Chapter Thirteen: I Can't Make You Love Me
Hermione didn't say a word. In complete and utter silence, she handed the Map back to Jack, turned slowly and left the Common Room. She made her way up to her dormitory, sat down on her bed and thought. It couldn't be. That much, she was sure of. Harry would never.
But Ginny.
Hermione didn't cry, though she did come rather close a few times as she sat and thought about the possible reasons her boyfriend and her best friend could be together, in a broom closet no less. It just didn't make sense.
But then, Harry had been acting strange lately. It was like he was distracted, constantly somewhere else, even when he was right there with her. It wasn't the same as it was after the win against Hufflepuff. He'd been off for a few days then, before he came back to her.
This time was different.
And now he was in broom closets with her best friend. Why? What reason could they possibly have? It wasn't as if her birthday was coming up. There was no need for them to meet behind her back. And they'd never been so secretive before. Sure, Ginny's disdain for Harry seemed to have disappeared, but was this why?
What made her even more uneasy was the fact that Jack and Ron seemed almost giddy about the fact that she'd caught Harry and Ginny. She didn't have much time to dwell on it though, because Lavender and Parvati suddenly entered the room, giggling about something.
"Oh, Hermione," Parvati said, getting her attention. "I know you were looking for Ginny earlier; she just came into the Common Room."
Hermione's breath hitched.
What was she supposed to do now? Did she approach her? Ask her? What if she had it all wrong? But she didn't, did she? If she were to take into account all their behaviour; it was clear as day, and it broke her heart.
Making the decision, Hermione stood up, quickly thanked Parvati, and walked calmly out of the room. She found Ginny in her dormitory room and she was, thankfully, alone. Hermione fought down the feeling of betrayal at the somewhat dishevelled look of her once best friend. She shuddered to think about what it meant.
Ginny even had the guile to smile at her.
"Ginny," Hermione said, her eyes cold and calculating as she stepped into the room. "Where have you been?"
For a moment, the redhead said nothing. Then: "Just out and about. Why? What's up?"
Hermione blinked, forcing her emotions down. "I was just wondering," she said. "I went looking for you earlier, and, well, I couldn't find you."
Ginny shifted awkwardly. "Why were you looking for me?"
"Well, Harry wasn't around," she said in a measured tone, and Ginny flinched slightly. "I thought maybe you wanted to hang out, but clearly you were busy."
"Hermione," Ginny said, her voice coming out in a bit of a whisper.
"I didn't know that at the time though," she continued as if Ginny hadn't even spoken. Hermione barely heard her anyway. "So I asked Jack to borrow his Map," she said, even though it was a lie. "You know his Map, right? The one that shows you where every person is in this bloody Castle."
Ginny's colour faded in a heartbeat. What had Jack done?
"Funny thing though," Hermione said, her voice rising in pitch, though the volume remained even. "It turns out that my best friend was actually with my boyfriend. Isn't that just hilarious?"
No words would come.
"I don't know what hurts worse," she said; "you and Harry sneaking around behind my back, or your lying about it to my face."
"Hermione," Ginny tried again.
"No!" she snapped, allowing herself to feel for the first time. She didn't like what she felt. "The next time you want to steal my boyfriend, remember that your ex-boyfriend, who also happens to be his brother, has a Marauders' Map. I saw you two together, Ginny. I saw you!"
"Hermione."
Hermione scowled, again having to force away her rising hurt and choosing rather to channel her anger. "Don't talk to me. I don't want to hear it!" She fought a sob. "Nothing you could say can possibly make this better! Don't so much as look at me. Honestly, I won't even care if I never see either of you again." With that said, she stormed away, the tears prickling at her eyes.
But no, she wasn't going to cry. Not yet, at least. Not until she looked Harry in the eye and knew for sure.
She found him in the Common Room, his eyes unfocused as he stared down at the text of a Transfiguration book in his lap. She felt odd seeing him, and her anger seemed to dissipate quite dramatically. There was no way. This boy, who she'd willingly given her heart to; he couldn't have hurt her the way she thought. Surely not.
"Harry," she said, approaching him.
He looked up, his eyes blinking as if he were coming out of a fog at the sound of her voice. When his eyes focused on her, he smiled and, for a moment, she felt a wave of relief.
But then his smile fell, his eyes widening slightly, and Hermione just knew. Her breath caught in her throat, and every terrible thing she'd ever thought about herself flew to the forefront of her mind, rendering her speechless.
