Let this be our prayer
Chapter 14
So, uh, I know this hasn't updated in four months, and I'm sorry about that. School got kinda busy and all I've been doing so far this summer is work non-stop. (Gotta save up for my trip in November).
Have you ever had those days where you just feel like you'll experience something life changing?
This day tops all those for Eren.
It might have been around three or four in the morning when Annie called it and practically dragged him out of the hospital.
She drove him home and waited outside until he was safely inside.
Normally he would be asleep at such an hour, but because of the past couple of hours worrying over his friend's health, the simple task of sleeping just wasn't in him at the moment.
There was a slight nauseating feeling in the pit of his stomach, more than likely caused from all the hours of stress and the horrendous lack of sleep.
He went into the kitchen and took some medicine for headaches and slight nausea before heading up to his room and attempting to sleep.
It wasn't until seven o'clock in the morning when he finally drifted off.
"Babe, if you're still tired and worried about Mikasa, we can just have the date another night. No worries."
The brunet was currently on the phone with his boyfriend, Jean, who had made him snap out of his sleepy state after waking up at noon.
"It's okay, Jean-bo. Annie said her family is supposed to be there soon and told me I should try to take my mind off things. Hence, this date will really help. Besides, it's been a while since we've been together."
"Well, if you're sure. But if you're still really worried, we'll make a trip and check up on her."
Eren bit at his lower lip, "You won't mind? Even though we won't be together like we planned?"
He heard Jean let out a small laugh, "Erebear, we'll still be together if we visit. As long as I'm by your side, I don't care where we are."
The fluttering in his chest was...faint.
"...Thanks, Jean-bo."
"Course. I love you, Eren."
"...Love you too, Jean."
Some hours later, the brunet was patiently waiting in his room for his boyfriend to come pick him up.
Earlier, he messaged Annie to let her know he did attend his classes and turned in the forms like he was told to.
The blonde had let him know that Mikasa's family had arrived and they were now giving more information about her condition.
With a sigh of relief escaping him, Eren felt like he could truly enjoy his date with his boyfriend.
"Eren, Jean is here!" His mother's voice called from downstairs.
Releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding in, Eren wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and made his way downstairs.
"Hey Jean."
The other male smiled as he turned to face his partner, "You all ready?"
Since Eren frequently stayed at Jean's place, and were nearly the same height and build, he had clothes for the night.
Carla smiled up at both boys, "Now you two behave yourselves and be sure not to stay up too late."
"Of course, Mrs. Jeager. We'll see you in the morning. Have a good night, if you'll excuse us."
Waving goodbye to his mother, Eren took his boyfriend's hand as they left the house for their date.
Once the pair were in Jean's house, they changed into more comfy clothing.
While Eren got their gaming console all set up, his boyfriend went to make a call for some take out.
"Alright, should be here in about twenty minutes. How about you and I play something while we wait?" Jean asked him as he sat down beside the brunet.
"Sure."
As they played, Eren thought back to the early days of their relationship.
He and Jean used to butt heads quite often in middle school, but said arguments never escalated into actual fist fights as most would like to believe. Sure, there were hurtful words exchanged and silence for some weeks before they manned up and apologized to the other.
In high school they sort of reached a mutual agreement; if they had each other's backs, there was really no reason for them to argue as frequently as they used to when they were younger.
Instead of arguing during their free time, they would talk more about some games they were playing.
Rather than competing who did better in gym class in the dodge ball tournament, they partnered up and beat everyone.
Gone were the insults and small compliments took their place.
They began to study at each other's houses and actually enjoy their time together.
Weekends were spent hanging out together instead of ignoring the other's existence.
Small gestures began to mean something more, and perhaps a gaze or two was held for too long to even be called platonic anymore.
Their confessions of love weren't all that surprising to anyone who knew them.
People began to see the changes in their interactions and simply wondered who would fess up first.
So when they held hands for the first time, it felt like something was finally in place. Like there wasn't something missing anymore.
Their first kiss spread a warmth through Eren; one he had thought didn't exist and continued to happen in every exchange.
Jean made him incredibly happy; as a friend and as a boyfriend.
But as they finished their match and the doorbell rang, Jean pressed a kiss to his cheek to go get it and Eren wasn't sure what he felt anymore.
After they finished their dinner, Eren lay between Jean's legs as the other leaned against the side of his bed.
The movie they were watching was some comedy one Marco recommended they watch.
Eren would have truly been into the movie had the inner turmoil he was going through not been there.
Jean, for the most part, didn't seem to notice and would laugh on occasion.
After the movie was over, the blonde switched off the television and the two sat in silence; the only light coming from the lava lamp Eren had gifted him for his birthday.
"Eren, I know something's up and it's not about Mikasa. Wanna talk about it?"
Well, this was as good a time as any.
