy Tail came in.
"Be vigilant." Lucy found the fact that Freed stood at her back extremely reassuring. Not only was he a strong, intelligent wizard, but he was highly unlikely to get excited and, say, set her on fire. "The gate itself could have traps built into it."
Laxus gave them an affirmative grunt and unlocked the gate. Other than the hinges making horrendous noises as the gate swung open nothing happened. The babies sang a jump rope song as they bounced off the floor and the wall looking for traps. Again nothing happened. Honestly it was the lack of booby traps that was making Lucy nervous at this point.
The path continued to slope downward as they walked. Lucy wasn't sure if she was bored or terrified and when she admitted so out loud instantly regretted it. Bix and his babied started humming this tune straight from a horror movie. It took Lucy threatening to find his house and put bleach in his shampoo to make him stop. She could have sworn she heard a chuckle from behind her at that threat, but when she looked at Freed she couldn't find evidence.
Finally their terrifyingly boring tunnel opened up into a single, large, round chamber. Evergreen and Lucy stayed near the entrance while the guys ventured toward the center of the room and the pedestal there. Hearing Freed mutter about patterns on the floor Lucy turned her attention to the stones beneath her feet. She wasn't sure about patterns, but there did seem to be faint symbols carved into the stone. The more stones she dusted off the deeper her frown got.
"Ever, do you recognize this symbol?"
"It looks familiar, but I'm not sure what it is."
"Well, it looks like it might be part of a magical formula. If we could-"
"Laxus, no!" Jerking around she saw Freed lunge for the slayer, not quite fast enough to prevent him from touching the artifact. The symbols she had been studying, along with the cracks between some of the stones, and the patterns Freed had noticed lit up. They were now standing in a huge magic circle. Lucy had one last thought before it activated and the rush of magic knocked her out. Why on earthland had Laxus of all people done something so monumentally stupid?
XxXxXxXxX
The screaming of a woman was what woke Lucy. At least she thought it was. It could have been the sheer amount of pain she was in too. It wasn't quite agony, more like her entire body ached so bad it almost wasn't an ache. Opening her eyes was a huge struggle because even the teeny tiny muscles that moved her eyelids hurt.
"No! No, no, no, no! Fucking fix it Freed! Fuck! Do something! I can't- it's not- Make it fucking stop! Fix it!" She finally got her head turned enough to see the screaming woman, but it did not help her fuzzy mind at all. She was tall, with blond hair that seemed to have a life of it's own, moving around her in the air almost as if she were under water.
She narrowed her eyes a bit to focus on what she was seeing and only got more confused. Why was this chick wearing Laxus's cloths? Not cloths like Laxus wore, but she was wearing Laxus's purple silk shirt that was about a billion sizes to big. Then the woman turned just enough to see her face and the scar that ran across her right eye and the reality of what she was seeing slammed into Lucy.
The woman was Laxus which was exactly why she was screaming. She didn't blame him for freaking the hell out. He wasn't the only one either. The spunky blunette swimming in Bickslow's cloths was, in fact, Bickslow. Being Bickslow however she, er, he found the whole thing hilarious.. Poor Freed raised his hands, likely to cover his face, only to freeze when his arms hit his rather large boobs where they had popped the top buttons off his coat. It wouldn't be long before he passed out if he kept breathing like that.
"Mavis and stars-" Well that couldn't be good. Her voice was a hell of a lot lower than it should have been. A simple look down confirmed her suspicions. Her blue bandeau top was pretty much superfluous now, because she had no boobs. Thank Mavis she was wearing leggings instead of her usual micro skirt. That would have been uncomfortable and then some for everybody. Not that it wouldn't be anyway because she was pretty sure she had junk downstairs now and leggings weren't going to hide that.
The scream beside her really rubbed that in, because Evergreen's tiny strapless green dress did not make the adjustment to her now being male very well. Or at all really. The seams had split and it had fallen to the ground when she tried to stand showcasing just how much of a failure her golden thong really was. Her female response to the situation was to try to cover up which only emphasized how hairy her arms and legs now were.
Freed's far to fast breathing was growing even faster and higher in pitch. At least Laxus had curled up in a ball in his coat and stopped screeming. Her time with Team Natsu enduring all sorts of insane catastrophes was probably the only reason she wasn't totally losing it right now. She needed to find a way to help Freed function, because he was their best bet at reversing this spell. She forced herself to stand and walk over to him.
"Freed, breath." That didn't work. She grabbed his face and forced him to look in her eyes. "Freed, we need you to breath." He stopped breathing entirely. "Inhale." She needed to change that from a request to a command. "Now! Inhale!" Maybe it was a little harsh, but it worked. "Good. Exhale. Again. In. Out. Slowly. In. Out." His teal eyes were less hysterical now. Lucy had never noticed what a clear, bright color they were before.
"M-miss Lucy?" She found herself running her fingers through his hair. Probably a habit from long years of soothing Natsu.
"I'm not entirely sure how accurate that is right now, but yeah."
"I'm not- I don't- l- l-"
"Shhh." She rested her forehead on his. It was really weird that she was taller than him right now. "Breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deeper!" That last word had some bite in it, but he wasn't getting enough air to fill an exceed's lungs. She started rubbing her thumbs in circles behind his ears. It seemed to help a bit. "Better?"
