Chapter Twenty-Three: Pull My Heart Away
Hermione's sudden scream alerted Lily and Sirius, who came rushing out of the house in a panic. They both had their wands at the ready but they needn't have bothered. Harry Potter was gone and nobody knew where.
"What happened?" Sirius asked, moving to stand right in front of the teenage witch. "Hermione! Where's Harry? Hermione!"
Hermione turned her wide eyes on Sirius. "He - he was just here," she whispered in disbelief. "I - uh, he just disappeared."
Sirius and Lily exchanged a look.
"Call Amelia," Sirius said.
Lily wasted no time in running back into the house, leaving Sirius and Hermione alone in the backyard. The teenage witch was still in a state of shock, and Sirius wasn't sure how to deal with it. It was obvious this was the first time she had to deal with anything like this.
"Uh, Hermione," he began; "do you - did - " he stopped, gathering his thoughts. "Did he say anything before he, umm, disappeared?"
Hermione swallowed thickly. "He told me he loved me," she said, blinking quickly. "And I - I couldn't even say it back to him."
Sirius didn't know how to respond to that, so he didn't.
The two of them remained in silence until Lily came back out of the house, looking antsy, her face a picture of worry and concern.
"What did she say?" Sirius immediately asked.
"They haven't heard anything yet," she said worriedly. "But she's checking with her Aurors. This could just be nothing, you know?"
Sirius nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe I should check with Albus," he said carefully, wary of bringing up the man's name around Lily; "See where Jack is."
"Maybe."
It was Sirius' turn to head into the house, and Lily turned her attention to Hermione. The teenager looked pale, her face still frozen in shock.
"Hermione?"
"I didn't tell him," she said breathily. "He doesn't know I love him."
Lily gave her a sympathetic look. She wasn't sure what to say to the teenager to make her feel better. Lily knew that something like this would happen, which was why she accepted Sirius' offer to prepare her son for these such occasions. But, by Merlin, she was terrified. For her son, and for herself. She would never survive if anything ever happened to him.
And, frankly, from the look on Hermione's face; Lily didn't think the younger witch would either. Harry was too important to the both of them.
"He doesn't know," Hermione repeated.
Lily pulled her into a hug, which she needed more than she thought Hermione did. "He's going to be fine," she said soothingly, running her hand over the back of her head. "He's going to be fine."
Hermione didn't believe her, but she still allowed Lily to lead her back into the house and into the living room. Lily sat Hermione in an armchair and tried to busy herself with things to distract herself from the fact that her son was missing. He was literally gone, who knows where, and facing off against who knows what. She cleaned and she baked and the seconds turned into minutes that turned into an hour, and Lily lost herself in the mundane tasks.
Right until the moment Sirius came running into the room, looking haggard. "He's been spotted at the Ministry," he yelled. "I have to go." And then he was running out of the room, out of the house, and he too was gone.
Lily could only stare.
Hermione didn't even moved.
Seconds. Minutes.
Hours. Seconds.
Minutes. Hours.
What felt like an eternity later, both wizards were back, Sirius practically dragging Harry over the threshold.
"Harry!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed, spotting them first.
Lily's head snapped up. "What? Where?"
Hermione shot out of her seat, her heart skipping several beats as she broke out into a run to get to her boyfriend. Sirius was actually taken aback by how fast she was. Harry never told him she was so quick. "What happened?" she asked hurriedly, taking in the sight of Harry's worrying exterior.
"Help me get him upstairs," Sirius said painfully, looking as if he too had been hurt during whatever the two of them were just coming from. "He needs to rest."
Somehow, Hermione found the will to move and she was able to help Sirius get a practically unconscious Harry Potter up the stairs and into his bedroom. Sirius set the teenager down on the bed and attempted to shift him into as comfortable a position he could manage.
"What happened to him?" Hermione asked, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and touching Harry's chest. She just needed to be touching him, feeling him in some way, in order to make sure he was really there. She couldn't even explain the relief she felt when she felt his steady heartbeat under her fingertips.
Sirius shook his head. "Not now, Hermione," he said, wiping his forehead of sweat. "We should - I should - "
"Lily," Hermione said, understanding.
Sirius nodded once and exited the room, leaving Hermione alone with the one boy, she knew, who had the power to ruin her. It was inevitable, wasn't it? Was that why she couldn't tell him she loved him? Because of what it would do to her. It would be handing him a loaded gun and trusting him not to pull the trigger. She didn't think she was brave enough for that.
Some Gryffindor she was.
A few minutes later, Lily entered the room, carrying with her a small bowl of warm water and a green washcloth. She sat on the opposite side of the bed and just stared at him as if she were just seeing him for the first time. Her lack of movement prompted Hermione's, and she reached across Harry for the washcloth from the bowl in Lily's lap. She wrung it out as gently as she could, and then proceeded to wipe the dirt, grime and blood off Harry's perfect face.
Some of the blood didn't even belong to Harry.
Just what atrocities had this poor boy been through?