Getting out of the other's hold, Eren sat across from Jean, the male waiting patiently, "I...I know this will sound cruel coming from me, but...Jean, you mean the world to me and I would hate myself if I wasn't honest with you."
Jean gave him a tiny smile, something about that smile told him even Jean knew where this was headed, "You're rambling. You always do that when you're nervous...or about to give bad news."
Eren let out a breathy laugh, "Yeah." His green eyes looked to the side for a moment.
This room held so many memories for them both; before and during their relationship.
He and Jean would study here for upcoming exams and help each other out.
They would play video games here during the weekend and exchange playful jabs at the other's playing skills.
This was also where they shared their first kiss.
Where they made love for the first time.
Eren remembers it with absolute clarity.
He and Jean were alone that night while his parents were off visiting relatives. Things escalated quickly for them that night.
But does Eren regret it?
No.
He doesn't regret giving his first time to someone he trusted and loved.
Yes. Loved.
It's painful to admit. But it's even more painful to continue with a relationship he won't give his all at.
"Jean, I...I wanna break up."
As soon as those words were spoken, Eren glanced over at Jean and watched as those brown eyes closed, pain reflecting off them.
It was quite for several tense moments until Jean finally spoke, "I-I knew this would come eventually."
"Y-You did?"
The blonde nodded, taking a shaky breath and nearly breaking Eren's resolve, "Y-You didn't look at me the same way anymore. It was like you were waiting for someone else now."
"Jean, you can't let Eren go back to that guy!"
"And what am I supposed to do Armin, huh? Pretend Eren still loves me when he's clearly waiting for him? What about what I think?!"
"I also noticed that you didn't really wanna spend time with me anymore." Jean bit his bottom lip to stop a sob from escaping.
"You're supposed to be protect him!"
"I've protected him for as long as I can! You're the only one who can't accept this change Armin!"
Eren moved closer and took his hand, Jean leaning forward to rest their foreheads together.
"I trusted you Jean!"
"You also trusted I wouldn't fall in love with him! And look at where we are now!"
"Eren, I love you more than anything in this whole fucking world. If I hadn't met you, things will still be shit...thanks for sticking by my side for so long."
"I might have been mad that you feel in love, but better you than that bastard!"
"That bastard is Eren's soulmate! Who knows how long he's been looking for Eren!"
The brunet closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth coming off his ex-boyfriend, "I love you too, Jean. And, even if we aren't together anymore, I'll still want you by my side as a good friend."
"I don't give a damn! Our job is to protect Eren!"
"And we've protected him for as long as we can! We can't stop the inevitable Armin!"
Jean let out a small chuckle, "As a friend huh...I like the sound of that." At least he wouldn't lose Eren entirely.
"Jean, listen to me!"
"I've listened fucking long enough! Whatever happens, happens. I will remain at Eren's side no matter what we are."
"And if he breaks up with you?"
"Then we break up. But I won't be the reason why he's unhappy."
"Eren?"
"Yeah?"
"...Will you let me love you one last time?" Please.
"...Of course."
Bringing Eren close, Jean brought their lips together and lost himself in the feeling of holding the most precious person in the world in his arms.
...Even if it was for the last time.
When Jean opened his eyes, it was somewhere around six in the morning.
The room was still dark and some birds were already chirping outside his window.
Glancing down, he saw Eren still pressed against him.
Such a sight was one that he was familiar with. But now he would have to let that go.
Carefully getting out of bed as to not wake the brunet, he put on some boxers and sweatpants, making his way downstairs.
The blonde quietly sat down on his couch after getting himself some orange juice.
Everything felt...more silent that usual.
It wasn't because his parents weren't there and it also wasn't because it was the early hours of the morning.
The main culprit was because his long term relationship ended.
There was so much time for him to prepare for this day to come.
He had told himself he wouldn't become to attached as to not feel this kind of pain in the end.
But when you had a personality like Eren's and a bond like their's, well, seemed sort of inevitable.
Brown eyes watched as a droplet of water slid down the side of his glass, making a puddle on the coffee table, making a mental note to clean up later or his mother would throw a fit about him not using coasters again.
Taking in a deep breath, he leaned back against the couch, his right hand coming up and brushing his hair back, eyes looking up at the ceiling and his breath slowly released.
Jean sat there for some time, simply taking in the silence of the house.
Sooner or later everyone would catch on about their breakup.
Some would understand the reasoning while others wouldn't.
Their parents would likely pry until they came to realize nothing could have been done to prevent this. In time, they'd come to see why he did this.
Armin had already shown his immense displeasure and would no doubt talk with Eren later.
Annie merely placed a hand on his shoulder and thanked him for all he had done up until this point.
Bert and Reiner would probably convince him to drink until he couldn't think straight anymore.
