A busy morning

The following Monday morning, Patrick hurried into the surgery. As always, he could be certain Stella was already there, holding the fort, having opened the windows to let in fresh air, having lit the lamps and placed the morning post on his desk.

When Patrick entered the reception area, Stella walked around the corner from the back. Her face lit up with her signature smile when she saw him.

"Stella!" he exclaimed happily.

"Good morning, Patrick," Stella replied while approaching him and extending her hands to take his coat from him. "You look as if you could use a hot cup of tea. I'll bring it to you if you go to your office."

Patrick extended his hand and carefully brushed her cheek with the outside of his fingers. "Exactly what I need this morning. Mornings at home have become so hectic, I can't even remember whether I have already had a cup or not," he sighed.

Stella chuckled and disappeared into the kitchen. When she returned with a steaming cup, Patrick had already sat down at his desk and was looking out for her.

"Please, get yourself a cup, too, and have a seat," he invited her. "We have another fifteen minutes until we open," he added.

"Oh no, Patrick, not now. You need to check the post and I have to man the phone. See, it is already ringing," she said, and disappeared again.

Patrick smiled after her, appreciating her curvy behind through her perfect-fitted dress. He had come to appreciate how different Stella felt from Shelagh, he noticed. Shelagh was very slim, almost tiny in his arms. In their early days of engagement when they had first begun to carefully embrace, he had been afraid of crushing or hurting her. Now he could not imagine not touching and holding her.

But from the first time he had embraced Stella, he appreciated her female form. Stella was quite a bit taller than Shelagh, he did not have to bend down as much. She was also slender, but more curvy around the hips and had larger heavier breasts.

Patrick was shaken out of his thoughts by Stella's voice, asking him to take a call from a doctor at the London regarding one of Patrick's referrals.

All morning, Patrick was busy seeing one patient after another. In between, as she did every day, Stella brought several fresh cups of tea, never leaving his office without ever so slightly brushing his upper arm or hand right after placing the cup on his desk. Showing him her presence and how she cared. Patrick noticed how he felt an ever so light tingling in his belly whenever she approached his desk.

Patrick suddenly became aware of how this, her frequent touching him, had really been what attracted him to her. Her subtle signs of watching out for him, without pressing him or requiring anything of him. Her genuinely caring self, paired with her humour and wit was what he appreciated. Also, he realized, it was what he needed but what he had come to miss in his marriage since the birth of their baby, the constant struggle with childcare and especially with Shelagh having returned to work at Nonnatus House.

"Dr Turner, can I ask you something?" an impatient-sounding voice unpleasantly shook Patrick out of his thoughts. Nurse Crane was standing in the door, her brow furrowed, clearly disapproving of him being distracted by thoughts she would never want to know.

"Yes, Nurse Crane," Patrick said, sitting up straight, indicating for his colleague to sit down on the visitor's chair.

"I am sorry, " Patrick heard Stella's voice before she entered his office, right after Nurse Crane had left. "I was on the phone when she just hurried past my desk and into your office. There was no way stopping her."

"It is alright, Stella, you have nothing to be sorry about. This is Nurse Crane as we know her. She was worried about her patient, Maude Green, but I could assure her I had taken care of everything. I referred Mrs Greene to the London yesterday after Nurse Crane had called me. Maude was in labour but we decided her pelvis was too narrow. Her labour stopped but they are going to operate this afternoon. Nurse Crane wasn't aware it was all under way."

"Oh, the young girl who got married only a few weeks ago, is this Maude?"

Patrick nodded.

"Oh well, I noticed she is hardly older than Caroline, the poor girl. But at least the lad married her then," Mrs Gillespie said, visibly shivering, thinking what might happen to Caroline, Patrick thought.

"What a busy morning we had," Stella said. "I didn't even get to ask you about your weekend. So you were called out to Maude, any other calls?"

"Yes, I was at the O'Leary's. Poor old Sean took another turn for the worse, I assume he won't have long now. Peggy is devastated. Luckily their daughter can spend a few weeks with them as her husband is away on sea and the brought the little ones."

Stella nodded. "I am sorry, these must be so hard."