Hermione wiped at his jaw, down his neck and inside his collar before rinsing the cloth. She wiped his forehead next, wiping dirt from his brow and pale cheeks. Next, she cleaned his hands, wiping away blood as if it wasn't the liquid of life. Right now, it was just a red stain that she was determined to clean off his fingers.
While Hermione worked, Lily just sat in silence. For the most part, she was relieved Harry wasn't awake right now. As worried as she was, she was terrified of what was going to happen when he did finally come to. She suspected there would be a part of him that would hate her, if things really went the way Sirius believed they had at the Ministry.
If he discovered the Hall of Prophecies like Sirius suggested.
If he learned the truth she's been trying to keep from him since she learned it herself.
"How is Sirius?" Hermione asked quietly, her movements remaining steady as she wiped Harry's forearms. He had scratches and deep gashes but she wasn't skilled enough to heal them. Lily would have to do it.
"Bruised," Lily said carefully, taking out her wand.
As Hermione cleaned, Lily healed and, soon, Harry Potter just looked like an everyday teenager who was fast asleep wearing dirty clothes, and decidedly not looking like a boy recovering from battle. He looked surprisingly peaceful, and it was a look Lily wished she could freeze forever. Everything was going to change when he opened those eyes and she wasn't ready for it.
None of them were.
"Did Sirius tell you what happened?" Hermione asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
Lily took her time turning her gaze on Hermione. The young witch was looking at her expectantly but Lily didn't have it in her to answer the question. "It's strange, you know?" she said instead, blatantly deflecting. "I'm his mum, and yet I'm not the one taking care of him right now."
Hermione couldn't help her blush. "I'm sorry," she said, almost automatically.
"No, I like it," Lily was quick to add. "I mean, if I'm not going to be the one to take care of him; I'm glad you are."
Hermione's gaze dropped, her mind threatening to run away with her once more. It was a lot of... responsibility, and it was threatening to overwhelm her. "Thank you for trusting me enough to allow me to," she whispered. "I - he's - " She sighed at her inability to articulate. "He's very important to me."
"I know," Lily said, reaching out to place a hand over Hermione's one that was resting on Harry's chest.
A minute later, Sirius interrupted their vigil. He was freshly showered, clean and aware. He definitely didn't look as if he'd just done battle with a selection of Death Eaters that included his twisted cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.
"How's he doing?" Sirius asked the pair of witches.
"No change," Lily answered him, standing. "Perhaps we should let him rest and you can tell us what happened over a cup of tea."
Sirius just nodded as he left the room, Lily following. It took Hermione another minute to work up the courage to leave Harry. First, she kissed his forehead, welcoming the warmth of him under her lips, and then she made her way downstairs. Sirius and Lily must not have heard her coming because she walked into what looked to be a heated discussion.
"What was I supposed to do, Lily?" Sirius asked, his tone clipped. "I couldn't let anyone see him. He was injured. There was - " he stopped suddenly when he spotted Hermione. He forced a smile. "Tea?"
Hermione frowned slightly, but she managed a nod as she walked into the kitchen and sat at the table.
Lily busied herself preparing a cup for the younger witch before she too sat. Her conversation with Sirius was going to have to wait and, if she had it her way, it would wait forever.
Sirius cleared his throat. "I only know what happened from when I arrived at the Ministry," he said, sipping at his tea. "There was a full-on battle raging between members of the Order, Aurors and Death Eaters."
"Where was Harry?" Lily asked.
"I just arrived at the Atrium when he, Jack and Ron came in from - " he paused. "I'm not sure where they were coming from, but they had Death Eaters on their trail. I don't even - I don't know how they got inside. I mean, the Ministry is supposed to be protected. It's almost as impenetrable as Hogwarts."
"An inside man, maybe," Lily suggested.
Sirius nodded, making a mental note to check in with Amelia when this was done. "I guess the powers that be were alerted to what was going on because it was as if they all descended at once."
"Who?" Lily asked.
"Voldemort himself," he said with a shudder. "He came for something," he said, looking at Lily. "He didn't get it."
Lily swallowed thickly, unable to enjoy her sudden wave of relief.
"Albus arrived as well," he continued. "The two of them duelled. It was - I mean, I get that it was dangerous and we were all fighting our own people, but it was just beautiful to watch. Say what you want about the old goat, but the bastard knows how to fight." Before Lily could admonish his cursing, he was speaking again. "Having him on the Light side is one of the main reasons that Voldemort is finding it as difficult as he has to build his forces."
"How did Harry get injured?" Lily asked, bypassing the talk of Albus Dumbledore.
"He didn't," Sirius said.
Lily frowned. "What?"
"He didn't," he repeated, and Lily suddenly understood. Somebody else got hurt; somebody Harry was connected to.
"Oh."
Hermione was barely listening to them, which was a good thing too, because she was a little too smart for her own good some times. Her mind was unable to stop focusing on the fact that she was in love with a boy who disappeared on her, when he assured her he wouldn't.
He promised her.