She'd been right all along.
It hurt. Oh, it hurt.
"Granger," he croaked, setting his book aside and standing up. Then: "we need to talk."
Hermione blinked, trying to follow. And failing. "About?"
As if he were some kind of drone, he stepped forward while he drawled: "I want to break up."
Something snapped inside of her, and her rage felt like a wraith taking over her body. "And did you decide this before or after you cheated on me with my best friend?" she hissed harshly, making him flinch.
He frowned, his eyes darting about. People were now staring at them. "What?" he asked, clearly confused.
"Don't play dumb with me," she said, her voice cold and emotionless.
He blinked rapidly, his brain struggling to figure out just what was happening. "Is that what she told you?" he asked.
"I saw you, Harry; I saw you."
"Saw me what?"
"With her, Harry."
His left eye twitched. "What? When? What are you talking about?"
Hermione stomped her foot. Why was he acting like she hadn't just caught him doing something wrong? Why was he acting like he didn't even know that he'd done something wrong?
What was wrong with him?
"Hermione?" It was Jack, from somewhere behind her.
Hermione didn't dare look at him. She wasn't yet ready for whatever her brain was trying to tell her about her supposed friends. She kept her eyes solely on Harry, who looked a mixture of confused and distraught. How dare he pretend that she wasn't right about this? How dare he?
"I know I should have told you about the kiss," he started to say, and Hermione stepped back, suddenly winded.
There it was. Oh my God. There it was!
"But it was just a moment, Granger," he continued. "Just a moment, and I didn't think that it was worth telling you. I wanted to, but I - " he stopped suddenly, and his head jerked from side to side.
Her features hardened right then and there, and she turned icy cold. The Hermione he loved disappeared from right in front of his eyes. "I always wondered what would make someone like James cheat on his girlfriend with her best friend," she said coldly. "I suppose, now I can just ask you, can't I? Like father like son."
Of all the things she could have said to him, that had to be the worst thing, and she knew it. She watched the words sink in, and Harry's face turned into a grimace so painful that she had to look away. She knew of his fears. She knew how much he wanted to be nothing like James, and now... No! She was not going to feel sorry for him. She wasn't even going to feel sorry for herself. None of this was surprising.
She'd been a means to an end. He'd used her to get to Ginny. Talk about commitment. He'd wasted months to get to Ginny through her. Hermione should have known better.
Hermione's eyes burned from the tears she was suppressing. "Who knew that it was actually Jack who was the better brother?"
Harry just stared at her, unmoving. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but the words that he wanted to say didn't want to come out. What was happening? Why was any of this happening?
"Do you really have nothing to say?" she asked, her tone suddenly incredulous. "You cheat on me with my best friend, and you have nothing to say?"
The Common Room was completely silent, and she just knew that this conversation was going to be all over the school's rumour mill by dinner. Suddenly, she didn't care. If Harry Potter had the nerve to be a lying, cheating bastard; then the entire school had to know.
"God, you're pathetic," she said, before she raced out of the Common Room, her tears starting to fall. She was proud of the fact that she hadn't cried in front of him but, God, it hurt. It wasn't even limited to an emotional pain; she could feel it spreading through her limbs, making her entire body feel heavy. As a result, she didn't make it very far before she collapsed onto a window sill and buried her face in her hands, her body shaking from the intensity of her tears.
It was about a minute before she heard someone speak hesitantly. "Hermione?"
Her head snapped up, and she groaned, wiping at her eyes. "What do you want, Jack?" she asked curtly, her anger clouding all her other feelings, and her rational thinking. "Coming to tell me 'I told you so,' huh? Well, you can save it!"
"That's not why I'm here," he said softly, taking a cautious step towards her. "I just want to see if you were okay."
She stared at him incredulously. "If I was okay!"
He stopped his approach, suddenly wary. He hadn't expected this.
"Do I look like I'm okay?" she asked harshly. "Seriously." She waved her hands about. "Does any of this look like I'm okay to you? Didn't you see what just happened? My boyfriend, and my best friend - " she stopped suddenly, and let out another round of tears.
Jack slowly moved to sit down beside her, and even ventured to put an arm around her shoulders, and was surprised when she let him.