"Y-yes. I don't know what to do. It's- there aren't any rules for- for" His breathing was picking up again.
"Rule number one. Breath deeply and steadily and remain calm. You are the smartest person in the room Freed. We need your head on straight if we are going to reverse the spell."
"R-remain calm. I can do that. I think." He seemed to be leaning on her a bit.
"Rule number two. Disregard our current physical state. We are all exactly who we were before the spell hit. Our...condition is temporary. We'll get everybody back to normal in no time."
"OK. I- it's just m-m-my-" The poor guy was almost as red as his jacket.
"If I have Virgo bring us new clothes would that help?"
"Indubitably."
"Ok. I'll just-" She pulled her forehead away from Freed's to glare at their team mate. "Bickslow! Where the hell do you think you are going?"
"Uhh... Well, you see... There's this really hot guy and, ya know, he's super hetero, and I-"
"Are you trying to tell me you are sneaking out of here... For SEX!" Not that the faintest glimmer of a question hadn't crossed her mind, but...
"Ummm... No?" *nope, not at all, not just sex, once in a lifetime sex.
"Freed, be a dear and write us up a rune barrier to keep certain people from wandering off. We don't know if there is a time limit or a location clause in this spell." In order for him to do that she had to take her hands off of him. She was oddly saddened by that.
"Shit. I didn't think of that." *didn't think, not at all.
"As you wish, Miss Lucy." Freed was not even close to as fluid with his movements as he normally was.
"Bix, could Evergreen borrow your cloak until Virgo can get her something...more?"
"Gee, Ev, sorry."
"Yeah, you should be!" Lucy avoided looking in their direction. She had already seen enough to scar her for life. She pulled her keys out.
"Open, gate of the Southern Cross, Crux!" The floating spirit just stared at her wide eyed. "Grampa Crux, could you research gender changing spells for us? The artifact that set off the spell is over there if looking at it would help." He floated silently over to the pedestal before falling into his researching trance. "Open, gate of the maiden, Virgo!"
"Greetings Princess. How may I... serve... you... Princess?"
"Yes, Virgo, it's me. As you can see we are experiencing a bit of a crisis. Could you get us some clothes? Maybe something gender neutral, like sweats and T-shirts? And a screen to change behind if that is an option."
"Of course Prince. It would be my pleasure." Lucy could feel her eye twitching.
"And do not, under any condition, tell Leo." That is the last thing she needed.
"Yes Prince." If she kept that up Lucy really would punish her. Make her do planks with a sack of flour on her back or something. As soon as Virgo vanished on her errand she walked over to where Laxus was hiding in his coat. His hair was still doing that thing, at least the parts she could see were. Static she guessed, which explained his usual hair style.
"Laxus, I know you really don't want to talk right now, but I have a kind of important question."
"The fuck do you want, Blondie?"
"Was there a reason you touched it? The artifact I mean. You aren't usually that..." She was having trouble finding the right word.
"Stupid?"
"Well I wasn't going to say that, but since you did..." He finally popped his head out of his coat.
"It was stupid. It's just... It was singing, calling to me. I couldn't help it."
"Freed!"
"Yes, Miss Lucy?" At least she hadn't become Mr Lucy.
"Laxus said it was singing. There might be some sort of compulsion spell on that artifact. Be careful. You might want to even put a barrier around it so none of us touch it again. Who knows what could happen if we did."
"Understood." He seemed to relax some at that. Probably relieved that his esteemed leader wasn't turning into Natsu. "If we could clear the dust from the grooves that form the magic circle it might be easier to determine the exact nature of this spell."
"I'll call Scorpio after Virgo gets back. He might be able to help." And maybe Aries. A little sleepy wool might be good for some of them. "So. Laxus. You gunna hide in there forever?"
"I'm not hiding."
"Course you aren't. By the way... You make a bad ass bitch, Blondie." He zapped her. It wasn't much, but it did land her on her ass with a yelp. It was worth it. "Wow. That's... stimulating." Bickslow was laughing at her.
"You know, Cosplayer, you make a pretty hot guy." She glared. "I mean, I'd totally-" A purple rune appeared over his face, and while his mouth continued to move whatever pervy comment he was about to make couldn't be heard.
"Thanks, Freed."
"My pleasure, Miss Lucy."
"Prince, I have returned with the requested items."
"Me first!" Lucy totally supported Evergreen's claim. While she was changing Virgo also handed out whisk brooms. She had even brought enough for the babies to inhabit them and help.
Virgo had brought them all cozy pants and big, baggy sweaters. They matched their hair and guild marks. Lucy's sweater was her favorite pink, which she giggled at since the other four were in black and green. Freed was extremely green seeing as how his guildmark was the same color as his shirt.
She couldn't help but think to herself that Freed made a pretty woman. This led to her embarrassing herself when the thought led to absently humming the tune to a song on the topic while she worked. Of course the babies picked it up and in the spirit of fun she sang along. It was after they ran through the song several times that Bickslow's big mouth pointed out who must have inspired the tune.
"Cuz we all know the only pretty person in the room regardless of gender is the nerd." Freed hadn't blushed nearly as hard as she had.
XxXxXxXxX
To be continued