"Jack?" Lily asked.
"Unconscious as well," he said. "I didn't stick around to see once Fudge arrived."
"What?"
Sirius nodded. "Fudge arrived."
"Did he see?" she asked, her voice cracking.
"Voldemort," he said slowly. "He saw Voldemort. They all did."
Lily let out a breath, feeling slightly winded by that new piece of information. "He can't hide anymore," she whispered. "It's starting, isn't it?"
Sirius shook his head. "It started with Cedric."
Lily rubbed her face with her hands. There were so many things they still needed to talk about, but she knew this wasn't the time. It wasn't just because of Hermione. The truth was that Lily wasn't ready for what was to come. She was perfectly fine living this simple life she cultivated with Sirius and her son. A son she was sure would have a few choice words for her when he woke up.
Because he knew.
Sirius knew he knew, which was bound to make the rest of this Christmas Break - probably the rest of their lives - very uncomfortable for her. For all of them.
With the conversation well and truly over, the three of them moved to the living room. Really, Hermione could barely recall where she found the energy or the will to make the move but she was able to settle on the couch in her silence and think.
Which was bad.
She needed Harry to wake up. She needed to see his eyes, and she needed to hear his assurances.
Before Lily sat with them, she went upstairs to check on Harry, her eyes needing to see him after all the stress and worry he put her through in the last twenty-four hours. She put on a brave face but, as a mother, not knowing where her son was and not knowing if he was injured or in pain, was unimaginable.
Inexplicable.
She would have stayed to watch him sleep but there was a part of her that didn't want to be alone with him when he finally awoke. She wasn't brave enough and she was seriously doubting her Gryffindor status. So, she went back downstairs, her mind already coming up with suitable explanations for why -
"Lily?"
She paused at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes on Sirius. "Hmm?"
He looked away for a moment before resettling his gaze on her. "I'm sorry," he said. "They were fighting, and then Voldemort did something to Jack, and Harry felt it too. I don't know how or what - " He sighed. "Both boys passed out shortly after. I did my best to get him out of there as fast as I could, and I don't think anyone else saw him. Or, if they did, they wouldn't know who he is."
"Jack knows," she said.
"But hasn't he always?"
Lily swallowed. "I suppose you're right," she said. "I just - " Then: "Are you sure Harry knows?"
Sirius nodded solemnly. "He knows, Lily. We can't protect him anymore."
Lily sighed, feeling defeated.
"I think you should check on Hermione," he said carefully, glancing over his shoulder at the younger witch. "This entire thing seems to have really shaken her, and Harry's going to need all of us for what happens when he wakes up."
"I was just going to do that," she said, finding the strength from somewhere deep in her reserves. She hadn't got much sleep, and she suspected she was going to need a strong cup of coffee - or three - to get through the rest of this day.
Lily moved towards him, kissed his cheek, and then walked into the living room, where she found Hermione sitting up straight, her body tense and her eyes unfocused. "Hey," Lily said, wary of interrupting the younger witch's thoughts.
Hermione still snapped to attention, startling slightly. "Oh, hey," she said, shifting in her seat. "How is he?"
"The same," Lily replied tiredly, dropping down onto the couch and sighing. She was exhausted, and all she wanted was for her son to wake up, so she could see his perfect green eyes. "It shouldn't be long now."
Hermione nodded thoughtfully. "All I really want to see is him laugh again," she said softly, her eyes unfocused; "hear him sing off key and watch him roll his eyes when I steal food off his plate, but my hoping it isn't enough to make it happen."
Lily wanted to reach out to her but her body looked so closed off and guarded; so locked. "That's more than enough for me," Lily said. "And, I'm sure it's definitely more than enough for Harry."
Hermione blinked back tears. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "How am I supposed to do this? He was just there, warm and solid in my arms, and then he was gone. Just like that. I didn't know where; I didn't know how long. I didn't even know if he was going to come back alive." She turned her head to look at Lily. "How am I supposed to do this?"
Lily didn't have any answers for her.
"Is it always going to be like this?" Hermione asked. "Am I just supposed to get used to it?"
Lily wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to the young woman, given that she was struggling with the very same thing but in a different way. How were they supposed to do this? All she knew was it was never going to get any easier.
"Please," Hermione practically pleaded, needing some sort of answer.
Lily had nothing. Nothing at all.
So, it was a complete and utter relief when the doorbell rang, interrupting their conversation. Lily practically jumped to her feet, wanting to get some respite from all the heavy talk. She was a little on edge, though the lack of warning from her wards kept her calm as she made her way towards the front of the house.
After the events of the past night, she shouldn't have been surprised by whom she opened the door to find.
Of course.
"Hello, my dear Lily."
She was sorely tempted to shut the door in his face.
When Harry Potter finally came to, he was lying on his bed in his bedroom. Alone.
Wait.
He was in his bedroom.
He sat up suddenly... and immediately regretted it, groaning. He was stiff and in an considerable amount of pain, but he couldn't even focus on that. If he was in his bedroom, then he was at home, which meant his mother was here.