"I'm such an idiot," she said, crying into his chest. "I mean, who was I to think that he could ever be interested in someone like me? I should have known! I should have see it for what it was! I mean, how long has this even been going on?" She suddenly sat back and looked at Jack. "Do you think they were together when you and Ginny were dating?"
Jack blinked once. "Uh, no."
Hermione returned to her position against him, her tears less violent now. "I - I was starting to think that maybe I - " she stopped. She couldn't say it now. It was too painful even to think about it. How could she even tell Jack that she was starting to think that she was in love with Harry Potter?
Jack tried to soothe her. If anything, he was surprised by how distraught she was. It was just a breakup, wasn't it? He didn't remember either he or Ginny looking or sounding so heartbroken. There hadn't even been tears.
But there was no point in dwelling on it, surely. Hermione was here with him, in his arms. This was what he wanted, wasn't it?
Hermione's sobs eventually quieted down, and she wriggled out of his embrace to wipe at her eyes. "This is so embarrassing," she said. "I'm humiliated."
"It'll be okay," he automatically said. "It'll be talk for a few days, but then it'll blow over and, you'll see, everything will go back to the way it was." The way it should be.
Hermione didn't look convinced and, frankly, she didn't want things to go back to the way things were. She didn't like her life before she knew Harry, Neville and Luna. Oh. What was supposed to happen now? What did she want to happen now? She had to live with them and she felt sick at the thought of it.
"Hey," Jack said, touching her chin with his free hand and turning her head to look at him. "It's going to be okay," he said, trying to reassure her. He wasn't to know that it wasn't working.
"Thank you," she still said, meeting his gaze.
"For what?"
"For not saying 'I told you so.'"
He let out a light breath. "I might still," he admitted; "when you're not crying all over me, maybe."
Hermione felt herself blush from embarrassment, a small smile gracing her lips, before it fell away again. She looked at Jack again, ready to ask him something important. It was sitting at the back of her mind, just now coming to the forefront. Had he known?
But, before she could get a word out, she was silenced by his lips suddenly pressing against hers. She was surprised at first, even taken aback, but then she allowed herself to accept the kiss for just a moment.
A moment was all it took.
Her mind flashed to Harry's face; his pained, handsome face.
In the next moment, Hermione was pushing Jack away and standing up, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she tried to get as far away from him as she possibly could. She blinked rapidly, her mind reeling. Oh God, oh God!
"What the hell was that?" she asked, practically yelling at him.
Jack just looked at her with wide, surprised eyes.
"Jack Sirius Potter!" she barked, her face flushed and her chest heaving. "Why the hell did you just kiss me?"
He sat perfectly still, clearly stumped. His own brain was short-circuiting. Stupid, stupid. "Uh, for comfort?" he eventually tried.
Hermione glared at him. What was happening? Why was any of this happening? Everything had been so perfect. She'd been happy, and now everything was just falling apart. Who was she supposed to turn to now? Her boyfriend was a lying cheat, her female best friend was a back-stabbing bitch and now her male best friend was, what - what was Jack doing? What on earth was he thinking?
"I'd like you to leave me alone," she said, much more calmly than she'd expected. Not with the way her blood was rushing in her ears; not with the way she could feel her heart beating in her toes.
"Hermione," he tried to argue, standing up and moving towards her.
"No," she said automatically, raising a hand to stop him. "Just leave me alone, Jack. Seriously. I just found out that at least two of the most important people in my life betrayed me, and I do not need your version of comfort right now."
He couldn't help his flinch. "If you - "
"Jack!" she growled, cutting him off. "Leave! Jesus. Just leave me alone! Please!"
It was the last thing he wanted to do. She just looked so broken; so defeated, and all he wanted to do was help. Perhaps he'd gone about it the wrong way, but he didn't want her to be hurting. Not like this. That was the last thing he wanted. "Are you - "
"I'm sure!" she snapped.
He swallowed thickly, but did eventually start to back away, his eyes never leaving her stricken face.
Hermione watched him go until he was completely out of sight. As soon as she was sure she was completely alone, she stumbled backwards until she hit the wall behind her, and allowed her legs to buckle underneath her.
She buried her face in her hands, and cried, feeling it all just come tumbling out.
She didn't know how long she spent there before she calmed down enough to lift her head, and take a long breath of air. She barely got through it before she gasped, noticing that she wasn't alone. Just to her right, there was a person seated, watching her curiously.
