This chapter was extremely difficult for me to write. I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with ways to keep this going in a direction I'm happy with. As always please review.

The car ride was mostly silent except for the occasional loud sob that escaped from Dean.

Dean sat curled up in the passenger side. His head against the window with his legs pulled up to his chest, feet resting on the edge of the seat.

Sam drove fairly quickly not knowing what to do. Has all this really been caused by my departure? Did I ruin my brother?

Sam cleared his throat before speaking. "Dean, I uh think... you should go see a physician," Sam said not taking his eyes off the road. He hadn't directly looked at Dean since he came back for him.

"I did after you left," Dean said bitterly never looking away from his window.

"I've been trying Sam. I went to a doctor begged them to fix me. All I wanted was the misery to go away. The best they could do was evaluate me. I got diagnosed as a manic depressive Sam. They thought I was fucking bi-polar."

Sam didn't know what to say so he remained silent the rest of the way to the motel.

_

Now several hours later Sam sits quietly watching Dean. Has Dean always been this way and I'm just now realizing? I was gone for a while maybe I forgot how Dean had always been.

Neither of them had said a word since Deans little confession in the car. Dean seemed okay now he isn't crying he seems to be content.

"Dean..." Sam scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "We need to talk man."

Dean signed and turned his head toward Sam "Yeah I guess we do." Dean shrugged. "Sammy listen I'm not going to try and guilt trip you into staying here with me. I just think you need to realize I'm not doing this alone anymore." Dean said calmly turning his attention back to the motel tv.

"I understand you've felt alone Dean but you could come stay with me for a while or stay with Bobby, you know he'll always take you in." Sam chose his words carefully fearing he'd anger his brother.

"Sammy you know I can't go with you. I'm a hunter for God's sake! We both know that wouldn't work and Bobby is great an all but I couldn't do that to him, Sam. I'm not saying I'll kill myself I'm not saying I won't. Sam, I just don't know what to do anymore. You've left Dads left..." Deans voice dropped "I just can't man"

"Dean I know I left okay! You don't have to keep telling me. I feel bad enough as it is! I wasn't even going to go to Stanford until you fucking told me to get the fuck out when I told you about it! You know what though I'm glad I left. You know why? IT WAS PEACEFUL DEAN! No monsters to fight no 'John' to yell at me. Everything was perfect except my brother wasn't with me."

"Well, at least it was good for you Sam! I was broken. I was dragged to pointless fucking hunts that I wasn't mentally equipped to deal with!" Dean stood up sprinting over to the motel chair slamming it onto the ground with all the strength he had left.

Sam violently flinched expecting Dean to throw the chair towards him.

Dean could see the stunned fear on Sams' face.

"Come on man I wasn't going to hit you with it!"

Sam stood opening the motel door and exciting all without uttering a word.

I can't deal with him anymore. I've barely been with him a day I'm already done.

-

Sam had no intention of actually leaving Dean. He just needed a little time. Dean always gets so angry and although Sam isn't particularly scared of his brother, it was moments like those that made him genuinely fearful of Dean.

"You've really fucked up this time Dean! You stupid mother fucking prick. Sammy just wanted to help! All you do is run people off!" Dean shouted to himself in his now mostly deserted motel room.

Sam could hear him yell as he walked away it was almost enough to make him turn around. The little brother side of Sam wanted to run back in. He wanted to calm down and comfort his brother. The adult grown-up college side of Sam wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and then go back to HIS life at Stanford, forgetting about his dad and brother.

Dean, as expected, went on a complete rampage. It really didn't take any more than ten minutes to 'undo' all the cleaning he'd done the previous day. Once the initial rage had passed Dean took to doing what he knew best. suppressing his emotions with the use of hard liquor.

Of course, Dean would drown his sorrows in alcohol it was basically the way he'd been taught. Good thing I have a well-supplied stock. Dean thought as he sat slumped over alone sitting on the one non-flipped motel bed mattress. Dean had half the bottle drunk only about an hour after Sam had "left."

Deans thoughts and emotions were really getting to him. The only thing he could think of doing to relieve the stress, besides drinking, was to resort back to cutting.

He really didn't want to do it. It's not like Dean liked carrying around self-inflicted scars. They weren't like his other scars. The ones he would say he was proud of. The ones with the stories depicting him as a hero. No these were shameful and embarrassing but it didn't stop him from making a couple of fresh cuts right above his left wrist.

-

Later Sam would come to the realization leaving your emotionally damaged brother in a motel room alone wasn't the best idea. Obviously, he should have known Dean would think he wasn't going to come back. After all, he did take his "borrowed" car.

Well, here it is. Enjoy if you can.