Marco most likely would make him talk about his feelings, and comfort him while he sobbed, not mentioning this to anyone as Jean wasn't the biggest fan when it came to crying.
Gods, Mikasa would no doubt be incredibly confused. She saw them as this loving and supporting couple, likely wanting to know what caused their separation.
Dammit, he forgot about Isabel. She out of everyone would be angry. The redhead always did say she would be after him if they ever broke up. Hopefully she'll understand some reasoning.
Sasha and Connie might not say something, as they tend to not want to muddy the waters anymore than it already might be. They'll just offer some kind of support, because gods did Jean really need it.
Krista, like the angel she is, wouldn't pry nor ask and only wonder if they were okay. Ymir probably would wanna talk with them both at some point.
Every relationship is exposed to their friends and families, they all see the good times and the not so good times.
Things might be different for a while.
But at least Jean can have comfort in knowing he made the other young man happy, even if it felt too short a time for him.
When eight o'clock rolled around he got up to wake Eren.
His once cold glass of orange juice still warm and full sitting on the coffee table.
When Eren arrived home later that morning, he had a bag of his clothes slung over his shoulder.
He declined Jean's offer to drive him home; needing the silence to think some things over.
The brunet's mother immediately noticed something was off and asked him about it.
When he told her he and Jean broke up, she offered to talk.
He didn't feel like talking about something so fresh and told he would discuss it in a few days once it set in more.
His father hugged him, patting his back and told him he was always there if he needed something.
In his bedroom, he took his time putting away all his clothes, the dirty ones in the basket.
There was something incredibly ironic about his putting things away. It felt like he was packing his relationship away, but at the same time wasn't.
The poster from his favorite band Jean got him still pinned to the back of his door, the dog plushie still sitting on his dresser, photos of them still on his cork board, and messages on his phone he just couldn't bring himself to delete.
Tossing the bag to the floor, Eren laid down on his bed, bringing a pillow to his chest.
When he left Jean's house, he noticed the blonde was biting his lip for some time; the skin looked irritated. He only did that when he was stopping himself from feeling too much emotion.
Eren buried his face into the pillow. His mind felt overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings and figured a nap would help him forget things for a while.
Reaching over, he set an alarm on his phone, he carelessly tossed his phone on the carpet, rolled over and fell into a dreamless sleep.
Waking up to his alarm made him feel more refreshed.
His mother had prepared him something to eat before she and his father had to attend something for his dad's work.
He ate his meal while scrolling through his phone and sent Annie a message if she was still at the hospital.
Eren got a reply back some minutes later confirming the blonde was still there.
Finishing up and grabbing his wallet, keys and jacket, he told Annie he would be over soon to check up on Mikasa.
The brunet immediately spotted Annie as she sat in the waiting room. "Hey, Annie."
She looked up from her book and gave him a wave, "Hey."
He sat down beside her as she put her book away, "How's Mikasa been?"
"Much better since her family arrived."
"That's good."
It was quiet for some minutes until the female spoke up, "Did something happen? You...kinda looked sad coming in."
There weren't many times that Eren could recall Annie being so openly worried before about him; such a thing would usually reserved for Bert and Reiner. "Uh, Jean and I broke up."
Being that this was Annie he was talking to, he wasn't really sure what kind of response he would receive, "How are you feeling?"
Eren let out a long breath, "Dunno. Sad...but also relieved that I told Jean the truth. I didn't wanna hurt him by sticking with him if I wasn't gonna love him like he deserved."
Annie reached out and placed a comforting hand on his back, gently rubbing up and down. She didn't offer anymore words after that; Eren felt like her already rubbing his back was her own way of telling him he would get through this.
"I'm gonna go see Mikasa now. Excuse me."
As he got up and walked towards his friend's hospital room, he could have sworn he heard Annie whisper good luck.
But when he turned, she was already reading her book.
Hmm, maybe it was his imagination.
He continued his way to his friend's room and idly thought if Mikasa's family was there in the room, it would be a good opportunity to introduce himself.
Eren opened the door to her room and stopped in his tracks when he heard the male seated by her side speak the other's back still facing him, his blood running cold. "I'm going to assume that visiting hours are over soon and you want me to wrap this up?"
That voice.
The brunet had only ever heard it in his dreams. It was an exact match to the voice he had memorized.
When the male noticed he wouldn't receive a response, he turned and froze as well.
Oh gods, that face, the voice, it was the person Eren had spent so much time looking for.
"C-Captain Levi?"
"E-Eren?"
Ah, the situation was so fucking ironic he almost laughed.
Almost.
End of chapter 14.
I come back only to punch myself in the feels, pfft, good job me. (Small side note, since it's summer and it's hot, please be sure to drink some water and keep yourselves hydrated.)
Please leave a comment and a kudos if you liked it o/