Okay, not a person, per se. A House Elf.
The little creature blinked innocently, his wide eyes so gentle, before he produced a handkerchief for her to use. She gratefully reached for it, whispering a quiet 'thank you,' and wiped at her eyes and nose. She felt ridiculous.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, trying to stay calm. It wouldn't do to start crying again. They weren't worth it.
But they were. Well, he was.
The sound of a pop startled her, and she opened her eyes to find that she was alone again. She wasn't sure if she felt relieved or disappointed. There'd been something oddly comforting about knowing that the Elf was just there, whoever he was.
She let out a long sigh, before she lifted the handkerchief to her nose again, her eyes just now catching sight of the actual item. There was something familiar about it. It was white in colour, with black and green embroidery.
Oh.
Hermione spied a set of initials in the corner, and her heart hiccupped.
H.J.P.
Of course.
This time, she buried her face in the handkerchief, and sobbed for every lie the boy with the green eyes had ever told her.
.
Harry couldn't be sure that he was actually walking in the right direction, but he eventually found himself in the library, standing in front of Luna as she worked on some assignment. It had been a strange week for him, and the fog in his vision just wasn't going away. And then this happened. Why did Hermione -
Huh?
It took Luna a moment to notice him and, at the sight of his face and at the odd sound that he was making, she was up out of her seat and moving towards him.
"Merlin, Harry, what's wrong?" she asked in a hurry, her face giving away all her concern.
He turned his head very slowly to look at her. "She thinks I'm like James," he said softly. "She thinks I'm like James, Luna. She thinks I don't love her."
Luna frowned. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
Harry shook his head roughly, as if he were trying to clear it. "Something is wrong with me, Luna," he said carefully, somewhat lucidly. "I don't know what, but I can't seem to - " he stopped abruptly. Then, as if he were rebooting, he said: "I have to break up with Hermione."
Luna's eyes widened, her mouth dropping open. She definitely wasn't expecting to hear that. "What? Harry?"
Harry jerked, his eyes darting about in a panic. "Help me," he whispered, suddenly dropping to his knees and sucking in a deep breath. "Something is wrong. Something is wrong with me."
"Okay," Luna said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Can you stand? Where should we go? What should I do?"
Harry's heart was beating so fast; it was practically humming. Luna could even feel it through his skin. "Hospital Wing," he choked out, reaching out for the closest chair to help himself stand up. Once he was upright, he seemed to jerk to attention, and Luna stepped back, watching her friend with wide eyes.
"Harry," she said gently, wary of reaching out to touch him again. "Let's go to Madam Pomfrey," she said.
He started nodding, his eyes looking glassy, as he allowed her to lead him out of the library.
Admittedly, Luna hadn't seen much of her best friend in the last week, so she was a little thrown by what was going on. He'd been slightly aloof and unfocused, which wasn't particularly unlike him, but hadn't happened in a while. When Hermione'd mentioned her concerns; Luna hadn't thought there was much to worry about.
But this.
Something was clearly wrong, and she hadn't even noticed. What kind of friend was she?
Harry shuffled his way along the corridors, using the gentle pressure of Luna's hand on his arm to keep him grounded. His head was throbbing, and all he could think about was Hermione saying: "Like father like son."
Because she knew. She knew what that meant, and she'd said it to his face, in front of everyone.
Luna pushed the doors open when they reached the Hospital Wing. "Madam Pomfrey," she called out. "Madam Pomfrey!"
A moment later, the MediWitch was scurrying out of her office. "Oh dear," she said at the sight of Harry. "What's happened?"
Luna had no clue. "Uh, he just hasn't been acting like himself," she said instead. "He knows that something is wrong with him, and I think that he's been trying to fight it, but..." she trailed off. "Can you help?"
Madam Pomfrey hurried towards them, her head nodding as she took out her wand to run diagnostics on the wizard. "Help me bring him to the bed, won't you, darling?" she eventually said, her brow furrowed.
"Do you know what's wrong with him?" Luna asked, her voice smaller than usual. Merlin, how could she have not noticed that something was wrong with her best friend?
"He's very dehydrated," she said, helping her get Harry situated. "There's something in his system, Miss Lovegood; do you know what?"
"No," Luna said immediately, frowning. "Someone fed him something?"
"I doubt he fed it to himself," she replied, stepping back. "We'll have to use a concentrated Purging Potion. I'll be right back."