Patrick shrugged his shoulders. "It is, though with time you learn to cope. You have to, or you can't do this kind of work. And really, getting home to my family is always distracting my mind."

Stella chuckled. "I should think so. I remember when the boys were little. They were so wild and naughty, I never got anything done. I was lucky my neighbour next door was there to help. Her children were a bit older and she would often take one of the boys so I could clean or do the laundry at least once a week."

Patrick cocked his head and looked at Stella who had meanwhile sat down on the visitor's chair. "There was a time when we thought we would not be blessed with another child. And though we would never consider him a burden I think Shelagh is pushed to her limits with two little ones and her work at the moment," he said sadly.

"Oh really? How's that? The baby, I mean?" Stella asked.

"Shelagh had tuberculosis just before we got married. When she did not get pregnant during our first year of marriage, we were told after an examination she could very likely no longer conceive. She was devastated, you can imagine. And so was I. Not so much because of not having a child, but because I could hardly stand watching her being so defeated. It had been all she wanted and it was the one thing I could not give to her."

Stella sighed. "I am sorry. This must have been so very hard on you."

Patrick nodded. "It was. It was the most difficult time for us as a couple. But we came out alright. We adopted Angela. And then we had Teddy, our little miracle. So there is nothing to worry about. Everything went well in the end."

Stella smiled. "This is a lovely story. And I can relate to you so well. After Martin came back from the war, all we wanted was to focus on the future. We wanted to have another baby so badly. I got pregnant almost immediately but then I had a miscarriage when I was six months pregnant. It happened at home, while I was doing the laundry. I will never forget seeing this little human being, just slipped out, it was a real baby, just so very tiny, -" her voice trailed off and Patrick noticed Stella blink back tears.

He slowly got up from his chair, walked up next to her, drew the second visitor's chair to him and sat down close to her. Then he leaned over and took her hands into his. "I am sorry, Stella," he murmured.

Stella shook her head, still trying to hold back her tears. "Oh no, Patrick, this is long gone. Almost twenty years now. It was very difficult back then but we had Caroline not even two years later. Something good that came out of this."

She tried hard to maintain her composure, but Patrick leaned in yet a little closer and embraced her tightly. "You don't have to hold back the pain, Stella," he whispered into her hair. "Every child we are not able to have hurts, and you are allowed to cry over your son or daughter."

Stella broke out into a sob. "It was a little daughter, Patrick," she cried. Patrick kept on holding her until her sobbing ebbed.

Stella carefully withdrew from his embrace and retrieved a handkerchief from her pocket. She wiped her eyes, blew her nose and then smiled again, while her eyes still bore the sad expression of a mother remembering her dead child.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you. This was the first time ever since it happened that I could cry over this little girl that was never supposed to live."

Patrick bent over again and kissed her on the cheek. "You are a precious and lovely woman, Stella. You are allowed every kind of emotion. And if you ever feel you need to share something, you are always welcome to do so with me."

Stella smiled again and bit her lips. Then, after a short pause, she said: "I am so sorry, now your lunch break is almost over and I haven't even finished the list for your house calls. I am so sorry."

She wanted to jump up from her chair but Patrick held her back. "Stella, please, don't worry. We'll manage. You take your time in finishing the list and I can take another five minutes to eat my sandwiches. Mrs Penney is watching Teddy this afternoon meaning we'll have a decent meal tonight. Also Shelagh will be home beginning late afternoon, so there is no need for me to hurry."

Stella smiled and wiped her eyes for the last time before putting away her now wet handkerchief. "Thank you Patrick. I am tempted to say what would I do without you, though I am aware that there are quite a few things that I have to do without you."

Patrick looked at her affectionately. He breathed in audibly and let out a sharp breath and said: "You look very adorable right now. I would like to kiss you properly, but I am afraid if I do I will never get to have my lunch nor begin my rounds."

Stella laughed and got up from her chair. "Now eat something, and then I'll see you off. You've got patients waiting, Dr Turner."

Patrick smiled happily while watching Stella's back walk out of his office, remembering how lovely it hat felt to have her warm and soft body pressed so closely against his. It had been so heart-breaking to see her devastated but it made him almost feel proud of himself having been able to comfort her.