And Sirius.
And Hermione!
He stumbled off the bed and flew to the door, flinging it open and practically racing down the stairs with the intention of finding... someone, anyone. Though, what he did end up finding was an absolute shock to his system and he practically stumbled into the living room.
"What the - " he said before he could stop himself, his eyes wide in surprise.
All heads turned to look at him.
Before Harry could even register all the faces, Hermione was rising from her seat and flinging herself at him. Her arms closed around his body, squeezing him tight enough to hurt but, before he could even register what was happening, she was releasing him.
And hitting him.
Repeatedly.
"How. Dare. You. Do. That. To. Me." With every word she said, she hit his chest with a closed first. "I. Was. So. Worried." She huffed. "What. Were - "
"Miss Granger?"
Hermione stopped abruptly, and turned her head towards the person who spoke. Harry looked as well, and Professor Albus Dumbledore was on the receiving end of twin teenage glares.
Dumbledore was undeterred, of course, and pushed on: "I'm sure Mr Potter doesn't need any more - "
"Actually," Harry cut him off. "I'm perfectly capable of telling my girlfriend what I do and don't need, thank you very much," he said, his tone clipped.
"Harry," Lily said, and the warning was clear in her tone.
"Will you excuse us," Harry said, because it wasn't a request. Ignoring his mother's pointed look, he grabbed hold of Hermione's hand and dragged her out of the room and into the kitchen. Before he could get a word out, Hermione pushed him against the counter and kissed him. It was a hard, bruising kiss that lasted barely a moment before she was beating at his chest again, leaving him dazed and confused.
"You. Had. Me. So. Worried!"
Harry wasn't even sure what he could say.
She took hold of his head and forced him to look at her. "Are you okay? God, what happened to you? Are you hurt? I mean, besides the superficial stuff. Harry." Her voice sounded strangled, coming deep from her throat.
"Granger," he breathed, unsure what to make of this moment.
"I was - I mean - I didn't even - one second you were there, and then you just weren't!" She fought off a choked sob. "I never want to go through that again, do you hear me?"
All he could do was nod.
Hermione continued to stare at him, her eyes studying his face.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
"Of course, I'm not okay."
"I'm sorry."
She sighed heavily.
"I had no control over it," he said, though that excuse meant nothing to either of them.
"I know."
"I love you."
"I hate you a little bit right now."
He reached for her hand and tugged her closer, forcing her into his space. "I really am sorry."
Hermione leaned against him, dropping her forehead to his chest and staying. She wasn't moving.
Not for anything.
Not for anyone.
The moment she felt him wrap his arms around her, she was finally able to relax after what felt like forever. The two of them just stood there, holding onto each other for the longest time, before Harry broke the silence.
"Did you get any sleep?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"An hour or two," she said against his shirt. "I was a little anxious."
"I'm sorry," he said again.
She breathed him in, smelling the sweat and the blood and the scent that was distinctly Harry Potter. In that moment, she wasn't in control of herself, and she didn't like it. In fact, she hated it. She hated that she'd been so out of her mind without him. She hated that this boy was doing this to her; that his love was doing this to her.
Everything about the last twenty-four hours was just horrible, and Hermione was filled with the strange feeling that she wanted to go home.
But, Harry was home, wasn't he?
She couldn't imagine feeling safer anywhere else. But she hated this. She didn't want to feel this way. At all.
They were in the kitchen for a lot longer than a minute, and Lily was forced to fetch them, bravely interrupting their peaceful moment. She didn't miss the heated look Harry shot her, but she did manage to ignore it.
Hermione held onto Harry's hand as they followed Lily back into the living room, her own mind spinning. She was running through various scenarios, trying to force away her fears and not make any hasty decisions.
She was failing.
The teenagers sat together on the couch, pressed close together, and waited.
Harry was distinctly uncomfortable with being in that room with those people, and he was worried. There was something he was seeing in Hermione's eyes that was bothering him; something in her words and something in the way she wouldn't look at him. Even the way she was holding his hand was different; like a mixture between forcing herself not to let go and holding on for dear life.
It was unsettling and terrifying, and all he really wanted to do was take her up to his bedroom and talk to her.
Hold her. Reassure her. Love her.
"Harry?"
He snapped to attention, looking away from Hermione and turning his gaze on his mother. "Mum?" he said, his eyes narrowing minutely.
Lily swallowed thickly. "Uh, do you want to tell us what happened?"
"Not really."
She narrowed her own eyes. "Harry."
He sighed, his eyes glancing about the room. What was Dumbledore even doing here? And Amelia Bones? Like, what on earth? They were there. "First, how is Jack?" he asked, which seemed to surprise his Headmaster.
Hermione's grip on Harry's hand tightened.
"As far as I know, he hasn't yet woken up," Dumbledore replied.
Harry nodded thoughtfully. He was bound to wake up soon. Jack wouldn't want Harry to have all the fun, now would he?