Luna stepped towards where Harry was lying. She gently ran a hand through his hair. "You're okay," she said quietly. "We're going to take care of you, Harry. You just relax, all right?"
He looked terrified.
"You're okay," she said again. "You're okay."
Harry reached for her hand. "She doesn't know that I love her," he whispered. "Will you tell her? You have to tell her, Luna. She has to know."
Before she could reply, Madam Pomfrey was back. "Mr Potter, you're going to have to drink these for me," she said. "What's going to happen isn't going to be pretty, but you'll feel much better once it's over."
He looked at her with wide eyes, before he turned his head to look at Luna.
"Go on, Harry," she said; "you'll feel better, I promise."
Harry eventually nodded, and Madam Pomfrey placed a vial against his lips. He drank dutifully, before she fed him another two vials of different colour potions. Luna would ask about them later. But for now, she kept her eyes on Harry Potter, who was looking at her curiously.
For a moment, everything about him stilled, and his facial expression calmed. For that moment, everything about him was beautifully peaceful.
And then it started.
Six hours and three violent potions purges later, Harry Potter was sleeping soundly in a hospital bed, and Luna was penning a letter to Lily Evans. Owing to the fact that Harry hadn't been brought into the Infirmary unconscious, no letter was automatically sent to James Potter, which was a complete and utter relief to all parties involved.
Madam Pomfrey made sounds of disapproval as she bustled about the large room, her eyes continually drifting Harry's way, as if she were expecting him to wake up at any moment now.
Luna needed him to wake up. She needed to see his eyes, clear and happy. She needed to hear his voice tell her that everything was going to be okay. Because, right now, she didn't think that at all.
Sure enough, ten minutes later - notably after Madam Pomfrey disappeared into her office - Harry's eyes snapped open, and he wriggled about in obvious panic. Luna was up and out of her seat in an instant, her face moving into his line of vision.
"You're okay," she said, trying to calm him down. "Harry, you're okay. It's just you and me here. You're okay."
His eyes still darted about, taking in the empty room.
"There's nobody else here," she said quietly. "Just me and Madam Pomfrey. Neville wasn't allowed to stay, but I fought tooth and nail."
He stilled instantly, and let out a tired breath as he moved to sit up. He reached for his glasses on the side table, and just held them in his hand for a moment as if he were using them to ground himself. He slowed his breathing, and then placed his glasses on his nose. "Hi," he said to Luna, his voice hoarse. His throat hurt, but he pushed through it.
"Hey you."
He took in another deep breath. "What happened?" he asked on the exhale.
Luna sat down in her chair once more, her eyes flickering towards Madam Pomfrey's closed office door. "I assume you remember some things," she said to Harry.
He nodded.
"There were several potions in your system, Harry," she said gently. "It's one of the reasons you were hard-wired to break up with Hermione, but you were fighting it. There was a memory potion involved as well. That's why you were so confused about everything. It's the reason why you've been so out of it this last week."
Harry dropped his gaze, suddenly remembering just what had happened in the Common Room. "A whole week?"
She nodded. "Does it feel like you were trapped in some kind of time bubble?" she asked.
He nodded his head yes. Then: "What time is it?"
Luna checked the clock on the far wall. "Uh, just after eleven o'clock."
He shook his head. "I've been out for a while then, haven't I?"
"Six hours, give or take," she supplied. "After the first time, you woke up twice to, uh, expel the potions, as it were."
"Lovely."
"We're definitely the best of friends now."
"Sorry," he said with a grimace. "And thank you."
Luna smiled gently. "Now, can you tell me what happened? You were saying a lot of things when you found me."
He couldn't look at her.
"You're okay now, Harry," she said. "I promise."
He let out a tired breath, shifting slightly. Before he started to speak, he took a sip of water. His throat felt raw, and he wasn't sure how much he would be able to say. "Uh," he began. "I didn't tell you but, after the Quidditch match, Ginny kissed me."
Luna's eyes widened. "What? Why would she do such a thing?"
"I don't know," he admitted truthfully. "There was a moment, Luna, when I considered yes, you know? Just because I'd never known, but then... I told her no." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I made the decision not to tell Hermione because I didn't want to hurt her." His heart hurt when he thought of Hermione. Her look of utter devastation. It was like it was burned into his brain. "I didn't think she'd believe me."
Luna just nodded, trying to understand.