"How did you get to the Ministry?" Dumbledore asked.
"How do I get anywhere when Voldemort and Jack are involved?" he asked rhetorically. "I was just here, minding my own business, and then I was there."
"Where?"
Harry swallowed nervously. How could he tell them that, when he finally got his bearings, he realised that he'd actually seen that very place before?
In his dreams.
"I didn't know where it was," he finally said. "It was this large room, with lines and lines of shelves with these strange spherical balls."
Amelia and Dumbledore exchanged a look at the same time that Lily and Sirius did.
"The Hall of Prophecies," Amelia said with a slight nod.
Harry blinked. "The Hall of Prophecies?"
"It houses all the Prophecy Records as part of the Department of Mysteries," Amelia explained, her eyes on Harry. "Well, it did."
Harry ducked his head for a moment, flushing ever so slightly, before he looked up at them all. "I found Jack in there," he said. "He was with Ron and Ginny." He was just able to ignore the way Hermione's grip on his hand shifted. "Do you know why they were there?"
Dumbledore was the one to respond. "We learned from Mr Weasley that Jack received a message via Patronus while he was visiting at the Burrow." He shifted in his seat. "It was supposedly from an Auror in a panic, informing him that his father was under attack at the Ministry by Death Eaters. In the Hall of Prophecies."
"So, that's why he went?" Harry asked, frowning slightly.
Dumbledore nodded. "Jack was always going to go. They knew that." He leaned back, masking his sudden disapproval. He was already going to say as much to Jack when the wizard awoke. "The three of them Flooed to the Ministry immediately."
"Where were Mr and Mrs Weasley?" Hermione asked, speaking for the first time.
"At Diagon Alley," he responded. "Just the three of them were left at the Burrow, and they made their way to the Hall of Prophecies in search of James, only to find nothing."
"Except for you, Mr Potter," Amelia said. "What happened when you found them?"
"Jack told me they were looking for something," he said. "He seemed to know where we were, and he also knew there was a Prophecy about him, though he didn't know what its contents were." He frowned at his own words. "Why has he never been told what the Prophecy says?" he asked.
"What Prophecy?" Hermione asked.
Harry didn't look at her, and nobody else responded to her question. "Why?" he asked again.
"We didn't feel it was time," Dumbledore said. "We - "
"Tell me the truth," Harry insisted, cutting off what was bound to be a rehearsed response.
Dumbledore visibly deflated, his eyes searching Harry's face and finding detached determination. "We made the decision to care more for his happiness than his knowing the truth," he explained. "We cared more for his peace of mind than our plan, more for his life, than the lives that might be lost if the plan ended up failing."
Harry let out a breath. "In other words, you did exactly what Voldemort expected you to do."
Dumbledore nodded. "We did." Then: "So, what happened next?"
"We split up in search of James, I guess, but I think we all knew we were really looking for the Prophecy."
"What Prophecy?" Hermione asked again, irritated that nobody was explaining that seemingly-important detail to her.
Harry, again, didn't look at her. He would explain everything to her later. "Jack and Ron went searching in one direction, and Ginny and I went in another," he said, doing his best not to react to Hermione's grip on his hand shifting once more. He could only guess it was because he mentioned Ginny's name. Shit, he was going to have a lot to explain to her when this conversation was over.
"Did any of you find it?" Dumbledore asked, and his voice sounded strained for the first time since the conversation began.
"I did," he said with a nod, which prompted Lily to reach for Sirius' hand. "But - "
"But what?" Dumbledore prompted, almost sounding desperate. "Did Jack retrieve the Prophecy?"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "Something happened."
"What happened?"
"There were people - they were waiting for us. For him. But - " he stopped, shaking his head. "They thought I was him, I guess," he finally said. "They were lying in wait near the Prophecy, just watching. I reached for it, but - "
"Only those mentioned in the Prophecy can remove the record from the Hall," Dumbledore said.
Harry nodded. "Exactly, yes." Though, he definitely hadn't known that at the time. "They revealed themselves too soon. They were too eager. They were worried we would get away, so they attacked us, wanting to get the Prophecy." This was the part where his explanation got tricky, particularly if he intended to keep what he wanted a secret... from everyone.
Harry cleared his throat. "They chased us, and we fought back. Lots of those, uh, Prophecy Records were destroyed in the fight. Jack - Jack never got the chance to see it."
Every person in the room - save for Hermione - breathed a sigh of relief.
"They chased us out of the Hall," Harry continued. "There were more of them outside. Jack and Ron came to help. A whole battle broke out."
"Is that when we arrived?" Amelia asked.
Harry nodded, hoping it was the end of it because he really didn't want to talk about it anymore. But, of course, his mother didn't yet know what happened after that. And, really, Harry wasn't sure what truly happened either.
"So, the Aurors arrived," Dumbledore prompted, glancing at Sirius. "As well as members of the Order."