"But Ginny didn't hear no," he said, shivering slightly. He lifted the covers up over his shoulders, as if the fabric could somehow protect him. "Luna," he whispered, and she shot out of her chair. She perched herself on the edge of his bed and drew him against her chest, holding him close while she plotted Ginevra Weasley's demise.
Luna ran a soothing hand up and down his back, trying desperately to keep him calm. He'd never reacted this way to anything that had happened to him before. Jack had done everything to him, but he was always able to bounce back, because he was convinced that it was James behind it. Even Voldemort hadn't managed to elicit this response, so what was it about this time that had him freaking out like this?
"I didn't know what I was doing," he mumbled against her, and she could hear the tears in his voice. "It was like it wasn't me. I wasn't in control." He closed his eyes tightly, wrapping his arms around Luna and clutching her tightly. "I tried," he cried. "I tried so hard." He took in a shaky breath. "Then she told me that I had to break up with Granger to be with her, and I just - " he hiccupped. "God, Granger's face, Luna... She was so heartbroken; so full of hatred. I did that to her. I did that. She hates me. She's never going to forgive me."
"Ssh," Luna cooed, trying to stop him from working himself into some sort of panic attack. "Let's not worry about that now, okay?"
Harry could only nod.
It was in that position that Madam Pomfrey eventually found them. She bristled for a moment, before she accepted what was and refrained from reprimanding them. Instead, she cleared her throat, and the two of them pulled apart.
"Welcome back, Mr Potter," she said softly, decidedly not commenting on his red eyes or wet cheeks. "Have you had something to drink?" she asked, needing to make sure that he stayed hydrated.
Luna picked up the cup of water on his nightstand and handed it to Harry, who drank it all in one go. He was surprised by his own thirst. Madam Pomfrey quickly poured more water for him, and he greedily drank some more.
Madam Pomfrey quickly cast a few more diagnostic spells, before she nodded in satisfaction. "The purging was a success," she said rather timidly. "From the tests on the, umm, expelled matter; I was able to complete my report on what exactly was in your system."
Harry grimaced. "I'm sorry you had to do that," he whispered.
"It's all part of the job," she said kindly, smiling warmly at him. "What I did find is alarming though, Mr Potter. Under normal circumstances, it would be grounds for legal action, in fact."
Harry blinked rapidly.
Madam Pomfrey stepped towards him. "Am I right to assume that you remember things more clearly now?"
He nodded numbly.
"I won't beat around the bush here, Mr Potter; but the chances of anything actually going through the Wizengamot are slim," she confessed. "Regardless of the severity of the accusation, you are a Halfblood, and the potions I found in your system are typically of Pureblood descent."
Luna finished off the thought. "He wouldn't stand a chance."
"Especially if my father's an Auror," Harry said quietly, and that was the most important bit. "He'd more likely sweep it all under the rug before my mum could even get to Madam Bones." He suddenly gasped. "My mum!"
"She hasn't been informed yet," Madam Pomfrey told him.
Harry wasn't sure if he was relieved or not. "What's that?" he asked, his eyes travelling to the parchment sitting on the chair that Luna had vacated.
"I was actually writing to her," Luna replied.
"Don't," he said automatically. "She'll just worry, and then she'll come here, and I don't want her to know yet." He took a deep breath. "I have to tell her myself."
Luna nodded in understanding. "Do you want to use my Mirror?"
The thought of going back to the Gryffindor Common Room, even entering his dormitory to fetch his own Communication Mirror was frightening. What if he saw Hermione? Or Ginny? Not for the first time, Harry felt overwhelmed by everything that just happened. His breaths became shorter and his heart started to race.
Luna noticed his panic and she immediately took hold of his closest hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Harry," she said soothingly. "You're okay now. I promise you're okay now."
Madam Pomfrey cleared her throat. "You'll spend the night here, Mr Potter," she said gently. "No decisions have to be made right now. You'll speak to your mother in the morning, and then you can go from there."
Harry took a deep breath. "Thank you, Madam Pomfrey."
"And you, Miss Lovegood," she said, turning to look at the young Ravenclaw.
"Madam Pomfrey," Luna said innocently. "I can't possibly leave him to spend the night alone."
The MediWitch shook her head. Then: "You're welcome to spend the night, but it's going to have to be in your own bed."
That made Luna blush, but she happily hopped off the edge of Harry's bed. She gathered her parchment, before she practically skipped towards the bed next to Harry's, just behind where Madam Pomfrey was standing.
It took them both a little while to get settled, and Madam Pomfrey wished them both goodnight, before disappearing into her office, which Harry assumed led to her own living quarters as well.
It was suddenly very quiet, and his mind ran away with him. He recalled everything that had happened in the past week and it hurt his heart. Oh Hermione. He couldn't even fathom what she was feeling right now.
"Hey," Luna said, catching his attention. "I can feel your magic."
"She hates me," he whispered.
"She doesn't," Luna countered immediately.
"You didn't see her, Luna," he argued. "You didn't see it in her eyes. She was hurt. She was so hurt that she - " he stopped abruptly. She was so hurt that she'd said the one thing that she knew would hurt him the most. She had to hate him to do that, and nothing that Luna said would convince him otherwise.
"Get some sleep, Harry," Luna said soothingly. "We can worry about everything in the morning."
Her words did nothing to appease him, but he did eventually roll onto his back, remove his glasses and try desperately to shut his mind off. It didn't work, and it was well after two o'clock when exhaustion eventually caught up to him, and he practically passed out.
When Harry woke up, he was alone in the Infirmary. On his nightstand, beside his glasses, was a small mirror and a folded note. He took his time stretching out and retrieving his glasses before he sat up. It was bright outside, and it was hurting his eyes.
Another day.
He lifted the note and spied Luna's familiar scrawl.
Call your mother. Tell her everything.
Would have stayed but I have a Charms test first lesson. Wish me luck.
See you at lunch.
LL
He couldn't help but smile. But it quickly fell away when he remembered just why he was in the Hospital Wing in the first place. He let out a pained sound that he didn't immediately recognise, and his heart started to race.
Before the fresh tears came, he reached for the Communication Mirror and called his mother.
The students were still in class when Harry eventually returned to Gryffindor Tower. He went alone, because his mother was still discussing things with Madam Pomfrey regarding what was going to happen now. The MediWitch was being surprisingly helpful and Harry made a mental note to figure out a way to thank her for her obvious kindness. He didn't know what about this particular visit to the Infirmary made her care, but he was too tired of the politics to force himself to analyse it.
His Head of House hadn't even come to check on him.
Once he was in his dormitory, Harry took out a set of fresh clothes and his toiletries. He needed a shower, desperately. Even though his mother assured him that he didn't actually smell atrocious, he still felt disgusting, and he wanted to get clean before he left the Castle.
He took a long, hot shower, washing away all the remnants of the previous day, and it was a refreshed, though rather lethargic, Harry Potter who emerged from the bathroom. He made quick work of packing his trunk with all of his things - save for a piece of parchment and a pen - shrinking it, and then putting it in his pocket. He cast one look at his bed, and then at Jack's before he went down to the Common Room and sat down at one of the tables. He had a letter to write.
It was addressed to Hermione, and it told her everything she needed to know if she didn't give him the chance to tell her. She had to know that he was sorry; that he'd never meant to hurt her. She had to know that he wasn't in control; that he never would have dreamed of a day that he would hurt her. Never like that.
Harry couldn't help the hurt that he felt whenever he thought about her reaction to what she thought was true. He liked to think that she might have given him the benefit of the doubt, but she'd been so sure. It wasn't as if he blamed her, not really, but that didn't make it hurt any less. The words she said were designed to wound him, and she'd said them knowing how it would affect him.
Harry couldn't imagine a day that he would ever be angry enough to use her deepest fears against her. She could have been the one to betray him, and he still wouldn't have said anything about her parents being right not to want her. He felt sick even thinking it.
Which was why he felt physical pain whenever he thought about it.
Harry was still sitting at the table when students started to trickle into the Common Room. Some of them looked surprised to see him sitting there, and he could only imagine what rumours were already being spread about him and what had happened. He let out a long sigh. He didn't care what they thought. It didn't matter to him. What did matter was what Hermione thought of him, and he needed her to understand.
He needed her to see.
The Common Room immediately fell silent when Hermione returned from her classes. Her eyes automatically settled on Harry, and they widened at his haggard appearance. Her immediate response was to rush towards him and comfort him in some way, but she stayed completely still. Even when he stood up and took cautious steps towards her; she didn't move.