"Which resulted in reinforcements for the Death Eaters as well," Harry said, swallowing his irritation. "Ron got injured. I don't know how that happened, though. I can't - I can't remember that part, but I think Ginny hurt her ankle. Bodies were dropping left, right and centre. We were getting the upper hand, but then - " he stopped again.
"Voldemort arrived," Sirius finished for him, and Harry felt his irritation spike once more. He didn't want Sirius to talk. Right now, he didn't even want to hear his voice. He could barely look at him.
Through a tightly clenched jaw, Harry continued to speak, his eyes trained on Dumbledore. "You and Voldemort duelled."
Dumbledore nodded.
"It was evenly matched, I think," he says. "But, when you started to get the upper hand, he used Jack against you."
Dumbledore's gaze dropped slightly. "He did, indeed," he said sombrely. "I imagine my feelings for Jack will continue to be something Voldemort can and will use against me."
There was more about what happened, of course, but neither Dumbledore nor Amelia pushed for Harry to explain any further. They were there; they watched as Jack lay on the ground, his body convulsing from the possession Voldemort placed upon them. All they knew was he managed to escape it, and the how of that wasn't important to them.
Well, it was important to Harry.
And Lily and Sirius.
There was so much about which they needed to talk.
Harry's fingers tightened around Hermione's, prompting her to look at him. "I love you," he mouthed, but it was as if she wasn't even seeing him. Just from that, he knew he was going to have to spend a long time explaining the Prophecy, what it could have meant for him and what it currently means for Jack. He's going to have to apologise and somehow reassure her that he was fine and unhurt.
Physically, at least.
And, for now.
There was a hell of a lot more going on in his mind, and it was best Hermione be protected from that until he was able to get a hold of himself.
Clearing his throat, Harry rose to his feet. "I imagine you all have adult things to talk about," he said, almost sarcastically. "Granger and I will be upstairs if you need us." Without even waiting for a response, he tugged on Hermione's hand and practically dragged her from the room, intent on getting as far away from his mother and Sirius and Dumbledore and just the suffocating atmosphere of expectation and... disappointment.
It wasn't until they were safely behind Harry's bedroom door that he released the breath he didn't even realise he was holding.
The second Hermione opened her mouth to ask him whatever, his lips were on hers, silencing her. His hands gripped her hips tightly, holding onto her as if he were worried she was going to disappear. He took steps forward until her back hit the door, and she moaned right into his mouth.
"Don't," he pleaded, whispering against her skin. "Just, please don't ask me yet. Please."
All Hermione could do was nod, kissing him again and sliding her arms around his neck. It was easier to ignore her own trembling hands when her fingers were in his hair, drawing him closer and revelling in the solid warmth of him. She spent hours thinking she would never see him again, and she wasn't going to allow herself to spend another minute thinking about it. She was just going to hold him in her arms and try to forget everything else.
It lasted only a few minutes because, the second Harry pulled his mouth away, every fear she had came flooding back, clouding her vision and affecting her breathing.
"I - " she started to say but stopped suddenly. She wasn't even sure what she was going to say.
Harry's emerald eyes just took her in, his gaze unwavering. "Lie down with me," he whispered, eager to put off the inevitable conversation for as long as possible.
Again, Hermione just nodded and allowed him to lead her further into the room towards the bed. Slowly, almost reverently, they both lay down, Harry behind her with his front pressed against her back and his arms firmly around her shaking body. Hermione didn't think she could stand to look at him, anyway.
"I'm sorry," Harry murmured against her shoulder, his eyes closed and his breathing laboured.
Hermione didn't bother to ask for what he was apologising. She just closed her eyes and tried her best not to think this may be the last time she would be able to fall asleep held in his arms this way.
When Harry's eyes next opened, Hermione was no longer in bed with him. It took him a long moment to gather his bearing and realise she wasn't even in his bedroom.
His mother was.
Harry groaned for a number of reasons, one of which was the older witch perched on the edge of his bed with a pensive look on her face. Harry was also in a bit of pain, he was exhausted, and he was beyond irritated with the lies he discovered at the Ministry.
At his stirring, Lily turned her attention on her son. "Harry," she said gently. "Sweetheart, I think you and I need to have a little talk."
Ignoring her, Harry rolled out of bed, stood and stretched. He almost wanted to scoff at just how absurd this all was, but his heart was already thundering in his chest from his growing anger. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep and he didn't know where Hermione was. Honestly, the last thing he wanted to do was talk to his mother.
"Ask me," Lily said, sounding much calmer than she actually felt.
That time, he did scoff, the sound foreign on his lips. "How long?" he asked, keeping his back to her.
"Harry?"
"How. Long?" he repeated, turning around to look at her. There was anger in his eyes, and confusion and hurt. He looked deeply hurt. "How long have you known?"
Lily didn't know how to answer his question, even though it was something she was expecting him to ask.
"Tell me how long you've known," he said strongly. "Tell me."
Lily swallowed. "A few years."
"Since when?" he pressed. "I want specifics."
"We've always had our suspicions, but your fourth year made us sure of it."
"Us?"