"Granger," he said softly, his voice barely a rasp. "Do you think we could please talk?" he asked, his tone so sincere that she was bound to give in.
"She doesn't want to talk to you!" a voice boomed behind her, and Hermione caught Harry's flinch. Gone was the charming boy, or the boy who would have thrown something straight back at Jack without a second's thought. "Just leave her alone, Black!"
Harry kept his eyes on Hermione, as he practically shrunk in place. "Hermione," he pleaded. There was so much in his voice, that she took an automatic step towards him.
Jack immediately put an arm across her to halt her movement. "Hermione, what are you doing?" he asked incredulously. "Have you forgotten what he did?"
Hermione's head snapped towards Jack. "I haven't forgotten," she hissed at him. "I haven't forgotten a lot of things, Jack Potter. Now, please will you drop your hand!"
Jack shifted uncomfortably, before he did as instructed.
As soon as Jack's arm was gone, Hermione moved towards Harry. She stopped about a metre away from him. It was difficult to look at him. He looked like he'd barely slept, and he just looked thinner. What had happened to him?
"Do you want to talk here?" he asked softly. "Or, uh, would you rather...?" he trailed off, his eyes darting about. He stepped back, and then moved to stand behind the table he'd been sitting at, as if he needed some kind of physical boundary between himself and... and what?
Hermione looked around the room. Everyone was watching Harry. Hermione couldn't mistake the anguish and hatred on his face. What on earth was happening to him?
Harry's eyes settled on her eventually, but he didn't step out from behind the table. "I'm sorry," he said so softly that she strained to hear him. "I'm so sorry, Granger. I never meant for..." He shifted his body again, his eyes following movement behind Hermione. "She kissed me after the Hufflepuff game," he explained quietly, and Hermione was forced to step towards him to hear him better. "There was a moment; it could have been more, but I pushed her away. I wanted you. I've always wanted only you - " His body shifted again.
He waited a long moment, until the Room settled down again. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't think you'd believe me. I accepted my decision, and I thought it would be fine, but I was wrong. I'm so sorry." His eyes darted to Hermione's left, and she turned to see Ginny standing there, her expression unreadable.
Harry swallowed thickly. "I have no excuses for that, but what came after... this last week, it wasn't me," he said. "I'd never - I wouldn't - Granger, you have to understand that - " The words just wouldn't come. Not with Ginny standing right there. He felt so weak; so damn powerless to her presence, as if she still had control over him. He could still hear her voice telling him to love her instead.
Telling him to break up with Hermione and be with her.
Harry might have found it amusing that that was finally the thing that made him crack. Ginny had to have known that breaking up with Hermione wouldn't have been possible, and yet there they all were.
The words just wouldn't come.
Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter that he'd scribbled. The words wouldn't come out of his mouth, even though she looked like she was willing to listen. How pathetic was he?
"I wrote to you," Harry said, bravely moving towards her. "I wanted you to know the truth, because I don't think anyone else ever will."
She frowned.
Harry held the letter out for her. "Just know that I'm sorry, Granger. I know I've hurt you, but you have to understand that I never meant to."
"It hurts all the same, Harry," she said, unable to resist speaking.
He grimaced.
Somehow, he'd expected silence, and her tone had a scary bite to it. "I know," he said tiredly. "Just know that I mean it." It was as clear as day in his eyes. "Know this, and know that," he hesitated, his voice dropping to barely a whisper. "I think that I might even love you."
Her breath hitched.
Harry rocked back the moment that Ginny moved. She moved right into Hermione's periphery.
"He came onto me, you know, Hermione," Ginny said, as she'd been saying all day. Hermione wasn't hearing any of it. The desperation in the redhead's voice alerted her to the truth more than anything. Ginny'd never expected to be found out. At least not until she and Harry were broken up.
Which just made Hermione wonder about Jack's role in all of this.
It was such a mess. What had they done? Why had any of this even happened? Why.
Harry cringed at the sound of Ginny's voice, and he knew that he had to get out of there as soon as possible. He moved around Hermione's right side, coming to a stop right near her. "I'm so sorry," he said again, his breath washing across her cheek. "This was never supposed to happen."
"But it did, Harry."
His eyes glanced past her to Ginny. "It didn't have to."
That was the last thing he would say to her. It might've even been the last time he would see her; he didn't know. But he walked away regardless. His mother was waiting for him, and Harry Potter was going home.