"Sirius and I," she said. "And Remus."
Harry practically growled with his sudden irritation, indignation and anger. "Is that why he's been gone all this time?"
She nodded. "He's been doing research, yes," she said.
"Research," he echoed, his head shaking. "So, you've known since then?" he clarified. "Since the graveyard?"
She nodded again, realising that she had to limit the number of words she said. He was easily provokable in this state, and who knew how his blow-up would eventually manifest? She could already feel his magic rumbling in the air and she definitely wasn't strong enough to contain it if he happened to lose control. It's been years since his magical ability surpassed hers.
"And that's why you let Sirius train me?"
Another nod.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asked, his voice taking on a quality she'd never heard before. He sounded harsh, and it just didn't match the Harry Potter she knew and loved. She couldn't help thinking it was the James in him shining through, almost as a reflex to protect his emotional state.
"Harry."
"Why?" he snapped, and Lily flinched. "Why? Why wouldn't you tell me that - " he paused, gathering himself. "Why wouldn't you tell me it wouldn't have mattered if Jack found the Prophecy Record first because he wouldn't have even be able to retrieve it?"
Lily's breathing stilled, the air freezing in her throat.
"Why didn't you tell me that I would?"
There it was.
It was out there.
Harry Potter knew, and Lily Evans wasn't the one to tell him. She imagined that was the part that truly bothered him. It was one thing for his entire identity to be skewed, but a completely other thing to have his parental figures so blatantly lie to him.
"So, imagine my surprise when I came across the Prophecy we were all so desperately looking for, only to find that Jack's name wasn't even on it... Mine was."
"Harry - " she started, but he cut her off.
"Harry is right," he said, practically growling. "Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Not Jack Potter, Mum, but Harry Potter." He shook his head in disgust. "Why?" he asked. "Tell me why."
Lily had absolutely no idea what to tell him.
"You lied to me!" he said heatedly. "You lied to me! I - I thought we didn't do that! It's always been you and me against the world, and we've always told each other the truth! Why didn't you tell me? Why? God, why?"
"You two," Sirius suddenly said, interrupting mother and son as he entered the room with a concerned look on his face. "Are you trying to wake up the entire neighbourhood?"
Harry turned his gaze on him, his eyes practically glowing. Sirius had never seen such a look on his face, and he actually stepped back in both surprise and, he dare say, fear. He didn't think this entire thing would be such a revelation to Harry, but the teenager looked legitimately shaken by all he learned.
But it wasn't actually even about the new truth, was it? It was that they'd lied to him about it for so long. They'd kept it from him, in their attempts to try to protect him; to preserve his childhood; to -
Really, they'd done exactly what Dumbledore, James and Marlene did with Jack, and Sirius had a feeling Harry would never forgive them for it. Everything about their lives would have been different if the truth was known. Harry wouldn't have felt so... lost, out-of-sorts, hidden. Abandoned, rejected, hated.
Again, Sirius had to remind himself that it wasn't even about that either. It was about more than that for Harry. For some reason, the teenager could have handled whatever this lie did to his life, but it was more than that. He wasn't the only person involved in this sickening conspiracy where life and death were continually in the balance the same way Light and Dark were.
"I realise you're angry, Harry," Sirius started; "but you should - "
"Don't," Harry snapped, his eyes narrowing at Sirius. "Don't you dare tell me what I should or shouldn't do."
"Harry!" Lily reprimanded.
"What?" he countered immediately, his fierce gaze back on her. "Do you honestly expect me to just listen to either of you right now? Because, if you do, I'm sorry to disappoint." There was something dark in his tone that put Lily on edge.
"Harry, please, you have to understand that - "
"No!" he bellowed, cutting her off. "It's you who doesn't understand?" he snapped. "Don't you get it? Your lies could have killed Jack!"
They all froze, the words hanging in the air and the truth of them suffocating.
Harry practically growled in frustration as he violently tugged on his hair. "He isn't even the one who's supposed to be facing off against Voldemort, and yet the two of you have been perfectly fine with letting him be the one constantly in danger. He doesn't have the whatever that's needed to defeat him! So, I'm asking you, why? What were you expecting to happen, huh?" He glared at them both. "I've spent some time thinking about it and the one thing I keep coming up with makes me sick... Because the only thing that comes to mind if... better it be Jack who dies and not me because I'm the one who's going to be needed in the final battle? Is that it?"
Neither adult could think of anything suitable to say.
Harry couldn't take it anymore. He didn't even want to listen to whatever they could think up to say or hear them try to justify their decision to withhold so much from him. Growling lowly, he fled from the room, pushing past Sirius, and descended the stairs with the intention of leaving the house. It was heavy and suffocating, and he just had to get out. He just - he needed to find Hermione first... wherever she was.
Heading down the stairs, he found her in the living room, curled up on the couch with her eyes closed. He could tell she wasn't asleep, but there was something oddly serene about the picture she represented, and his ire quickly died. He stumbled further into the room, dropping to his knees in front of her and resting his head in her lap. Without even opening her eyes, Hermione's fingers slid into his soft hair, both of them finding comfort in the action.
Harry wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. It felt as if his entire world was crumbling down around him. For so long, he was a certain person, but now he just wasn't. It was all different now. He felt different, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to make sense of any of that when he couldn't get past the sudden and raw anger he felt.
"You were shouting," Hermione said softly, her fingers growing still. "Is everything okay?"
"No."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Definitely not."
Hermione sighed, her skin prickling with how off everything suddenly was. This was what she wanted. He was all she wanted, and that terrified her more than she would be willing to admit to herself - let alone to herself. "Harry?"
"Hmm?"
"Is there something you need to tell me?"
He sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly. "There's plenty."
"Does it have anything to do with the reason you disappeared?"
For a moment, he said and did nothing. There was something in her voice that immediately put him on edge, and he was hit by the irrepressible urge to lie to her. For some reason, he just knew it would be the only way to keep her here with him. "Granger," he whispered, which was answer enough.
Hermione immediately tensed, knowing immediately that she wasn't ready for any of this. Whatever it was he needed to tell her, it was obvious she wasn't going to like it. She doubted she would be able to handle it, anyway, because she was suddenly certain that his latest disappearance wasn't going to be the last one. This was just the beginning.
And she wanted -
All she wanted was Harry, but even she wasn't naive enough to think it would be that easy. They could try to fool themselves as much as they wanted to but the truth of the matter would always remain: they would never be able to have a simple, teenage romance where the most they had to deal with was innocent miscommunication and which cupboard was best for making out?
No.
Hermione was already a damaged individual, and she never considered that Harry Potter would ever be capable of breaking her any further until that very moment. It would never be on purpose because he was too precious for that, but their circumstances had changed and Hermione knew she would never survive the day he left her. There would be a day, she just knew, and she knew it would crush her.
Which was why she said what she said.
"I think I'm going to go home, Harry," she said, making his breath catch in his throat as he lifted his head. "I - umm - I need to go home."
For the longest time, all he did was stare at her, his eyes searching her face for the truth behind her words. It was obvious to him that the last thing she wanted to was go home, but he could also tell she wanted to be anywhere but here. With him.
And, this was before she even knew he was the one fated to end Voldemort.
Merlin Almighty.
If he tried hard enough, maybe he could convince himself this was for the better.
"I have to go," she said, unable to look him in the eye.
All he could do was nod as he slowly rose to his feet, suddenly feeling weary beyond his years. "Have you packed already?"
She nodded.
He swallowed audibly, forcing himself not to display his sudden panic. Something was wrong with her and with them, and he could feel it in every lack of touch and avoided gaze. "Granger?" he whispered, needing her to look at him.
"Harry."
"I'm sorry," he said, as if it were enough to make her stay.
But it wasn't.
It would never be.
"Walk with me, Harry."
He wanted to reach out for her, pull her to him and never let her go but she looked determined to leave, and Harry wasn't going to force her to stay. He would never force her to do anything she didn't want to. Which was why he followed her out of the house and into the backyard; into the very place where the nightmare first started.
Hermione came to a stop first and turned to look at him, her heart suddenly hurting. She tried to keep her feelings off her face but she must have failed because Harry's own face twisted into a look of reserved devastation.
"You're not coming back, are you?" he asked.
She bit at her bottom lip for a moment before she spoke. "No, Harry, I'm not."
"Is it because of what happened yesterday?"
She didn't respond.
"Talk to me, Granger."
She let out a breath. "You told me I could need you; that I was allowed to need you because you wouldn't let me down; because you would always come through for me," she said, fighting off her tears. "But then you almost died, Harry. You arrived here unconscious after you disappeared for hours because you were fighting Death Eaters. What if you never came back? What if you never woke up? Where would that leave me, huh? What happens to me if you're gone? What happens to me if you just leave?"
"But I'm still here, Granger," he tried to tell her, unable to keep the pleading out of his voice. "I'm right here. Look at me. I'm not going anywhere."
"You don't know that," she argued, tears pooling in her eyes. "I can't go through that again, Harry. I can't and I won't."
"Hermione?"
"Just - " she cried, ignoring his use of her first name. "I just need some time, okay? I need to wrap my head around all of this, okay? Can you give me some time? Please? I don't know what I would do without you, and I need time to come to terms with what that means for me and you and us."
It broke his heart but he knew he would ultimately agree, because he loved her and he would do anything and everything for her. It would, one day, be his undoing, but even he knew this was what they both needed. As much as he hated it, he knew she would need to go to come back. To him.
"How long do you need?" he asked softly.
"I don't know."
He nodded slowly, feeling his heart breaking. "Okay." He took a step back, and then another and another. She was watching him move away, debating with herself once more. "Hermione?" he called out, getting her attention. "I love you."
She didn't respond; she couldn't even if she tried. She just looked at him for a long moment, as if she were trying to memorise the very fabric of him.
And, then, she too was gone.